>.< Hormones

[Guest Soph]

Well, apparently its not only my liver giving me problems with starting hormones.

It appears that conveying that you are suicidal is not a good way to start hormones.

As a result? More suicidal.

Solution?

a) Wait 4-6 weeks until I might be able to start them

Suicide

c) Start them illegally

At this point? Seriously considering c. Sure I COULD do permanent damage that would inhibit me from doing hormones officially ever, but at this point I value my life so little that I just don't care (if I get told I can never do hormones, that really is the end of my life).

Now, everyone tell me what a moron I am.

[Guest Donna Jean]

OK, Soph, Honey....this is what it is!

If you have a liver problem, then let it get sorted out ...it may not preclude you doing hormones at all...but you don't know yet...don't jump to conclusions!

No, Saying that you are suicidal probably isn't a very good thing to say to get hormones....

1) they think that you are threatening them to get the hormones...or

2) they feel that if you are suicidal, then you're not ready yet...

We ALL have to wait to get them in some way or another...

Don't go illegal! Without monitoring you could injure or even kill yourself....see #2

I understand that you are feeling down about the delays, but, don't throw a wrench into it at this point...I know that it's not easy to wait...

That's why you are here right now talking to me....right?

I'm not going to call you a moron...you're not....

You want to get on with things just like all of us do.....Please pay attention to me, Dear...I care about you and I don't want to see you throw everything away in one fit of depression...

This is doable....

Go the right route...

Listen, Soph....don't get ahead of yourself, Honey....let them do the liver things first...try to go the correct way and you'll be way more happy with the results......OK?

We want you around, Sweetheart....

Love

Donna Jean

[Guest leo]

i think you should go for option

A

dont ask just do it

[Paula ult]

Soph option A is your best choice, if you suicide you will never transition, plus if you talk about it more than likely it will delay you starting hormones if your therapist finds out , 4 - 6 weeks seems like a long time but it will pass quickly. Just do what you need to do to get your liver healthy.

Patches, gel and injections bypass the liver and should be ok for you to take once you get your liver sorted out.

Paula

[Guest Leigh]

a) Wait 4-6 weeks until I might be able to start them

.....honey. how long have you had to wait already?

4 to 6 weeks isn't that long. and if you can't wait that long then you need to sit down with yourself for a minute and think through why you're being so impatient after so long...

not to be mean, but just chill.

i have to wait at least 7 months, and my sisters are asking me to wait until my grandparents are dead, which is who knows how long...

4 to 6 weeks is like...the snap of your fingers.

no disrespect.

peace&love

leigh

[Guest Zabrak]

You can do it. Get your liver clean and move on. One thing about transition you need to be aware of is it takes along time. Nothing is fast.

[Sally]

Well, apparently its not only my liver giving me problems with starting hormones.

It appears that conveying that you are suicidal is not a good way to start hormones.

As a result? More suicidal.

Solution?

a) Wait 4-6 weeks until I might be able to start them

Suicide

c) Start them illegally

At this point? Seriously considering c. Sure I COULD do permanent damage that would inhibit me from doing hormones officially ever, but at this point I value my life so little that I just don't care (if I get told I can never do hormones, that really is the end of my life).

Now, everyone tell me what a moron I am.

I don't care what religion you are, oh wait you said moron not Mormon - huge different!

Now the joke is out of the way and Momma Sally is going to give you a stern talking to.

Option one is the only real option, 2 is not worth discussing because it has been talked about so much here and as for 3 - if you thought talking suicide has set back your hormones, just wait until they do your next blood test to check your liver function and discover a lot of new and different hormones, you will be looking at years to assess the damage that you might have done.

Everything that you do now will effect the possibility of ever doing HRT - you have got to be patient.

I will not refer to you as a moron unless you do either of the moronic options.

Do you understand why I am not joking around and am just telling you all of this straight out Mother - Daughter style?

It is that important that you follow their directions, this is not punishment this is for your health, the odds are very good that they can get the liver functions in bounds and start you very soon.

Even if they say never, I just heard a report on a new experimental liver machine, like the kidney machine but they have used human liver cells in this machine and several of the test subjects while waiting for a transplant actually had full normal function return to their livers - never give up, science is progressing rapidly in the very areas that you need.

It is a disappointment and an irritating delay but it is not the final answer.

But even if they do get the machine cleared for widespread use what good will it do if you are already gone?

That's all of my preaching for today, I only did this because I love you and want to see you live to transition.

I do love you,

Sally

[Guest Soph]

Its not just the liver that is keeping me from the hormones.

They don't think I'm ready emotionally for them...

Well, I've been emotionally unstable my whole life, so if I have to wait until I am stable, I may be waiting the rest of my life.

It seems to me like I'm being bribed. I've gathered that normally estrogen actually stabilizes people.

Because of all this hormone setback, I'm not going to be ready to go back to school. And since there are no job openings in the town I live, I would have nothing to do all day. I'm really being set up for suicide.

Sure, I'll admit I'm being impatient. But I don't think that I can live much longer as I've been living.

Only two things keeping me from getting the hormones illegally: the money (because I would have to ask my parents, and they wouldn't consent) and the fact that I'd rather have the prescription, because then it feels officially sanctioned. But if I really wanted to, I could get the money, and I can live without official recognition.

Also, it was supposed to be b ). I didn't know it would make a face.

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Soph many of us have faced frustrations on our journies, you just need to read some of what I have spouted in here to know my road hasnt been easy. I considered going the route of ordering from an internet company but instead i got my hackles up (just what are hackles anyway) and started demanding that my shrink and counselor tell me the reasons they wouldnt give me what I needed.

I cant fix something if I dont know what needs fixing; my beligerance and some of the stuff I had written actually got through to my shrink and after what seems like an eternity he finally agreed to give them to me BUT I have to complete this two month RLE first, ok its one and a bit months down and less than a month to go. This has been a seeming eternity in the making but it has been worth it.

Sweet sis (hope you dont mind me calling you that) there are many of us here to help you along, to be sounding boards for your frustrations, hurts, and pains as well as to be there for the triumphs that we know will come. We love you and want you with us for the long haul; feel free to pm me any time and we can chat privately if you wish. I might also recommend logging into the chat server and talking to one of the mods there, they are really good at handling crisis situations.

sorry if this comes in twice, my browser crashed when I tried to save it

[Guest Evan_J]

i think you should go for option

A

dont ask just do it

ditto

[Guest Soph]

I've just been so up and down lately, and thats without the hormones

I'm fine now. I know its just a mood I get in, another month isn't an eternity, but it seems that way when Im in a mood like that.

It sucks knowing when I'm lucid that I was the one who's fault it is that I can't get the hormones sooner. Not for the liver stuff (since I don't drink, chances are I didn't have anything to do with that) but because I reacted a bit like a child trying to corner the team by threatening suicide. The scary thing, though, is that I meant it at the time, and there are other times where I really do intend to suicide.

It also sucks knowing when I'm lucid that one of these times one of the moods I get myself in may kill me.

For now I choose A. I've lived 19 years, whats another month?

[Guest April63]

Just wait. You can do it. Think happy thoughts... happy thoughts...