Hello~! Another Newcomer!

[Guest Trevor-chan]

Hello all~!

I'm Trevor-chan!

Well, that would be my chosen name for my little male/crossdressing/whatever it is that I would be classified as that I am currently ignorant about. I guess that's part of why I'm here, huh?

Well, anyway. Although I do take the name Trevor occasionally, it is not normally what I'm known as. I do have my original female name, but to keep that a secret, let's call meee... Violet. Yeah. Always liked that name, from now on that's my name. Violet.

I am a girl, and you can refer to me as such since that's what I'm used to the most. However, I won't take it any differently if you decide to refer to me as a boy, after all I do play the part sometimes! I just turned fourteen earlier this year. I don't know how young that puts me with any of the other members here yet, hopefully there's some other people that I can relate to in some ways.

Since a few years ago I had started questioning certain aspects of my gender identity. I've always been quite level-headed, and I've never been one of the girl's to go crazy after every boy I see. I don't know. For me, I can't even consider liking a person like that unless I really know them, and as a result I've really had no 'serious' boyfriends. Whatever a 'serious' boyfriend is at age thirteen and fourteen, anyway. XD

I started to develop a crush of sorts on one of my closest friends. I'd never even thought about being gay, being bisexual, being anything but what was considered 'normal' in the group of 12-13 year olds at my school. To everyone, it was kind of like being gay was horrible, and cause for mocking. Like, calling somebody gay is a big insult that's used frequently. I never thought that I would ever even start to lean towards what was such an insult. But I had never felt such a big stereotypical crush, and my friend was most certainly female.

So, I had turned thirteen. And my biggest crush in all my little teeny-bopper years was on a girl. My friend no less. My best friend. The girl that I felt so close with, and now all of the sudden I had such weird thoughts around her. For a while I wanted to tell her, and tried to convince myself that she could feel the same, even though we were so young, and there was really hardly a chance she was having the same complicating feelings I was. Eventually I realized that the best thing to do was to just keep it quiet and let it pass.

And I suppose it did pass, not in the way it was just a phase, but like I had come to terms with the fact that she wouldn't feel like that and revealing it to her could just serve to make the relationship awkward. I've gotten beyond dwelling on what-ifs and all that. I'm really much happier being her friend than messing everything up in an attempt to tell her how I feel.

I confided in another friend, one who is equally close to me. She's quite different and sometimes hard to deal with, but she's very strong-willed which I am often not, and she always helps me get through a lot. I was surprised when she one day brought up a question- if I would ever consider dating a girl if I was asked out by one. I really jumped at an oppurtunity to get some of my feelings out and told her that I would, if I liked the person. She told me she felt the same way, and even though to this day she is absolutely boy crazy, she's understanding of everything I do.

Eventually, though, she told a lot of people she was bisexual, and a lot of people ending up finding out about me like that too. I'm lucky that I didn't have any enemies and was well liked by everybody, otherwise I know it would have been quite a topic.

The friend that I had totally fallen for before (and gotten totally ridiculous over, too! XD) heard as well. She just told me she didn't have a problem and she was just surprised that 'me of all people'. I told her that I was just worried that the girls would get uncomfortable around me- I said that if I didn't stare at every boy like that, I wouldn't just stare at every girl.

Now I'm 14 and still just as confused. A year ago I had desperately tried to label myself, which although is quite constricting sometimes, I think it gives me a little comfort being able to describe myself in a term like that. So, I was 'bisexual', in the way that I didn't really care for either gender more. I always said I 'liked people and not boys or girls'.

Then more and more things began to pile up on the big theoretical heap of teenage angst. I began to think more and more about my gender identity. I felt that I would prefer to be in a relationship with a girl and not a boy. And yet somehow, none of this preferance was sexual. I was and still am not really planning on having sex in the near future- I haven't even had my first kiss yet, I just think that once I let go of firsts like that I will regret it. '

And then, I began to view things differently. I'd always hated my dark eyebrows. How I thought they made me look masculine, when I wanted to be pretty. But then suddenly I liked them. It gave me a character that I could admire, really. I went out to Old Navy and bought some baggier, more masculine clothing- and when I put it on I could see myself as a boy. I looked like a teenage boy of equivalent age- the longish hair that their grandparents hate, and the face of a boy who just hasn't quite hit puberty. It was a personality that for some reason I really wanted to take.

I played it up like a little joke, my family and friends know I'm weird and have weird fashion sense, so when I started to dress like a boy occasionally, they just kind of brushed it off. I suppose that's what I was going for, like a way out instead of really telling anybody that I actually have all these confusing feelings.

My mother was just kind of gently disapproving. She told me over and over that I looked like a girl still, kind of like she was trying to convince herself that I was 'normal'. It was really something when I wore just my jeans and a boy's button up shirt out without anything extra and literally got mistaken for a boy by more than five people. While I was supposed to be buying a dress for my grade 8 grad, they sent me multiple times to the line for suits. After that, I felt so overjoyed, and wished that my I had the courage (not to mention permission! XD) to go through with getting a suit instead. It was just sort of embarrassing when I had to go and assure them I was female, and then they looked at me like I was unfortunate for being able to pass so well. It made me a little sad that they were almost pitying me for what I took so much secret pride in.

