I think this was my thought pattern several years ago.  I actually don't even like going out very much, so I was very content to just look nice around my house and not go out.  Although I ventured out and have gotten past all of that, it's really just work circumstances that are having me leave my house.  It's nice to be able to dress "as myself" out in public.  I enjoy being free like that, but it isn't at all a reason to dress that way.  People may interpret that I like the attention from it.  That's not it at all though.  I got rid of all my men's clothing a year and a half ago.  I'm just not going to play that game anymore.  What I am wearing around the house is what I'm wearing out of the house unless it is bedroom attire of course.  It's nice to not have to sweat over what to wear anymore, but it took a few years.

Hi Paula!   Although I feel comfortable on stage, out in public I feel very uncomfortable.  I just wanted to share my tactic with you.  I had a car at that point in my life and I started out by just taking drives and not getting out of the car.  After a while of that, I worked up the nerve to get fast food.  Then actually stepping out of the car to go to the ATM.  It took a year or two, but I acclimated to it.   Hugs, Lydia

Welcome to the forums, this is a safe place and a friendly place.

Took me a while to get started here -joining has been another step along the way. Over the last few months I have been coming out to myself/acknowledging that I am transgender and it has been (and is) a very emotional time with ongoing highs and lows. I go through shock and disbelief -and delight at times, sometimes feeling that its a wonderful thing and other times feeling hopeless. Back in November I had endured a couple of years of depression and my life was feeling utterly meaningless -scarily so as this feeling was so intense. And then one day.. I was walking down the street and I suddenly felt a beautiful feeling of femininity -I felt so happy and more real than I've ever felt in my life! The depression lifted and it hasnt come back. I still have low moods, but not that ongoing intense meaninglessness any more. This kicked off an obsession with being feminine and research into anything to do with being transgender and I've been working out what it all means for me, trying to find who I really am. I am finding my true self, and Ive realised that I just cant go on living as my old male "self" anymore.  This has turned out to be more in depth than I intended! I look forward to connecting and sharing with you people here Love, Alisa  

In my experience once you pass this threshold, things change.

Oh, I was under no impression that there was safety. The best we can hope for is, firstly this young lady heals and can feel safe again but also, that this is raises awareness and is a catalyst for improvement.   That...just sucks. :*(

Paula i once felt i would die with my secret.  You might want to consider talking to a gender therapist.  It took time and effort to get past my hesitations.  I know you are not alone,  I remember those feelings strongly. We each have our own paths.   Hugs,   Charlize

Just wondering, who else besides me, feels going in public dressed will only be a dream for them. And if you want to say....why do you feel it will only be a dream, and/or, what do you think it would take to make that dream become a reality? For me, i feel i am too timid to do dress in public. I don't think i could deal well with any negative reactions/responses i would get.  Also, i don't want to make people uncomfortable, that i would make such, being dressed around them.

Just wanted to say thank you to the latter "Welcomes". All of you make me feel very welcomed here. I appreciate that.

It does happen even where things are supposed to be most safe.  I have a younger friend who at 18 months is still recovering from an incident here is one of the LGBTQ bastions of care and acceptance.  The student who threw the punch AND their parents need to do some corrective time in a facility where their daily behavior is scrutinized and modified.

I heard about the assault just yesterday via a support group I volunteer for. I couldn’t find details at the time, but it seems like there wasn’t any local coverage until the local community groups setup a rally of support. Last night a local station covered the attack and interviewed the victim. It’s heartbreaking, I was crying on the couch watching it this morning. We’re a trans refuge state, but that means little if our schools treat these incidents as if they were a “fight”, sure the abuser gets in trouble but for the wrong reason. Cobalt had her jaw broken. She was hit so hard that it shattered teeth. Because she went to the bathroom the Right would force her to use, placing her in the cross hairs of her attacker. The thing we’ve been saying all along…happened here, right in the Twin Cities, where we’re supposed to be Minnesota Nice. 

I started out my sessions (all on-line) presenting male. I had just started growing my hair out and hadn't bought a wig. Honestly, I was just trying to figure out what was going on with all the thoughts racing through my mind about feeling more like a woman than a man.   My therapist encouraged me to explore. I had already bought some feminine things but more on the sexy side - not what I wanted to wear in front of anyone but the things I could easily find in my size.   So, I bought a wig on line and ordered some clothes through Amazon - mostly tops and slacks. I also found that Sam's Club was a wonderful source of jeans, crop pants, shorts and t-shirts. I also bought a set of inexpensive breast forms - I've since upgraded to a quality pair through our site sponsor - and bras.   Once I had everything, I dressed fully and practiced with make-up. It didn't take long before I was ready and met with my therapist. While I had butterflies at first, it was a totally exhilarating experience. I think you'll find it to be the same.   Once I met with her as "me" I have never met with her in male or androgynous form again.    Take your time. Practice. Find your style...and go for it!!! You can do it!!

Welcome, Kayla!  As one who found herself much later in life than you (more than twice your age), it is never too late to live your life happily as the person you know you truly are.   You'll find lots of information here and many, many wonderful people across the entire TG spectrum. Jump in where you feel comfortable.   If I could offer one suggestion it would be to find and work with a qualified gender therapist. Doing so will help you to discover yourself and to develop a plan on how to move ahead. I work with mine entirely on-line so you don't even need to find a local therapist.    We're happy you found us and I look forward to getting to know you.

Hang in there, Ashley. Relationships take time to develop. Even friendships take time as each person gets to know the other.   And, remember you always have friends here at TGP.

Welcome Kayla Rose

Hi Ashley,   Your story is so heartfelt. Thank you for sharing. I too work in a para-military law enforcement agency in Canada. So, I get forcing something that is not completely natural especially in a masculine environment. I found it did more harm to me trying to be that person and trying to force it. 8 years into the job and I’ve taken injury on duty leave for 1.5 years of it. It took me a lot of digging to find my true self.    I know I’m only at the beginning of my transition but I’ve also seen the tip of the iceberg and how ugly it really is. The way I look at it, the person you were before and the person you are now are two completely different versions, the better version being the one who you were truly meant to be.    love ya girly! 

Herculean effort! Welcome to my meanderings and thank you so much for being here!       Thank you! :blush:   I conceptualized it as grief of "who I was" because I never had to care about who I was before. I just was. I lived life on auto pilot, like a wet lolly rolling on the carpet picking things up. It wasn't bad, I've had a pretty good life heretofore. I guess I just felt sad thinking about this new demarcation in my life. I am very happy about unlocking myself and feel right with how I interact with the world as this feminine me, but there are so many challenges to face and I'm stepping out into that world where many don't want me in it. Perhaps my grief was for the loss of what seemed to be a care-free existence; the carpet, hair, and floor crumb armor of my lollipop core washed away. Vulnerable.

Welcome to Trans Pulse, @Kyleorkayla28.  I'm glad that you are finding your true self, and many of your feelings are shared by those here on TP.  I hope you find useful information and a sense of community here on these forums.   I will caution you, however, to keep comments within our guidelines.  If you have not read the Community Rules, I suggest that you do so.  We would not want you to stray from them, as they keep the site safe even for our younger members.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie

Congrats to you and all involved, Heather!  Very well done.  Wishing you success and a trouble-free Pride Month.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie