Greetings

[Guest Ragnar Danneskjold]

Hello everyone this is my first post here, and I thought this to be the appropriate forum to put it in. I was introduced to this site via another forum where I originally started to post about my issues here, I am happy to have multiple places to discuss this!

I am not sure where to start, this is about the seventh time I have completely erased what I was going to say, and started over. Talking about myself is not easy, and talking about myself in the context of the current discussion is extremely new to me. (This is the first time in my entire life I have ever talked to anyone about this.) I had an extremely long post written up explaining things from my childhood and recent past, but I have scraped it in favor of a much shorter one. Here are the facts:

I am a 27 years old guy, and finally revisiting feels that I have suppressed for many many years. I am confused about who I am, and how I feel about myself. As for my orientation I can probably definitely put myself squarely in to the pansexual category. That is to say I am attracted to men & women, as well as people who fall outside of traditional gender roles.

The part I am having trouble with is how I see myself in terms of my gender. We have already established I am a guy, but that isn't how I really feel. I am sorry this is the point where it is difficult for me to explain how I feel, because it's just hard for me. I guess the easiest way to put it is I identify more as a girl than a boy. I think I would feel much more like myself as a girl, I definitely like "girl" things more than "guy" things. I like girls clothes, and have always been jealous that I have to wear clothes that I find to be boring in comparison. Whenever I see my sister getting dressed up for something, I usually without fail always feel a twinge of jealousy.

My biggest obstacle in this, and I think it skews my perception of how I feel, is how I look now. I have the unfortunate luck to be a 6'2", I have broad shoulders, I am mediterranean so I am a really hairy, and I have huge feet. Basically when I look in the mirror I see the exact opposite of everything that is feminine. Again I am really struggling to explain how I feel here, but I am having difficulties doing so. There are so many emotions I am dealing with right now, that it is making it even harder then it normally is. (The past few days I have been giving a lot of thought to this, and quite frankly it has thrown me in to depression, I have had to break in to my emergency Xanax stash lest I break down in to tears, which I have almost done a few times WITH the Xanax!)

That's me in a nutshell, I really wish I could explain myself a little better, but I am just having a hard time right now, it's been tough lately for me. I know that was an awful lot of writing to not explain very much.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Welcome Ragnar!!

Please do come in and feel welcome here at Laura's. I do hope that the medication you are taking is prescribed and safe. Sweetie, many of the loveliest ladies here are your height!! Hair is not a problem at all!! Shaving, Veet, Nair, etc will solve that!!! Don't look at yourself today and say that this is how you can only be. Dearest, there are so many ways to look the way you want to and to realize who you are!!!

Obstacles are only percieved and all challenges can be overcome!!

Welcome sweetie,

Your journey has begun!!

HUGS

Brenda

[Guest Ragnar Danneskjold]

I do hope that the medication you are taking is prescribed and safe.

Oh absolutely, with regular checkups at the doctor to make sure everything is fine. I would never take any sort of medication without some form of medical guidance!

Sweetie, many of the loveliest ladies here are your height!! Hair is not a problem at all!! Shaving, Veet, Nair, etc will solve that!!! Don't look at yourself today and say that this is how you can only be. Dearest, there are so many ways to look the way you want to and to realize who you are!!!

I think I am slowly coming to realize this.. I think that perhaps it's just hard when you try to think of everything happening at once, and not in individual steps or parts. Nothing happens all at once, or overnight after all, so I realize I shouldn't expect them to. With that said not worrying is easier said than done.

But I thank you for the warm welcome!

[Guest Donna Jean]

Good Morning, Ragnar...

Welcome to the Playground!

Let me offer you some nice hot coco and a plate of Sally's cookies...that always makes one feel welcome...

We run a nice safe site and you are free to just be yourself...we don't judge...

Let me tell you...we have some tall ladies around here and, although I'm rather short...it just means that I'll get a much better hugg from them and that I'll have to hugg them twice to get all of them covered!.....lol

Seriously, Hon...I know that it's a concern, but, the main point is your identity...all other things are secondary...

Heck, I'm not tall, but I am 59 years old....see? We all have things to get over...

So, make yourself comfortable and be sure to post a lot...we're really happy to have you here!

With love....

Donna Jean

[Sally]

Good Morning Ragnar,

I just wanted to let you know that I am a bit on the tall side as well, 6'4" and I hope that I am one of the loveliest ladies that Bernii was refering to.

I worried about my appearance a lot and I will tell you the cure for that.

Go to a large shopping mall, go to the food court and buy a large drink, then just sit and watch women walk by - all ages, shapes and sizes and you will begin to notice that real women all look different and relatively few of them actually look like the ones on TV and in magazines.

We all can fit in, it isn't really that hard.

Welcome to the family.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Alyssa Leigh]

Hi Ragnar

Welcome to the playground everyone is so nice here, so make yourself at home and more will be by shortly to greet you.

Alyssa

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Ragnar

I think your introduction said a lot, and it wasn't too long - it was about right. There is a lot of pain there - and it is so typical! We are all like that here. that is why Laura's might be perfect for you. We try to support each other.

I am 6'2' myself - and I never thought I could transition - but I am doing it.

You need to have a gender therapist review your feelings - that is the next step - psycholgist seem more appropriate than psychiatrists as they work on the mental health part rather than root causes.

So WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

Look around and POST POST POST - give us your opinions, your experience - and most importantly, your questions.

And if you get down - come here and tell us immediately. You will have a flock of people come to your aid!

Lizzy

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Laura's, Ragnar. My lovely friends have already said everything there is to say in terms

of welcoming you and reassuring you. There are so many posts in the forums that speak to the

issues you've raised, that I think you will find tremendously helpful. So please take your time,

explore the forums and the resources pages, and LEARN. Then you will be in a much better

position to make decisions and plot a course.

There are many many members from all over Europe, so finding local resources should hopefully

not be a major problem.

It's great that you found Laura's. This is a wonderful resource and you'll find many friends here with

whom to share your thoughts. We welcome your insights and opinions too, so please POST often.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Ragnar Danneskjold]

Thank you everyone for the warm welcome, I will certainly be using the resources here to their full potential. As someone has already suggested, I think I will be calling on Monday to make an appointment at the local student psych clinic in town. (It is the only thing I can afford right now, they only charge something like $10 a session.) Even though the prospect of this scares me tremendously!