Welcome to Trans Pulse, Andi.  It's nice to meet you.  What you experienced is similar to what many here went through in their early years, so you are among friends who understand you and will empathize.  I also had a family for years before coming out to them, and greatly feared losing them.  But it worked out for me and we're doing fine.  I hope the same happens to you.   Please post in any of the forums and topics that interest you.  This is a safe place, and I think you'll like it here.  Let us know how we can help and support you.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie

Yeah, context is the key to the answer to your question, @BellaDon.  In my first year after coming out at work there was a colleague who just couldn't get it right, and misgendered (actually called me by my dead name) all the time.  But he always apologized and I could tell he was sincere and embarrassed by his mistakes.  So I never got mad at him.   But VickySGV is right; if it's done deliberately to provoke or demean, then I think it's a form of emotional violence and needs to be called out.   Carolyn Marie

This is one of those places where a victim of misgendering can have the final word as to how it felt to them, and some do feel that way.  It may be only emotional violence, depending how or why it was done to one.  Little screw-ups and then apologies when they happen to me are annoying but not violent.  On the other hand there are those who do it deliberately with the idea of hurting me in the moment which would be violence, it is that way when it it done to egg on a group who want to do physical violence and get them to act.

I'm a fan of Berkshire also.  They are very good quality for the price.  Out in public I really don't really wear hose much, if ever, anymore ... but when I was just dressing in private hosier made me feel very feminine.

Me too!  I'm a Late Arrival but I am happy to be visible and represent Our Generation of Our Community!

Awesome!  I hope they make an example of this <water balloon>-bag.  (no offense to actual <water balloon>-bags)

I’ve heard about this recently and was wondering if it’s true. Does anyone have any thoughts?

Hi Paula - I too felt for years that being Out/dressed socially was a faraway unachievable dream.  Then it finally came to pass and now I am Out full-time.   This Forum and all the shared experiences of that process were VERY helpful.  And while I had many of the same fears as you do, I found most of them were just MY fears and not often reality. Did I get strange looks, or mis-gendered?  Yes. But it wasn't the end of the world and I got to the point that not only did I not care ... but it helped me learn how to improve my appearance and to be able to pass with greater confidence.  And that is the secret ... CONFIDENCE   When you're ready, I am sure you will find the same.  

I had a similar experience.  I was not able to present publicly because of my spouse's 'rules' I had to follow to keep peace in the house. But my therapist told me her office and my sessions were for me to be comfortable as myself and I should dress as I wanted.  So, I always scheduled my appointments when my wife was working and I would leave the house and go to therapy as myself ... as Kay. It was a little bit anxiety inducing the first couple of times (mostly the 'walk' from parking to her office) but it soon became the most rewarding experience that I could look forward to, and also it allowed me to 'open up' more during therapy session.    Now I am Out socially full time I do appreciate the opportunity to get some experience in living and presenting as my True Self before that.  I hope you can find the same situation when you feel ready.

I'm sad that I'm not alone on this. Thank you for sharing. Do you have any tips on not letting misgendering get to you? I have never been able to get over it, I remember many specific instances where I have been misgendered and can't get over them, even when it was years ago. And I just hate my appearance because I'm not masculine enough, I don't think I can accept how I look when I know I don't pass well.

Welcome Kayla Rose @Kyleorkayla28! We are ALL on different journeys with different destinations, but everybody here has the same goal ... To be our True Authentic Self. So I think you found a great landing spot and hope to hear more from you.   Deep breaths ... One step at a time

This is a great topic and the sharing of concerns, confidence, victory and being 'clocked' are oh so familiar but also helpful. I did find recently that as the weather warmed up, and I started wearing shorter mid-length skirts (and skorts) that I have rarely been mis-gendered and most people's initial response to me is as a woman.  And I have great legs!!   Occasionally there may be some 'tells'  (mostly voice) my style of dress and the greater confidence I carry in public really seems to make a difference.

Hi @Kay3Seven!  From a Kay-to-Kay Welcome!, and I am so happy you found us. The story of your childhood is very painful and heartbreaking, but it also follows a familiar path of how many of us come to our Self-Realization and Self-Affirmation. You are truly fortunate to have a loving and supportive spouse.  It makes a huge difference. As you can see you already have the understanding and support of the Members here in this wonderful Forum.  I am sure (as I did) that you will find this a great place to connect with Community. Congratulations on all the progress you have made to this point.  Everybody here has a different goal and path to follow, and everything you seek will come in good time as it is meant.  Again, Welcome ... Deep breaths ... One step at a time  

