I feel like we mostly use it for the peaceful, lack of chaos meaning. But I HOPE that all he meant by NOT calm was more high energy / not very still? I mean, I *hope* - kind of unlikely that an actual therapist would out loud mean something derogatory, I guess? (get me trying to apply real world to my self loathing!)   I ALSO bought shorts today! I NEVER wear shorts, but it's MELTINGLY hot here. So I MIGHT. It WILL test my commitment to being a transmasculine person who would generally only ever get 'she / her' pronouns in public, since I have very pale skin and very dark hair, so, my legs are *very* noticeably very hairy. I kind of like that. 

Tractors!!!      Even better than the flatbed truck I got to drive a few weeks ago.  The image of a tractor fully deorated pulling a hay bed trailer "stage" sounds wonderful and really gay in all senses. 

I'm not sure how the word is commonly used in the UK, but in the US, I feel like the word "calm" can carry a few different meanings. One is just a lack of energy, almost as a synonym for lethargic. Another could be that a person's energy is under control, so something like peaceful, or a lack of chaos. And I think another might just mean that they aren't rattled by their environment. And maybe there are even more.   For me, I feel like I often embody opposite traits. I've been described as both one of the most chill people many have ever met, and also one of the most intense people that others have ever met. And while those don't seem like they can both go together, I feel like they somehow do in different ways. 

ALSO, for all my, doesn't matter what stuff looks like... I bought new shirts. I have shirts, I have no shame or problem buying shirts. These are short sleeved, linen button down shirt.  I need to bind to wear them.  They are smarter for school, and breathable for heat. And one is sky blue and one is olive green and I am very happy with them. They kind of ARE gendered, but they are more than that the appropriate clothing I was looking for, without reverting to Fem coded summer tops cos they seem like less melty. 

I have been on laser treatment for about 6 months, and I am on HRT.  While there has been some progress on my face, it has not been as much as I had hoped. My head hair is dark, and I shave my face close every morning. The assumption that I made is that my beard is also dark.  I have recently discovered that,  apart from upper lip and chin, it is not; it is largely grey, and so will not respond to laser.  So, I am abandoning laser and starting electrolysis next week!   Others will have discovered this, but it did not occur to me. Mark you, at 82 it should have!   Karen

I was honored to be included on a panel to discuss issues facing the LGBTQ issues farmers face in NJ.  It was a great experience and showed great support.  Folks in Aggriculture are often isolated as are queer folks so building networks is important.  I got a big round of applause and laughter when insugested tractors in local Pride parades.   Hugs,   Charlize

Keeping patience in mind is good.

Who has been your greatest teacher in your life, the one you've learned the most from?

This is a good conversation. I am not able to contribute much being a lot older but I think you are doing well, are open minded and understanding about these teachers who put their upbringing and set views that are not open minded your way. You should be affirmed and accepted for who you are. It is not for anyone else to decide who you are, just you and who you are that makes you happy is okay.  I do agree that role playing as someone like Superman is fine keeping in mind that you don't have the imaginary powers to actually jump off buildings expecting to fly. Being safe physically is always the best way to be.

Hi @KateHMI can relate - my spouse of 30 years was against my transition for many reasons and especially did not want to be viewed as a lesbian. It was painful and a lot of arguments but I wanted to save the marriage if at all possible and tried to be patient and compassionate and loving, also remembering my happiness needed to come first now and I built up the internal confidence in myself and if she wanted to break off the marriage I could cope. In my case after 2 years she finally learned and accepted me and in regard to the lesbian thing, she is comfortable with being my spouse not wife and that is perfectly fine with me. She is now one of my greatest allies and I am grateful.  As you know you can only change one person in this world and that is YOU and it appears you've been able to do that and I am proud of you. That is so hard what you are going through and I wish for you to find the happiness you so richly deserve and that affirmation and love that belongs to you. Hugs, Heather

@MaraiI am familiar with the Greg Allman audition but what I read he was pretty mucyh too weird to stay in that type of group and luckily we did get to hear the creative abilities of both Rusty and Greg. I think also, had Greg been in the group, Rusty would not have become the innovative pedal steel player he became.

Although "turmoil" might be too strong a word, I am moved by all the replies and wish all of you healing and strengthening in the journey we did not ask for but are making the best of as we learn, love and grow.

Welcome Karina. Love your name and so glad you feel safe as you can be in Canada. So glad you are here and know you are not alone and are in a group of wonderful people, some you've already met above. I'm so proud of you for doing something about being the real you so early in life and I, as well as this forum, want you to be YOU and not what anyone else says you should be. I hope you''ll participate as much as you are comfortable doing as I, also a shy person, have gained peace and friendship here and it has really helped open up my life. Hugs, Heather

Hey people!   I am sure you all know I am stumbling my way through therapy learning and aiming at being a better, more authentic, more stable and integrated into life person.    At the moment, this is covering my identity within the LGBTQ+ community. I found Pride to be alienating for me, and that was very upsetting.    As an AFAB person who has previously been in relationships with women, if PUSHED I would identify as lesbian. But this did not feel right to me. I have always struggled to identify as a woman, which kind of does make identifying as a lesbian a bit tricky, but ALSO, just the things that seem to come WITH identifying as lesbian felt like A LOT. I am all for equality and women needing equality and good treatment and fair wages and less discrimination. But, I don't feel like I need restricted spaces, or to ONLY socialise in this way or that I am *just* LGBTQ+   I feel like as a fully rounded member of humanity, who I am attracted to, or my genital arrangement, or even what label I use for myself (NAME is important, LGBTQ+ label? Is that really the MOST interesting and useful thing to know about me?) is largely irrelevant?   But this makes me feel like I am missing something? I feel like I am a person who has dreams and hopes and skills and talents and desires and ALL of that, but, I am supposed to just be a transmasculine person who generally is attracted to a more feminine presentation? It's almost NEVER relevant in my life? Unless I *am* attracted to you AND you are attracted to me, these are the LEAST useful pieces of information about me.    I get asking for name and pronouns is a necessary thing, but, that should be an easy thing, and if it is not, the issue is with the societal approach, NOT how much of MY identity is involved?