thank you !! 😊   thank you girly! I was at Walmart today and my head shifted towards the women’s clothing while carting (not Mario Karting - just to be clear) by it. I felt all kinds of euphoria.    See, I would buy online but I don’t really know my size(s) off the bat yet or what fits me, but I want to start presenting as feminine at home and socially asap. Going out in androgynous clothing even though it’s mostly lulu is causing gender dysphoric symptoms to flare a bit. Once I figure out my size(s) I do plan to shop online, SHEIN being one of those places as my wife is also addicted.    I heard jersey and I assume you’re a sports fan!! But, I can SO imagine your walk-in closet 😍😍😍

I think trans women have more visibility simply because there are more of them.  Note the numbers on this forum...way more folks are MtF than FtM, it seems, and the FtM subforum is less busy than other areas.  I have some guesses about why that might be in society, but its not very relevant.  Being a minority of a minority of a minority is just part of our experience.  Not good or bad, it just is.    But yeah, you don't have to be MtF to experience crime.  I was assaulted and injured back in 2022.  My attacker didn't know about me being FtM/intersex, but clearly identified me as being under the LGBTQ+ umbrella.  It was reason enough, I guess.  Since then, it is really rare for me to leave home by myself for any reason.  Not that my problems are any worse than anybody else's.... quite the contrary, as I suspect I probably have it easier due to my family situation.  Just a personal example that crap happens and none of us are totally shielded. 

Rule # 4 of the community rules  4    Be supportive of all members. Implying that a particular member's problems are less pressing or valid than those of others is not allowed. Likewise, invalidating the experiences of another member or suggesting they're overreacting to their situation or faking a crisis is forbidden. If you feel unable to respond supportively to what a member is discussing, choose instead not to respond at all.

That's interesting, I didn't know that.   I do need to work on this with my therapist. I have so much self-hatred/embarrassment, and a lot of it relates to being trans. Thanks.

I love shopping for girl clothes as well, I usually stick to online shopping though. My latest purchase were some pink thongs. Whilst taking some suggestions from this post I have found thongs that are quite feminine but have a bit of a pouch to hold it all. They are really comfy ;-)

It's generally not helpful or kind to respond to anyone's sharing of their struggles but replying, "You think that's bad? Look at my problems." There is some value to taking a "it could be worse" point of view. But not when it's explicitly invalidating someone's particular struggle, and worse, a struggle which they made themself vulnerable to share. It is beneficial to consider one's blessings and practice gratitude. But that's not inherently the spirit of such one-up-personship (gender-neutral version of one-upmanship lol).   I'm glad your friend apologized and that you've forgiven her. But evidently you're haunted by the impression left on your mind. Each of us deserves compassion and understanding. We deserve safety.    The fact that this is troubling you so much reveals you are a compassionate and thoughtful person. Don't direct that against yourself, though, because doing so is not kind to yourself. If something like that happens again, I would suggest taking a deep breath and then telling the friend that you hear them and acknowledge their struggle. That you don't rank your and their struggles because they are real and present to each of you. Then try to direct the conversation to learning about each other's perspectives and how you can better support each other. Meanwhile, as you're clearly curious, engage in some reading to learn more about how to be an ally to trans women and people of color. That's a productive thing you can do.   I would also suggest for your consideration that this may have triggered some internalized transman phobia based on the fact that you're conflicted about the validity of your own struggles as a trans man. That can be difficult to detect when it rears its ugly head, so just think about it - it's possible it may help to make some sense of how you're feeling. In light of that, I'll repeat. Your struggles are no less significant than someone else's because you are the subject of that experience. One must take responsibility for their own emotions and reactions - you're ultimately the one who navigate you through this life, from a practical point of view. Therefore, don't indulge unduly in despair but try to focus on personal progress. And what aids that is service to others too by the practice of compassion, charity, and mercy. So, that practice requires balance - don't leave yourself out of it.

Also, I'd heard of Judith Butler, I think referenced in other works I'd read, and was intrigued to read them, but hadn't gotten around to it yet. So this was a very good primer especially given all the historical references, robust defining of terminology, and contemporary contextualization.

