Grandmom Of Ftm

[Guest mrs cleofet]

I just happened upon this site and I have learned so much. My granddaughter who is going to be 10 years old has not been diagnosed as transgendered but I am sure she is. From the age of about 3 or 4 she has insisted she was a boy. She would not wear any girl cloths. She has always had boy mannerisms and never played with dolls. We all just thought it was because she spent so much time with her dad who worked nights and was with her during the day and that her mom wasn’t very feminine. We just thought it was kinda cute at that time but every year it has gotten to be more and more of an issue. She (I will need to get use to saying he) spends the summers with us and this year I almost didn't recognize him when he got off of the plane. It feels really strange to say he and him, I am sorry. Anyway he is developing breast and had gotten his period a couple of months before he came here in June. He really seems miserable most of the time. I have spoken to my son, his dad, about this just briefly right after he (my grandchild) got here but my son seemed to think I was criticizing him. I have just e-mailed my son and daughter-in-law and gave them this website to check out. My grandchild will be going home in about two weeks and I am wondering if I should approach the idea of transgender with him. Should I ask what he wants to be called, if he wants a binder/sport bra for his breast or just how he feels? This summer when I have sort of approached the subject of how he feels he didn't want to talk about it. I am not sure if I should bring it up again. When he first came this summer I took him shopping and bought him boy cloths including boy draws (underwear) but at that time I had insisted on buying girl panties also for when he had his period. His reaction was not a good one. I feel more informed now that I have been reading this website and I hope to be of more help to him and I will make sure he knows that I love him for who he is. Thank all of you for sharing information so that we all can be more active in helping all transgendered people especially young children. God bless!

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Mrs. Cleofet,

You are a truely wonderful person. You could see when others could not. You recognized your grandson's gender-giftedness, came here, and made every attempt to use the right pronouns. I want to welcome you to Laura's. Others will come to help and welcome you too.

Transgenderism is very serious and real and is not to be ever dismissed. Your grandson is now at the age of puberty where this can be the absolutely most excruciating period of his life. Gender therapy is paramount now. You recognize this as not a phase, your son better realize it now!

Your grandson's happiness and sense of self is dependant upon acceptance from his family, from his friends, from society. The very first, most important step is for the family to come together and be supportive and really help!!

Take your grandson to a gender therapist.

I applaud you for taking the time, having the courage to do what you have done.

I know that your grandson is in very good hands with you.

Brenda

Your grandson is welcome to join too (minimum age is 13)

We all will help you to understand what being transgendered is all about.

[Sally]

Welcome to the forums, we don't get many grandparents here although I would wager that we are around the same age.

I am so happy that you are taking the time to learn about this condition.

If you have read many of the introductions then you know that we offer cocoa and fresh baked cookies to our new members, it is a friendly gesture and for a lot of us it is the first openly friendly greeting in some time, all of the world isn't as accepting and caring as you are.

So let us know what we can do to help you with your questions and we will do our best to supply answers.

Brenda or Bernii as her user name says has given you some good advice about getting a gender therapist for your grandson but it will probably be best if your son does that because your grandson will really need to develop a relationship with his therapist because they will be together for a while.

There are some wonderful parents on here and they will be along before too long.

Welcome to the family.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest NicolaiAE]

Hello Mrs. Cleofet,

First of all, I want to welcome you to the forums! It is a great place to ask questions and get answers with out being judged. Your grandson is very lucky to have an excepting family member such as you. I'm 16, wishing to transition to be the man I knew I should have been born as, and I've told my mother but she won't let me progress until I'm 18. Anyway, he will need all the love and support you can give him. As for the monthly visitor (I hate it) if you got him men's briefs (the ones that look like women's underwear) and pads would work. Sorry if I got a little too personal.

-Nicolai

[Guest rachael1]

Welcome Mrs Cleofet,

Your grandson is lucky to have you.

I wish more people were as caring and understanding as you.

Rachael

[Guest LightNebula]

Welcome. It's great that you're so accepting.

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

Welcome to Laura's Playground! It's great that you are so supportive of your grandson. A lot of family members, especially the elderly, are not. Make sure to watch out for signs of self injury. It's rampant among transsexuals and often occurs when the nightmare of puberty starts. You really need to try to get him on hormone blockers. Some of puberty's changes are hard to reverse. And FTM friend of mine has to deal with large hips, which will not go away with the addition of testosterone, and large breasts which will require major surgery.

[Guest twinstar4]

What an awesome grandmother you are! Your grandchild is SO lucky to have you in their life.

It sounds like you are doing everything you can to help him. (I know using that pronoun is hard, I am using it because it is a rule here and it is good practice for the future) The fact that you are trying to get his Dad on the right page is right on target too.

Since your grandchild is going home in two weeks maybe the best way to handle it at this point is to let him know that you are aware of the gender gifted issue in general and you are accepting and compassionate of it. Some suggestions I have are to rent the movie "Transamerica" with Feliocity Huffman and let him watch it either with you or without you which ever he will be more willing to do. (Kids need space)

There is a book called "Parrotfish", a fiction about a FTM with alot of good stuff in it. If he likes to read you could get ahold of that book and give it to him.

There is a magazine article in the Nov. 08 issue of "Atlantic Monthly" called "Its a girls life" that presents the transgender child isuue well. (it is also on Laura's)

Maybe if you bring some of this stuff in your house you could casually start a conversation, or at least open the door for your grandchild to know you are open to discussion and are accepting.

