Thank you.  This will be a big step when it happens.  It reminds me of the first time (and only) time I went out en femme with a friend to an LGBT club in another city.  We spent the evening getting ready and I was as nervous as could be.  Until the moment when the nervousness just....stopped,  and I said "it's now or never". I touched up my lipstick, grabbed my purse, and away we went. I had an amazing night.   This time it'll be in my own town in broad daylight, so there's a couple of more factors than before, but I hope I can pull it off again.

Dreamwalker, I dropped hints for years, grew my hair out, trimmed eyebrows, long nails, but everyone I came out to was shocked. They all subconsciously knew, and after absorbing what I told them they said it made sense, but changing sex to most people is just not something they would think about. When my wife told me she wanted commitment from me, I made sure she understood I was transgender, and thought bumpy, 4 months later we married.    She supported my need to be me at home for our 20 year marriage, but she was terrified someone might find out. When my dysphoria made me very sick, she supported my starting HRT, and 2 years later, supported me through GRS, but when I was a month post op, she announced she was leaving. That was 3 years ago, and though we live apart, we talk almost every day, and are BFF's.    I feared I would lose her, then felt we would stay together, then she left, and now we are close friends. The point is, we just don't know how these things will work out. All we can do is be as honest as we can. Marriage is a partnership, and things like Gender Incongruence and transitioning need to be discussed and decided by both of you if you hope to retain the partnership. It can be a rollercoaster, but for some, it works out. Give it your best shot, and then you won't have regrets into the future. I so hope you can get through this, and when you do, please post so others can be encouraged.   Hugs,   Allie  

Went over that guy's house and bought that Mac tool cart this morning.His price was right and nothing wrong with it

Hi   so who can identify this plaid?  Perhaps, one of our Scottish friends?  Yes, I know, or at least I know what I was told.

I agree with Carolyn Marie. Further, I'll emphasize that as your wife's already noticed and commented, any effort on your part to reassure her that "everything's fine" actually adds more to her stress than coming out ultimately would because it's clear she knows everything is not fine and therefore invalidating her perceptions is not the kind thing to do. Be kind to both of you - take the chance to live your life together free of suppression, anxiety, suspicion, and worry. I'll also note that initial reactions, whatever they may be, are not necessarily indicative of how your spouse will always feel. We have heard many testimonies, from myself included, of severe negative initial responses which eventually smoothed out in time given the opportunity to have ongoing conversations and emotional processing. Good luck & best wishes.

Welcome Andi 

This is a hard place to be.

If you click on the OP's name, you can find all of their past posts and see if they've posted recently.  That's the only easy way to find out.  We don't have a listing of people who have left or just stopped being active.   Carolyn Marie

Post 16 My Transformation (Part 1)   I never believed what Lou Reed said when he sung: “…plucked her eyebrows on the way, shaved her legs and the he was a she.”  If only transformation from man to woman could be so easy.  My transformation involves so much more.  For me to feel comfortable in my feminine persona, I want to ensure my appearance is as feminine as possible, so my physical transformation is usually an arduous process.       Makeup is critical for me because it helps to camouflage my masculine facial features.  It’s amazing how much my face transforms when I contour and add color. Hair is important too because the right style can really feminize a face.  I found a wig many years ago that I thought was the perfect style for my face.  I bought five of them, all in different shades.   I have learned how powerful wardrobe can be to my transformation, but the challenge is finding women’s clothing that looks good on me.  This isn’t an easy task because women’s clothes aren’t cut to accommodate my male body shape.  My solution is to alter the shape of my body with padding and foundation garments.  Cinching my waist, and adding hip and butt pads give me an hourglass figure that makes my body more compatible with curvy women’s clothing.    Dealing with my male shoulders is a different kind of challenge.  It’s impossible to alter my skeletal structure, so the best I can hope for is to draw attention away from the shoulders.  The tactic I use for this is to wear tops and dresses with a v-cut or low neckline.  This may seem counterintuitive but low-cut tops draw attention away from the shoulders focusing it on the center of the chest.  Having curvy hips and a shapely bottom also help to minimize the look of broad shoulders.   Footwear is an important component of my transformation, and since I adore high-heels, my shoes tend to overtly feminine to start with.  Lately, my go to shoes are booties.  I have numerous pairs that range from casual to dressy (all with higher heels, of course), so I can wear booties with just about anything.  I’ve worn booties with jeans, skirts, and even dresses, and they look great with each.   I put a lot of effort into my transformation to ensure I appear as feminine as I possibly can.  Since I am not doing HRT and I haven’t had any physical feminization procedures much of my effort is to camouflage those physical male characteristics that would otherwise undermine my feminine presentation.  Given what I have to work with, I think I do a pretty good job getting the look right, but this only the first half of my transformation.  The second half is mastering feminine movement and mannerisms, which is even more challenging.   I’ll save that discussion for the next post.   Hugs,   Sally

