Labels And Genders And Shoes, Oh My

[Guest sarathompson]

Hi y'all. Greetings from the south. As I mentioned in my introductory post, I'm terrified of being here. While I know that I am among like-souls, it just frightens to admit to the world (albeit anonymously) that I am a... well... something.

I sat down the other day and wrote in my journal for the first time in almost 15 years. The topic of the three page entry was my history of crossdressing. While cathartic, it also reinforced some of the gender identity confusion. You see, I first remember dressing when I was young - 6, 7, 8 - I don't really remember the exact age. I do, however remember the black pumps and satin slip that I 'borrowed' from my mother's closet. Within a couple of years, I was hoarding clothes and shoes from the closests of both my mom and my sister. I would also wear maxi-pads and even douched on a couple of occasions (wow, isn't that creepy).

Anyway, long story short (too late), over the past few years, the compulsion to dress has increased. I came out to my wife last year, and while she didn't exactly jump up and down with joy, she was accepting, at first. Lately though, we've noticeably grown apart, and I would imagine that what I am, or who I am, or... you get the picture, is the root cause. Our relationship has (irretrievably?) been fractured over this, and one of my worst fears is that I'll lose her and my daughter, who is almost three. She's asked me a few times, with a sneer and a condescending tone of voice 'so, do you want to be a woman?' Isn't that a can of worms?

As if that all wasn't bad enough, I have no interest anymore in having sex with my wife. Any woman that I find attractive has turned into me admiring her fashion style. I've become increasingly attracted to men over the past couple of years, and imagine that our roles are reversed on the rare occasions that we do have sex. I've collected a small wardrobe of clothes in which I dress when alone, and am wanting to spend more and more time *dressed* as a woman, if not *as* a woman, if that makes sense.

So how do I move forward?. I know that I'm uncomfortable with who I am, but I don't know to whom to turn. Furthermore, I know for a fact that I don't want to lose my daughter, and I don't want to lose the friendship I have with my wife.

Any advice? All is appreciated.

Thanks so much!

Sara

[Guest rachael1]

Hi Sara,

Your story is similar to mine and a lot of other people here as I have discovered since joining this site.

Don't be ashamed of who you are, you're not a deviant just transgendered.

I have done a lot of soul searching over the last 18 months and now am happy with who I am; I just don't know where all this will lead.

I came out to my wife over a year ago as well and it hasn't been all rosy, our relationship has certainly changed - some good changes, some bad.

It is hard for our partners to accept that the person they love is transgendered and some relationships will fail because of this, but not always.

It seems from reading the posts here that most partners will accept their other halfves crossdressing but if they decide to transition then it is only the lucky few who will stay together.

I have a seven year old daughter and I love my wife very much so this is a major influence on my decision not to take this step even though I think about what it would be like.

I talk to my wife about our situation (it affects her too) on a regular basis and she is finally coming to terms with it and has a better understanding of what being Transgendered means. Communication is the key. I am establishing boundaries with my wife so I don't make her too uncomfortable and to meet my needs as well.

You can PM after you have made 5 posts and you are welcome to PM anytime to talk.

Hugs

Rachael

[Carolyn Marie]

Sara, it's wonderful to meet you. Welcome to Laura's. I guarantee that you will find this one

of the most valuable resources there is for people like us. We are family here, and you

can feel at ease discussing anything you want to. No one will judge you.

There are wonderful resources on the site as well, so please look around and post all you want.

Rachael is absolutely correct. Your story is very similar to hers, as well as mine. In fact,

Rachael and I have become fast friends in a very short time. You will be amazed at the

connections that you'll make here. I don't want to bore you with my story right now,

suffice it to say we have a lot in common.

How do you move forward? My best advice is find a gender therapist. As I have recently

found for myself, they can open up your mind to what has been inside, things you've

only guessed at. They can help you fnd the right path, but only you can walk it. The

resource guide here can help you locate a therapist if you want to pursue that.

Feel free to PM me after you become a full member and I'll be happy to share my story

and compare notes. I'm so glad you found us.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest sarathompson]

Thank you both for the kindness! I can't begin to express to you how amazing it feels to have somebody tell you that you're welcome to be who you are.

I have been looking for a therapist in my area (which is actually how I came across this site), but have yet to find anyone with whom I'm comfortable. As a recent transplant to the south from a very liberal and open-minded northern city, I've discovered that not everyone here is as accepting as they should be.

Thanks again; everybody has been wonderful thus far!

Love,

Sara

[Guest julia_d]

I noted your problems with growing apart and losing the attraction. That's what became of my marriage.. we lost (well I lost) interest and my wife being a straight girl didn't like the woman she was living with. I walked.. it was the easiest thing to do so I didn't destroy my daughters life. Regrets.. many and often even 19 years on.. mistake.. no.. never.

There are topics on this site about things we would change from our past if we could.. for me there are none. No regrets, no remorse, no sympathy.. what is done is done and makes me who I am. Regardless of what happens to keep sane you can only be yourself.. attempting to conform to other peoples preconceptions of who you are is a guaranteed fail. That's coming from a girl who is comfortable in jeans and a rock shirt.. but right now I'm wearing a low cut top and a gypsy skirt... conforming to the streets idea of what I should be!!! It sucks.. but where I live they are very set in their ways.. and why make life hard? If they have a visual image of "Transgender" and leave me alone if I conform to it then that's what I have to do.. like wearing a uniform.... It sucks.. but to not get heaps of abuse every time I step outside.. then needs must.

Theres a take you don't often hear.