From A Father To A Son...

[Guest klye126]

Parental right? Or act of evilness… (maybe)

For starters I have a computer in my room. As a teenage boy, I do stuff on my computer that is typically not rated “G”… I’m pretty open about it to my dad, however there is a certain level were I stop. Lately I’ve been confused about the topic of my sexuality and my gender identity. I would* have approached him however he has static views on this subject and being religions and from another country were homosexuality, bisexuality, being a transgendered or an androgynous is typically less tolerated. When he asked me what was wrong I told him I really didn’t want to talk about it. He continued to approach me though getting more aggressive each time; over and over I rejected the offer. So instead of going to him about it I’ve been doing my own research and asking for peoples input on the situation, knowing that I would not be judged from people with the same things going through their life and that my identity is safe in the since that the people I deal with on a day to day basis wont look at me differently. Well yesterday I logged on my computer around 2 or so and I realized something was a mess when the parental lock I had asked him to place and then later over wrote it was back. I went to over write the file and I realized it was set in stone this time…(my dad is in software design) Not only that but my history cleared and my McAfee protection status was “unprotected”. I carried out my “business” nonetheless, came here wrote some more replies and all the usual stuff. I knew he had done something I just wasn’t sure just what besides the wonderful filters. When I was riding the bus before I left I told one of my friends I had a gut feeling I was going to get a lecture. Sure enough I got a “hey, we need to talk” (oh god this cant be good is what I’m thinking). So turns out he was monitoring everywhere I went, and everything I’ve done, and the specific time at which I when to sites. Now I realize and understand that he was worried but my question is this0:

If you had a son who did not want to open up to you about something and your worried about them, would you invade their privacy anyways or what would you do if you’ve already tried to reason with them and they have refused your help.

I'm just so peed of that my dad would cross my line of privacy without my consent. (And then to lecture me about it for 2 whole hours?!!?!? -.-*)

Yhanks for all the imput in advance

~Klye

[Guest KyleMicheal]

Well, here's what I think

In some sense, he does have a right to get into your computer and mess with it. But he tried to get to you the wrong way...

You said he got more and more aggressive.

He should have approached with the "open-minded" nice approach. He should be more like "Son, are you sure you're okay? I'm very worried about you, and I just wondered. I mean, I'm here if you want to talk."

-instead of-

"Tell me, god-------. WHAT THE ---- ARE YOU HIDING FROM ME?!" (hopefully he wasn't that violent.)

He didn't have to persist, either. He could have let you come to him, and be a softer land, then being slammed into a brick wall.

Sucks your dad is a programmer. Mine is too, but I play a large part in business management, website editing, and taking care of the house when no one else will. I can program better than him, anyway. I can pwn his computer ANY DAY. That's why he doesn't mess with me.

Your gender identity isn't really fully developed anyway (I don't think), so it's another good reason why it's not a good idea to tell him.

Well, off of my parental scrutiny.

Wah, you live in Cali. I can't walk that far. >.<

[Guest Ryles_D]

Useless input:

Are you insane?! He puts up all those filters after getting really agressive about what you're hiding- and then you still go about like normal? If that happened on my computer... ok, if that happened on mine I'd freak out because my computer is more important to me than any biological kid I'll ever have. ...but if that happened on my computer, I'd only go to sites for school.

You really should have expected something like that. And since there was no macafee, you should've avoided things in general rather than get a virus, etc.

Useful input:

Parents are crazy. Technically, they can do whatever the hell they want with you so long as it isn't clearly abuse. You don't REALLY have all that many rights... Honestly, if you were so upset that he'd go to that length- he might have thought it was justified. but, yeah, it's kinda weird.

[Guest Seren]

I don't really know, it would be impossible for my parents to do anything like that on my computer(Hehe...).

If you had a son who did not want to open up to you about something and you're worried about them, would you invade their privacy anyways or what would you do if you’ve already tried to reason with them and they have refused your help?

No, i'd tell them that they had my unconditional love and they can tell me anything they want when they were ready.

By the way, if he paid for your computer then he has the right to do that(although extremly evil), but if you paid for it then he stepped over the line.

[Guest klye126]

Well, here's what I think

In some sense, he does have a right to get into your computer and mess with it. But he tried to get to you the wrong way...

You said he got more and more aggressive.

