Thank you for your response. For several years now, I’ve been feeling my way through this, but I have to admit that I’ve faced a lot of rejection from all sides, and “I don’t feel safe anywhere right now, except in my own mind.” All I know is that I like to be treated as a man (in terms of my name, pronouns, and clothing), but I feel like my gender is a mystery—a mystery where I want to figure out if I’m really being honest with myself or not...

As I described there, I, too, considered myself “not like other girls” from a very young age, although it’s worth noting that I was also in an environment marked by a lot of invalidation and “having to put up with a lot of crap just because of the sex I was assigned at birth”; It’s complex to explain my experience, of course; it might not be that of a cisgender straight man if we weigh it on that scale, but there was something about me that “aligned” or could even be described as “feeling happy and at home with the masculinity within me,” but putting it into practice feels very strange, I must admit.   I find it funny, personally, since I’m of the mindset that “yes, I want to transition; yes, I want all the effects of testosterone and to be a man… but I suppose any cisgender woman would agree with that!” (In the sense of wanting to live as a man “just because”—I’m clarifying this because I’ve been horribly misunderstood on this point.)   Btw, thank you for ur recommendation of the book!

Ah ok

@Ashley0616  Just read back what I have written.   Didnt mean I want to spoil things when we get back!!!!!!!   I meant I really want to open up again when we return.

The headline here is a bit deceiving, the law is still there, but the enforcement is un-equal which in my training adds more fuel to the injustice of the whole thing.  I am glad that the lawsuit challenging the law is still happening.  This whole thing is an expensive trifle for the state taxpayers to have to be funding, and the level of jeopardy it puts far more people than just the Trans folks in is fantastic.  

I don't really know much about your area of the world, but I am pretty sure that a local LGBT friendly bar or nightclub is somewhere in your travel zone.  My suggestion is that if you are old enough to go into one of those places, do go first as your "male" self just to find out how you feel in the surroundings there.  You will probably see and likely meet some Trans people who are regulars there.  Ask their opinion as to how friendly they think the place is and how you could feel, and maybe offer suggestions of other places.  There is also the possibility of an LGBT Community Service Center in your area, and you could use them too as a Closet Door venue to come out in.  Most LGBT Community Centers also have self help meetings for Trans people and those can be all types of helpful for choice of clothing (they may even have a clothing swap supply as well) and even some give make-up sessions, and they won't give a hoot if you first show up male and/or dress there on site.  

Hi. @Mirrabooka   Yeah, I am enjoying the moisturiser also, it just feels good to begin to look after myself.   The tip about using a small amount in your hair sounds interesting as I am growing my hair alot longer than its been before.   However I have very fine hair that just wants to do its own thing.   At the moment it has the habit of making me look like Albert Einstein, as my hair is almost white these days.   This is NOT the look I am after!!!!    Gonna look into the foundation/moisteriser you have mentioned, guess it takes time to find the right shade.  Scotland is also a not-so-sunny place :) 

Hi @Ashley0616   Sorry for the delay in responding to you.  Been married for almost 40 years now, communication has never been perfect, but we have managed to survive lifes traumas and setbacks so far.  Active listening is something I do need to improve however.   As I have said I do tend to hold things inside, but I do know that I am really needing to open up again to her as I did last year.   This will sound like an excuse to put things off, but I do need to wait until we have been on holiday, as this one in particular is important to my wife.   I dont want to spoil that before we go away, but I do really want to when we return.   I would also like to take you up on your offer of sending you a PM, as it would be good to get your take on things, again though it probably best to wait until we are back.   Thanks for your responses, it does mean a lot to me.

TO be honest, I don't know. But, I think we have a plan going forward a little bit. (But the stress is wildly overwhelming to me)    I HATE to cry. I just do. I guess I have absorbed all the M-coded rules. (But actually, they were really, rules because safer around my mother.)   This tattoo has taken about 18 months so far, a bit longer won't hurt! And, my artist is very invested in not having too much dead space in this, hence today's golden eagle and next time's moose, she has decided that too much trees and sky is a waste of space. We have, at least settled on animals that would be possible for the location I guess.    The Scouts parking issue is also taxing me today (I am their treasurer and renewed the liability insurance, but, the local council is , well there are some parking issues not of our making but that would be our liability in case of incident.) Honestly, I am done with today.   Still, I fed us, and did some laundry (It's still raining, and now it's bloody cold as well!)   I mean, at least it all stops me wallowing in yesterday's therapy issues, I guess! 

Ugh. I'm so sorry, Toli. I hope J is at least set with his flat despite the complications.   On the crying thing... I think we all have our own personal relationships to crying and how it fits (or doesn't) in our lives. I don't think it's an all-good or all-bad thing. And yet, it's something our bodies just do. I suppose what matters most is the feelings we have and finding ways to have a handle on them.   The way all of my projects go, I think I'd never expect a tattoo to be finished on schedule. That would be an extremely rare occurrence in my life. But given the commitments involved (including the pain), I can also see how that would be disappointing even if unsurprising.   Who doesn't love a surprise visit from a moose?   Hang in there, friend. The winds *will* shift.

