I Can't Figure Out What To Do!

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

Gah, I'm getting pretty antsy now! I told my parents I'm somehow TG in November, and I've been seeing a therapist since January. He's still trying to figure me out! He hasn't given me any advice yet; I'm just helping him figure me out for now. He says he'll help once he understands what's going on!

I don't fit right in with any of the more-specific TG labels, and I'm okay with that. But the problem is not knowing what to do about it. I've tried dressing up like a girl in private. I'm not comfortable like that. I just feel really out of place when I try.

Whatever's going on has mostly to do with wanting a female body, so shaving my legs was nice. But I'm 17, and my parents seem disgusted that I did/do that. So how am I supposed to go further: a feminine haircut, feminine eyebrows, ear-piercing? I want to do all those things, but I don't drive and I don't go behind my parents' backs.

Being androgenous sounds... comfortable. I could continue being a boy to my terrified family, and I could be a girl once I find it more comfortable. Being a girl sounds exciting, both sexually and not, but without girly clothes and makeup (both things I don't want) I can't just hop over immediately, like, "I'm a girl now!"

I dunno. I just feel like I have to do SOMETHING and I've run out of new things to try. I'm not asking for advice; I just like to write and be understood. The logical part of me says to just bite the bullet and wait for more clarity, but that doesn't change me wanting to explode!

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Don't let your feelings scare you. You are in therapy - but is that person trained in gender dysphoria? It doesn't sound like it. Ask if they can consult with a gender specialist.

And waiting? Yes that's best. Exploding? Not so good, I mean who is going to clean up all that goop!

Seriously, yes we understand. You want relief, resolution, guidance. That's what a gender trained therapist does, gives you options, and legitimizes what is going on.

DON'T dress if it makes you uncomfortabel - that's not really what it is all about anyway. And possibly being the other gender can cause erotic thoughts - so it gets confusing sometimes. It's best to just consider that you have some sort of unspecified gender identity conditions right now.

SO - if your urge toward not being gender specific is strong, and you want to be a little of both sexes, check out the scene at school. Most schools have metrosex and othe gender neutral ways going on with some of the people. You can do something very simple to express yourself, some things your parents will tolerate. And as you get older, your heart will tell you what you are. And whatever that is, it's just fine. Be yourself and enjoy your life.

You have a lot of life ahead of you.

I hope this helps.

Lizzy

[Carolyn Marie]

Jo, I can't really add anything to what Lizzy has already told you.

Therapy does take time, and I know from personal experience how frustrating

it is when you want all the answers RIGHT NOW. As Lizzy said, make sure you

have the right kind of therapist, and if he/she is, then its best to be patient and let

the answers come in their own time.

You're very young, and you have all the time in the world to make sure you make the

right decision. Give it time, keep asking questions here, either in the forums or in

chat, and be guided by your therapist.

Best of luck to you.

Carolyn Marie

[Sally]

Jo,

Please don't explode.

It does take time to truly decide on your place in the gender spectrum, it would be so much easier if we all followed the 'rules' and then they could check things off of a list, Wears girl's clothing, no cheek, shaves legs, check - ah ha - you are - and a score would tell you.

Nothing is ever that easy and you will find your place before too long, just continue to talk with your therapist and be honest about all of your feelings - he seems to be reall interested in helping you but it takes a whi;e for some of us - others walk into the office and are hit with - "How did you ever pass as male?"

So keep working with your therapist and things will work out.

Love ya,

Sally