Hi Paula, and welcome. I seriously doubt anyone could be offended by what you’ve said here — not anyone in the trans community, anyway. It does kind of sadden me to hear you say you may never dress in public though, but I’m glad of that wise word “likely”. Never say never!

Hmm, do you mean you’re quicker to anger now but your anger isn’t so heated?   I used to be quick to anger and that anger used to be very heated. I used to punch walls and doors, though never people. I also used to have much negative self-talk and, consequently, sometimes spoke negatively to others. I now have so little negative self-talk it astonishes me, and I am much kinder to others.

Nothing big happening, several events upcoming.

Emotional turmoil is when a person feels really strong and confusing emotions that make them feel upset, anxious, or sad. It's like having a big storm of feelings inside that can be hard to handle.

Your attitude is like a box of crayons that color your world. Constantly color your picture gray, and your picture will always be bleak. Try adding some bright colors to the picture by including humor, and your picture begins to lighten up. Nature always wears the colors of the spirit.

Your attitude is like a box of crayons that color your world. Constantly color your picture gray, and your picture will always be bleak. Try adding some bright colors to the picture by including humor, and your picture begins to lighten up. Nature always wears the colors of the spirit.

Your attitude is like a box of crayons that color your world. Constantly color your picture gray, and your picture will always be bleak. Try adding some bright colors to the picture by including humor, and your picture begins to lighten up. Nature always wears the colors of the spirit.

What question about yourself do you still need to answer?

No apology needed. You are you and you should be able to be you. Glad you are here. Heather

I wouldn’t say that is true for me, but I’ve noticed (like with my kids) I used to have a slower burn. Now I may quickly snap to anger and say something out of anger I wouldn’t have before. I was rarely physical with my anger, never with my family, but sometimes the headset would deserve a toss 😬. I have experienced zero “adrenal” edge to anger since going on GAHT, though. 

Wow, I’m surprised to hear that some folks experience increased anger on estrogen. I am the opposite; I used to have a terrible temper, now I’m generally very calm. I cry a lot, even more than I used to, and I do feel the same deep-seated anger I probably always felt, but I don’t fly off the handle about small stuff anymore. I don’t fly off the handle at all.

Not at all! I, too, am amazed at how the brain can generate so much detail—or trick us into thinking there’s a lot of detail. It’s one of the reasons dreams are so compelling and leave us with questions.   Off the dream topic for a moment, I have a choice to make today. My uncle from out East in town. By all rights he’s conservative and has over the past few years returned to the Catholic faith and I perceive his bent is toward the conservative side of that as well. We will likely never agree on much politically. Today is the fifth anniversary of my mom’s passing and her brother comes in every year since her death to celebrate her life with us. I’ve been invited to lunch with my dad, who has seen me as out as I normally am now, and him. Do I go as myself? Do I compromise my appearance out of fear of admonition from him, bemoaning a lack of respect on my part on this most emotional day?   I’m leaning toward not compromising, but I really don’t want it to be awkward. 

@EasyE, I’ve noticed flashes to anger too. The physical side of anger has reduced for me, but my mouth will run quicker than my brain! That’s no dig, just my reality; we all deal with emotions differently.   I completely agree with being more emotionally open otherwise. I am appreciative of how I’ve grown in that regard. I experience expanded emotions and, historically I may have suppressed them more due to social demands of stoicism so there is a delta there, but it’s a marked change from baseline that makes me feel better even when the tears are flying. 

Not at all. It’s just that figuring out what the world thinks of someone is difficult, because unless there is an outright discussion or conflict there’s little, IMO, to tell what people think of you. A look you get, did it mean what it thinks you mean: “was that smile condescending?”; “Did that guy clock me, if so was it disgust or just recognition?”; Etc.?   The other day, I was using the women’s in a small shopping center that was secured by code. It was completely empty, save for me. As I was washing my hands, someone was trying to get in repeatedly and failing. When I opened the door, I smiled and she said thanks but had a surprised look on her face. Walking away, I internalized that as not being accepted in that space, thinking that a natural interaction would have been the thanks with a quick smile had I been perceived as a cis woman.    I don’t pass in all likelihood, even with a feminine body and basic makeup on. I make a broad shouldered, slightly muscular (athletic?), woman. There are plenty of gals that are jacked, not that I am, but I just don’t know what people make of me and without some kind of feedback I become my sole critic. At one point, I feel like I shouldn’t care and on the other I most certainly do worry about how I am viewed. 🤪

Hello all, My name is Paula. An older "woman" not going to say how much older. *S* I am a lifelong lover of pantyhose. So admire nice legs in pantyhose, and just love the feel of them. I am a very girly gurl. Nearly everything i wear is pink (except for the pantyhose *S*) No one in my family knows about this side of me. I live alone and only dress in the privacy of my apartment. Honestly, i will likely never dress in public, even though i would really to. I keep the woman inside of me hidden. I hope i have not offended anyone with anything i said. If so, i apologize.  Anyways, that is all. 

Oh, I forgot to add that this evening I had the fajita tortilla with a little sour cream and my homemade sauerkraut.  Wow, sure was good like that!  My aunt helped me out with the sauerkraut process by suggesting that krautsource device.  I've been using it for a few years.  I believe she makes a lot of kimchi.  

I'm back to fajita stir fry in my wok out on the back deck.  A little peanut oil, fry the onions a little, add the green peppers.  Get that going for a bit then add white rice that I made the previous night.  Cook that a little then add spices:   1/2tsp coarse salt 1/2tsp turmeric 1/2tsp dill weed 1/4tsp ground white pepper   Then I add a dash of toasted sesame oil.  I wrap it in flour tortillas.   The blueberry bush didn't produce berries last year, but it's looking good right now.  I can usually get two cups of medium size sweet and tart berries off of it and they are excellent in scones.  I don't like making these scones with the normal frozen blueberries.  I'd be interested to try it with marionberries, but i haven't been able to find any in the stores.  It's OK to have it just be a once a year treat though.  Scones are pretty easy and fun to make.    

Forgot to mention this with the first part, sorry....I want to be able to wear the fingernails for just the weekends and such. Then remove them before going to work.

My nails break so easily. I've been considering trying those glue-on or press-on fingernails. Does anyone have experience with these items? Any thoughts?