I think a lot of us have been there.  I know I have.   Welcome Alisa

Welcome Alisa

Struggling a bit on how to quote and reply! That is such a lovely clear description I can really relate -thankyou for posting

Nice!    I believe you can experience being you at any moment because you get glimpses of that through moments of euphoria and peace of mind, however fleeting or vague. Then there may be a reaction to it. At worst, subsequent feelings of grief, lament, and resentment arise when the momentary experience of yourself results in you thinking things like, "why can't I always feel this way" or "It's wrong for me to feel this way", or "I've been cheated out of being able to feel this way", etc. On the other hand, any moment of experience of being yourself points to the potential in you to consistently be yourself and is cause for joy, wonder, and gratitude. After all, you are yourself always; it's just that it's veiled under so many layers. So the becoming  is a matter of removing those layers, one by one. That's mostly mental/spiritual/emotional work. In that sense, there is no becoming , only ever being , while employing consistent effort to learn what it means to be you and what aids you in doing that. But you are always there waiting to be more and more fully noticed and experienced.

Very, very slowly! It's an ongoing process of finding out who I am as I have been concealed for so long from myself and others. My emotional reactions to things tell me who I am eg I was out walking a few weeks ago and feeling confused and fed up with my situation and wondering what to do. I was near a bridge and I thought "Well I could jump off the bridge" This was instantly followed by a huge outpouring of tears as I realised I didn't want to die as a man. So no danger of me doing that! What I love is when I find myself expressing femininity naturally and effortlessly out of the blue with voice and mannerisms -this has happened at times throughout my life. In the past I have "policed" myself and suppressed it so as not to look effeminate but now I'm letting it happen and enjoying it as an expression of the real me

Yeah.  I already do feel that I am Ivy.   I don't think it would even be possible to go back to being that guy. I will always have been that guy, but that is the past. As a friend has put it, "I am a woman of transgender experience."

This is gaslighting, and emotional abuse.    I think provoking violence would be the same as committing it.  That's what "Libs of TikTok" does, and then plays innocent. A lot depends on context and intent.

One other aspect of the misgendering is that it is not only psychological abusive, it is a precursor to physical violence with ridicule, and outing of someone. How many of us need to be killed as a result. We are just trying to live a productive life. It is not right. 

This has the coloring of MAGA all over it. While I think that the surgeon is a class A scumbag, if Texas has banned pediatric transgender care, there are provisions in HIPAA if there is a suspected crime. It will be interesting to see how the DOJ proceeds, because I have little doubt that the Texas AG Paxson will rush to this guy's aid. We will likely eventually see it go to that supremely R court, and they will say the surgeon did the right thing.    We may know the guy is scum, but he will be painted as a saint by the Rs. Sooner or later, these anti-trans policies are going to hurt these anti-trans states. As a healthcare provider, I would never entertain the idea in working in many of these states.

After reading through quite a bit of this section. It’s somewhat comforting to know how others have handled this situation. Seeing many different ways it has gone.    I’ve been doing subtle things these last few years to gauge how my wife reacts. I completely understand I do this out of fear of her leaving me. We’ve been together for going on 20 years. She is aware I’ve had some issues from childhood, but I don’t talk about it.   Anyway, Shave my legs. She immediately noticed and didn’t like that. Same for my chest.    she’s commented on the particular way I like to sit. (That’s been a thing since the beginning). She doesn’t say anything mean or rude. Just an off handed comment.  she notices I like to take extra care of my skin and use scented lotions etc. She won’t say anything , but if I smell like flowers, the same day or next day she will tell me she has bought some old spice. 🫤   I grew my hair out and it was a constant “ I like your short hair. You should Cut it. “   I want to believe she is in love with the person i am. I want to get rid of my male parts. I’ve seen the “ she didn’t sign up for this “ comments and really tend to agree. I should have been honest before we tied the knot.    I’ve gotten to the point that I’m ready to transition. I tried around 20 and well, yes, that was its own bag of issues. Oklahoma was a nightmare. I’m in Florida now.    I wake up feeling so much anxiety because of my “man” parts. Up to this point I thought I had mastered grounding techniques and how to box it up. It is t working as well anymore.    I seek advice. Please be blunt if you are willing to offer it. I’m 100% comfortable with who I am at my core. I just need to project it now. Thank you for your time. 🙏🙏