Excellent video. It may be lengthy, it's so compelling, enlightening and entertaining. All her videos I've seen are great, but this one is especially riveting.   I was thinking I wanted to share it with my husband who's recently expressed a renewed interest in reading and learning more about philosophy and social justice. And then at the end come to find out Abigail is an actor on the video game, Baldur's Gate 3 which my husband is super into. So when I told him he's now very interested to watch.    I'd love to share this with one "friend" who freaked me out several months ago by "coming out" rather guns blazing as a TERF. But I still haven't had the opportunity to speak with her about it (mostly she's been busy or withdrawn, and partly I'm not inclined to seek her out). Perhaps whenever we do reconnect I can challenge her to watch and she if she's willing and able to identify and break out of her own phantasm.   Thanks for sharing, @Ivy.

Congratulations and have fun! I love clothes shopping. Although I don't really buy in person unless it's at a thrift store. It's mostly online. I love SHEIN! Affordable and good quality. I have a walk-in-closet full of clothes. I remember when I completely got rid of all my male clothes. I have some androgenous shirts and a jersey and that is it. 

Congrats, Mikayla. 

I’m so excited to go shopping soon and buy panties, bras and just girl clothing in general. It’s going to be an expensive trip because I’ll probably end up buying all of Lululemon 🙈🙊🙉

Heck I love wearing thongs! I have no problem wearing them at all. 

It has been good so far.I went to church this morning,one my boyfriend is a member of.I am the first open transgender member member there.Have been accepted in since I became a member.A young man wanted a picture of us taken together and his mom took it.He is about 15 or 16 years old and I am the first transgender person he has met

I live in a rural area, and we actually do have Democrats here. I also see the division being pushed by the "right' as well as the "left."  It seems so stupid. I'm going to shut up now.  Have a great pride month, Y'all.

I do think trans women have more visibility, and perhaps more resistance due to the ingrained misogyny in our culture - as Carolyn Marie has said.  Having said that, I have gotten to know a trans man in the past year, and his struggles have been real as well - including feeling threatened in situations. As for passing, testosterone is pretty effective.  The voice changes and facial hair do make it easier to pass for many.  Not many people will question a man with a beard's gender*.  Once you are able to get the HRT I think you will be pleased with the results.  Hang in there.   *I let my beard grow out for years to "prove" to myself and others that I was a "man" but it didn't really work very well, did it.

Well…  I hope everything goes well.  I guess she's familiar with the process by now.

Being a drag performer is THAT lucrative a job opportunity? In Idaho?  $926k is equivalent to 18 years' pay for an average worker in that state.   I understand that attorney fees can run pretty high, though.  

@NoEli6, I completely understand where you're coming from, and I sympathize with you.  Yes, I believe it is true that trans men get shortchanged when it comes to recognition of your numbers in the world, the attention paid by the MSM, as well as the trans community and academia.  I also think that is changing, based on the number of articles I see in my news feed.  There are also many more articles on research papers concerning HRT and other issues facing trans men.   So it is understandable that many in our community downplay the struggles trans men go through.  I do think that trans women face a more dangerous world than trans men, and for the same reasons that cis women face more dangers than cis men.  All one needs to do is look at the statistics on the murder and assaults of trans women.  That said, trans men do also face dangers out there in the world, and I don't discount that at all.  There was a much loved trans man on this site years ago whose own father shot him when he was about your age.  So yeah, I do understand your fears.  They are real and justified.   As @Charlizesaid, your time will come and things will get better for you.  We see you, we cherish you, and we respect your feelings.  You are welcome here.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie

I asked myself this very thing many times through the years.  Ultimately, I realized these feelings were being heavily influenced by the concept of gender needing to be singular.  I guess the strong influence makes sense, since it has been so ingrained into our society.  I found the will to reject the concept, though, because it wasn't right for me.  Doing so, allowed me to be at peace with my bi-gender nature.     

@KathyLauren This is how the jurors broke down the award:     Being labeled as a molester and sexual pervert can and has done that much actual damage in terms of repair of the damage through a wide variety of means including legal fees and loss of livelihood in any job or profession.  As this said the idea of "reckless disregard for the truth" means that the performer was able to show a level of damage that will affect him now and in the future.  The $900K+ figure was a matter of real evidence of the damage.