I was on a day out with my sister, she is always there in the background keeping an eye on me, every corrected surgery she was fully behind making it all work, A few of my hospital letters from actual surgery to revision. Address fields and Drs are blanked out.  

Its after midnight, so technically morning.  Finally home after spending the night out.  Nothing too crazy, just went with friends and family to the bar in the little town just down the road.    I guess my husband told my GF she needed to make up to me.  Or maybe she figured it out for herself?  But she remembered that my affection can be influenced by dessert I'm really not that complicated!  At first I was a bit wary, thinking she was just trying for sex...but she knows my weakness for sugary bribes.  She made gooey butter cake and some chocolate truffles.  If you haven't had gooey butter cake before, it is a Southern favorite made of cream cheese and tons of powdered sugar.  Probably the highest calorie dessert in existence     I spent some time helping her wash and color her hair.  She hasn't cut her hair significantly since she married our husband back in 2018, so it is really long.  Funny how my hair has gotten shorter and hers has gotten longer.  But after 10 years together, I still think she's the most beautiful girl in the world

Hi y’all it’s been some time since I’ve posted. It’s been very difficult lately been doing all I can to stay positive and focused. The weather has been horrible for the past couple of weeks it’s been constant rain and it’s effecting my back which in turn has been effecting my mood. I’ve been cooped up in the house this whole time and ready to go crazy. Though I’ve found a new hobby which I’m thoroughly enjoying, I’ve been exclusively painting for the past couple weeks and am getting better and more patient with myself and my surroundings because from painting. I’m proud of my progress and my accomplishments. Here are some my paintings which a couple have reference photos and the last is just started and in process. It’s good to get back on here and post again. I who’s everyone a wonderful day and weekend.    Peace, Hugs and Happiness, Silo

You look lovely in this photo, your natural femininity shines through, even pre hormones. The outfit suits you nice, the top and skirt complement your figure so well and i like the graceful energy in your posture and expression.    I am curious were you working at RHS Wisley in Surrey at the time, or just visiting? Either way, it must have been a special place to be during that part of your real-life test.  ~ Lilis 💗

Well, I came home with three new hole in my neck. They will take a day or so to heal.  I also came home with a new skirt and two blouses.  One for the new skirt and one that will go with most any but they are both sleeveless, so they are summer only.  

Hey @MiloMagic. Nice to meet you. Just want to point out, first of all, that there isn't necessarily such a thing. What I mean is, there are loads and loads of types of apparel that can be styled for any gender. I don't know what the issue is with your parents is (care to elaborate on your concerns?), but it seems there are many things you could get that would not necessarily be pegged as "transmasculine".     That's cool as long as you don't find it painful. I'm glad that works for you.     What about a retro 90s skater cut type of style? Long in front and short in the back? Not overtly masc, but would probably still feel more validating than medium length? Or like a 90s retro curtain bangs kinda deal. Like a young Leo DiCaprio.      That's often the go to, but if it ain't good, you could reign it in in certain ways. For example, if your binding is sufficient, then baggy isn't so necessary on top. Just get tee shirts with longer sleeves than girls' shirts. Also, if men's/boy's shirts are too long on you, you could crop them to mid-hip length. Frankly, if your shirt is too long, you look more like someone who's wearing unsuitable clothes which is the opposite of what you're going for. Thrift stores are your friends because you can try lots of things without spending a lot. Button up shirt open over a tee shirt is a more masc look & you can find lots of button ups at thrift stores, even some quirky fun prints.     Accessories, son. Little things make a difference, like a chunky belt, thick neck chain if you like jewelry, thick watch strap, head gear, stompy shoes, men's printed socks, glasses frames with lenses popped out (unless you actually wear glasses, obviously) and sunglasses, etc. All these could possibly read according to your goal style, without seeming overly masc. I even see both boys and girls wearing small neck ties along the style you like. So, maybe you could repurpose a boy's tie and style it by wearing it loose around your neck. Again, thrifting, not just because you're going retro, but because you'll be able to try a lot of things.     I'm sure you meant to type heisei, lol. In the 90s some kids referred to metalhead style as "heshin", but I don't think that's what you're going for, what with the long hair, for starters lol.     Got heisei from this context clue, lol. Tbh, based on the images I see of this style, overall it looks somewhat androgynous to me, although the femme style extends to ultra femme. Therefore, from an older person's perspective (I'm almost 50), you're probably safer dressing masc in this style than you fear, based on whatever you suspect your parents' reaction might be. One thing I would advise, tho, with pants and shorts, I'd avoid anything with too much flare or wide leg because that could accentuate curves you're aiming to conceal. Straight leg might be better. Good luck & have fun finding things that make you happy!  

