Thank you for sharing! You're right, I'm sure it all balances out over the weeks and months. I'll find out my levels after next week's labs.

I think the Pride flag is kind of a gray area.  Government can't fly the flag of a political or religious organization... but the Pride flag doesn't really fall into a category like that.  Yet it has meaning beyond a mere decoration, exclusive to a specific (unorganized) group of people rather than our society as a whole.  I may not agree with those who want it removed, but I can understand some of the reasons. 

This topic has gone much too circular with avowed distaste to the person who is the topic's object and branched into unrelated topics related to suicide methods which our site is here to prevent.  @Carolyn Marie made a pointed request as an Administrator, and I have tried to make gentler hints about it going off track which have been ignored.  End of this one.

I sure hope that doesn't mean you'll support her decisions about how you live your life. Your situation sounds extreme. I know dysphoria, but not to the degree you describe. I can't imagine the strength it must take to endure that. I hope, no matter what your wife says, that you will do what is best for you.

Oh, I totally understand the feeling.     "Supporting my own oppression" is how I feel no matter which party I vote for in the Federal election. Vote for Republicans, I get oppression for being intersex/trans.  Vote for Democrats, I get oppression in several other ways.    Like, its fine for trans visibility to have trans candidates...but aside from being trans, candidates like Sarah McBride have nothing to offer people like me.  

It was afterwards, in the parking lot.  I started feeling anxious inside, but it got way worse after leaving the store.  I have no idea what triggered it.... maybe loud noises or something I saw?   As for therapy, I have tried therapists before and my experiences have ranged from unhelpful to actually making things worse.  Finding somebody who can understand me is nearly impossible, so I have relied on my husband.  He's good for normal stuff, but if I end up needing a referral to someone else that's not something he can help me with. 

I am having real issues trying to find a therapist to get letters for surgery. My nurse practitioner at the pride center suggested Kip, but I can’t afford the weekly $140 visits. They only do weekly visits. Should I try employee assistance program at my job for referrals to a non LGBTQ therapist that my insurance covers to try to get a letter that way? My wife is trying to contact the pride center at the hospital that she works at but they don’t return her calls. I left messages to them too and haven’t received any response. 

If they acknowledge people like yours existence, it opens up a can of worms that they want to keep the lid on.  They want to keep things black and white - even though that's not reality. I think it is similar to why "diversity" is such a dirty word. If you're not like me, something is wrong with you, and you must be dangerous.

Adorable & congratulations!

I don't like how our politics has become a zero sum, us or them thing now. Unfortunately in my state, one party's agenda seems to be directed directly at me, and people like me.  So it seems like if I were to support them for some other reason (perhaps as a gun owner) I would still be supporting my own oppression.  That's a bit hard to swallow.

Not an estradiol injection but one of my covid vaccines spurted blood. The pharmacist was surprised (and had to change his lab coat) but he said that it didn’t matter since the vessel was close to the surface and the vaccine itself was deep in the muscle. Knock on wood, but I have not gotten Covid, so I think it was true. I am on blood thinners so sometimes I bleed after doing my estradiol shots and my levels are still good. 

We the puppy got me up at little past five. UGH. But I was dead so once both the dogs were out and fed. I headed back to bed. Still tired but doing alright. just waiting on the wake up juice to finish. Then get a cup or three into me. then hit the road.   Hugs, Kymmie

This is actually from last week, but I haven’t been on the forum since then. My wife and I renewed our vows on our 10’th anniversary. I am the one in the white dress. We did an “Elopement” package in Haddonfield NJ (where the Hadrosaurus was originally found hence the dinosaur). 

Wow, I didn’t realize just how much working different hour would affect me.  Last night was a killer.  Knees hurt, feet hurt, give me back my mornings!  Ok this week is going to be all mixed up as we get the schedule straightened out.  At least we have two new people whom I think will work out. One doesn’t need any guidance and the other has things to learn but he’ll get there.  The bad part is we really don’t have anyone who can handle the second shift lead position 

REO Speedwagon twice on one tour, sounds like a group to me.  Hey she’s off, you need to have some downtime, just let her call the shots and go with it. Sounds like fun!   @awkward-yet-sweet wow a full on panic attack did this happen before or after the hardware store?  Certainly something triggered it to be this bad. Glad your GF was there for you.  Take care of yourself, I know all about wanting to avoid therapy.  I was like that for many years.  You can’t do it until you are ready.   Willow

