What A Lot Of Bother

[Guest Penelope]

I must be mad. Biological women have had a whole lifetime to get used to all of this stuff.

What to wear? Dresses, shoes, skirts, tops etc. What colour? What design? What size? The answer I guess is to look around until I find something I like. Full time job, I reckon. The choice is overwhelming, even with the help of the internet, and there’s no guarantee I won’t look like a berk wearing it; or that it matches my hair, eyes, complexion etc. etc. It could take years to develop a good sense of style.

As for size; by my calculations I am size twelve below and, probably, size 16 above. I need to exercise utmost restraint on breast size (B cup maximum) otherwise my chest will look like a tricky problem for a serious Alpine mountaineer. Shoe size is not a problem; finding some I really like and having the nerve, and funds, to buy them is.

I think I’ve had enough experience over the years to find the correct lingerie and hosiery. I am rather a conventional girl about this now and like comfortable cotton with a bit of lace or other trimmings. I love tights, stockings and hold ups and would, if practicable, wear one or the other all the time, except hot weather. As a guy, hold ups are the most convenient, being inconspicuous and allowing you to pee in the conventional way.

Wigs! Without trying a sizeable selection to try on I haven’t a clue what will be right with my head/face shape. Again I guess it’s a case of finding something I quite like the look of. I’m sorry ladies but at 56 I’m too Gosh darned old to look like a girl that I might have fancied in my younger years. We’re aiming at what a sensible, though hopefully fun loving, lady would have evolved over years. Colour is a problem, it could be great entertainment, but my own (mousy) hair is not inspiring.

Make up. Curiously enough though I think it a lot of trouble and a source of potential mess, it doesn’t really worry me. I strongly believe that less is more. I definitely won’t look like a Goth, teenager or, heaven help us, a drag artiste. I suppose to some the smell of acetone is part of the attraction of nail polish.

I haven’t made up my mind about accessories. At the moment I rather fancy some good quality silver bangles; at other times I vaguely aspire to something rather pink and beady. I think I would provoke my SO to throw heavy objects if I had my ears pierced. As a guy, I am not keen on any ironmongery about my body, except a wristwatch.

In short, I have ordered Mr Anders book for some ideas; ‘lazy cross dresser’ definitely fits me.

For the rest, where or how do you wise people suggest a novice to advanced cross dressing should start?

Bloke / Penelope

[Guest julia_d]

We need Lizzy XD

Just why do you think girls spend a ridiculous amount of every week shopping for clothes? It's impossible I tell you.. I must spend 2 days out of 7 just looking in shop windows at things which I think are cute but I would never buy.. There are considerations.. age build and style.

As for hair.. I found out a while ago that something similar to my natural hair colour works best.. matches skin tone and eyebrows without having to make too much effort with makeup. Dimples have a good range.. and they don't mind you trying lots on.. prices are reasonable too.. between £80 and £140 (NHS cancer wigs we call them) are flattering, easy to look after and designed to look normal.

Accessories.. I usually wear just plain gold studs and a watch and a copper bracelet I have had for years... very rarely I will put in plain silver hoops and if I need to know the time my 60's classic wind up sekonda watch.

I think the trick is to dress a little plain/ordinary.. in styles which fit your age and build. Look at the other girls your age and copy them.. that's what they do all the time. That way makes blending in easier. I get stares because I'm tall and slim in a town of dumpy overweight women.. that's fine. I don't mind them staring because it's something I can't do anything about and they look because I'm slim and tall.. not because I'm flashy.

[Guest Pioneer]

It could take years to develop a good sense of style.

I kinda know what you are going through. It's too much of a hassle.

Today was the last time I went to the mall to check out women's clothing. I've decided.

I tried on bunch of them but..forget my manly body figure, it's just that I don't have boobs to fill those cute clothes in. It just looks dead wrong on me. Also mention that I have an open heart surgery scar so I can't wear anything below my neckline which is pretty damning since most of the women's clothes are low neck V shape to show cleavage I guess. And this is me looking for tops only and I'm already dead tired. And guess what, I still know what size I am.