Awesome, @Jake. Very lucky - your first binder is a hit. That's great. And yes, I totally know what you mean, the difference between describing the haircut only to wind up with a "ladies' haircut" versus just coming right out and saying give me a men's haircut. It took me a while to wrap my head around that too...I guess I made a pun. And hey, I hope no one misgenders you, but IF it happens, try to not take it to heart. You are you, and no one can change that by their thoughts or words. Cheers!

Me pre hormones at RHS Wisley in Surrey and the sussex nuffield, where I had colon graft surgery. Part of the real life test was that you had to live full time for six months without hormones and in a job or at Uni

I am going gaga over The Go-Go's. I will see them a week from tomorrow at the Cruel World festival.    Green Day's Billie Joe Armstrong joined them for this song at Coachella last month. I love the way he sped up the tempo and led them back to their punk rock roots. Looks like they liked it too.     

@KathyLauren, this sentence got me searching for a quote from Silvia Rivera, and I ended up reading this transcript of one of her speeches addressing this topic. Wow. Talk about a history lesson.    https://lambdaliteraryreview.org/2021/01/bitch-on-wheels/   -Timi

Hi Moonlitleah,                     Make an appointment with your doctor to check if you are B12 Deficient? CPA can cause depression as with any medication the best person to talk to is your own doctor.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Side_effects_of_cyproterone_acetate   General information as provided on the link above will not really substitute for a visit to your doctors

It's nice to be back in town. I was up at our little old mountain cottage this week alone, staining the decks. It's been 2 years since I've done it and it showed. Still lots of work to do, but starting to look nice! Before (actually after preparing) and after photos below.   A 3 hour drive to get home, a nap, then I was off to meet friends for a bite of pizza, then facilitate our local transfemme support group. That always takes a lot out of me. I care so much for them and sometimes walk away feeling so unworthy to be a facilitator. We had our afterparty at a local artsy tea house, it was such a sweet time.    Today it's my housecleaning chores in the morning, Silver Sneakers fitness class with my wife at noon, and therapy to end the day. Oh yeah also clear out the backlog of emails - ug. Maybe I'll set up the full drum kit and get in some practice. Looks like the band may be getting together in a couple weeks so time for me to get my chops in order!

Welcome home @Ivy and I'm so glad there were kind people at the VA to help you! It's good to see you back here. 

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  They're going to get rid of us in any way they can.

Good morning, and thanks for the support here. Yeah, the politics does contribute to my mood swings.  Now I have more pills to keep tract of.  The staff, and other patients in the ward helped me a lot.  Apparently my VA is more supportive than some of the others. I'm still a bit on the edge, but at least functional, but I am avoiding the news for now.

Hi, @MoonlitLeah.  Welcome!   This sounds like something you should talk to a professional about.  Since it involves both psychology and pharmacology, I would suggest a psychiatrist as a preferred choice.  However, a therapist or family doctor would make a good first contact to discuss this.   I was on cypro for a couple of years, but I stopped when I had my GRS, so my situation is not likely comparable to yours.   Please feel free to introduce yourself on our Introductions forum, and to join in any of the discussion threads you find.   Regards, Kathy

Hi everyone, I’ve been on cyproterone acetate for a few months and recently stopped. Since then, I’ve been feeling emotionally flat and disconnected. Has anyone else experienced this after stopping CPA? How long did it take for things to improve?   I should add that I’ve been prone to numbness as part of depression my whole life, but this feels way more extreme, like my emotions are completely locked away.

good morning I’m off to get my neck pierced.  Calm down, it’s my quartily injections.     @awkward-yet-sweet I use small S snaps to attach my keys to the D rings on my purse and I separate  my work keys on one side and car and home keys on the other.  ‘try not to wear heavy stuff, but if I'm wearing pants with a belt I use the KeySafe clip.  My husband actually wears three!  One for home, one for vehicle, one for work.” Pretty much the same idea but I never wear a belt but if I did it would be some sort of fancy draped chain or something like that. Just for appearance.  I wear mostly tight fitting at the waist clothes.  Defiantly not concealed carry compatible.   @Ivy I had no idea.  You take care of yourself.  We will get through this patch of anti trans, we’ve been doing it for thousands of years already.  Some are worse than others and this is a rough one considering we were just on a high acceptance.   love    Willow

The LGB community has fortunately embraced us.  They did so years ago in gay bars, which was in many ways a blessing for me.  I often found some kindness there when it seemed impossible elsewhere.  Today i see some gays speaking about separating so we won't "bring them down."  They have seemed to be the "log cabin" type but i still find that worrisome. We are a small group and as such we are easily targeted.    Hugs,   Charlize

letters don't define me, happily individual