I can relate to this. As being a cate giver for my wife foe many years. He sickness has gotten worse and I an still processing all that I have relizabout my self. I so want to be out and be my true self. But I can't bear to break her heart after 20 years. I guess fear is a big part of the whole equation 

I see there is a lot of old posting that goes back since 2013 or even longer which makes me wonder wither the members who created the post are still around to reply if I commented?   

Honestly, @DreamWalker, I think it's time you come clean with your wife.  She already suspects, and the longer you wait the more she will come to distrust you.  I tried sneaking around for a year or more and I felt terrible about it.  It wasn't good for me, and it wasn't good for my wife and our relationship.   Whether you end up going for transition, and how far, is an issue you should discuss with a gender therapist.  But at this point, simply telling your wife that you beleive you are likely transgender is the first step.  Open and honest communication is essential if you don't want your marriage to end in recriminations and misery.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie

Fir me it’s like progress towards self acceptance.  Really being someone more in sync with how I feel I should be.     It’d be nice to view myself in the day to day,  as if I viewing  movie, but WITHOUT cringing and self hate.    Things are way better now and I’m so grateful!!   This is your movie.  

I think a lot of us have been there.  I know I have.   Welcome Alisa

Welcome Alisa

Struggling a bit on how to quote and reply! That is such a lovely clear description I can really relate -thankyou for posting

Nice!    I believe you can experience being you at any moment because you get glimpses of that through moments of euphoria and peace of mind, however fleeting or vague. Then there may be a reaction to it. At worst, subsequent feelings of grief, lament, and resentment arise when the momentary experience of yourself results in you thinking things like, "why can't I always feel this way" or "It's wrong for me to feel this way", or "I've been cheated out of being able to feel this way", etc. On the other hand, any moment of experience of being yourself points to the potential in you to consistently be yourself and is cause for joy, wonder, and gratitude. After all, you are yourself always; it's just that it's veiled under so many layers. So the becoming  is a matter of removing those layers, one by one. That's mostly mental/spiritual/emotional work. In that sense, there is no becoming , only ever being , while employing consistent effort to learn what it means to be you and what aids you in doing that. But you are always there waiting to be more and more fully noticed and experienced.

Very, very slowly! It's an ongoing process of finding out who I am as I have been concealed for so long from myself and others. My emotional reactions to things tell me who I am eg I was out walking a few weeks ago and feeling confused and fed up with my situation and wondering what to do. I was near a bridge and I thought "Well I could jump off the bridge" This was instantly followed by a huge outpouring of tears as I realised I didn't want to die as a man. So no danger of me doing that! What I love is when I find myself expressing femininity naturally and effortlessly out of the blue with voice and mannerisms -this has happened at times throughout my life. In the past I have "policed" myself and suppressed it so as not to look effeminate but now I'm letting it happen and enjoying it as an expression of the real me

Yeah.  I already do feel that I am Ivy.   I don't think it would even be possible to go back to being that guy. I will always have been that guy, but that is the past. As a friend has put it, "I am a woman of transgender experience."

This is gaslighting, and emotional abuse.    I think provoking violence would be the same as committing it.  That's what "Libs of TikTok" does, and then plays innocent. A lot depends on context and intent.