It’s funny how we can sort something “just isn’t right” in our dreams, where our consciousness pushes through the unconscious projections.   Thank you for sharing!

For years I felt it was only a dream too. For me it took living alone in a queer-friendly area (inner Sydney) far from my old friends and family. (Actually there was one old friend nearby, but he is queer and I confided in him.) I finally snapped on the night of Mardi Gras and just went out, and had one of the best nights of my life. Every single person I met was supportive. 

I forgot to mention the bit about gender in dreams. I dream as both man and woman. That said, if I dream myself as a man I generally realise something strange is going on and start to morph between genders, but if I dream as a woman I feel whole and do not question it.    Early in my transition I dreamt I was involved with a man who I realised was keeping his former girlfriend hostage. I helped the woman escape and we ran to the beach, where the man caught up and tried to drive us into the waves. There was something so powerful about this dream, not least that it was maybe the first dream I’d ever had in which I was unquestionably a woman.   Most confusing for me is that I dream in two sexualities, my former hetero-man self and my current hetero-woman self. But then my sexuality is the most confusing part of my life in general.

I am linking a post I made many years ago, that has some good mileage to it, but which will give you a hint of a direction to take on just getting out in public:    https://www.transgenderpulse.com/forums/index.php?/topic/43991-public-vs-picture/page/2/#comment-838489   Please consider what it says, because the longer I have been out, the more truth I see in it.

Welcome to TransPulseForums Alisa   I hope you find as much help as friendship as I have here. You’re in a safe space to be yourself.    Best wishes,    Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

Welcome to the forums, Alisa!! You'll find that each of us is unique yet we still have many commonalities. The forums are full of great links, ideas and advice and you won't find a more supportive, nicer group of people anywhere else.    Jump in where you feel comfortable!! We're glad you found us.

Makes sense; we transfemmes lose our male privilege once we transition, and it can be a shock. 

So very true.

You are so welcome!    It took me awhile to find the style that reflected how I saw myself and how I wanted to be seen. I also found, quickly, the difference in quality between the items that come out of China and other brand name manufacturers - not to mention the sizing difference.    For me, Talbot's and J. Jill items fill most of my closet. I shop a lot on eBay a lot where I find items deeply discounted...or I avoid buying them. Or, my wife and I wait until the deep discounts at end of season lower the price to 25% or lower of the original price.   Still, I've found some really nice pieces on Amazon, too.   Really, it just comes down to finding a style that makes you feel good about yourself.   When I could look in the mirror and see April no matter what I was wearing, that was a game changer in my ability to manage the dysphoria.   

Sounds like you're happy with it. That's awesome. And I take it you liked the new barber?

I got my haircut today! I decided to chill with a longer look, I can put it in a bun and combined with masculine body language I can pass as a man easily. If it feels too long for me, I’ll come back next week!

I'm laughing.  I just love this phrase so much.  Thanks for the smile!

I think this was my thought pattern several years ago.  I actually don't even like going out very much, so I was very content to just look nice around my house and not go out.  Although I ventured out and have gotten past all of that, it's really just work circumstances that are having me leave my house.  It's nice to be able to dress "as myself" out in public.  I enjoy being free like that, but it isn't at all a reason to dress that way.  People may interpret that I like the attention from it.  That's not it at all though.  I got rid of all my men's clothing a year and a half ago.  I'm just not going to play that game anymore.  What I am wearing around the house is what I'm wearing out of the house unless it is bedroom attire of course.  It's nice to not have to sweat over what to wear anymore, but it took a few years.

Hi Paula!   Although I feel comfortable on stage, out in public I feel very uncomfortable.  I just wanted to share my tactic with you.  I had a car at that point in my life and I started out by just taking drives and not getting out of the car.  After a while of that, I worked up the nerve to get fast food.  Then actually stepping out of the car to go to the ATM.  It took a year or two, but I acclimated to it.   Hugs, Lydia

Welcome to the forums, this is a safe place and a friendly place.

Took me a while to get started here -joining has been another step along the way. Over the last few months I have been coming out to myself/acknowledging that I am transgender and it has been (and is) a very emotional time with ongoing highs and lows. I go through shock and disbelief -and delight at times, sometimes feeling that its a wonderful thing and other times feeling hopeless. Back in November I had endured a couple of years of depression and my life was feeling utterly meaningless -scarily so as this feeling was so intense. And then one day.. I was walking down the street and I suddenly felt a beautiful feeling of femininity -I felt so happy and more real than I've ever felt in my life! The depression lifted and it hasnt come back. I still have low moods, but not that ongoing intense meaninglessness any more. This kicked off an obsession with being feminine and research into anything to do with being transgender and I've been working out what it all means for me, trying to find who I really am. I am finding my true self, and Ive realised that I just cant go on living as my old male "self" anymore.  This has turned out to be more in depth than I intended! I look forward to connecting and sharing with you people here Love, Alisa  

In my experience once you pass this threshold, things change.

Oh, I was under no impression that there was safety. The best we can hope for is, firstly this young lady heals and can feel safe again but also, that this is raises awareness and is a catalyst for improvement.   That...just sucks. :*(

Paula i once felt i would die with my secret.  You might want to consider talking to a gender therapist.  It took time and effort to get past my hesitations.  I know you are not alone,  I remember those feelings strongly. We each have our own paths.   Hugs,   Charlize

Just wondering, who else besides me, feels going in public dressed will only be a dream for them. And if you want to say....why do you feel it will only be a dream, and/or, what do you think it would take to make that dream become a reality? For me, i feel i am too timid to do dress in public. I don't think i could deal well with any negative reactions/responses i would get.  Also, i don't want to make people uncomfortable, that i would make such, being dressed around them.