Hello!

[Mealaini]

I've perused a few introductions on here.  To say that my situation is unique would be silly, but it is my situation.  I have had questions about who I am my whole life.  At an early age, I was exposed to traumatic experiences in both the emotional and sexual realm.  I've been through many therapies, and over the last year and a half, I finally found a therapist worth her title. After using EMDR, I have been finally able to convince my brain (for the most part) that I am no longer in danger, and am no longer being abused.  With some of the worst of my experiences faced and accepted, I have been working with my therapist with Internal Family Systems.  I highly recommend the book "No Bad Parts" to get an idea of what IFS is and how it can be used to reunite the fractured internal family.  The main idea of the internal family systems theory is that trauma can fracture the Self into different parts - and each part takes on a role that tries to protect the Self.  In order to repair these parts, and to bring these wounded parts back so that they can unload their burdens (the traumatic experiences), I have had to learn who they are and how they should fit in within my Self.  It is a long and difficult  process getting to know these parts.  I have been able to work within on a few of the parts, and one of the parts that has shown herself as an important character in my whole Self has been Mealani (Gaelic for Melanie and sounds the same).  I've been familiar with this internal part since I was about 10 years old.  I am now 55 years old, and I am realizing that she had an important role in my complete Self - a role that has led me to conclude that I have been hiding from my true gender.  As of now, I identify as Gender Fluid.  My pronouns are He, They, and Them.  

 

I have been married for 30 years.  I have two kids who are both LGBTQ+ - one is Queer and the other is Transgender.  As I have worked through this with my Therapist, I have realized that my kids have been fortunate to have a father who has been accepting of them from the start.  I am their biggest supporter and have never questioned their identity.  My wife has had a lot of trouble accepting both my kids and their identities.  She is doing better now, but it nearly tore us apart.  My wife is a devout Catholic, and I have deconstructed my faith and am now a Faithful Atheist who tries to practice Radical Awareness.  Coming out as Atheist was another thing that nearly tore us apart.  Defining myself as Gender Fluid might just be the last straw.  As both of my kids are fully grown, I am not too worried if this ends the relationship because I want my wife to have a complete life with someone who is able to be the person she expects.  BUT, I am not ready to break the news to anyone yet.  That is  why I found this site.  I am going to hang out in the chats, ask some questions, learn some things, and make some hard decisions.  I thank anyone who reads this.  There is so much more to my story, but I am not fully prepared to spill the beans here. ....I am a process, not a fixed thing, and I've come a LONG way to get here today!  :)

[Heather Shay]

@Mealainithank you for joining and let me applaud you on surviving and growing into the true YOU. Based on your recommendation I just ordered thebook you mention. I came to stop lying to myself and started embracing myself at the ripe young age of y68 and again applaud you. Well done.I'm so glad you are here and healing.

 

[Ashley0616]

Congratulations on your coming out and soon to be your journey on discovering who you truly are. I'm a lot younger but I couldn't wait any longer. I'm turning 40 in June. Take care!

[Betty K]

12 hours ago, Mealaini said:

I want my wife to have a complete life with someone who is able to be the person she expects. 

Hi Mealaini (what a beautiful name),

 

I applaud this attitude; I think that is such a healthy way to look at your situation. I have an ex-wife (who also has a beautiful Gaelic name) and we are such great friends now, having broken up, that we both agree our relationship has never been so healthy. She has found a man she loves; I don’t know if they will last indefinitely but I like him and he likes me and there are no hard feelings between any of us. 

Anyway welcome, and thank you for sharing your story. I have been thinking of trying EMDR myself so it’s good to hear a success story.

[April Marie]

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story. We are each unique but still have much in common. I think you'll find info, ideas and acceptance here. Ask questions, read the thread and jump in where you are comfortable. There is no pressure here to share any more than you want, when you want.  

 

I'm glad you found us.

[Ivy]

Welcome Mealaini

4 hours ago, Betty K said:

I have an ex-wife…  and we are such great friends now, having broken up, that we both agree our relationship has never been so healthy.

It's kinda like this for me and my ex as well.

[Timi]

Thank you for sharing, @Mealaini, and welcome. 

 

I appreciate your description of IFS and your book recommendation. I have a few close friends who are very enthusiastic about IFS and my therapist is incorporating some of those elements into my therapy. 

 

-Timi

[Mmindy]

17 hours ago, Mealaini said:

I have been able to work within on a few of the parts, and one of the parts that has shown herself as an important character in my whole Self has been Mealani (Gaelic for Melanie and sounds the same).  I've been familiar with this internal part since I was about 10 years old.  I am now 55 years old, and I am realizing that she had an important role in my complete Self - a role that has led me to conclude that I have been hiding from my true gender.  As of now, I identify as Gender Fluid.  My pronouns are He, They, and Them.  

Welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums Mealaini,

 

Like you I knew in my preteen years that I was meant to be a girl, but didn't have any way to bring it up in the early 1960s. It was the expanding news outlets on the telly that allowed me to understand that I may not be the only person who felt this way. Wow was my mind expanded once the internet became a reasonable research tool in the 1990s.

 

My grown daughter (42) is nonbinary and atheist with pagan leanings. So when I came out to her she was thrilled and wanted to dress me up and show me the world. Well I think she wanted to show me to the world. My son (45) is evangelical christian and very upset with his sister for many reasons. However he's a reluctant supporter of me as transgender. I'm out to my wife and we've been married for 48 years this June, so I'm in a very late in life transition.

 

The other thing that has me going down an internet rabbit hole is your location. It clearly states United Kingdom with a sub flag of Illinois. I've searched the web and can't seem to locate Illinois, UK. Am I missing something? 

 

Best wishes,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Ivy]

55 minutes ago, Mmindy said:

I've searched the web and can't seem to locate Illinois, UK. Am I missing something? 

Yeah, I was puzzling on that too…

[Mealaini]

Hi all,

Thanks for the warm welcome.  

 

Yeah... The UK flag is a mistake.  I didn't notice it until I came on here today. I'm from Illinois, in the U.S.  I can't seem to find the way to change it in my profile.  Moderators?  Any ideas?  

 

I met with my therapist today.  She thinks that this will be a good place to get started, and I am hoping I can find some support and offer support.  

 

I'll be checking in from time to time :)

 

 

 

[MaryEllen]

Quote

The UK flag is a mistake. 

 

The correction has been made.

[KayC]

Hi @Mealaini - nice to meet you and Welcome!

You have an important story and experience to share so I am happy you are open and willing to do that.  Also, I want you to know that this Forum was a very important part of my own Self-Acceptance and helped me navigate both my Progress and the Coming Out process to my wife, kids, and other family/friends.

 

It's not an easy Journey - sometimes it can seem slow and painful - but for most of us here, it's one that is essential to our Well Being.  I hope you have a similar experience as myself as you connect with others on this Forum and gain the benefit our each individual Experience and our Shared Humanity.

Deep breaths ... One step at a time

[Mealaini]

Thank you KayC!  I am just trying to keep breathing. I don't have a huge amount of time in my life for self exploration.  My job and responsibilities have me second guessing all my inner work.  I do have time off in the summer - coming up soon as I am a teacher.  Only a few workshops.  Looking forward ward to some introspection.  

 

:)

Mealaini

[Mealaini]

Thank you for fixing my country of origin MaryEllen!  

 

:)

Mealaini

[April Marie]

There are lots of us here willing to offer support, ideas, a shoulder or just a smile. Working with your therapist and finding your true self can be difficult process...but it will also be filled with wonder and joy as you discover that person who's been waiting inside you to be found.

 

Just know that you are not alone.