I was encouraged buy an amazing transwoman      Lynn Conway, microchip pioneer who overcame transgender discrimination, dies at 86   https://dims.apnews.com/dims4/default/945c6ee/2147483647/strip/true/crop/3000x1997+0+2/resize/320x213!/quality/90/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fassets.apnews.com%2F9b%2F59%2F00d75b02fe913fd5ff3374a1b609%2Fab50f65219cb4ddd9ce53bc2f0c5d6e8   This Aug. 2023 photo shows Lynn Ann Conway at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. Conway, a pioneer in the design of microchips that are at the heart of consumer electronics who overcame discrimination as a transgender person, has died, Sunday, June 9, 2024. (Marcin Szczepanski/University of Michigan via AP) BY  ED WHITE Updated 6:16 PM EDT, June 14, 2024 Share Lynn Conway, a pioneer in the design of microchips that are at the heart of consumer electronics who overcame discrimination as a transgender person, has died at age 86. Her June 9 death was announced by the University of Michigan, where Conway was on the engineering faculty until she retired in 1998. “She overcame so much, but she didn’t spend her life being angry about the past,” said Valeria Bertacco, computer science professor and U-M vice provost. “She was always focused on the next innovation.” Conway is credited with developing a simpler method for designing microchips in the 1970s, along with Carver Mead of the California Institute of Technology, the university said. “Chips used to be designed by drawing them with paper and pencil like an architect’s blueprints in the pre-digital era,” Bertacco said. “Conway’s work developed algorithms that enabled our field to use software to arrange millions, and later billions, of transistors on a chip.” ADVERTISEMENT Conway joined IBM in 1964 after graduating with two degrees from Columbia University. But IBM fired her after she disclosed in 1968 that she was undergoing a gender transition. The company apologized in 2020 — more than 50 years later — and awarded her a lifetime achievement award for her work. RELATED COVERAGE     SWAT team responding to Arkansas shopping mall An employee who is transgender had brought Conway’s story to the attention of executives. “We deeply regret what you went through, and I know I speak for all of us,” said Diane Gherson, who was senior vice president of human resources, according to a transcript.     Dario Gill, director of research, told Conway: “Quite simply: You have helped define the modern computing industry.” Conway told The New York Times that the turnabout was unexpected and “stunning.” IBM recognized her death Friday. “Lynn Conway broke down barriers for the trans community and pushed the limits of technology through revolutionary work that is still impactingour lives to this day,” said Nickle LaMoreaux, IBM’s chief human resources officer In a 2014 video posted on YouTube, Conway reflected on her transition, saying “there was hardly any knowledge in our society even about the existence of transgender identities” in the 1960s. “I think a lot of that’s really hit now because those parents who have transgender children are discovering ... if they let the person blossom into who they need to be they often see just remarkable flourishing,” Conway said. The native of Mount Vernon, New York, had five U.S. patents. Conway’s career included work at Xerox, the National Science Foundation and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, part of the U.S. Defense Department. She also had honorary degrees from many universities, including Princeton University.  

Thank you for sharing that. I wear “men’s” yoga pants almost every day now. Luckily, because of my job, I normally get comments about my legs and not “ what are you wearing? (I’m a martial arts instructor) Definitely some similarities.    We had another long talk. It felt more like an interrogation. Before I go into it, I’d like to point out, as we all know, everyone is different. I speak for only my self.    After about 2 hours. I explained in the most calm, plain manner I could. I surprised even myself!    Yes , I will sometimes wear dresses, skirts, tight tops. I do it when the panic sets it. It brings me back. Makeup does this the best for me by the way.    Then she asks what if the panic happens when family is around? Easy enough, I have methods I’ve learned since I was 13 that help. “Grounding” so that I can at least pretend to be normal. I’ll start to sweat profusely because of the concentration required. Everyone thinks I run “hot”. Btw I use physical, visual and audio grounding techniques.    How much do you do the grounding? I wanted to be truthful, so, probably every 30 minutes to an hour. Its exhausting but it helps.  It just isn’t helping as much as it used to.    it went on and on like this until I told her the truth I’m dealing with.    My male parts cause distress. I see my body hair, anxiety. I see my 5 o clock, immediate panic. Time to shave again.(I shave my face two times a day). I feel sick half the time, like my stomach is doing backflips. It only gets worse now daily. I don’t think I need to add more details, you get the point.    I told her I could be completely content wearing my yoga pants and tank tops. That I want, I need, to be myself, no matter what that is and I’m not willing to put myself back in the “shell” (that’s what I call the fake me, the shell).    I also told her that no matter what. I will respect her decisions and support them.  That’s when she hit me with it. Mental Health. That’s what’s this is she said. All in my head. She knows I’ve been on countless medications my entire life.    Devastating. First I was forced to see church counselors most of my adolescent life. They say I’m going to hell. Then, therapists that just medicated me and made me a zombie. So that had to stop. Then “ talk “ therapy, where even the Therapists by the end of it knew I was a woman but decided I need to see a psychiatrist. On and on. 21 years of that. I told my wife I took copious amounts of testosterone per an idea the therapist had. So I went to a clinic. DO NOT do this. It messed me up even more. I gained a lot of muscle and my fog was the worst it had ever been.    Do I feel any better yet? Yes! Knowing I’m heading in the right direction actually keeps me more grounded than ever before.    I wish I could go into a little deeper detail, however, it is not appropriate for the forums. Speaking of the forums, thank you all again.    This WAS and is the push I needed to make a change. Thank you thank you thank you. I’m actually feeeeeeeling things again!! ❤️🥰

Becoming is such and amazing experience.

I remember a wonderful Boston sound from the 1960s... here are some of the groups I liked....   and let's not forget  

Yesterday, I received flowers for the first time in my life and it was the most wonderful feeling to experience.