Why Should I Bother?

[Guest Johnny]

Everything just seems to keep going wrong. I keep getting in to trouble at school, and every time my mother comes home I just want to run and hide. I feel like there’s no getting away from it. I've been trying to do is get through one day at a time but I feel like I shouldn't even bother with that many more. I can't see myself every being happy or becoming the person I want to be. I feel like the world is dead set against me, like fate is against me and everything I want to become. I mean I spent 3 hours writing an email to my grandmother last week, something I’ve been working towards for a long time now. I poured my whole soul into it. I told her how I've been feeling, How confused I am (boy am I confused) and begging for her help and support because I feel that my mother just can't handle it, and after all that work to get it just right my computer died and deleted the whole thing. My boyfriend gave me this website because he said he was worried about me and he wanted me to find someone who can help me and understand what I'm going through. But now he's stopped talking to me. My other close him has “decided that he doesn't want to pretend that he cares anymore." And the person I always go to for advise doesn't want anything to do with me. I feel alone and scared. I feel that I don't know enough about anything except that I’m not happy as I am and that every time I see a lovely boy walk passed me when I'm out or at school my heart hurts. Not because I want to be with him but because I want to be him. I just don't know what to do any more. It all seems so hopeless and I'm so tired, scared and sad.

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

Geez, man, I know how you feel.

I'm not gonna lie to you. It's gonna take a long time. You might lose a lot of people if you decide to transition and come out. It's tough, but if you are so miserable, it's the only way.

We aren't against you. We wanna help you however you need it. Brother, sister, sibling... whatever you consider yourself, we are here for you. I know, words on a screen ain't much, but they help.

The e-mail idea was good. Maybe try writing it in parts in a word processor, saving it each time you think the computer's gonna die, and then copying and pasting it into the e-mail client? That way at least if you lose the work again you only lose part of it, which isn't as bad.

Any questions you have, feel free to ask. You are not alone. The guys here can help you.

[Guest matthew41]

Johnny,

You are among friends here, you don't have to go through this alone. When you need to talk directly with others, go to Laura's playground main page and click the link to transgender chat. You will need to register for chat, its a separate program from the forums. There you will find others who understand what you are going through and willing to listen. Here in the forums, you will find many other posts that will show you others feel like you. Its a bummer your email was lost but I have a feeling you can write it again with the same passion. I hope your grandmother will listen. I am sorry your friends have stopped supporting you but they are not like us so they don't understand, we do. We are here for you to listen when you just need to get your thoughts out and answer your questions based on our own experience. Does your school have a consular that you could talk to? Please take it one day at a time and welcome to the forums.

Matt

[princecharmless]

Welcome Johnny, you have come to the right place. There are hundreds of people here who know more or less exactly what you are going through.

I googled Portage and came up with the nearest support group.

http://www.pflagswm.org/

Next meeting 2 - 4 pm, Sunday, October 28

E-mail: [email protected]

[Guest Marco]

i'm sorry to hear you haven't been accepted by your family and friends. again, i know that words on a screen don't seem like much, but, you can be yourself here. everybody is.

welcome to the forums.

Marco