For me, 4 1/2 years in, buds have appeared and disappeared at seemingly random times. Your mileage may vary. Good wishes with your journey!   Astrid 

This mindset is what kept me going early in my transition. As long as your getting closer to your goal, the dysphoria is lessened. Things won’t always go a smoothly or as fast as you like but it’s that “knowing” you’re getting closer that provides you comfort. Even the setbacks, in time, can be reversed. That confidence helps you get up each morning and move on to your next step and eventually your next goal. You’re experiencing some of the most difficult parts of your transition journey. You’ll get through it. It does get better after the dust settles and the initial emotional reactions of your disclosure have subsided.   As long as your wife has MORE than just her own self interest at heart, this can work. Keep in mind, that this is all very new to her and she may not initially have any of your self interest anywhere near the top of her list. How she is perceives things now will be quite different in six months or a year. Abruptly agreeing to permanently restrict, constrain, or even stop your transition journey can be detrimental to your progress and may increase your dysphoria. Compromise is something to work toward. It’s difficult for both parties involved but it does take more of each person’s self interest into account. There are reasonable requests that she may ask for and talking about them and coming up with mutually acceptable solutions is better than taking whatever she will give you. That could strangle or greatly constrict your transition more than you think. Jumping into the deep end this early by making rash decisions could be too much if either of you make compromises too far in one direction.   Like you, in my early transition, I made sure I listened to everything my wife said and but we both left everything in a relatively fluid state until we knew which direction we were going. Later when we knew what to expect, we both made compromises that ensured we could get through it together. We also made allowances in the beginning that we would always discuss and revise as needed in the future as circumstances and perceptions changed…and it worked well for us.   *Hugs*, Susan R🌷

Susan, the same goes for me.  It's especially true as I age, because what worked previously, doesn't always work today.

You look great in earth tones, Ivy! I have a casual skirt similar to this that I like wearing around the house with a complimentary tunic top. They are so comfy!

Congratulations to the both of you! What a great idea! You two are so lucky to have one another! Here’s to the next 10 years!🥂   *Hugs* Susan R🌷

Postexertional malaise. In bed all day.

What a cute dress!!!!

Congratulations to you both!!!

My size, and also my personality.  I'm very slender, and also kind of timid.  I've been underweight for the last couple of years, and I just can't seem to get out of the rut of being so slender.  I'm also not very bold.  I can't really deal with conflict, I get nervous easily, and my instinct is to hide from trouble.    All of this makes being in my "boy form" kind of difficult. 

A box of chocolate, from a girl who liked me. . It was a present from GF at our first date.  I was 26, and I had mostly given up on finding love.  She was kind of scary when we first met, and very insistent that we go on a date.  Wouldn't back off until she had my phone number. Chocolate was her way of enticing and soothing me... and it worked!     I could also include the first kiss as being unexpected.  I had no idea that all this would lead to my life as I know it now, with my forever family. 

An excellent career and a good role model for many.  Sounds like she will be remembered well.

That's so lovely, Heather.  I'm really happy for you.  Yes, getting a bouquet is really a special thing.  The first one I got was from my son.   Probably the most unexpected thing I received in recent years was a kiss from a male (gay) colleague a few days after I came out at work.  I'll never forget that.    Carolyn Marie

@Lorelei, it would help narrow the search if you can mention what city or part of New York you're in, but in any case, here is a list for New York State.  Hopefully you can find someone close:  https://zencare.co/us/new-york/therapists/gender/trans-non-binary   The chart said average session fee in NY is $192, so what your LGBTQ center was offering sounds like a bargain.  Good luck!   Carolyn Marie

Thank you for sharing! You're right, I'm sure it all balances out over the weeks and months. I'll find out my levels after next week's labs.

I think the Pride flag is kind of a gray area.  Government can't fly the flag of a political or religious organization... but the Pride flag doesn't really fall into a category like that.  Yet it has meaning beyond a mere decoration, exclusive to a specific (unorganized) group of people rather than our society as a whole.  I may not agree with those who want it removed, but I can understand some of the reasons. 

This topic has gone much too circular with avowed distaste to the person who is the topic's object and branched into unrelated topics related to suicide methods which our site is here to prevent.  @Carolyn Marie made a pointed request as an Administrator, and I have tried to make gentler hints about it going off track which have been ignored.  End of this one.

I sure hope that doesn't mean you'll support her decisions about how you live your life. Your situation sounds extreme. I know dysphoria, but not to the degree you describe. I can't imagine the strength it must take to endure that. I hope, no matter what your wife says, that you will do what is best for you.

Oh, I totally understand the feeling.     "Supporting my own oppression" is how I feel no matter which party I vote for in the Federal election. Vote for Republicans, I get oppression for being intersex/trans.  Vote for Democrats, I get oppression in several other ways.    Like, its fine for trans visibility to have trans candidates...but aside from being trans, candidates like Sarah McBride have nothing to offer people like me.  

It was afterwards, in the parking lot.  I started feeling anxious inside, but it got way worse after leaving the store.  I have no idea what triggered it.... maybe loud noises or something I saw?   As for therapy, I have tried therapists before and my experiences have ranged from unhelpful to actually making things worse.  Finding somebody who can understand me is nearly impossible, so I have relied on my husband.  He's good for normal stuff, but if I end up needing a referral to someone else that's not something he can help me with.