This is my working theory, too. Neuro- and cognitive scientists are increasingly finding that the human brain isn't evolved to perceive reality but to *predict*. Survival and advanced development rely heavily on an ability to predict accurately what is most likely to happen. And it's wired into our brains.   Unfortunately, we use that "power" in all kinds of places where it really doesn't work well. We categorize absolutely everything so that we think we "understand" it and know what will happen with it - including people. If someone doesn't look or behave the way we think they "should," we *really* don't like that, because we don't know what to expect from them.   It takes awareness to overcome that wiring, and lots of people are unable or unwilling to consider that their own behavior may be unreasonable or ineffective.

Hi @Nina M👋 I know what you mean about self care. It's now become important to me, too. For me, it provides powerful self affirmation, something I have sorely needed.

Hi @Amber48  Welcome! I’m a newby here, too. Excited and scared. Can’t wait to share the journey with you.

Both. An explosion went off in my head each step i took: shaving legs, female underwear, clothes and attraction stuff. I get high putting on my female clothes. Hate boymodding. Also super fearful of the future and equally excited. Hoping this site helps me progress.

Great stories - I am so scared.  New to this site. Hoping it helps. I'm 48 so good to see regular adults in here.

Egg cracked closeted trans girl looking for community. Fed up of being alone. Looking for friends, mentors, advocates to continue on my female journey. Stats below. I am shy, introverted and scared. Need friends basically. Name : Amber Age : 48 Height : 5ft 6  Weight : 140 (want to be 110) Location : Seattle, USA Likes : pet, praise, fun, friends, lotions Dislikes : findom illegal stuff Favorite Movie : Big Lebwowski Hobby : snow, board games, video games, stephen king

I don't know.   I mean, attraction is attraction, it only impacts your interpretation of your sexuality when something bumps in to that? Usually, that means, in terms of people struggling with being attracted to transgender people, genitalia. Which you would only see / know in a small number of cases of attraction?    People are expansive in terms of the possibilities of who they can be.    Other people are closed off to the possibility of someone being independent and NOT who they decide they want (honestly, there are cis gendered men who think women wearing makeup is tantamount to trickery, because they haven't spent enough time with *actual* women to realise that humans look different without makeup. There are cis gendered men who won't wipe their own butts because it's 'gay'   I feel like people not liking transgender people is mostly just people who cannot cope with a bigger set of human possibilities. They need easy. 

@Heather Shay - It's OK. I may have over reacted. I am having a tricky time.    Luckily, I am in Cardiff, (it's Pride weekend, but I have opted out of ACTUAL pride, because, fragile, BUT, I managed to get myself tattooed (solidarity / safe person safety pin) EVEN THOUGH the sign said fully booked, because I am in the tattooed community now, and, it's worth chancing it. Tattooing helps me reset.    I ALSO may have acquired cocktails AND pronoun pins at The Queer Emporium    I still feel fragile, but I am sorry to have been so snappish. 

I have been reading a lot about transphobia-fear, transmisia- hatred, lately. I have read many reasons- from experts- why people feel the way they do towards transgender people. This can range from fear of the unknown, strict binary gender norms,  religious and cultural forms, as well as others. However, I think it is simpler explanation, and that being sex. Heterosexual men are attracted to women and when they see a trans woman and are attracted to them they fear that this makes them gay. And women that dislikes transgender man, can feel the same way. Women who are in an relationship and finds out that the man they fell in love with is transsexual, they fear that this might make them look gay to others. It is not that they don't still love that person, I believe they do, it's just the feeling the need of a man is strong within them. Some women who enjoy their femininity fear, and hate, transgender woman for trying to take what they have-femininity. The thing that draws men to them and the fear men might be attracted to the transgender woman and not them. At the same time, they are afraid that a transgender woman may look better than them, a generic female. Of course this is just my thoughts on the subject, and am no way or form, an expert. I am just stating what I feel is behind a lot of hatred towards transgender people.   Sarah.