He should have approached with the "open-minded" nice approach. He should be more like "Son, are you sure you're okay? I'm very worried about you, and I just wondered. I mean, I'm here if you want to talk."

-instead of-

"Tell me, god-------. WHAT THE ---- ARE YOU HIDING FROM ME?!" (hopefully he wasn't that violent.)

He didn't have to persist, either. He could have let you come to him, and be a softer land, then being slammed into a brick wall.

Sucks your dad is a programmer. Mine is too, but I play a large part in business management, website editing, and taking care of the house when no one else will. I can program better than him, anyway. I can pwn his computer ANY DAY. That's why he doesn't mess with me.

Your gender identity isn't really fully developed anyway (I don't think), so it's another good reason why it's not a good idea to tell him.

Well, off of my parental scrutiny.

Wah, you live in Cali. I can't walk that far. >.<

the thing is he did try the nice open minded approach, but when i refused his help he took things into his own hands... btw he is monitoring what im typing right now, every website every cookie and every url

[Guest KyleMicheal]

the thing is he did try the nice open minded approach, but when i refused his help he took things into his own hands... btw he is monitoring what im typing right now, every website every cookie and every url

Oh. Keystrokes.

THAT SUCKS.

Time for an electric typewriter! o.o

[Guest Kaimialana]

Oh. Keystrokes.

THAT SUCKS.

Time for an electric typewriter! o.o

Keystrokes. That sort of thing causes divorce among married couples....

Klye, are you open enough with your parents to tell them things? Would it be safe to talk about it with them? Safe for you I mean.

[Guest Ryles_D]

Keystrokes. That sort of thing causes divorce among married couples....

Klye, are you open enough with your parents to tell them things? Would it be safe to talk about it with them? Safe for you I mean.

yech, keystrokes. >_< I'd be scared to write anything... or would start typing things onto the desktop- like suicide notes or porn stuff or whatever just to see what they do. Don't intercourse with my mac, yo.

In reality, if I didn't know they were, it would be funny if they monitored mine. "EDM... UME.... UU D.... D... ZW ZZZZZ UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU BBB BE BB T B VVVVVV T" *uses photoshop a lot*

[Guest klye126]

I’m back !!!

I was going to wait it out, I found out that that stupid blocking thing was just a demo... but my computer froze and it got REALLY messed up my dad had to completely reinstall the entire computer...? (idk that’s what I think he was doing) anyways everything I’ve ever downloaded is completely erased... but that also means that every game and word document is also gone X_X its going to take WEEKS to get everything back....sigh

I'll respond to all the comments tomorrow or som, tonight I’ve had it with all the "catching up"

~Klye

[Guest klye126]

Keystrokes. That sort of thing causes divorce among married couples....

Klye, are you open enough with your parents to tell them things? Would it be safe to talk about it with them? Safe for you I mean.

I've approached him before...not about this topic because quite frankly I don’t want to be scolded or looked at funny (my mom ruined my entire weekend once by just giving me a funny look when I showed her the new jeans I bought... criticism and me don’t go together). Yes it would be safe, and everything my dad would say will be respectful (to me... not to others) but the tone of his voice tells of something completely different; it’s like a facade. The only thing though is if I tell them something, because I change so rapidly I would hate it if they treated me one way trying to "accept me" I don’t like to be treated differently, well at least not by them.

[Guest klye126]

yech, keystrokes. >_< I'd be scared to write anything... or would start typing things onto the desktop- like suicide notes or porn stuff or whatever just to see what they do. Don't intercourse with my mac, yo.

In reality, if I didn't know they were, it would be funny if they monitored mine. "EDM... UME.... UU D.... D... ZW ZZZZZ UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU BBB BE BB T B VVVVVV T" *uses photoshop a lot*

lol i did this... i went to websites like getoffmypc.com iloveyousomuch.com thanksforeverything.com...

[Guest Kaimialana]

I would suggest not telling them for now. It seems to me that people handle things better when they are introduced to them over months and maybe even years time, slowly. I don't think that coming right out and telling them would be the best option.

*shrug* I'm sorry I can't help you more.

[Guest klye126]

I would suggest not telling them for now. It seems to me that people handle things better when they are introduced to them over months and maybe even years time, slowly. I don't think that coming right out and telling them would be the best option.