I give up. I'm still young but I'm tired of looking and looking. My back hurts, my legs hurts..oh my. And I thought I was pretty fit.. *thud* I think I'll be more productive and have better luck at trying to develop my telekinesis power than this.

BTW I powdered my face to death with bareminerals and no one noticed..except few cold stares. I still got the "sir" when I was getting groceries.

Good luck ladies..I guess this was not for the faint hearted.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

WAIT

It's fun ladies! Don't get discouraged! Part of being a woman (us trans) or expressing our feminine side (us crossdressers) is to work long and hard on getting the right look. Take it as a systematic study. Take it as a challange! WOMEN LOVE TO SHOP!

(1) How do you dress and why? For yourself and in the privacy of your home? Semi-private with some like minded people in attendance? Out in public as a crossdresser attempting to be perceived as a woman? As a transwoman in transition? As a post op T-girl living as a full time woman?

(2) How much is your budget and how extensive is your wardrobe? Or how extensive do you want it to be.

(3) Do you want actual female cues (long hair, natural nails, groomed eyebrows) or temporary cues (wigs, applied nails, dependancy on coverup).

(4) How long do you dress? A few hours, a weekend, full or almost full time?

Answer those questions first.

THEN

(1) Measure yourself. Go on line or look in a woman's clothing catalog and see what measurements are needed. See what you are now. If you bind, or enhance, or wear spandex, or girdles or shapers, measure with those on. Determine your probable female shoe sizes. Find out the jewelry lengths and diameters which fit you best you (neck, wrists, ankle).

(2) See what corresponding clothing sizes in women's comes closest to fitting you. Remember it is better to buy a sleeve fitting blouse that is slightly too large and have it altered, than it is to find one that fits you in the body but is too short in the sleeves. And that apples to other items - buy so whatever needs to be altered is simple to do. And the world of women's sizes is ALL OVER THE PLACE! It is best to try things on - most specialty women's shops are accustomed to this, believe it or not.

(3) Research catalogues - not fashion magazines. See what is popular and is in style - but lean toward classic clothing. Again you need to try things on to see how they look as well as fit. What looks good on the rack may look really bad on you. Learn what fits your body size. Generally the male body - your heratige after all - is NOT curvy. You shoulders will be as wide if not wider than your hips. Narrow hips cause major problems in women's clothing selections, as only very young girls clothes feature that... and most of us cannot fit in smaller sizes. Women's section (sizes with a 'W" on them in the USA) are almost always made for very curvy figures. So you may need to stay with skirts (narrow sizes) and blouses (to fit the wider shoulders) rather than dresses.

(4) get an idea of what will 'probably' fit and what is 'appropriate' for your body. This will really narrow down your shopping selection.

(5) Work on pattern and color selections that meets your taste and your natural coloration. This is the part that is the most fun and the most time consuming. Learn such things like stripes running vertically make you look taller (not good if you are already slim, but great if you have a lot of bulk), and horizaontal stripes do the opposite. Know big women in prints look bigger, but prints hide imperfections such as a thick waist. Learn that you do best when in well tailored (more expensive) clothing, and that the more detailing, the better. (This takes away from the person and focuses on the clothing). Fine, expensive clothing is a key to passing.

THEN

Work on your hair. Hair will really make a difference in passing or not. Stay conservative - but reseaerch what hair length flatters your face and what colors match your complexion. Wigs are an option, but some of us pass very well with our natural hair. And again, go to a wig salon that allows you to try on wigs - its easy if you say at the begining you want to spend $xx dollars and they KNOW they will make a sale - go on 'off times' so you get full attention. Buy a wig at least $50 or more - and ask how to take care of it.

