Moving on from my Intro Thread

[JessicaMW]

There's been some significant developments since my introductory thread. As per my last update my wife has finally dropped her opposition to HRT. As I've mentioned I've been in a transition pause for about 10 years after she made threats of divorce if I continued with transition and moved forward with HRT. In retrospect it seems like a terrible lost 10-years. I'd be so much further forward in my transition had I continued back then. However, as mentioned, and happily, she has dropped her opposition, including accepting orchiectomy, which will obviously simplify HRT. 
My big news now is that further discussions have led to her accepting eventual bottom surgery (zero-depth vaginoplasty in my case). 
We are rocking and rolling and getting this delayed party finally moving!! 😁

[Mirrabooka]

@JessicaMW, that's an amazing development! Good for you!

 

Although you feel like the last 10 years have been lost, it is important to focus on the next 10 years, and the joy it will bring.

 

I envy you. I'm also a bit different in that I don't feel absolutely compelled to transition, but it is a nice thought. In the meantime, my wife is happy for me to be as girly as I like, as long as I am discreet. Luckily, that is enough for me at this stage. May I ask, did your wife give a reason why she changed her mind about your HRT and surgery? Was it simply a case of her getting used to the idea?

 

Good luck!

[Ashley0616]

12 hours ago, JessicaMW said:

There's been some significant developments since my introductory thread. As per my last update my wife has finally dropped her opposition to HRT. As I've mentioned I've been in a transition pause for about 10 years after she made threats of divorce if I continued with transition and moved forward with HRT. In retrospect it seems like a terrible lost 10-years. I'd be so much further forward in my transition had I continued back then. However, as mentioned, and happily, she has dropped her opposition, including accepting orchiectomy, which will obviously simplify HRT. 
My big news now is that further discussions have led to her accepting eventual bottom surgery (zero-depth vaginoplasty in my case). 
We are rocking and rolling and getting this delayed party finally moving!! 😁

That's great news! Yeah 10 years would've definitely put you much further into it. On the bright side that she is staying with you and has agreed to it. I wished my soon to be ex would accept me but oh will I guess it wasn't meant to be. 

[JessicaMW]

19 hours ago, Mirrabooka said:

@JessicaMWMay I ask, did your wife give a reason why she changed her mind about your HRT and surgery? Was it simply a case of her getting used to the idea?

I think it was a combination of a number of things. In no particular order:
* My therapist has worked with me to be more assertive and better communicate my situation.
* Time has moved on and we have begun loosing too many fiends highlighting that our time is limited.
* Both of us, particularly her, have had significant health scares.
* My dysphoria has been stable and has not gone away as she may have hoped.
* I've initiated some minor changes that she initially opposed and she has seen that once done it has actually not been the end of the world.
* Possibly she has noticed an improvement in our relationship and in my behavior while living in female mode.

[Mirrabooka]

@JessicaMW, thank you for replying. I hope it didn't seem like I was prying.

 

It's such a balancing act, isn't it. Wanting to expand our femininity, yet not wanting to hurt our wives. I had a meltdown last year about my gender issues and after that, they have rarely been discussed. We did reach a higher level of background understanding though.

 

I am confident that my wife no longer fears losing me (what she actually meant was losing the man that she married, to be replaced by a woman who she doesn't want) and instead, has realized that no matter how girly I have become, it has been harmless to our relationship. This equates to your second last dot point, so there is still some hope for me. 

[EasyE]

Best wishes to you both as you move along in your journey... I too am married, though separated, with a wife who is mostly opposed to any of moves toward femininity.

 

But we have been more cordial to each other over the past several months, and I have tried to be discreet, though getting bolder with what I wear around her (I, too, have struggled in the assertive communication department)... I am hoping that she will see that while the outer packaging may change I am still me. 

 

Easy

[JessicaMW]

During my last visit with my psychologist (who has agreed to provide required letters of recommendation along with a colleague to provide the second) we discussed the shift towards my wife's acceptance. It was a long discussion but one point I mentioned was how much the two of us sitting down and watching this documentary helped: 
The Kings | A transgender love story (2017)