*shrug* I'm sorry I can't help you more.

yeah i decided to wait untill im 100% sure, im still confussed. luckly my computor crashed and the program with it but all my links and favs were lost i managed to keep all my word documents too...

[Guest Kim Smith]

I know this is an old thread, but I would like to reply from a father's point of view.

I have a son. He is 13. The computer he uses has a monitoring program installed. It takes screen shots and logs keystrokes. He knows it is installed and we have had discussions about it, and why it is there.

I do struggle with the privacy issue, but at the same time, it is my responsibility to keep him safe. If he finds something that disturbs him or has questions about, I could find it and we could talk. If, god forbid, something were to happen to him, I could quickly determine who he was in contact with online.

I do not use it to spy. His e-mail is his private life, and none of my business.

I also do not use it to relieve myself of the responsibility to talk to him about what he need to do to stay safe. And I would not use it to try to find out if he was in some way different that what society expects.

Having monitoring softare isn't good or bad by itself, but why it is there and what it is used for should determine its worth.

I am sorry for your situation - you seem to have a father who is trying to either control you through intimidation or find out who you are by reading what you post instead of by talking to you. If the motive is control, that makes me sad, and I can't offer any suggestions, except "this too shall pass." But if he is trying to find out who you are, talk to him. He may want to talk but be afraid to, or not know how to start. I wouldn't confront him with being transgendered - maybe start by saying you are just different - you think people should be more open to emotions that people consider to be less "manly" and that you hope he can accept that. Take baby steps.

And if you do want to tell him what you really think you are, try to decide WHY you need to tell him. It really helped me to understand that before I told my wife. It really helped, because that was one of the first questions I had to answer - "Why are you telling me this now?"

Good luck! I know there are a lot of sons and fathers at odds with each other. I also know that the relationship I have with my son is one of the two greatest sources of joy in my life. It is worth working very hard to achieve and to keep.

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Parental right? Or act of evilness… (maybe)

For starters I have a computer in my room. As a teenage boy, I do stuff on my computer that is typically not rated “G”… I’m pretty open about it to my dad, however there is a certain level were I stop. Lately I’ve been confused about the topic of my sexuality and my gender identity. I would* have approached him however he has static views on this subject and being religions and from another country were homosexuality, bisexuality, being a transgendered or an androgynous is typically less tolerated. When he asked me what was wrong I told him I really didn’t want to talk about it. He continued to approach me though getting more aggressive each time; over and over I rejected the offer. So instead of going to him about it I’ve been doing my own research and asking for peoples input on the situation, knowing that I would not be judged from people with the same things going through their life and that my identity is safe in the since that the people I deal with on a day to day basis wont look at me differently. Well yesterday I logged on my computer around 2 or so and I realized something was a mess when the parental lock I had asked him to place and then later over wrote it was back. I went to over write the file and I realized it was set in stone this time…(my dad is in software design) Not only that but my history cleared and my McAfee protection status was “unprotected”. I carried out my “business” nonetheless, came here wrote some more replies and all the usual stuff. I knew he had done something I just wasn’t sure just what besides the wonderful filters. When I was riding the bus before I left I told one of my friends I had a gut feeling I was going to get a lecture. Sure enough I got a “hey, we need to talk” (oh god this cant be good is what I’m thinking). So turns out he was monitoring everywhere I went, and everything I’ve done, and the specific time at which I when to sites. Now I realize and understand that he was worried but my question is this0:

If you had a son who did not want to open up to you about something and your worried about them, would you invade their privacy anyways or what would you do if you’ve already tried to reason with them and they have refused your help.

I'm just so peed of that my dad would cross my line of privacy without my consent. (And then to lecture me about it for 2 whole hours?!!?!? -.-*)

Yhanks for all the imput in advance

~Klye

This may not be the right answer, but grab your recovery disk, reload and change all the pw's. Tell him McAffee screamed about a key logger

[Sally]

Computers and the Internet are a great tool for us to gain information but they do leave a trail - we had paper trails before but it seems that cyber trails are harder to get rid of.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Ryles_D]

Computers and the Internet are a great tool for us to gain information but they do leave a trail - we had paper trails before but it seems that cyber trails are harder to get rid of.

Love ya,

Sally

They are. I've heard a few accounts of people who went deep stealth for years, and a stray google search outed them and brought everything crashing down around them. :/