Your grandchild doesn't seem willing to tlak about it from what your said here,(totally normal) that is why I'm suggesting to go about it in a round about way instead of directly. Showing and saying that you love and accept him no matter what is going to give him strength and comfort.

His Dad really needs to get onboard as well since he will be back home with him soon, so continuing to share resources with him like you already started to do would be beneficial.

On another subject, "Boxerbriefs" are the underwear that might work for him, they are tighter fitting. And while we're talking about it we have found for my daughter that "boyshorts" underwear for girls works well, it's more supportive but feminine.

BTW I am the mom of a 16 yr old MTF. I have found help and support here at Laura's which has helped us enormously to find the right path to get on for our daughter. You will too.

Sending lots of love and luck to you and your grandchild,

Twinstar

[Guest Donna Jean]

Mrs. Cleofet...

How very wonderful to meet you!

I can feel your love from where I am and it's really comforting!

The care, love and support that you show for your grandson is truly heartfelt!

Lots of love and Huggs to you!

Donna Jean

[Guest Joe Cool]

Hi Ms. Cleofet,

Welcome to the Playground! Your grandchild is very lucky to have you as a support. It may be beneficial to have a conversation with your grandson. I am sure it will feel awkward and he will not want to but it is one of those conversations that need to happen and once they are had they are out of the way. It would be very beneficial for him to hear that you have found out this information and you respect how he feels. You can approach the binding and clothing questions during the same conversation. You could let him know that you will always love him and be there for him no matter what. It may be helpful for him to know that you have talked with his parents and that you would help him talk to them as a support or mediator. He won't feel so overwhlmed and he would have someone to turn to if that happened. He may have a lot of questions and confusion that he may want to talk about or find a safe place to talk about it.

You are a very loving person and the fact that you are trying to understand something as big as transgenderism and be a loving support for your grandson is amazing! Let us know how we can help you!

Joe

[Guest mrs cleofet]

What an awesome grandmother you are! Your grandchild is SO lucky to have you in their life.

It sounds like you are doing everything you can to help him. (I know using that pronoun is hard, I am using it because it is a rule here and it is good practice for the future) The fact that you are trying to get his Dad on the right page is right on target too.

Since your grandchild is going home in two weeks maybe the best way to handle it at this point is to let him know that you are aware of the gender gifted issue in general and you are accepting and compassionate of it. Some suggestions I have are to rent the movie "Transamerica" with Feliocity Huffman and let him watch it either with you or without you which ever he will be more willing to do. (Kids need space)

There is a book called "Parrotfish", a fiction about a FTM with alot of good stuff in it. If he likes to read you could get ahold of that book and give it to him.

There is a magazine article in the Nov. 08 issue of "Atlantic Monthly" called "Its a girls life" that presents the transgender child isuue well. (it is also on Laura's)

Maybe if you bring some of this stuff in your house you could casually start a conversation, or at least open the door for your grandchild to know you are open to discussion and are accepting.

Your grandchild doesn't seem willing to tlak about it from what your said here,(totally normal) that is why I'm suggesting to go about it in a round about way instead of directly. Showing and saying that you love and accept him no matter what is going to give him strength and comfort.

His Dad really needs to get onboard as well since he will be back home with him soon, so continuing to share resources with him like you already started to do would be beneficial.

On another subject, "Boxerbriefs" are the underwear that might work for him, they are tighter fitting. And while we're talking about it we have found for my daughter that "boyshorts" underwear for girls works well, it's more supportive but feminine.

BTW I am the mom of a 16 yr old MTF. I have found help and support here at Laura's which has helped us enormously to find the right path to get on for our daughter. You will too.

Sending lots of love and luck to you and your grandchild,

Twinstar

Twinstar your suggestions are so good. I will get the book and the movie. I will read and watch them first before giving them to my grandson. I can't even imagine how confusing it must be to have the outward appearance of one sex and actually be another. I don't want my grandchild to suffer at all but surely not at the hands of his own family. My husband seems to be having some problems with accepting the obvious that our granddaughter is transgender and that we have to support him in this most important time in his life. I am not saying I am totally without questions as to how this will all play out. I am still mourning the loss of our grand daughter and trying really hard to accept with open arms my grand son. How do I now introduce my grandson to people that had previously known him as her? He really hates when I say she or her so lately I have been saying this is my grandchild and his name which right now is his given name. Last night I asked him if he could change his name what it would be. He just laughed and really didn't answer. He goes back home 3 Aug. and I will keep contact with him by phone and packages that I send every month or so. I will continue to learn more and try to educate others especially in our family. I am sure I will be here often.

[Guest S. Chrissie]

Hello Mrs. Cleofet,

Welcome! It's just so great to see you here, trying to understand your grandson. I am always encouraged when I see parents, significant others, grandparents or relatives that joins the forum or chatroom to understand a gender-gifted family member.

Sherlyn

[Guest twinstar4]

Mrs. Cleofet,

What you are going through is so normal. There is a process to acceptance.

Let your grandson lead the way as far as what to call him in front of whom. My daughters MD said the rule of thumb is to use feminine pronouns when she is presenting as female and male when he is presenting as male so as not to unintentionally out her.

With your awareness and sensitivity of what your grandson is going through you will be such a help and comfort not only to him but also to other members of the family as they learn about him. You are setting the best example for them!

It is a hard concept to get your head around, but educating yourself is exactly what you need to do. Your grandson already has your unconditional love and acceptance, what a wonderful thing for him!

There is a parent's forum here at Laura's and also a parent's chat on Thurs. nights at 9 PM eastern time. You might want to check them out because parents don't always go elsewhere on the site.

Twinstar