Sally, This is a very nicely written post with some very helpful information. Everything you bring up on changing one’s physical presentation from masculine to feminine, point to the attributes I and so many others contend with even after years of HRT. It’s daunting just how much of yourself has to be re-developed and re-defined just to blend as a female in our society, especially when you’re older. It can take years to identify all the attributes and begin to remold yourself. For me, it will always be a work in progress. There’s always something else in my presentation to focus on and improve. Your “Post 16” does a great job in laying out those attributes for a realistic female presentation for those of us who want to blend.   Nicely Done, Susan R🌷

Don’t feel bad. What you want to do is one of the hardest fears to overcome. After 20 years of marriage to my wife, I came to this same point. I had the perfect timing and plan to come out and I let it get away. I struggled with deep depression and anxiety as I began my medical transition (HRT) behind her back. I also grew out my hair and nails, shaved my body and face constantly, and began dressing in a more androgynous presentation. There were waves of bitter sweet happiness as I was becoming someone I now needed to hide from my wife. Regardless of all of that, I continued to put it off for another 2.5 months. That was when I finally broke down after she sat down next to me and begged me to tell her what was wrong. Today, I still feel bad about not coming out to her before I made the decision to transition and start hormones. I should have gone with ‘Plan A’ but that deep fear kept me boxed up. Opening up to her, changed everything for me and in a good way. Everyone has to weigh the pros and cons of doing so but sometimes (as in my case) the choice is made for us.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷

Note that this is the Country of Georgia and not the U.S. State.  Took me a second look there to be sure. 

https://www.politico.eu/article/georgia-ruling-party-introduces-russian-style-crackdown-lgbtq-rights/   Not surprised by this.  Georgia, like many Eastern European autocratic countries, is going this route.  It's very easy to target us for scapegoating when the economy is bad and the populace is getting restless.  We will see more of this in the next couple of years, IMO.   Carolyn Marie

This is funny because I found that I much prefer the term water balloon bag rather than the original word I used that was auto-corrected.  OK!  New word for my thesaurus

There in no single key rule for that. It is going to be the connection you make with any lesbian, gay or cis het person. One size fits all is just not there, especially if you are non-op on the bottom and maybe not even then.  There may be a Lesbian out there who will want a romantic relation with you, but it will be after establishing a long term friendly relation with the person. My Lesbian friends and I have good social times, but even among themselves romantic relations are not the stuff that gets written in adult magazines.   Just a reminder, this is not a dating site, and we do have teenage members who rely on us for safety so how to catch a lesbian lover is not totally appropriate for discussion here.  

Next Saturday is pride in the park. I just may go. Hey I'm a transwoman.   Kymmie

This is so great to hear. 🥰 How is it going now if you don’t mind me asking?     

Looks like Buchanan modern

Hey everyone, I have been struggling to make cis lesbians comfortable being my romantic partner. Does anyone have any suggestions? Responses to accusations of transphobia and bigotry aren’t what I’d hoped for.

Thank you.  This will be a big step when it happens.  It reminds me of the first time (and only) time I went out en femme with a friend to an LGBT club in another city.  We spent the evening getting ready and I was as nervous as could be.  Until the moment when the nervousness just....stopped,  and I said "it's now or never". I touched up my lipstick, grabbed my purse, and away we went. I had an amazing night.   This time it'll be in my own town in broad daylight, so there's a couple of more factors than before, but I hope I can pull it off again.

Dreamwalker, I dropped hints for years, grew my hair out, trimmed eyebrows, long nails, but everyone I came out to was shocked. They all subconsciously knew, and after absorbing what I told them they said it made sense, but changing sex to most people is just not something they would think about. When my wife told me she wanted commitment from me, I made sure she understood I was transgender, and thought bumpy, 4 months later we married.    She supported my need to be me at home for our 20 year marriage, but she was terrified someone might find out. When my dysphoria made me very sick, she supported my starting HRT, and 2 years later, supported me through GRS, but when I was a month post op, she announced she was leaving. That was 3 years ago, and though we live apart, we talk almost every day, and are BFF's.    I feared I would lose her, then felt we would stay together, then she left, and now we are close friends. The point is, we just don't know how these things will work out. All we can do is be as honest as we can. Marriage is a partnership, and things like Gender Incongruence and transitioning need to be discussed and decided by both of you if you hope to retain the partnership. It can be a rollercoaster, but for some, it works out. Give it your best shot, and then you won't have regrets into the future. I so hope you can get through this, and when you do, please post so others can be encouraged.   Hugs,   Allie  