I'm with Toli @DrunkJam. It can be very illuminating just to try things out and see how they feel. I really think this process is one that we have to *feel* our way through. We can't reasonably expect to think it out logically and map out a plan that will get us to where we end up feeling right. It's about taking "the next right step." At least that's been my experience.   I also strongly believe that the label for who/what you are gender-wise (or any-wise, really) isn't all that important. Still, I agree with Toli that tomboy and trans-man have a lot of possibilities in between them, so feeling your way into something in that space may be helpful.   My path is "in the other direction" but is similar in that there's never been a flashing signal telling me "I am a woman," only a small but persistent one saying "I'm definitely not a man." So I've just been feeling my way along the trail away from masculine and observing what feels like it's "mine." It's a slow, trial-and-error process, but I'm enjoying it and I am learning a great deal about who I actually am underneath all of the gender conditioning I've received in my life.   I hope you're able to enjoy the exploration and that it leads you to contentment with yourself and your place in the world.

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Bagman.  I think @StephanieJ really hit on an important point here; it may not be questioning you and your wife's openess that is at issue, but the "other" part of the story, that your child may be really embarrassed or ashamed to admit to or talk about.  It makes it much more complex.   I agree that writing a letter is a good idea, but even better if you can write it in such a way that it hints at what you also know, and that your child doesn't have to talk about that if they don't want to, and that you are OK with everything.  I hope it all works out for you, your wife and your child.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie

I feel like there is some space between tomboy and trans-man that you are not considering?    I have always felt like "not a girl" for sure. But, I really don't think I understand feeling like a man. I don't think I can have that experience? But, you know, I'm exploring and considering and thinking about things.    Right now, I have landed on Transmasculine. Like, I definitely feel masculine enough of centre to go further than non-binary, but I don't *think* I feel more than that?    I am interested in things like hormone therapy, but, not, I think, surgery, and I don't think EITHER of those things is integral to how I see myself? I think it's really just a journey of self discovery, and maybe I stick with tans masculine and that's where, on the gender spectrum I live, or maybe my exploration and feeling takes me somewhere else.    I think it's OK to not be sure, and ti try things out, and to understand it for yourself. I know, for me, it has been a really enlightening and quite joyful journey so far. I also recommend the book "Am I Trans Enough?" which I found very useful .

I don't like that. No one ever cared if I cried, so, I don't have the same connection to it.    But, it is an overwhelming feeling to me, that feels out of control.    I speak as a person who is sitting here with a too-much-crying headache.    Today has been a LOT. A bunch of financial stuff which is about systems being useless, rather than not having actual funds. Meant I had to get my son to do something that mean, to me, I have ULTIMATELY failed. In the WORST way.    AND my tattoo didn't even get finished today! (We did, in my defence, 5 and a half hours, it wasn't that I tapped out, although I am here to tell you that the outside of your actual elbow *hurts* just that there was more to do than anticipated. A lot got done, including a whole new golden eagle, and a load of background. Next time 8/7 (8th July for Americans) will be the rest of the background and an unexpected moose.    I briefly outlined my next plan (which is a chest piece of an octopus extending down and across from my left shoulder - which would preclude the idea of top surgery, which, I mean, my clothing dream is to get dressed with jeans and a t short and ready to go, and not layers of binding etc, BUT surgery seems like too much for me so, it's probably OK? I'm still woking it through my mind) and my artist said it will hurt more than other things I have. So, we'll see, I guess.   I currently feel horrible, and have to also remember to NOT moisturise my new tattoo work as usual, because it's better if you can leave the inside of your elbow longer without doing so)

Love this !!   As an autistic man ive been told i dont cry at "appropriate times" this may be the whole "men dont cry" upbringing i recieved but regardless.   When people die. I dont tend to lose my emotions because it isnt safe.   When im around other people i have to hold it together because it isnt safe    But on the other hand, in the stupidest way... when im playing a video game im enjoying or watching a really really good anime thats giving me goosebumps or i hear some incredible music that makes my hair stand on end !! I literally bawl 😂

Hi everyone, i'm at the stage where i told two of my friends that i'm transgender, but i'm not quite ready to socially transitioning. What could be a good method to explore and express myself more in order to have the confidence to reveal myself to the world? I'm 24 and i feel like a girl for as long as i remember but i've always repressed myself so much to the point where i act as a man all the time in public. I don't know how to gain the courage to dress and everything when i'm outside.  

Other than the hospital's financial supporters being out the money they donated, ie; an extortion by the state, this one is totally wacky except for the kids who needed the prescription / pharmacological support's services which I classify as criminality on behalf of the AG and minions involved. 

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything here, so first of all, hello; second, to be honest, I feel like I’ve been overthinking my gender a lot… I mean, I feel like I’m questioning myself too much about “where’s the line between knowing if I’m a tomboy or a trans man?”   I’ve always described myself as “masculine.” If you ask me how I see myself in 5 to 10 years, it’s either wanting to transition to being a man, or simply already being one (I was born female, just in case). I know I’m overthinking things with thoughts like, “I’m getting confused about a lot of things; maybe it’s because of my past traumas.” I’ve also been talking about this with my therapists, but that fear still lingers. I’m still afraid of all this and of “feeling like I’m wrong”—any advice?

There must be a reason for the list.  

The part about them keeping a list of "potential" patients is really weird.