Thanks you for posting.  Is Eli your chosen name?  I'm not surprised that you have heard the complaints of MTF folks and their struggles.  We all see our own struggles as being the worst.  That being said i've known quite few trans men who have gone through a great struggle.  While our social difficulties are real i have found finding peace with myself has been every bit as hard if not harder in the long run.  That has little or nothing to do with passing.       I definitely am privileged as an educated white person in an accepting area.  I have to accept that as well.       As to HRT, the time will come if that is the path you change.  Facial hair, as well as body hair, a deep voice and slight but powerful physical changes will eventually allow you to pass.  As i waited to start hormones i found it was a time when i could start the long path towards self acceptance.  I will never be a cis woman and finding peace with that can still be a challenge for any trans person.   Hugs,   Charlize  

Surprise of the day - syncronicity - nice find of a band I'd never heard of ...    

Feeling happy, blessed and content today.

Are you able to live in the moment or does your inner demon generally control you?

Still have anxious moments meeting some.

Emotional trauma, also known as psychological trauma, is an emotional response to a distressing event that's outside the normal range of human experiences. It can be caused by a single event or a series of events that make someone feel unsafe or helpless, and can have a mental impact that's just as harmful as physical injuries.

Good morning   We are going to be attending a different congregation today.  I particularly wanted to meet Cee Cee Armstrong, our minister’s co-moderator partner.  Her church is about 2 hours away.  So we will be leaving in about 30 minutes.  She knows we are coming.   going along with what was written yesterday goes the question “Am I trans enough?”  And all I can say to those who ask that question is that there is no defined answer as to what is enough, just as there is no answer to what is too much.  We are all different.  We are all marching down this road together.

This is an awesome and needed idea. Thank you @Vidanjali.   I know a young MTF who graduated from college and her parents disowned her and told her not to come home ON THE DAY OF GRADUATION. I reqwuest prayers for her to find comfort, housing and joy.

TW: Violent hate crime   Hi Been... a good long while since I've popped up here. Made some friends. All trans girls. They're lovely and supportive. But one of them... a couple times now, she's made comments dismissing pains of being FtM (such as binder pain) with a response of something along the lines of "well, we (trans woman) get murdered." She gave a lengthy, heartfelt, absolutely wonderful apology for it that I appreciated so damn much. But, -expletive-, man, something about those comments stuck with me I guess? I'm not hurt by what she said anymore because she apologized sincerely and explained she never meant any harm and I wholeheartedly accept her apology.  But something about that... has just been weighing on me. I think it may just be the guilt of privilege? But, a little deeper than that, wanting to be seen for my struggles, too. Trans women get so much coverage and visibility compared to trans men (which this friend has also contested in the past...?) and I think a part of me is just... I don't know, I feel awful because it feels insensitive to imply that "oh, I've got it harder, don't you see?" but I think I just want to be recognized for the fact that I'm SO -censored- scared of being hatecrimed. I don't pass- she does! And yet she talks about how her group gets violently hatecrimed more often and I'm just like... I don't know. She's white, too, as am I, both middle class Californians as well, neither of us are extremely at risk here. I don't even know what I'm feeling here. I just want to vent, I want some advice, I want someone to tell me how to feel. Is it true that trans man rarely ever get hatecrimed? That doesn't feel real.    I don't know if this is something similar to white guilt, just guilt for having privilege, or if this has a deeper root, I'm just so... torn up, for no reason, about these things that she's said.    Part of it could be that she, and my two other friends, are all on HRT, while I've been stuck in a household that won't allow any medical transition till I'm 18 for 3 years and another one to wait. And that I can't talk about that. Because I feel like I'll bring down the mood. And that my dysphoria hasn't gotten easier, I'm still as -toasted- up as ever over it, but I feel the need to sit in silence instead and on top of that have to constantly hear my friends talk about small annoyances regarding HRT that I would KILL TO HAVE.    Now I'm just ranting. I think there's a lot of mixed up feelings here. Let me know if anyone relates to the guilt thing, though. Would appreciate it. Thanks y'all. Sorry for disappearing. Glad to be back. 

I know it's frustrating to hear, but you have to be patient. 5 weeks is nothing. It can take years to grow facial hair. Even then, you may be unlucky and not get much. Everyone's body reacts differently to T. You just have to be patient and let T do it's thing.

I've been on T for 6yrs now, my levels are good. But I still don't pass very well, I look very feminine. I have top surgery already.   I can't tell if it's bad luck/genetics or if there is some reason why T might not "work" on me. The only thing it has done well is lower my voice. Everything else, not so much. I have a bit more muscle, and a tiny bit of chin scruff. That's it.   Is there any medical reason why T might not have much of an effect? I asked my PA and they didn't know.

Happy Pride!   Tracy

Thank you for the welcome. :)   As an adult I don't actually get much (if any) hate directed at me. As a kid/teen I got discriminated against and ostracized. And online is crazy with hatred. But in real life I just keep to myself and that tends to make others not bother you. I think I get a double take from someone every so often, but I don't get stared at or anything. I do get called ma'am sometimes which sucks and is embarrassing.    I like the positive self-talk, saying that you are trans, you shouldn't have the same "expectations" as if you were cis. Some trans people are lucky, some of us are not. I'm not. The only thing I got lucky with is my voice. Everything else, nope.   I will try and remind myself that I'm just trying to live my life, I didn't choose to be born this way, I don't need to be embarrassed of myself in every situation.

A wonderful proclamation that is going to have fur and feathers flying in many locations.  It actually saddens me that we are such a divisive wedge in peoples political leanings and this proclamation will drive that wedge deeper until we can heal those divisions.

All of this is very validating for me to read, as the issues you have faced are all too familiar to me. The compartmentalization of friends, the double life, the not being considered “trans enough” by the trans community…all have been my experience too. I think that’s amazing you did a workshop on part-time trans living…I would have loved to have attended that!    It does hurt when people, especially full-time trans individuals, and even medical professionals, look down on part-time transgender presentation as not being legitimate. I don’t like being lumped into the cross dresser community even if being bigender more resembles cross dressing, not because I have anything against crossdressers personally, but because for me, I don’t relate to a lot of what I’ve seen in the cross dresser community. If I had felt adequately supported in being able to transition full-time 25 years ago, I likely would have. And even if I had, you still would have never caught me wearing heels and rarely would I wear a dress.   For me, how I live is a compromise and an adaptation of having a feminine spirit in a body with male anatomy and not wanting to take surgical risks, plus not wanting to deny my past history of living male-ish and not feeling comfortable presenting particularly androgynously either. I suppose it is possible that at some point I may change my mind and actually transition…apparently that does happen a lot. Maybe I’m unusually stubborn to have stayed part-time this long. Ultimately for any of us who are not cisgender, any presentation is some kind of compromise and there is always going to be someone who doesn’t “approve.”   Ultimately so many factors go into how ANYONE presents themselves publicly, from their past experiences and their comfort level wearing particular clothes and hair styles, I really think no one is in a position to condemn others. It’s just another version of the same old story of people not accepting others with characteristics different than their own. 

i should clarify my E levels are on the high end of normal range for males... and T is low for males...