Toli @DrunkJam, I'm so glad you had some restorative experiences in Cardiff this weekend after the week you had. It's so helpful to get those occasional reminders that the things you want from life DO exist, and the necessary slog through the muck CAN lead us to a better place. Even better when we see some of the clues to the shifts we need to make - and they come from the INSIDE.     I feel this, too. For me, it's that I'm not (at all, really) interested in the "How do I pass/present to feel better?" kinds of questions, because I'm well aware that it works the other way around for me: How I *look* (and how others perceive me) doesn't govern how I feel. Instead, how I feel about myself will influence what I feel comfortable doing/expressing/sharing, and people will perceive that however they will.   I truly believe that, for most of us, there is *something* we all have in common that is a drive to feel within ourselves that we are and can just BE in the world something truly authentic. Where I deviate significantly from most here is that I think gender is a completely artificial social construct, like political parties or sports fandoms. There's nothing "wrong" with it, but it isn't an essential quality of anything. So, for me, what we're seeking is much broader than anything that can be achieved with clothing or hair or even surgery. Because of their psychological/emotional effects, hormones *may* be different.   It's this underlying inner truth, the pursuit, the sorting signal from noise, the clues, the recognition, the allowing/cultivating, sharing of that that's what really matters to me. And this is all extremely challenging to do, especially in a world where we are actively coerced from all angles to conform and consume. But that's my dream. And, as Toli said, I will do my best to bring that to these forums.

Do you think piercing and tattooing helps / hinders your gender expression?    I am a very tattooed person (and I have discovered that there is a point at which that tips over into belonging to the tattoo community at large, which, especially in the summer, when more of my tattoos are visible, I really like it, and it feels really UN gendered.)   I am *also* a very pierced person, and the two things do NOT always go together in terms of community and identity.    I was wondering how people feel about these things in terms of their identity? (I do not feel more OR less masculine identified due to mine)    I also find the process of getting them done helps me with mindfulness type stuff, bringing me to now, and helping me relax into just *being* in the right now. It's quite meditative. Maybe that's true for other people too? 

This week, I have been really struggling with ALL of my baggage, and my gender identity has felt like a heavy thing to put on top of all of it.    Therapy on Tuesday was especially challenging (in NON gender identity ways, mostly) and I have been recovering ALL week.    I hid myself in Cardiff for the weekend (it's Pride) I learnt a LOT about myself, and about people and it has helped me a lot.   Being a very tattooed person is a place in a community of its own. I can walk into a fully booked, no appointments available studio, and get small work done anyway, which really helps me reset.    I actually went to Pride (for ten minutes, it was too much for me, I need to find QUIET places to meet people, where do the quiet LGBTQ+ people go to meet people?) But I had no ticket (because I gave mine away in the morning) but they let me in anyway, because I asked nicely.    People are, in my experience, and unless they are related to me, NICE. Maybe this is why I don't have the (being a) trans person fear?   I got vegan pizza which was awesome.    I spoke to a very dear friend in DAYLIGHT HOURS, which was LOVELY   I bought a new shirt.    And this morning, I got a new piercing (which I am not entirely certain how much I love it, but I love that I know how it feels, and if I decide to take it out in some months / for work, it won't leave ANY mark) AND I picked up some of my family's EXTRA favourite doughnuts to take home. And now I am on the train home.    I DID Hide and cry SOME as was my original plan, but I feel like my skin has felt the sun, and I have had experiences and done things that make the weekend worth the travel.    I DON'T have support around me, and this week I FELT that.    I would like MORE. And I feel like the forum is a space I can bring SOME things, but, I do also feel that SOMETIMES, it is a bit short on the kind of gender questions I want to ask etc. So, I would like to see more of that (I should try to BE more of that I guess) 

Hi Amber and welcome. Best thing you can do imho is find a trans peer support group in your area and go to a meeting. Go in boy mode if you have to, they'll still welcome you. Trust me, online is a great start, but hanging out with irl trans folks will really help. 

Heather, my lovely, I am really sorry for my snappy comment. I sometimes feel like a bit of a lone FtM (ish) voice, and so, might have kid of over protected that space? I understood it wasn't malicious, and I am very willing to just put it behind me (honestly, people have been gendering me in that direction for a LOT of years, it will take a LOT of time and effort for people (and sometimes even me!) to routinely not do so.    I think we can (I HOPE we can) move forward together from this, and everything will be fine and we can share experiences and I can benefit from all your knowledge and kindness. 

The fight goes on for all.

Still struggling with my internal thoughts.

Do you have support around you? Does this forum help you? How can we help more?

Thank you and I love that you are moving ahead. Those are brave steps and I am proud of you. And no, you did not overact. You deserve respect and dignity, ALWAYS.

Hi @Amber48glad you are here and know you have found a place of safety and community. You are not alone. Love Big Lebowski and Stephen King and many other things you've mention. You you can ask whatever you need to ask and be greeted by people who get it and understand and are willing to give you advice based on personal experience, not telling you what you should do, because you are YOU, whatever you feel is right for you but with love and truth and honesty for you to have others perspectives. Hugs. Heather

Welcome, Amber! Needing to find community as I discovered my true identity was what brought me here, as well! Excitement. Fear. It seems that we all go through those emotions. And then, suddenly, you look around and just the excitement remains.   I'm so glad you found our community. Please let me know if I can be of assistance!

That's a perfect approach, Dave. Finding your look, your style are all part of the process and many of us plunge into it spending lots of money that gets wasted on things that really aren't right for us. Slow and steady wins the race. My first wig purchase was a total failure. It was the color I probably could have been when I was young, but at 68, gray is my best color.

Welcome to TGP forums, Dave! I'm sorry to be late in welcoming you!! Thank you for sharing so much of your story with us. You've gone through a lot in your life and it's only natural that you feel some confusion and mixed emotions. Adding in the stresses of family illness, aging parents and other strains, it's no wonder you're feeling confused.   But, you are right that it's time to focus on you. As you know, life is short and living without taking the time to fully comprehend who YOIU are just denies you of the happiness of discovering your true self. Perhaps that's Dave, just who you are. Perhaps that's a gay version of Dave. Perhaps that's a Dave who loves to embrace the feminine aspects of himself and becomes "Diane" (or whatever name you choose) through crossdressing. And perhaps that's a new, feminine you who opts to embrace some amount of transition to become the real "you."    The reality is that gender is a spectrum, not an either/or world that much of our society wants to embrace...because it's easier to understand. Gender is much more complex, as you're feeling it to be as you deal with the various emotions and feelings you have.   It's so good that you're going to work with a therapist. I noted you were having some difficulty finding one. Heather mentioned the options of finding one on-line. That's how I found mine. She lives in KY and I'm in PA. I've been working withe her for over 3 years and we've only ever met through a Zoom-like platform. That form of therapy may not work for you but it's been perfect for me.   In any case, you're never too late to begin the journey. Many of us, especially in our generation, started late. I was 68, now 71 and began hormone therapy a little less than a year ago. Understanding what was causing all of those thoughts and emotions and then embracing who I truly am has been life-changing and so very emotionally rewarding.    Feel free to reach out to if I can be of any assistance.

I’m new to this and I bought an inexpensive one on Amazon, it was under $25. I’m only wearing it at home to see how I like it, love it by the way, so spending a lot right now isn’t a priority for me.