Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Addiction To Amphetamines


Guest uncertain_cd

Recommended Posts

Guest uncertain_cd

When it comes to abusing drugs I fit right in. Ive done everything you can name from pharms, psychedelics,deliriants, stimulants, Opiates, R/C ( research chemicals) etc.

I never liked downers except for benzodiazepenes (sp?) ex : xanax, Klonopin, Ive always been 110% alcohol and think it's thee most pointless high in the world + I very much hate the drinking scene. Opiates bore me and Ive had my share of psychedelics and deliriants for a while.

The class of drugs that I like is the stimulants from cocaine to amphetamines to piperazines.

Ive had my fair share of MDMA and MDA back in 2007. I used to loveeee rolling but I pushed it and unfortunately it lost it's magic for me never to get back ever since.

Cocaine was a great drug except for the fact that it lasts such a short period of time and costs a lot for nothing. I'm not talking about all this cut up blowcaine, [edited] but after that 10 minutes the dream is over so you gotta do more and it's pretty lame.

Amphetamine and Methamphetamine, now these are the drugs that I would die for. The first time I tried Amphetamine[edited]. At the time I was severely depressed.

[edited]

I fell in love with speed within the first minute cause in less then a minute [edited] my severe depression was gone and I was suddenly feeling awake and full of energy, I felt ready to take on the universe and nothing can stop me, I was feeling BOMB. The rush intensified and I was starting to speed hard and it was the best feeling ever! That feeling of raw power and invincibility was amazing!

Ever since that [edited] day I started using it every single day for over 2 1/2 years . I'm one of the lucky people so I never experienced those dreaded 'crashes' and comedowns, I love eating when sped which is weird and it all around feels perfect. I become a hardcore tweaker taking large amounts of amphetamine and methamphetamine orally, intranasally and occasionally smoked. I still looked normal and you couldn't even tell I was spun out of my mind cause I was pro at handling this drug which is why I kept it a secret from everyone except friends. My life was great being a tweaker to be honest, feeling that way all day everyday for days on end and staying awake and all was mad fun. I learned A LOT and met a bunch of new people since it made me more sociable. I used to workout on it and bikeride to the ends of the earth at all hours of the day and night so I was always on the move. I remember these past tweaker years so well cause I spent them awake rather then sleeping like every other normal person.

Music, OMG! I'm a huge metal head and listening to all my favorite melodic death metal bands etc on speed is the ultimate rush of intensity, speed and metal were made to go together!

I'm sorry to cut the timeline and full story short but since I'm not on speed anymore I really don't feel like typing it all, at least right now.

I had quit using the crystal (methamp) a while back and just kept using street speed powder/speed pills/ Adderall/Dexedrine. I got myself a LOT of adderall XR's from an undiscllosed online source and I had a whole of Dexedrines along with street speed powder/pills and I became a hardcore speedfreak dosing [edited] mg of adderall a day with dexedrines and street speed, I'd do at a BARE minimum [edited] mg of speed per day but it was always over [edited]a day of combined Amphetamine.

I did this from January till April before I couldn't do it anymore and I felt 'worn out! 2 weeks sober and went right back to it up till June 8th of 2009 whi9ch wads the last day I thouched any amps.

I had been feeling really messed up and out of sync with reality and being that superhuman self but then one day something happened, I cried for the first time in years then cried again, and again, and again and I was having full blown breakdowns just cryinggg which is why I kept using from april till june, numb those emotions and feel powerful instead of weak since I was taught that whole 'men don't cry and never show emotions' thing. I cried A LOT during those months and on June 8th it was the last time.

Ive been sober ever since and since my depression was still there I just cried and kept crying so much all day everyday. I felt horrible and hopeless etc. After talkiong to some online friends and them being supportive and reassuring me it's gonna be alright it finally did to start get better now. I don't cry no where near as much and I don't feel completely hopeless about it anymore. My temper calmed down as well and I'm less nervous as I was a speedfreak for sure!

I'm taking it day by day and I have some good days and some bad but it's getting better and hopefully I can get over my addiction to the best substance on earth (to me). I just LOVE this drug and I can;t use it recreatioanlly just once in a while so I'm quitting for good.

That's about it, I just wanted to share a little bit about my battle with addiction the amphetamine/methamp and how I'm doing now.

Any tips, pointers or support anyone has to offer is greatly appreciated :)

Link to comment
Guest Elizabeth K

This post was edited, specifically for the rule of "not discussing actual dosages" for legal reasons.

This post has been approved as it makes many valid points on drug abuse.

Elizabeth Anne

Link to comment
Guest April63

I'm glad you're deciding to quit. Drugs really don't do you any good. They just mess with your head and your sense of reality. And they damage your health.

