In my best T.Swift voice... "Are you ready for it?"

[Erica Leigh]

TL/DR - Erica, 40, not a mid-life crisis, have a lot of complicating baggage.

 

I did something I never thought I would do. I was on a work trip and knew there was a "transformation makeover" business not far from where we were. I booked an appointment, not knowing what to expect, but fully aware that I needed a better idea of what the future could hold. <results attached>

 

Even before that day, I knew there was an internal struggle. Heck, I've known that since I was young. Growing up with a close-in-age sibling confused the crap out of me, and I wrestled for years with the knowledge that I was different, that I felt different, that the mirror was showing someone I didn't want to see, all the things. Things we've probably all felt, all fought, and all found ourselves in a losing battle with.

 

I've done all the things: the cycles of distress and depression, the buying binges and the purges, the experiments and adventures. I even had the opportunity, via informed consent, to start my HRT journey, but that was interrupted by the pandemic and then by our state's asinine insurance decision-making. I wish I could go back in time and change some of them, but that's not happening. Concurrently, I adhered to the patriarchal norms of society - I got a job, got married, started a family, built (and lost) wealth. My wife knew I had gender identity struggles, but has had her own way of describing them through the years - "it's a phase," "it's a mid-life crisis," etc. It's really neither of these, but whatever she wants to tell herself, so be it. 

 

Where are we today? Starting with a new therapist next week - YAY ✅; building a very small, but fierce, tribe of allies - ☑️; dealing with a lot of the baggage (that's the wrong word, but, I drag kids around like luggage most of the time, so...) - 👩‍👧‍👦x5. I'm here to do a lot of reading - re-creating the wheel is my least favorite thing to do, and the wealth of information via the experiences of others is invaluable! 

 

Picture for attention (from the makeover).

 

 

 

[KathyLauren]

Welcome, Erica!  This is a great place to learn about others' experiences and to share your experiences with others.  Your story so far sounds very familiar.  I am sure you will find a lot in common with other members.

[Mmindy]

1 hour ago, Erica Leigh said:

"it's a phase," "it's a mid-life crisis," etc. It's really neither of these, but whatever she wants to tell herself, so be it. 

It's nice to meet you @Erica Leigh Welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums, I hope you find this site as helpful as I do.

 

It's not therapy, but it's close.

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Ashley0616]

It's wonderful that you have found us! I hope you learn a lot and make a lot of friends! Take care!

[Erica Leigh]

2 minutes ago, Ashley0616 said:

It's wonderful that you have found us! I hope you learn a lot and make a lot of friends! Take care!

 

Finding like-minded individuals is always a joy!

[Ashley0616]

3 minutes ago, Erica Leigh said:

 

Finding like-minded individuals is always a joy!

You aren't kidding. I am now part of two groups that are local. I have already done three video chats with them. 

[Maddee]

8 hours ago, Erica Leigh said:

TL/DR - Erica, 40, not a mid-life crisis, have a lot of complicating baggage.

 

I did something I never thought I would do. I was on a work trip and knew there was a "transformation makeover" business not far from where we were. I booked an appointment, not knowing what to expect, but fully aware that I needed a better idea of what the future could hold. <results attached>

 

Even before that day, I knew there was an internal struggle. Heck, I've known that since I was young. Growing up with a close-in-age sibling confused the crap out of me, and I wrestled for years with the knowledge that I was different, that I felt different, that the mirror was showing someone I didn't want to see, all the things. Things we've probably all felt, all fought, and all found ourselves in a losing battle with.

 

I've done all the things: the cycles of distress and depression, the buying binges and the purges, the experiments and adventures. I even had the opportunity, via informed consent, to start my HRT journey, but that was interrupted by the pandemic and then by our state's asinine insurance decision-making. I wish I could go back in time and change some of them, but that's not happening. Concurrently, I adhered to the patriarchal norms of society - I got a job, got married, started a family, built (and lost) wealth. My wife knew I had gender identity struggles, but has had her own way of describing them through the years - "it's a phase," "it's a mid-life crisis," etc. It's really neither of these, but whatever she wants to tell herself, so be it. 

 

Where are we today? Starting with a new therapist next week - YAY ✅; building a very small, but fierce, tribe of allies - ☑️; dealing with a lot of the baggage (that's the wrong word, but, I drag kids around like luggage most of the time, so...) - 👩‍👧‍👦x5. I'm here to do a lot of reading - re-creating the wheel is my least favorite thing to do, and the wealth of information via the experiences of others is invaluable! 

