We the puppy got me up at little past five. UGH. But I was dead so once both the dogs were out and fed. I headed back to bed. Still tired but doing alright. just waiting on the wake up juice to finish. Then get a cup or three into me. then hit the road.   Hugs, Kymmie

This is actually from last week, but I haven’t been on the forum since then. My wife and I renewed our vows on our 10’th anniversary. I am the one in the white dress. We did an “Elopement” package in Haddonfield NJ (where the Hadrosaurus was originally found hence the dinosaur). 

Wow, I didn’t realize just how much working different hour would affect me.  Last night was a killer.  Knees hurt, feet hurt, give me back my mornings!  Ok this week is going to be all mixed up as we get the schedule straightened out.  At least we have two new people whom I think will work out. One doesn’t need any guidance and the other has things to learn but he’ll get there.  The bad part is we really don’t have anyone who can handle the second shift lead position 

REO Speedwagon twice on one tour, sounds like a group to me.  Hey she’s off, you need to have some downtime, just let her call the shots and go with it. Sounds like fun!   @awkward-yet-sweet wow a full on panic attack did this happen before or after the hardware store?  Certainly something triggered it to be this bad. Glad your GF was there for you.  Take care of yourself, I know all about wanting to avoid therapy.  I was like that for many years.  You can’t do it until you are ready.   Willow

I was encouraged buy an amazing transwoman      Lynn Conway, microchip pioneer who overcame transgender discrimination, dies at 86   https://dims.apnews.com/dims4/default/945c6ee/2147483647/strip/true/crop/3000x1997+0+2/resize/320x213!/quality/90/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fassets.apnews.com%2F9b%2F59%2F00d75b02fe913fd5ff3374a1b609%2Fab50f65219cb4ddd9ce53bc2f0c5d6e8   This Aug. 2023 photo shows Lynn Ann Conway at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. Conway, a pioneer in the design of microchips that are at the heart of consumer electronics who overcame discrimination as a transgender person, has died, Sunday, June 9, 2024. (Marcin Szczepanski/University of Michigan via AP) BY  ED WHITE Updated 6:16 PM EDT, June 14, 2024 Share Lynn Conway, a pioneer in the design of microchips that are at the heart of consumer electronics who overcame discrimination as a transgender person, has died at age 86. Her June 9 death was announced by the University of Michigan, where Conway was on the engineering faculty until she retired in 1998. “She overcame so much, but she didn’t spend her life being angry about the past,” said Valeria Bertacco, computer science professor and U-M vice provost. “She was always focused on the next innovation.” Conway is credited with developing a simpler method for designing microchips in the 1970s, along with Carver Mead of the California Institute of Technology, the university said. “Chips used to be designed by drawing them with paper and pencil like an architect’s blueprints in the pre-digital era,” Bertacco said. “Conway’s work developed algorithms that enabled our field to use software to arrange millions, and later billions, of transistors on a chip.” ADVERTISEMENT Conway joined IBM in 1964 after graduating with two degrees from Columbia University. But IBM fired her after she disclosed in 1968 that she was undergoing a gender transition. The company apologized in 2020 — more than 50 years later — and awarded her a lifetime achievement award for her work. RELATED COVERAGE     SWAT team responding to Arkansas shopping mall An employee who is transgender had brought Conway’s story to the attention of executives. “We deeply regret what you went through, and I know I speak for all of us,” said Diane Gherson, who was senior vice president of human resources, according to a transcript.     Dario Gill, director of research, told Conway: “Quite simply: You have helped define the modern computing industry.” Conway told The New York Times that the turnabout was unexpected and “stunning.” IBM recognized her death Friday. “Lynn Conway broke down barriers for the trans community and pushed the limits of technology through revolutionary work that is still impactingour lives to this day,” said Nickle LaMoreaux, IBM’s chief human resources officer In a 2014 video posted on YouTube, Conway reflected on her transition, saying “there was hardly any knowledge in our society even about the existence of transgender identities” in the 1960s. “I think a lot of that’s really hit now because those parents who have transgender children are discovering ... if they let the person blossom into who they need to be they often see just remarkable flourishing,” Conway said. The native of Mount Vernon, New York, had five U.S. patents. Conway’s career included work at Xerox, the National Science Foundation and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, part of the U.S. Defense Department. She also had honorary degrees from many universities, including Princeton University.  