My name is Andi. I go by she/her/hers. You have no idea how good it feels to actually say it out loud while I type it. I was born in Oklahoma out in the country. Population 2500 or so in the town. So everyone knows everyone. Without going into detail, I had childhood trauma from age 4 into age 6. From age 6, I started to identify as a girl. I come from a family of 4 boys (my brothers don’t speak to me anymore), with me being the oldest. So as I got older, I quickly realized that I needed to learn to not only hide how I felt, but also needed to start acting more like a boy. It was and still is real “taboo” where I’m from and I saw first hand the absolute terrible way people were being treated and talked about. So, I became a chameleon. I wish I would have known how lonely it was going to be.    I’ve been in and out of therapy for years now. I've never had an issue with accepting how I felt or who I am at my core. I know who I am. I even tried to transition at 20 ….however , I had many….many different people/therapists tell me different things. From “it’s in your head from the trauma” to “ you have BPD”. Etc.  I “conformed” out of complete fear. I still live in that fear now, but for different reasons. Now I’m 41. I have 3 wonderful daughters and a loving wife. I hate that I’m saying this but I’m so glad I didn’t have a boy. I have so much resentment against men and it has caused a lot of internal issues. I have two male friends and go out of my way to only talk to them on the phone. My wife knows about my ptsd from the childhood trauma, but nothing else. I feel very selfish hiding this part of me from everyone, especially her, but it has been so long I don’t really know any other way.    The one thing that helped me stay grounded is martial arts. I could escape and still do. So much so I became a martial arts instructor as a full time job. Mostly adults but I was a kids instructor for a decade as well. I stopped teaching kids around 38 though. I wanted to focus on helping women with self defense.    Please don’t misunderstand. I’m very happy and grateful for my family. I’ve just gotten so so so tired of being “ the chameleon”. It feels like I’ve been so unfair to the people I love.  Now the fear is that everyone will leave me.    If you made it this far. Thank you. I’ve never written any of this out but for in a journal from time to time. I’m really hoping to connect with a friend. But if I don’t im very glad I found this forum.    thank you for your time. 🙏  -Andi             

It has been with my boyfriend ever since we met.He has said that I am seen as a woman to me.Plus said he said I have changed his life around since we met,I saw he is good person and still is.Plus a new chapter for him,his love of pre op transsexual women like me

Although I've been attending Gay Pride events in SE Michigan for decades, I've never dressed up for any. This evening I presented with the whole package: shoes, breast forms, makeup, wig. It was a well attended festival, and I had to park some distance from the venue, requiring me to walk through a typical middle-class neighborhood. People were out in their yards, and some even waved as I strolled past. It was a very positive experience, and I feel encouraged to get out more in clothes that make me feel good. However, I sweated up my outfit, and will have to go to the Motor City events in more traditional clothes tomorrow and Sunday.

Good morning campers   having my first cup of Italian roast ot of my Donald Duck mug..   All good things must come to an end and I am up early to take  Ian and Lehiwa to the airport. We had a great visit with them and I’m sorry to see them go.  But go they must.   i dreamt we were flying a helecopter.  No it didn’t make any sense. It was owned by Ian who had been teaching my wife to fly it but she gave me the controls.  Seems I’m to old to teach by FAA Rules    Well, I’m back from the airport and showered and ready for work.  Now I’m on my normal routine.     wife and dog went back to bed.

Have one up in a local city tomorrow, another one Sunday (I probably won't make).  One next week at Walt Disney Studios and a couple more local parties.  All with Trans Chorus of Los Angeles.  My good video camera is loaded and ready.

Volunteered again for the one in my town, went to "Jersey Pride" as a civilian, off to another one tomorrow, then will consider other ones if schedule allows. 

Nonexistent, poor uptake of medications is a thing . I uptake all drugs poorly, including hormones, to the point where local anaesthetics do little for me so I don't bother with them for dental procedures. I really didn't benefit so well from HRT, my saving grace was that I had low T all my life (I'm MTF). I attend a gym with others my age, and my weights are higher than all the men there. Age, physiology, genetics, and the skill of your doctor are all factors in hormonal transition, and many of us do not do well.  I tried different HRT methods with little effect, so there isn't a lot more I can do. I live reasonable comfortably in my identified gender, but do get misgendered often. I have learned to ignore misgendering as letting it upset me only hurts me. I don't self identify as male or female, I'm just me. It's not my ideal life, but I can function, my immediate problems are cardiac disease, skin cancers, kidney disease, joint damage and arthritis, the getting older issues! Not long ago i had a couple of cardiac arrests, and it helped put things in perspective for me.    I hope you can find ways to cope.   hugs,   Allie