Next

Cosmetics. they can be complicated - and yes - the less the better. However when crossdressing this might not apply if you cannot shape your eyebrows. Its a learned thing. And the mineral cosmetics ARE better - and better for you. You need an effect like you DON"T have on anything but lip color and mascara - its an art! And buy medium to good quality cosmetics - cheap cosmetics are no good. Also - if you are shy and can never imagine having a make-over, at least work with someone to find the proper concealer and foundation! that is a key. And a hint? Test colors against the fleshy outside back of your thumb. That is what your compexion color tone is. And never go out without checking your makeup in full daylight! What is applied in artificial light can look horrible in the real world.

Finally accessories - shoes, jewelry, purses, belts, scarves, umbrella, eyeglasses/sunglasses... yikes! Personal tastes apply here.

And remember to ALWAYS (1) dress age appropriate (2) dress for the season and weather - and activity (3) dress slightly conservative but not out of fashion.

And NEVER look like your mother!

HEY!

Why does everyone say 'ask Lizzy?"

[Sally]

Finding a style is a lot of observation, go to a mall and sit in the food court.

Watch the women your age as they pass by - you will immediately go - "That's just not right!" for what most of them are wearing but soon you will see some that are dressed age appropriate and in a manner that you like.

Next look at the ones of those who are about your build - if you are overweight you do not need to be wearing the same things as the stick figures and visa-versa. (Too bad that most natal females never figure this out)

You may not spot anyone on the first visit but one day you will and you will think to yourself, "That's it!" - and then you can fine tune it to fit your personality.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest rachael1]

It is time consuming, but great fun nonetheless.

I can't think of anything to add to what the girls have already said except give it a whirl.

I'm still learning myself but enjoying every moment.

Rachael

[Carolyn Marie]

Lizzy, you're a wonder. Those are wonderful tips.

Have you ever considered doing a fashion column for a newspaper or magazine? Your advice is better

than most I've seen from genetic women. Boy, would I ever love to go shopping with you!

My wife loves the stuff I get her for Christmas and birthdays. Shopping for her gifts is one of the most

fun things I do every year. I just imagine what I would look like wearing them. The fact that my taste

in women's clothes is validated by her appreciation gives me confidence that I could shop successfully

for myself.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Penelope]

Dear Lizzy,

Thank you for making such a detailed a reply.

I feel that above all else I must be patient. Having been corked up for many years I am not going to emerge fully formed, quickly or easily. I have no idea how far I will develop but for now I guess part time and private is realistic.

I have begun to observe women and fashions about me like a scanning device and I've spent hours looking at clothes on the internet, but this is a very recent change.

I am getting bolder about shopping but have not yet had the nerve for the essential activities of trying before I buy. My SO is not keen on my activities, which is a shame because she has an excellent eye for size and what will work or not. I currently don't know anyone else who would do this.

I'm greatly reassured that so many of you ladies who populate this site have probably faced and overcome similar barriers and fears to mine. I hope I can learn to enjoy my journey.

A great big hug to others of you (Julia D, Sally, Rachael) who took trouble to respond.

Penelope xxx

[Guest Donna Jean]

Yes, Carolyn....shopping with Lizzy WOULD be a wonder!

Penelope.....

I guess that the best advice that I've seen here is take your time...observe and dress age appropriate.

And makeup....

Oh boy! Is Lizzy ever right about looking at it in the daylight! Different lighting can even make makeup look a different color! And less is better.....my wife gave me "Makeup lessons" she said that she didn't want me to be going around with a "Clown" face!

And that is easy to do, too...

You only want to make your self look better not amusing!

You don't want "Cleopatra" eyes or gobs of bright red lipstick!

Personally I tend to like the big Gypsy skirts and blousy blouses! The thing is that I went through the 60's in the wrong body....now I'm making up for it.....lol

HEY!

Why does everyone say 'ask Lizzy?"

Yes, Lizzy....why is that?

Have fun, Penelope...

Love

Donna Jean