I really don't know what I am. Or how to describe myself. I feel like I am female, but like other females. Sometimes I actually wish I was physically a boy, but then I think that if I were a boy I would like boys. Sometimes I just feel like I am a bisexual female who likes to crossdress and enjoys being able to pass as both genders. For the first time ever really, I'm happy with how I look- that I can look like a boy and pass, and at the same time I can be a really cute girl when I want to.

I really want to know what I fall under, and that I'm not too 'weird'. Sometimes I feel like I'm.. I don't know, selfish for not being able to make up my mind if I want to be male or female, or if I like boys or girls.

I'm here to meet other people similar to me, and to get and give support to people who need it!

Stay beautiful!~

~Violet

[Guest Alyssa Leigh]

Hi Violet

Welcome to the playground everyone is so nice here, so make yourself at home and more will be by soon to greet you and some with refreshments. Feel free to look around and ask any questions you have.

Alyssa

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hello, Violet!

Nice to have you here with us!

I'll offer you some coco and I'm not sure if you'd like some pizza or cookies...your choice, I guess!

And don't worry, all of us here have questions and many things on our minds!

You fit right in, Honey!

Take off your shoes and wiggle your toes...I like to see you comfortable....OK?

Just kick back and enjoy!

HUGG...

Donna Jean

[Guest gwenthlian]

welcome to the site violet hope you like it here, pop over to the chat some time, im usually online

[Guest NeverSayNever]

Hey Violet/Trevor

I know how you feel (kind of) although I'm not lucky enough (in my opinion anyway) to look masculine.

I hope you enjoy your stay here, everyone is so friendly and advice (and virtual food ) is always available when you need it.

- James

[Carolyn Marie]

Hi, Violet, and welcome to Laura's.

I have to say, first off, that your post demonstrates remarkable writing skills

for someone your age. I wish some of my staff could write as well, and

most of them are (allegedly) college graduates.

Second, there is no rush to place yourself in any particular category or put a label

on yourself. Just be whoever you are comfortable being and things were sort

themselves out.

There are teen forums that you should check out, as well as the chat rooms.

Make yourself at home. This is a safe place and you are with friends.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Evan_J]

Howdy Trevor/Violet,

You really do fit right in. I love reading your writting too just so you know. You sound/ remind me of Deedoo in your description about being comfortable as one thing then again comfortable as the other. That's probably true of several teens here, thats just one I thought of. Hope you like it here and find your own space.

[Guest NicolaiAE]

Hello Violet/Trevor!

Welcome to the Playground! I know there are a couple kids around your age here (I'm 16, 17 in three months )

At my school being gay (male/male) is like a crime and the word is thrown around like an insult too. I guess I got lucky and stuck with the kids wearing the dark clothes with chains and band tees. They're pretty accepting of all walks of life. You're no where near being weird. The definition is 1.involving or suggesting the supernatural; unearthly or uncanny. 2. fantastic; bizarre.

Okay...well the uncanny and fantastic sound pretty okay, so...if you wanna call your self weird, it would be okay. "I'm weird!" LOL!

Weird is normal but an awesome normal, at least from where I come from. Just relax and be yourself, we're all pretty laid back.

Hope to see you around.

-Nicolai

[EVAN_DESU]

Oh gosh, your story sounds like mine a lot!!!!

xD

I'm your age too.

[Guest Joe Cool]

Hi

Welcome to the Playground! It is a great place to get support, information, and make new friends! Everyone here is super friendly! You can feel comfortable being yourself!

Joe

[Sally]

Well, I see you have met a number of our wonderful members, the teens here always impress me.

Join in and ask any questions that you might have, keeping in mind that we are PG-13.

Remember there is no rush to find where you belong on the gender spectrum (it isn't just one or the other) and the only stupid question is the one unasked.

Welcome to the family.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Jean Davis]

Hi Trevor/Violet

Welcome to the playground, it's so nice to meet you.

Personally I think you're pretty normal(remember every one is weird to someone) just a little confused.

Feel free to post your questions anytime and we'll answer them the best we can

Ohh yea remember to read the articles and past forum topics(alot of your answers can be found there)

Anyway hope you like it here with us

Look forward to hearing from you.

Jean Davis

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Welcome Trev... Violet

Welcome hon to the forums. You will learn so much about yourself here hon. So read the forums, read the toipics, post to what moves you. You will see we are all here for each other.

HUGS to you

Brenda

[Guest Selkia]

.__. Oh why must there always be food on these introducions D: YOU GUYS ARE GONNA MAKE ME FAT x3!...

but...the coco is soo good...*starts drinking coco* O__O PIZZA! COOKIES! *eats a piece of pizza with cookies on it*

^__^ *says in between bites* HELLO THERE!...Welcome to....Laura's.....Play...ground

My...name is....Sel...and it's...a pleasure to....meet you...

[Guest Trevor-chan]

Woah, thanks a lot for the welcomes!

It makes this place seem all the more... well, welcoming!

I can tell it's a pretty awesome site with a whole bunch of pretty awesome members, I hope to enjoy myself here! ^^

And thanks for the compliments on the writing! I really like to write, but I've never seen myself as one with much skills in it, so to hear that really makes my day! Thanks a ton!

~TreVee

(Which is how I'll probably sign from now on, I suppose it's confusing when I won't supply a name I prefer over the other! XD)