Passing Obstacles

[RaineOnYourParade]

• My size. A lot of guys aren't 5'3" at seventeen.
• My hands. It's a less noticeable one, but my hands are very "feminine"? If you know what I mean.
• My voice. Very high-pitched. I don't just sound like a female, I sound like a little girl sometimes
• My chest. I've had to stop binding due to frequent aches doing so, and it's not nearly small enough to just cover with baggy clothes
• My family. They still call me she/her, so that's an automatic out.
• My anxiety. I might be able to pass better if I had the courage to correct people. Instead, I'm too scared to speak up, so I find it hard.
• My lack of men's clothes.

 

Anyone else have these problems, or other ones?

[awkward-yet-sweet]

For me, definitely the size thing.  I'm 5'4" on a good day, and 100lbs.  I can pass as a teenage boy, but never for my real mid-30s age.  And since my husband looks older than his age, I'm often assumed to be his kid.  Or folks think there's something illegal going on.   

 

Also, my lack of the typical aggressive "masculine" demeanor.  I don't really desire the typical masculine social role, nor could I do it even if I tried really hard.  I'm usually quiet and kind of timid. 

[Birdie]

I attend a medical day-centre in Texas for needed medical services. It's religious oriented, so not gender fluid friendly. I of course dress 100% in female attire yet androgynous to keep both "them happy", and I really don't mind. 

 

I of course am imposed rules that no other participant is bound by. The examples are the allowed size of my backpack, or how many visits per day I can see my Representative payee. 

The gender neutral restroom use was a compromise that all off us have agreed to. 

Not being able to wear tanks tops or shorts that aren't "Bermuda length" are other examples of where I am restricted more than any other participant. "Bra talk" is strictly forbidden, even though their doctor and occupational therapist were the ones that told me I needed support due to neck pain. 

 

I found myself being reprimanded by staff three times yesterday for very petty details, and they have constantly pushed for me to remove myself from the program voluntarily.

I am of course someone not welcomed in the program, but federal discrimination laws prevent them from removing me. They instead are just making life miserable with the hopes that I will leave on my own. 

[Lydia_R]

6 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

And since my husband looks older than his age, I'm often assumed to be his kid.

 

I had that going on with my last two partners who were 20 years older than me.  One of them looked older for her age as well.  I remember a couple times being in the grocery store a decade ago and having people ask "can I help you ladies with something?" and then I'd turn around with my red beard.  Well before I started transitioning, but my partner knew I was trans back then.

6 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

Also, my lack of the typical aggressive "masculine" demeanor.  I don't really desire the typical masculine social role, nor could I do it even if I tried really hard.  I'm usually quiet and kind of timid.

 

I struggle with this as well.  My music and political career can have a masculine edge to it that I don't like.  It's been really frustrating lately.  I don't like pushing myself on others or telling people what to do.  I've been running a website for 25 years and have virtually never tried to promote it or even look at any analytics.  I don't want to push it on anyone.  I put what I have on it and make it publicly available.  It's part of my production process.  It keeps me sane and if someone else can find it useful, then I'm happy to share.

[Roach]

I just want to mention, where I live there are tons of cis guys your height or shorter. Among them is my dad and one of my professors (who are well over 17 y/o lol), and I honestly don't think twice about it. Every time I go to the grocery store I see at least 4 different guys around that height too. I don't think your height will be an issue towards passing long-term. (Well, maybe it's different in your region, but just wanted to throw in my 2 cents.)

 

I can relate to the hands thing though. If I ever hold something in front of the camera to take a photo of it, I feel like I have to crop my hands out so they don't "out" me. (I admit that that's silly.)

 

[RaineOnYourParade]

3 hours ago, Roach said:

(Well, maybe it's different in your region, but just wanted to throw in my 2 cents.)

 

Yeah, there's a lot of guys 5'8"+ over here ^^' Nice to know it wouldn't be an issue elsewhere tho

 

3 hours ago, Roach said:

I can relate to the hands thing though. If I ever hold something in front of the camera to take a photo of it, I feel like I have to crop my hands out so they don't "out" me. (I admit that that's silly.)

 

Hands are surprisingly gendered lol

[LittleSam]

Hi Raine, my obstacles are that I'm 5"2 and always will be at the age of 34. I have size 5 feet, so it's difficult to find shoes, not alot of options, have to go to the teen boy bit. My voice was an issue, but T is starting to help me stay in the lower range of my fem voice, and I'm hoping it will drop soon.

[RaineOnYourParade]

5 minutes ago, LittleSam said:

Hi Raine, my obstacles are that I'm 5"2 and always will be at the age of 34. I have size 5 feet, so it's difficult to find shoes, not alot of options, have to go to the teen boy bit. My voice was an issue, but T is starting to help me stay in the lower range of my fem voice, and I'm hoping it will drop soon.

Congrats on T <3

 

The height problem I think is an issue for a lot of trans guys, unfortunately. I know more tall cis women than short cis men, so it especially stands out to me whenever I'm in a room. I'm hoping for your voice to drop soon, good luck! (I've heard it feels a little bit like a cold? If that's true, hope it'll feel better quickly and that it's worth it!)

[FelixThePickleMan]

I also struggle with being short (5'2) and everyone around me is taller especially my guy friends. And to my guy friend I pass with them and they're cool with me being trans but I often don't feel man enough and I'ts really hard dealing with the feeling of not being enough, and my mom often makes it seem as if I'm hopping on a trend which isn't true. I wear masculine clothes and sometimes I pass well but a lot of times I don't and that's really a struggle. Some people say I act masculine and others say the opposite, I try to pass but some times it's really hard especially with my mom because she uses my birth name me and uses she her pronouns for me and doesn't let anyone use anything else because they say they're being respectful to her even though she's not there. I remember being in an art group and they use my name Felix and my mom got flaming mad and told me and the people in charge that if they called me Felix again she would revoke my privilege to go there and I'd never go again. So it's often tough to pass all the time.