Went over that guy's house and bought that Mac tool cart this morning.His price was right and nothing wrong with it

Hi   so who can identify this plaid?  Perhaps, one of our Scottish friends?  Yes, I know, or at least I know what I was told.

I agree with Carolyn Marie. Further, I'll emphasize that as your wife's already noticed and commented, any effort on your part to reassure her that "everything's fine" actually adds more to her stress than coming out ultimately would because it's clear she knows everything is not fine and therefore invalidating her perceptions is not the kind thing to do. Be kind to both of you - take the chance to live your life together free of suppression, anxiety, suspicion, and worry. I'll also note that initial reactions, whatever they may be, are not necessarily indicative of how your spouse will always feel. We have heard many testimonies, from myself included, of severe negative initial responses which eventually smoothed out in time given the opportunity to have ongoing conversations and emotional processing. Good luck & best wishes.

Welcome Andi 

This is a hard place to be.

If you click on the OP's name, you can find all of their past posts and see if they've posted recently.  That's the only easy way to find out.  We don't have a listing of people who have left or just stopped being active.   Carolyn Marie

Post 16 My Transformation (Part 1)   I never believed what Lou Reed said when he sung: “…plucked her eyebrows on the way, shaved her legs and the he was a she.”  If only transformation from man to woman could be so easy.  My transformation involves so much more.  For me to feel comfortable in my feminine persona, I want to ensure my appearance is as feminine as possible, so my physical transformation is usually an arduous process.       Makeup is critical for me because it helps to camouflage my masculine facial features.  It’s amazing how much my face transforms when I contour and add color. Hair is important too because the right style can really feminize a face.  I found a wig many years ago that I thought was the perfect style for my face.  I bought five of them, all in different shades.   I have learned how powerful wardrobe can be to my transformation, but the challenge is finding women’s clothing that looks good on me.  This isn’t an easy task because women’s clothes aren’t cut to accommodate my male body shape.  My solution is to alter the shape of my body with padding and foundation garments.  Cinching my waist, and adding hip and butt pads give me an hourglass figure that makes my body more compatible with curvy women’s clothing.    Dealing with my male shoulders is a different kind of challenge.  It’s impossible to alter my skeletal structure, so the best I can hope for is to draw attention away from the shoulders.  The tactic I use for this is to wear tops and dresses with a v-cut or low neckline.  This may seem counterintuitive but low-cut tops draw attention away from the shoulders focusing it on the center of the chest.  Having curvy hips and a shapely bottom also help to minimize the look of broad shoulders.   Footwear is an important component of my transformation, and since I adore high-heels, my shoes tend to overtly feminine to start with.  Lately, my go to shoes are booties.  I have numerous pairs that range from casual to dressy (all with higher heels, of course), so I can wear booties with just about anything.  I’ve worn booties with jeans, skirts, and even dresses, and they look great with each.   I put a lot of effort into my transformation to ensure I appear as feminine as I possibly can.  Since I am not doing HRT and I haven’t had any physical feminization procedures much of my effort is to camouflage those physical male characteristics that would otherwise undermine my feminine presentation.  Given what I have to work with, I think I do a pretty good job getting the look right, but this only the first half of my transformation.  The second half is mastering feminine movement and mannerisms, which is even more challenging.   I’ll save that discussion for the next post.   Hugs,   Sally

I can relate to this. As being a cate giver for my wife foe many years. He sickness has gotten worse and I an still processing all that I have relizabout my self. I so want to be out and be my true self. But I can't bear to break her heart after 20 years. I guess fear is a big part of the whole equation