 

Picture for attention (from the makeover).

 

 

 

You look amazing!!

[Erica Leigh]

4 hours ago, Maddee said:

You look amazing!!

Thank you. It was worth the time, money, and effort to have a glimpse into what the future might hold!

[April Marie]

Welcome, Erica!! Gril, you are gorgeous!! I know you'll find lots of information, support and friendship here. Each of us is unique, yet we have much in common as well.

 

I've wanted to do a make-over for so long. Your post, and picture, just made me want to do it even more now. I've learned through trial and error, and with the help of my wife, to put on my make-up. But, I really would love to have someone really show me a more professional approach. Thank you for the incentive.

 

I look forward to getting to know you!

[Erica Leigh]

On 3/17/2024 at 5:17 AM, April Marie said:

Welcome, Erica!! Gril, you are gorgeous!! I know you'll find lots of information, support and friendship here. Each of us is unique, yet we have much in common as well.

 

I've wanted to do a make-over for so long. Your post, and picture, just made me want to do it even more now. I've learned through trial and error, and with the help of my wife, to put on my make-up. But, I really would love to have someone really show me a more professional approach. Thank you for the incentive.

 

I look forward to getting to know you!

 

I so wish I could've walked away with like, even 3 tips for applying makeup when I got home... but they were using airbrushes and sharpies and all kinds of things. It was a whirlwind - I felt like I was getting ready to go TV or a movie or something! 

 

Had I the opportunity to go back and do it all over again... I wouldn't even hesitate, and in fact, I'd book the longest session they had!

[Erica Leigh]

On 3/17/2024 at 5:17 AM, April Marie said:

But, I really would love to have someone really show me a more professional approach. 

 

I created a small gallery with some of the behind-the-scenes pictures from that day. You can kind of see their approach!

 

 

[Betty K]

Welcome to TransPulse Erica. Looking fabulous!

[MaeBe]

Oddly enough the "mid-life crisis" narrative has been popping into my head lately. Mostly because my friend, who has been accepting, keeps saying he's "too lazy to have a mid-life crisis". He's said it multiple times, so it's both "does he think that of me?" and then "could this possibly be...?" So I feel the struggle. You look lovely in those pictures!

[Erica Leigh]

9 minutes ago, MaeBe said:

Oddly enough the "mid-life crisis" narrative has been popping into my head lately. Mostly because my friend, who has been accepting, keeps saying he's "too lazy to have a mid-life crisis". He's said it multiple times, so it's both "does he think that of me?" and then "could this possibly be...?" So I feel the struggle. You look lovely in those pictures!

 

It's remarkably frustrating when I hear that from her, especially since she's had knowledge of things since pre-engagement nearly 18 years ago now. 

 

Thank you for the sweet compliment

[April Marie]

I love the transition pictures, Erica! They gave me the confidence to start my own gallery. Now I just need to add a few more pictures.

 

My wife helped me with picking out foundation shades and fixing powder early on and I spent time looking at make-up videos on YouTube to figure out the basics. But, I feel like I'm in a rut now, giving myself the same look. I guess what I've done is found my "every day" look but would love to have a make-over like you did. I'm just going to have to do it!!

[Erica Leigh]

On 3/23/2024 at 6:41 AM, April Marie said:

I love the transition pictures, Erica! They gave me the confidence to start my own gallery. Now I just need to add a few more pictures.

 

My wife helped me with picking out foundation shades and fixing powder early on and I spent time looking at make-up videos on YouTube to figure out the basics. But, I feel like I'm in a rut now, giving myself the same look. I guess what I've done is found my "every day" look but would love to have a make-over like you did. I'm just going to have to do it!!

 

Your pictures look SO good April! I think it was transformational for me to have that experience, to realize I wasn't alone and that there was a positive future for me someday. I'm still hoping my "every day" look comes somewhere even close to that, but I guess that remains to be seen. 

[Ashley0616]

Hormones help that's for sure. The biggest change will happen in the first two years. I'm looking forward to when I start my second year of HRT because I'm supposed to develop curves and I can definitely use them. Just try to keep up a positive attitude and continue taking care of your skin. You are definitely pretty that is for sure!

[April Marie]

33 minutes ago, Erica Leigh said:

 

Your pictures look SO good April! I think it was transformational for me to have that experience, to realize I wasn't alone and that there was a positive future for me someday. I'm still hoping my "every day" look comes somewhere even close to that, but I guess that remains to be seen. 

Thank you. You are sweet....and kind. 💕