Hello all

[AmandaJoy]

I'm Amanda, and after 57 years of pretending to be a male crossdresser, I've recently admitted to myself that I'm a woman. It's pretty wild. I don't think that I've ever had a thought that was as clearly true and right, as when I first allowed myself to wonder, "wait, am I actually trans?"

 

The hilarious part is that I owe that insight to my urologist, and a minor problem with a pesky body part that genetic women don't come equipped with (no, not that one). I'll spare you the details, but the end result was him talking about a potential medication that has some side effects, notably a 1% chance of causing men to grow breasts. The first thought that bubbled up from the recesses of my mind was, "wow, that would be awesome!"

 

<<blink>><<blink>> Sorry, what was that again?

 

That led down a rabbit hole, and a long, honest conversation with myself, followed by a long, honest conversation with my wife. We both needed a couple of weeks, and a bit of crying and yelling, to settle in to this new reality. Her biggest issue? Several years ago, she asked me if I was trans, and I said, "no". That was a lie. And honestly, looking back over my life, a pretty stupid one.

 

I'm really early in the transition process - I have my first consultation with my doctor next week - but I'm already out to friends and family. I'm struggling with the "do everything now, now now!" demon, because I know that this is not a thing that just happens. It will be happening from now on, and trying to rush won't accomplish anything useful. Still, the struggle is real . I'm being happy with minor victories - my Alexa devices now say, "Good morning, Amanda", and I smile each and every time. My family and friends are being very supportive, after the initial shock wore off.

 

I'm going to need a lot of help though, which is another new thing for me. Being able to ask for help, that is. I'm looking forward to chatting with some of you who have been at this longer, and also those of you who are as new at this as I am. It's wild, and intoxicating, and terrifying... and I'm looking forward to every second of it.

 

Amanda Joy

[VickySGV]

Welcome to the Forums Amanda, there are a number of us here who took that long or longer to come to grips with our personal reality.  Join right in and enjoy the company you have.

[April Marie]

Welcome, Amanda!! You'll find many of us here who found ourselves late in life - it was at 68 for me. Each of us is unique but we also have similarities and can help each other

 

I understand the urge to move quickly, but remember that your wife also has to adjust as you transition. That doesn't mean you have to move slowly, just give both of you time to process the changes and the impacts.

 

Many of us have also benefitted greatly from working with a gender therapist. For me, it was literally life-saving. Just a thought you might want to consider. Mine is done completely on-line.

 

Again, welcome. Jump in where you feel comfortable.

[Timi]

Hi Amanda! Thank you for sharing. 

 

-Timi

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Amanda,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,,

Timber Wolf 🐾

[Cynthia Slowan]

Welcome Amanda!!

💗 Cynthia 

[Ivy]

Welcome Amanda

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Amanda.  Your story sounds quite familiar, though my pesky body part didn't need the attention of a urologist.  You are in good company here!

[KayC]

Hi @AmandaJoy Welcome, and nice to meet you!
Congratulations on your Self-Affirmation!  As you've already discovered you're in great company here on this Forum.  It took me 60+ years also.

 

I understand your thrill and desire to proceed full-steam-ahead but that you've already realized to meter your Journey.  So, I will just end with what I tell most new Members when they arrive ...

Deep breaths ... One step at a time

[Susan R]

On 5/9/2024 at 8:08 AM, AmandaJoy said:

I've recently admitted to myself that I'm a woman. It's pretty wild. I don't think that I've ever had a thought that was as clearly true and right, as when I first allowed myself to wonder, "wait, am I actually trans?"

Welcome @AmandaJoy, It’s a pleasure to have you join us here on the forum. It does seem much easier to suppress this understanding of ourselves until one day, it’s not. It all suddenly hits you like a ton of bricks. Those puzzle pieces all suddenly seem to fit and there’s no going back. Like you, I waited until I felt there was no other choice. It was now or never! Never having the opportunity to be myself in this world was not going to be an option.

 

On 5/9/2024 at 8:08 AM, AmandaJoy said:

I'm struggling with the "do everything now, now now!" demon, because I know that this is not a thing that just happens. It will be happening from now on, and trying to rush won't accomplish anything useful.

Words of wisdom there. Many of us try to make up for lost time or try to get results faster than a cis puberty but it just doesn’t work that way as you’ve learned. It’s difficult waiting for the changes but the good news…eventually you’ll experience many of them and the joys that come with those changes are wonderful and exciting. But like most good things, they take time. And sometimes it’s helpful things don’t happen overnight. Especially if you have others that need time to adjust to your physical and emotional changes.

 

I wish you the best on your continuing journey wherever that may lead you. I think you’ll enjoy this forum as there are great resources, advice, and people here that make it what it is. Hope to see you around.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷

[Astrid]

8 hours ago, Susan R said:

eventually you’ll experience many of them and the joys that come with those changes are wonderful and exciting. 

 

One of the nicest confirmations for me was when the 'new me' felt absolutely normal. I had, like almost everyone, felt very excited with each new development. But 6 years in, it's wonderful just experiencing things, like HRT, as daily rituals that are simply part of my life.

 

I also am privileged to have experienced a feminine perspective these last six years. It confirms how unhappy I was earlier, and things like masculine privilege and mansplaining are so apparent to me now. 

 

Kind regards,

 

Astrid 

[Ivy]

 

When I got on HRT people remarked on how happy I was.  I had insisted that I was happy before, but now I realized I only thought so.