Thank you for sharing that. I wear “men’s” yoga pants almost every day now. Luckily, because of my job, I normally get comments about my legs and not “ what are you wearing? (I’m a martial arts instructor) Definitely some similarities.    We had another long talk. It felt more like an interrogation. Before I go into it, I’d like to point out, as we all know, everyone is different. I speak for only my self.    After about 2 hours. I explained in the most calm, plain manner I could. I surprised even myself!    Yes , I will sometimes wear dresses, skirts, tight tops. I do it when the panic sets it. It brings me back. Makeup does this the best for me by the way.    Then she asks what if the panic happens when family is around? Easy enough, I have methods I’ve learned since I was 13 that help. “Grounding” so that I can at least pretend to be normal. I’ll start to sweat profusely because of the concentration required. Everyone thinks I run “hot”. Btw I use physical, visual and audio grounding techniques.    How much do you do the grounding? I wanted to be truthful, so, probably every 30 minutes to an hour. Its exhausting but it helps.  It just isn’t helping as much as it used to.    it went on and on like this until I told her the truth I’m dealing with.    My male parts cause distress. I see my body hair, anxiety. I see my 5 o clock, immediate panic. Time to shave again.(I shave my face two times a day). I feel sick half the time, like my stomach is doing backflips. It only gets worse now daily. I don’t think I need to add more details, you get the point.    I told her I could be completely content wearing my yoga pants and tank tops. That I want, I need, to be myself, no matter what that is and I’m not willing to put myself back in the “shell” (that’s what I call the fake me, the shell).    I also told her that no matter what. I will respect her decisions and support them.  That’s when she hit me with it. Mental Health. That’s what’s this is she said. All in my head. She knows I’ve been on countless medications my entire life.    Devastating. First I was forced to see church counselors most of my adolescent life. They say I’m going to hell. Then, therapists that just medicated me and made me a zombie. So that had to stop. Then “ talk “ therapy, where even the Therapists by the end of it knew I was a woman but decided I need to see a psychiatrist. On and on. 21 years of that. I told my wife I took copious amounts of testosterone per an idea the therapist had. So I went to a clinic. DO NOT do this. It messed me up even more. I gained a lot of muscle and my fog was the worst it had ever been.    Do I feel any better yet? Yes! Knowing I’m heading in the right direction actually keeps me more grounded than ever before.    I wish I could go into a little deeper detail, however, it is not appropriate for the forums. Speaking of the forums, thank you all again.    This WAS and is the push I needed to make a change. Thank you thank you thank you. I’m actually feeeeeeeling things again!! ❤️🥰

Becoming is such and amazing experience.

I remember a wonderful Boston sound from the 1960s... here are some of the groups I liked....   and let's not forget  

Yesterday, I received flowers for the first time in my life and it was the most wonderful feeling to experience. 

Flowers made me blush and smile.

Receiving flowers felt so emotionally satisfying.

Received flowers, first time in life.

Emotional release, also known as catharsis or emotional cleaning, is the process of gaining control of negative emotions and moods. It can happen naturally, such as when someone breaks down and cries after feeling stress build up. Emotional release can also be a self-care practice that's incorporated into a daily routine. While the idea of emotions being physically trapped in the body is not proven in research, some people report experiencing a release, or catharsis, when they express difficult or long-held feelings, or when they engage in mind-body therapies, such as yoga.   Emotions can cause physical symptoms, such as muscle tension or pain. When these symptoms are persistent, it may feel as though emotions are trapped in the body. While the idea of emotions being physically trapped in the body is not proven in research, some people report experiencing a release, or catharsis, when they express difficult or long-held feelings, or when they engage in mind-body therapies, such as yoga.   This ties into a growing amount of researchTrusted Source on the mind-body connection and the potential benefits of body-based therapies for some mental health conditions. Keep reading to learn more about emotions being trapped in the body, including where a person might feel them, signs they have trapped emotions, and ways of releasing them.

welcome. agree with Vicky

It's amazing how similar this scene that I've been sleeping in for the last 6 month resembles my mediation studio in 1996.    

Its almost 1am here... so, Good Morning.  Ugh.   Not asleep yet.  It has been quite a day.  I went out to the hardware store with GF this morning, and I ended up having my first full panic attack.  I've gotten stressed out before, but this one was BIG.  IDK what caused it either, since I don't remember the beginning.  But all of a sudden I was just really scared, heart racing, and really cold.  I couldn't think or do anything, just looking for a place to run and curl up.  GF put me in her lap until I calmed down, and when she first tried to handle me she said it was like I didn't even recognize her.  But I was a mess all morning and into the afternoon.  Finally took a nap, something about adrenaline makes me tired.    Now I'm wondering if this is going to happen again.  Leftover issues from being assaulted?  Something related to TBI?  My husband is talking about therapy and I'm thinking I really don't want that.