@Jamma, I'm so sorry. Your co-workers' behavior has crossed the line from inappropriate to cruel. I would hope that their supervisor would have something serious to say about all of it. I can't quite understand how the organization is allowing this to happen.   It's completely understandable that this would be upsetting to you, because it truly is horrible that people would even want to do this. It feels like something 13-year-olds might do - and would be punished for doing it. I would unquestionably be upset if this happened to me, and I would remind management that it's illegal.   But, please, PLEASE don't let them erode your sense of self. Don't give that power to them. This is *entirely* about who THEY are, not about who you are. They can't tell you how you look or how you feel. They obviously wouldn't have the first clue, because they don't know even how to conduct themselves.   I *really* encourage you to talk to management or HR. I'm all for lightheartedness in the workplace, but this is openly hostile and should be reported. You can do that in a very calm way.   But if there's one thing I want you to know above all others, it's that this is in no way about you. There is nothing about you that warrants this treatment.

I'm so sorry that this is the case, @Max THis is hard stuff.    I don't know whether there are debt relief / support plans and agencies out there?    I will see what I can find out. (I will not do anything weird - I'm too old and technology challenged, but I am handy with google)

Oh @Jamma, lovely, PLEASE do something about this. This is wrong, and almost certainly illegal, in several ways.    This is *allowed* to bother you. it's horrible to do this to you.    It's ALSO (on top of everything else) A hostile work environment. Whether or not you are a trans person.    It's OK to have ALL the feelings you are having.    But, don't throw away the things that you like, and that bring you happiness. Not worrying about what you call yourself or those things, but, try to hold on to the happy stuff, so that it can help you, when you feel safer again, to get back to the exploring. Exploring is GOOD. You don't need a destination yet. 

(The picture is the actual framed picture they put up....) there are more  Okay..... So a small warning this is going be a particularly negative post... So it happened a lot sooner than I was expecting and im a little confused by how it makes me feel.   So the guys at work took the joke to a whole new level. I rarely let stuff bother me (learnt not to from being bullied) so to say I have a thick skin is an under statement.   Anyway. They decided to use chat GPT and find a picture of me from my 10 year old linked in profile I forgot i had.... to create a few awful videos I wont share and a FRAMED PICTURE that is now on display at work that i will show at the bottom..   Now with that context.   I am not currently considering myself trans as i am still exploring. But this has made me not want to be.. which is awful. Like the amount of shame and negativity I feel when looking at this photo theyve made actually hurts. If thats what I look like, I dont want it. It makes me just want to curl up and disappeare for a while....   Like I know this is borderline or perhaps even not borderline a hate crime and that isnt even what's bothering me. Its the way this "joke" has made me feel about myself when they dont even know what im currently going through and are taking advantage of me being a relaxed kinda personality.    Im not one to take things further and tbh i kinda hate confrontation. I havent let them know it bothers me but the fact that IT DOES bother me, actually bothers me more...   Either way I feel like crap..

my biggest downers when looking in a mirror while dressed are my receding hair line, my gut the hair on my arms ( i would shave them but people would notice and ask questions im not ready for)    

not really. my family is starting to drown in debt and we're focusing on getting my moms car paid for, my mom paying back my grandpa for his help, and my grandpa using that money to pay off his debit card.

im only 5ft 10 but i feel you with the wide shoulders and chest

Yes ive tried these and they seem to help make the outfits feel and look better ! Ive never considered thr hip ones    Yes honestly. I am a large man. Wide shoulders, wide chest, very big legs from carrying around so much weight. Tall.  Its basically impossible to feel feminine 😂   I get a lot of negative feelings looking in the mirror because I dislike the way I look but like the clothes. Its tricky for sure 😂

@Jamma We may have to compare notes. I’m the same height and waist as you. 😄 I am not as far along in the transition process, but I have been checking out tall women’s clothing sites to see what could be feasible. I think for dresses, some HRT would be needed to redistribute the body fat and develop the bust line enough to really make them fit nicely. My problem is that my shoulders are so wide that I have issues with men’s clothing fitting properly, much less women’s wear. Guess I’ll have to follow the WNBA to see what they are wearing. I’m really beginning to envy the not-so-tall and slightly built men who have a much easier time with feminine clothing.