gender euphoria is better than drugs

I started therapy 16 years ago because I was unable to be in a healthy relationship either because i'd pick the people who I knew were not a good match and I just wanted to be with someone or the ones who were good for me I would scare away with my insecurities. I would have not had the clarity I have today if it wasn't for therapy. Therapy was my safe space to just explore ALL of my feelings. There were no constraints. I could talk about my desire to look different and feel different and about how my whole brain had evolved since I started HRT. I've told my therapist things I hadn't told anyone before and it felt so liberating. most of my life I held on to thoughts and feelings that i was afraid to share out of fear of judgement. I found out I was my own worst critic and that I had way more control of my life than I thought. A lot of things became clearer about my gender identity because i was able to talk about them and explore the feelings with my therapist. I realized my path was unique. Initially i thought I wanted to stay nonbinary forever and sometimes I still do. But lately I've been feeling the pull to explore more femininity. (The body changes that I experienced after several months of starting HRT were quite affirming. I enjoy my softer skin, thinner body hair, and my tiny breasts.) I realized that I was being very hard of myself for not realizing sooner that my gender identity was never male.  I was a product of society and a very macho culture that would have never allowed me to be anything else. I realized I had to step away from circles and spaces where I felt oppressed if I expressed myself in ways other than those expected by those around me. I was always uncomfortable around cisgender heterosexual people because I knew i did not fit in.  It took a long time for me to work through childhood trauma and abuse and if it was not for therapy I don't think i could have done it on my own. it sounds like you want to approach this as a project that needs to be completed but all of this is way more complex because you have so many variables and some of those are out of anyone's control.  but maybe I'm wrong and for some people things are very clear and the path to their truest self is very clear. In my gender exploration i realized that things were never linear for me. I couldn't think of this as a project that needed to be worked and figured out and tied nicely with a bow at the end of it. I wake up knowing that I allow myself to be whoever I want to be (as long as it's safe for me and my family) and that who I am may change or it may become clearer that i identify as a trans woman and I allow myself to be okay with all of that. I try to find peace within and approach life with kindness and love, every day. This is due to the HRT. I really believe that. When I started taking HRT I was scared that suddenly I would feel like I had to identify as a woman and I had to fully transition in order to be seen and accepted as a woman (transwoman). I am working through all of that with my therapist. I was loosing sleep over the fact that with my body and voice I could never pass as a cis woman and it seemed to me that I was removing myself from a the box of being a masculine male (to please others) and placing myself into a box of being a feminine passing female (also mostly to please others).  I don't want boxes anymore and I want to be myself and express myself in a way that works for me and feels right for me. Having a spouse has made all of this more complicated. And that is an understatement. I've worked through a lot of my grief in therapy. At first I was angry that my spouse "was not okay" with me becoming a different person than the one he knew.  I gave it sometime and then I became curious about his reasons and I listened. I went from "how dare you not be cool with this" to "I see your limitations and I am working on being more patient about your processing of all of this". Our relationship has never been stronger but also less certain and I am okay with that. Just as I try to find the happiest version of myself, i know that he deserves to figure out who he is truly happy with even if that isn't me. One thing that threw me off was that he'd always say "i'm happy for you. I support you" but the more real it became and the more different I became from the person he married 13 years ago, the less it felt like he was happy for me and the less he seemed to want to support it all. Once I told him i'd made up my mind and I was fully transitioning and he basically said that it wouldn't work out for him and we'd have to figure out a way to start separating romantically and everything else.  My post is all over that place. full disclosure i do have ADD.  Can't wait to hear more about your exploration. I'm happy for you.    

Ah the weekend hath arrived!   We are having a Luau today.  I wanted to find a grass skirt and coconut bra but no luck except on Amazon and their delivery was too late.  I did manage to find an inexpensive blouse and I have a skirt I think will work with it so that’s how I’m going.     @Tiana my fiction story was written as part of my initial mental therapy when I first started going to a therapist at 69 years old and was diagnosed.  It was assigned or even suggested it was something strictly for me.  My wife found out I was writing something at night and asked to see it.  I had finished it but it wasn’t for anyone else so I deleted it.  Now, is it possible that I still have a “hidden” copy hidden away? Yes I’m pretty sure I know where it is.  Do I intend to bring it to light ever again? Not a chance.   @awkward-yet-sweet I like your quote.  You can still surprise me with the things you know.   @KymmieL, my after-market radio works great.  Unfortunately, I can’t say that about the speakers. I am having to power the reverse camera independently.  I thought I could power it through the backup lights but that’s not working so I’ve brought wiring to the front and will hook it up to an independent switch so that I can turn it on and off as needed.  But the first thing I have to do is flip the image over.  I thought there was a setting for that but I can’t find it now nor can I find the mirror image.  I guess I’ll have to disconnect the battery and reconnect it when I’ve got the camera on so the radio settings are reset .  That’s the only time I’ve seen what I need to change it.      

I am dreadfully sorry @DrunkJamI guess I wasn't thinking and it was a horrible thing to say. I cannot express how hard it is to be mis-gendered and especially from one of us here in the forum. Please, please, please accept my sincerest apologies. God, I feel awful and you do I'm sure.

There is no edit, and I don't want to make anyone feel bad, but, I actually took the time to SAY yesterday, on a different thread, that I often feel that you have to be a specific KIND of trans to fit in on here....   Turns out, if you are not, you can *actually* just be erased. On the other hand, it might be that *I* am not necessarily causing the feeling of not belonging... 

Another Poem   Everyday is a big day, especially when you're transforming. It's like being in a circus, because your life is about performing.   Today I will become more visible, to the people who think that they know me. Funny enough; most people don't know the me that they think the see.   But, it's not my day, it belongs to my eldest son and father. I just want to fade into the background, Heck, I'd be somewhere else if I could.   They'll all see me, and those that don't will soon hear. Lydia is me,  and if they can't handle that:   F*** them!  I exist and I am loved.

@Heather Shay It would be lovely, considering the nature of this as a trans friendly forum, NOT to be included with *ladies*.   Who knew there are trans people NOT aiming at feminine?!

@HeatherI have felt for a long time like a part of me was frozen or something at about 12 or 13. Just now occurred to me that maybe it was related to longing for a second chance at puberty, hoping to get it right???   I initiated a follow up conversation with my wife last night. All is still good relationally. In fact, we have a fun date night planned. I will still be presenting male, but wearing fun expressive guys stuff. She’s cool with more expressive clothing, maybe pushing androgynous boundaries. Male/neutral jewelry is ok. So is applying a clear coat to my nails. But there is definitely a “Proceed With Caution” sign up. We agree that I should focus on my internal feelings before presenting openly. She really liked my idea of adding art therapy to my ongoing therapy and work on expressing myself and my feelings creatively. it will be a lot of small baby steps for now. I do feel a bit less dysphoric and definitely more at peace with myself. 

Can't even pick out flats,right.