Misgendering can be very punishing, even if someone apologizes. I used to work in an organization where it was widely known I had transitioned. One of the workers, continually said, "yes sir" to me when they were responding to an order. If I pointed it out, they would apologize, and after the umpteenth time, I pulled them to the side and asked how was it that they could not accept my transition, while other people that had worked with me for a shorter time, had no difficulty at all. I was pissed.   I am fully transitioned with facial feminization surgery, voice feminization surgery, and gender affirmation surgery. Nobody else, including patients that I treated, had any issues, except this one paramedic. Despite our best efforts, there will be some who want to treat us poorly. I do not work in that setting anymore. I no longer tell anybody that I am transgender. It is none of their business. I am not misgendered anymore. I am fortunate that I was able to make significant changes in my appearance and voice.    We have such a long way to go. I get a pissed feeling every time I hear these proclamations of how Biden's administration will ensure we can get healthcare. Well, I have news for them, about the only thing they will approve is a vaginoplasty, as if this one aspect of being female is enough. Many of the insurance companies will not cover electrolysis with regional anesthesia as they feel it is cosmetic. Well, the average woman does not need to shave every day. We are told that facial procedures may not be covered. We are told that both speech therapy and voice feminization surgery is cosmetic. I guess they believe we should look like Fred Flintstone in a dress, and sound like him as well. The average transgender female cannot afford all of the procedures.    Whether it is right or wrong, most people make judgements based on what they see, and what they hear. In many cases, they know next to nothing about us. Being able to successfully pass could be lifesaving, but we are told these procedures are "cosmetic". I am afraid that we will continue to be harassed for being who we are, and many of the advances we have made, will be rescinded.    Yes, being misgendered is hurtful. I think it hurts no matter the context. Somethings are within our control, and unfortunately, many are not. Without question, there are those individuals out there that make a conscious effort to wound us with their words and actions.  -Katie

Thank you. I very much look forward to new friends and much needed advice. 

We have been doing great.His dad and I do get along now

I would love to hear more on how y’all are doing! Maybe we could PM each other 

Yes, really mean to where they want to hurt you and make you suffer for being yourself.  It also may not be outwardly violent and may be disguised as concern for your health in a way that makes you believe you are wrong for feeling the way you do and that your feelings are wrong.  A person or persons who continually criticize you, tell you you are not valid or or valuable, that you are mentally ill, childish or have mental delusions, all things that can attack your feelings of self esteem or self worth, commits emotional violence if done on a constant and recurring basis.  They do not use physical abuse to break bones or make you lose blood but still make you fearful to be around them and afraid of how they make you feel.    Emotional violence is also known as Emotional Distress, Emotional Harm, or Mental Distress.   

After coming out as transgender, I started the journey of coming out in my career.  Politics.  Some would say it is an aspiration because I am not an elected official, but the reality is that it is intense work.  I get a lot of push back about it and at this point most of my friends from my past have decided not to talk with me.  But I totally feel like I'm out about my third career and I'm certainly out about my transgenderism.  For me, this third career has basically taken several decades of intense study and I am finally legitimately out about it and that feels great.  It's hard to be confident when all your friends have deserted you.  My saying for that is "it's hard to play the piano when a cat is biting your hand."  That seems to have a transgender vibe about it.  Although my friends deserted me, it wasn't over transgenderism.  It was the same kind of rejection I suppose.   On the transgender side, I feel too masculine.  I'm not sure what to do about that.  I'm not simply trying to be feminine.  But I do see it as a progression and I don't like feeling like I am backsliding on it.  So, that is something I'm working on now to feel like I am making progress tomorrow.   There is a cute guy in my bed this morning, so that can bring out a feminine feeling in me.  It looks like I may have different people waking up with me quite regularly in the future.  Or perhaps I'll just be alone writing a book.  Hopefully it's a mix.

I don't think being misgendered can be considered emotional violence unless it is done repetitively with intent to do harm.  I think if someone says something to be mean, it's just that, being mean, but it doesn't rise to the level of violence. 

Well yesterday started great. My wife wanted to ride so we took the Fatboy to my sons. Got rained on a little. Took a look at his car. needs a little help with the battery terminal, either a new bolt or a new terminal. So, our son asked us to dinner. As I turned the bike around on his street. I noticed one of those mixed pride flag hanging on his door. Made me feel great. I also saw a trans flag hanging from a balcony on our  ride too. Then riding into Scottsbluff. I saw a beautiful rainbow.   So, after dinner we headed home took the long way to avoid the rain. Which we mostly did. once down on I-80. My wife asks me. Do you smell oil burning? After a sniff, Yeah I did. Stopping at a rest area. sure enough the bike is leaking out of the bottom of the air cleaner. We got an extra quart of oil added. We hauled A to Cheyenne. We left the bike at the dealership. Our youngest rescued us. Being the dealership doesn't have a drop box I will be heading over later.   Hugs, Kymmie  

I never heard of emotional violence before. Is that basically like when someone says something mean?

Good Saturday morning, I think.   i lose track some times the only difference is how many hours I work and what time I start.  Today I start at ten. Tomorrow too.  But I think they are 9 hour days.  Yesterday went from a scheduled 8 hours to a 9 ½ hour day.  Makes up for the time I was short for leaving early when I wasn’t good on Thursday.     wifes medivac is leaking like crazy  I guess I need to see what I can do then get ready for work.   later