Since my egg cracked at the age of 34 i have been constantly asking myself what if   what if i was born a girl? what would my life have been?    as a child i never had any female friends and just hung around other boys i feel in the 90's and early 2000's boys and girls didnt hang out together much or maybe its just me   is it common to feel like i missed the chance to experience my childhood as a girl? i feel like i missed things like sleepovers, learning to use makeup, going clothes shoppingand all of the other female bonding activities    im 38 now and i worry that its too late to have these experiences 

hi Jamma   have you looked into body shaping? having hip pads and breastforms helped me to feel less like "a man in a dress" and more like a woman 

all of the previous post are like looking in a mirror. i struggle a lot with lowering my internal defences i constantly push people away in fear i may let something about my gender struggles slip. i question whether im really trans or just deluding myself and thinking am i trans enough to transition if i decide to. could i even commit to such a huge life change  

I completely understand, my work keep wanting me in staff pictures for their Facebook page, but I’m not there yet. I hope you are settling in nicely here and can continue to grow 🫶

thank you Marai it feels so good to be able to open up.  

@Jessica Louise I’m so glad you joined us. For many of us it’s the first place where we could truly express who we are and what we are feeling. And I can see myself in you and some of what you are experiencing. Sometimes it hits home. Thank you for sharing. Hugs, Marai

Good morning   @KymmieL I know where you are coming from.  A couple of weeks ago I was as close as I’ve ever been to suicide. I even told my wife after I came down.  Only difference I see hear is I specifically used the word suicide.  My Dr. is adding another mood adjusting medication to my SRI med. She first suggested something I’d already tried when I was under the care of a Psychiatrist that actually made things worse and I told her about that, so she switched to a different class of add-on.   things are better now although I don’t have the new med yet, I just met with my doctor yesterday.  my wife has adjusted her attitude.  And I admit that I am stressing out over things that include her attitude as well as our finances.  I know the finances will get better but not necessarily quickly.   subject change anybody watch the USA vs Bosnia-Hertz Covina Soccer match last night?  I’m not into Soccer / Football but that was some game.   Especially when the US scored short handed.  That was the only FIFA game I’ve watched. But, I actually enjoyed it.    

Don't apologise! Of course you are allowed to vent here!    I send you a *hug*    Gender is a wierd and ridiculous thing. What does it even mean? What even *is* a categorically masculine or feminine trait? I can't think of one.    Although, I cannot paint my nails or do makeup properly. Just not a thing I can do. Luckily I don't need to.    The secrecy must be exhausting, and I am sorry for that.    *I* genuinely believe you are valid, and you ARE allowed to be you, and that is a beautiful and valuable and right thing.    And honestly, what is it that other people are objecting to? Other people's experience of YOUR gender can only really ever be external, so, now, these are adult humans complaining about a person being allowed to choose their own clothes and hairstyle? Appearance means *that* much?! Ridiculous.   And I *know* that there are genuine safety issues (and, I always have a 'you're safe with me' badge on me, just in case, I am out and about. ANYONE can ask me to be company to go to the toilet - I mean, I use which ever one is most available as long as it feels safe, a middle aged gentleman allowed me to use the mens room before him the other week, even though it is pretty obvious..., or approach me if they are feeling unsafe alone.) But, I want someone to have told you, you can be real and yourself, and that MEANS something.     

There are so many. I'll start with "What is the source of consciousness?"

my bed is comfy and the world right now is cruel and unrelenting especially for those like us we are told to be ourselves but we must conform to societies view of gender were told to be unique in a cookie cutter way we are told that if you are trans your valid but whne we are attacked and murdered they say its our fault    i just want to be me and the fear that my family and friends are so set in thier ways that if i become some one they dont reconiese even if im happier and more productive then  im wrong i started growing my hair out after my brothers wedding and all anyne says is when are you getting it shaved off   im starting to find joy dressing feminenly when i try make up i feel a buzz painting my nails feels right i want to go out side as jessica im tired of having to keep it a big secret for the sake of others but im also terrified of losing every thing i have becouse others wont accept it   im sorry Toli im venting here finding this site and guys like you mean i can share what im bottling up