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Hun---first of all congratulations and hugs and kisses from me! Recovery is a life-long journey. Baby, we have addict brains---physiologically our brains are configurated differently than non-addict brains. We are _always_ gonna be chasing that next high! That's how our brains work, pure and simple. But there are healthy highs and I am not talking about drugs. I have a friend who was a meth addict who jumps out of airplanes now!! When I got clean and sober I found my first "high" at the gym. God help the person who happened to be using the machine weights when I wanted to use them, LOL!!! When I got clean and sober a wonderful friend asked me what was likely to be my next "drug of choice." That helped me a lot. I got into chasing guys like I was chasing a bag for a while. I really found working the steps helped me a lot. It was years later that I had the ephiphany that the 12 steps applied to my whole life--not just drugs and alcohol. Like they say the only thing you have to change is everything. The thing is that the world gets changed for the good by us folks who are chasing the healthy highs.

ricka

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 82 Guests (See full list)

    • Kait
    • AcedTea87
    • MaryEllen
    • LucyF
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      769.5k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,069
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Ali_Genderlfuid
    Newest Member
    Ali_Genderlfuid
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Caridad
      Caridad
    2. Certbunnie
      Certbunnie
      (25 years old)
    3. EstherElle
      EstherElle
      (43 years old)
    4. Juliet
      Juliet
      (43 years old)
    5. MelissaAndProudOfIt
      MelissaAndProudOfIt
      (59 years old)
  • Posts

    • Birdie
      Biopsies came back mostly clear except one, one polyp came back with abnormal cell growth (pre-cancerous). It was completely removed during the colonoscopy so I don't know yet if further action needs to be taken. 
    • Kait
      Hey-o. My name's Kait. I haven't decided what to do about my last name yet. (Mononyms sound cool, but they're very problematic unfortunately).   I guess pronouns are important. They/them or it/its (strong preference for 'it/its').    Im not someone who's been active in the community for a long time, but I've known I was trans almost my whole life. It's just that financial, medical, and psychiatric struggles have kept it from the forefront of my priorities for 10 years or so. So basically during that entire time, I've been living as an AMAB, masculine-presenting person named kait. Which is not ideal, but I've been able to deal with it by dissociating from my body and viewing it as an appendage rather than as a 'self'.    Mostly I'm on here because I finally feel well enough mentally and physically to think about beginning HRT. Problem is, I really don't know where to start out what to do. I have an endocrinologist I see for an unrelated health issue, but honestly I don't have a very strong relationship with him. Is it best to start with my existing doctor? Or should I find an endocrinologist that specialises in this sub-field? What's the best available tech? Is 29 too late to be taken seriously about this by my doctor? I have no idea about these questions and so much more and I need help.   Side from trans stuff though, I'm the boringest person you'll probably ever know. I have a pretty rich inner life and a wonderful partner, but really all I do is work, sleep, and occasionally build tiny models.     
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I agree that porn is a really bad thing.  Bad in general, but probably gives a misleading view of trans folks.  If you don't see trans folks out in the wild, but you see plenty of them online, that is going to give the impression that it is primarily sex-driven, and that trans folks are interested in sex with just about everybody all the time.  Similar to what people often assume about being bisexual.    I'm androgynous, so sometimes people look at me this way.  Especially if my husband and I are together (if they don't assume I'm his kid) people get that "judgy" look on their faces.  You can sort of read their minds.  I even heard on lady say something like, "Oh, that's just so wrong" when we came out of a shower at a truck stop.  I mean, I like sex and we have a great connection in that way, but its not "THE REASON" for our relationship. 
    • Justine76
      Thank you for sharing! This is very much where I am currently. Questioning my motivation's, wondering where this is going and do I have the fortitude to continue the journey?   I too like to dress in what would probably be eye catching in your typically suburb. Not in a revealing way but beyond casual. Not that I’ve presented in public yet. Trying to build the confidence to dress for the next trans pride event locally ;)
    • Maddee
    • Justine76
      Certainly considering this. I’ve seen some reports, albeit anecdotal, of laser treatments causing some mild skin damage; like mild pitting, etc. Any validity to this in anyone’s experience? 
    • VickySGV
      @FelixThePickleManI and at least 3 or 4 others here on the Forums are in recovery (a couple of us over 15 years) from drugs and alcohol. Any drug, legal or not so, including abused prescription drugs (me) is potentially addictive and you need some help and uplift to break that cycle.  At first you do feel better by using your substance of choice, I know I did, but the substance takes over our lives, because for us they are cunning, baffling and POWERFUL and too much for us to control.  It was during my recovery from my alcohol and drug abuse that I first fully and with a lot of fear, but a desire to be honest came out to a group that actually turned out to be wholly supportive both of my recovery and encouraging me to get into things that would forward me toward my Transition.  Let us help you feel better about yourself without the substance since without the substance you can actually meet the challenges you face to become the best self you can be.  The goal is to like yourself every day without the false gods that chemicals can become, because they want to destroy us not help us live. We deserve to be happy and able to work and live our lives. PM me if you need some one-on-one and do the same with the others who will respond to you here.  A choral group I am part of sang a song in a concert last week that tells us that we Trans are OK and great, it is the people in the village around us that are the real grief in our lives, but here you are in  a village on-line that will support you.  
    • Vidanjali
      I can only imagine what your early life experience was like. It's very weird when children's bodies are treated as property of their parents and not really their own. Certainly children don't have agency to make major life decisions. But parents operating covertly doesn't seem to be entirely sensible. I'm sure there was a lot of fear on the part of your parents, and perhaps/probably even coercion by medical professionals. But what is your relationship like with your parents now, if they are still living or in your life? 
    • Vidanjali
      Hello & welcome, @Ladypcnj. That's great you're involved in several online communities. Reaching out to connect with others is a gift for all involved. 
    • FelixThePickleMan
      My mom found a vape of mine and this is the third time. I hid it out in the garage but she found it because I looked suspicious and now shes mad at me again which makes sense but she told me not to bring it in the house so I figured the garage was okay. But I know I should just stop but its something that I enjoy doing. I do it with my buddies and I do it alone. The one she found was a different, typically I have weed but today I had nic, but still, I know I should quit. Not because it's bad for me but because its hurting the relationship that I barley have with my mother and that's tough but for some reason I want to have my cake a and eat it too, but that isn't possible. I finally understand that phrase now, well I already understood it but now I really understand because I'm living it. and with that my mom most likely will pull me out of the school that I'm at now because that's when I started, this year. I've always had an interest in weed the way I have an interest of anything else. To me it's no different than the other things I'm interested in but this just happens to be a drug. I know I should quit I know it's wrong and I know that I'm choosing to do it, because I like it and I think in order for me to stop is to not like it anymore otherwise I most likely will continue. I know its sad but unfortunately it is true I know I'll have to quit before I go in the Marines so maybe I'll stop then. I smoke because I don't have anything else to do initially but now I smoke because I don't have anything to do and I  like it. Even when I did basketball I still was high, and I still played in fact I played better. I do everything better when I'm high I'm like a better version of myself, I can let go and let the me on the inside show on the outside with no fear, my creativity flows like Niagara falls just a contunious stream of creative output and innovative ideas that leave a good impression on others. I'm better to be around when high. I like myself better when I'm high.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      This neighbor's friend,luckily my health insurance covered it.Luckily my vehicles,house and shop are smoke free.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      @VickySGV    Good point.  There are websites full of porn and fantasies related to cross dressing, trans stories, etc., and people might easily think those are written by TG types and accurately describe TG folk.
    • VickySGV
      No one has mentioned the Adult Entertainment Industry aka the Pornography Industry which for too long was the ONLY source of information about us for the general public.  I actually realized what I was from an XX Rated publication that I snuck behind a comic book at the neighborhood convenience / liquor store.  The person in the article told of her feelings up until and through GCS which I identified with completely, but then went on to the sob story of a marriage crashing when her knowing husband went to a new job and they found out she was Trans on a security check and threatened the husband with legal action unless he divorced her ---  yada yada!!   On that note she decided her  life was ruined. --    Other problems in the Porn Press are of course the "Morality" and it is there that child endangerment stories for actual mental illness types  comes in.  Also in that media they emphasize the Fetishistic Cross Dresser classification which is an actual addiction situation and is a harmful process addiction of sex that is as terrible as Drug and Alcohol Addiction can be.  The pornographic issues and sources of information are readily available in the opening pages of a Google Search while actual Trans information is about page 200 on the engine.   A recent misadventure I had that shows how acceptable I am as my True Self is that a man who claimed to be a church elder (minister??) told me how he had never come up with legitimate information   on Trans People and actual Trans Children and he went on to brag about what he did find that was morally damning by looking for the  information.  He continued to go into detail about other pornographic sources and how nasty they were. I asked him then why HE, a MINISTER kept looking at the Porn.  He replied to me that he kept up with it to warn his congregation of the true evils he had seen so he could minister to them.  Happily for me a friend of mine came along so I could  break away from the guy who was after my soul.  (He did not read me as Trans, whew!!)
    • Ashley0616
      Just like anything else that is new it's always the thing that people fear of. People are typically afraid of change. Even something as simple as new procedure at work or the population growing. Typically just have the mindset of it's not broken then don't fix it type of attitude. The world is progressing and they need to accept that or they will eventually be left behind. A good example after WW II women working in the workforce things didn't go well at all due to a lot of butting heads. There are still even people now that think women are only meant for housework and raising babies. 
    • RaineOnYourParade
      I've actually seen a lot of people who at least tolerate the LGB and not the T. There's also some of the gay/lesbian population that, unfortunately, alienate trans people away from other parts of the community.   To me, the biggest block is probably the lack of formal exposure. If people aren't taught about LGBT they will, just like any other topic, come to misunderstandings and more. Besides, how can most LGBT people figure out that they are such if they don't know it exists? I know that, personally, I didn't realize I was a guy rather than just someone who wanted to be a guy until I was introduced to trans as a concept 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...