Glad to see you hanging in there Jamma.     

New new  as the above was meant to be posted Sunday*   Ive thrown myself into some art and making some gifts for a few friends so im feeling a lot better today. Ive got therapy tomorrow so will talk about everything then but being creative and making things for friends has a way of soothing the soul haha   Onwards and upwards. I bought a majorly cute skirt so ill give that a go to ease back in haha

(Not sure if this posted, I went to type a new message and this was still here so sorry if this is a double up)     I saw some friends today so got a chance to chill and relax.    I thought about cross dressing a bit today but immediately put myself off. It sucks cause these people dont know what im going through internally and even the nastiness of it aside ive always had major issues around self image and as you can probably imagine this hasn't helped, especially as it specifically around fem clothes and the way I look. Its like even though this isnt like a big, loud, aggressive thing thats happening it still set me back a lot and that feeling of taking 2 steps forwards over months of effort to get knocked 3 steps back this easily sucks...   Generally im okay and I hate confrontation to a level were I sometimes let people walk over me just to avoid it (this is a problem I know)   Its suprised me how much this specific opinion of myself has affected me so much because of the context of the way it has been bought up if that makes sense ? Like normally other peoples negative opinions of me dont really bother me but because I guess it hit a little closer to my own insecurities ??   The worst part about it is they didnt even do it maliciously or as like a way to be horrible to me. They did it as a joke because in generally easy going and its been the running joke messing with the other guy so is fresh on their mind. Im finding it hard to justify the way its affected me when they didnt do it to be mean but as a joke and they cant "know" how a joke will be taken...   So even though its set me back and its been a bit crap, I feel like im unjustified because of the intentions and because im normally "in on the banter" if that makes sense and cant chose when I am and am not affected ??   Anyway sorry thats a little ranty but thank you for the message. I appreciate being considered 😄

Hi @MattMatters Welcome! So good to meet you!  Jump in, you must have loads of experience and stuff to share! 

Good to see you back, @Mmindy. Great news about your business. Hopefully everything goes smoothly.    Had the younger two grandsons over on the weekend. Had a good time. Almost had a fingernail painting party with my youngest grandson. But time got away from us. When he dropped them off. Our middle son told me that our youngest grandson brought some nail polish.    My moods have been like a yo-yo. up on second down the next. My insomnia hasn't been as bad lately. but never know I may flair up again.    Hugs, All   Kymmie

Hi, Matt! Welcome! Please join in conversations anywhere you feel comfortable.

Welcome Larry!    Its good to hear you know who you are so quickly. It sucks when its not safe to be your authentic self yet but thats whats cool about places like this! You can freely be you! Is youe profile pic from the same universe as danganronpa? If not please correct me im curious about it :D

Its nice to meet you Yvonne,    Thank you for sharing parts of your life with us. My condolenses for Anneli. Its beautiful how life brought the two of you back together one last time. Im a young one and it always warms my heart to see older trans folk living authentically.

Welcome, Matt!  It is good to have you here.   Feel free to browse the site, read and join in on conversations, or start your own.  You'll find lots of people with similar experiences.

Welcome to TGP, Yvonne. You'll discover quite a few of us here in that same generation who suppressed those inner feelings for decades until finally accepting our truth. I was 68 when I began transition. Now 71 I just finished my first year on hormone therapy. Life is amazing.

Hello there! Curious about the title? Well my deadname is shared with a fictional witch and my name is shared with a character from Voltron Legendary Defenders. I came up with the idea for such a title when I just cracked my egg. It was a whirlwind of chaos. I could get into it more later but it could it could be triggering for some so ill just give the quick highlights.    One of the moments that made me question my gender was when i saw my dad walking around shirtless and I asked why cant i do that while taking off my shirt. My mom was flustered and upset about it but i didnt get why i couldnt do that.    Another time was when some lady called me a boy when i was in elementry school. I got this light bubbly feeling and i couldnt name it. My mom got mad and then mad at me for not being upset about it.    One time during roll call I said here to another kids name (my now legal name Matthew) and i couldnt tell them why I did. It just felt right.    Another time for halloween i decided to dress up as a sterotypical cisguy like fratrbro type. And i felt so...comfortable wearing the new mens boxers, the short black haired wig, the backwards hat. Also my Dad thought i was a freind that came over and not me and i felt the light tingly feeling again (that was euphoria i later found out)   Another time before i discovered myself and trasistioned i hyperfixated on the transgender experience and asked my mom to buy a collection of trans memoirs and to get her to buy it i said i was just curious (to be fair i thought i was just curious too but the egg was cracking)    Fastforword life got really crazy i hit rock bottom and during that i realized im not cisgender im trans!    Came out in 2017   Got on hrt in 2020 and Legally changed my name 2021

The best way to describe California is that while we do not have things perfectly the way that our most vocal Trans Activists are demanding in every detail, we are much safer and more openly accepted than all too many other places.  Political rhetoric against us is limited and can mostly be traced to groups coming in to the state from other areas, although we do have one segment of the state where we grow our own antagonists.  I just stay out of that area, and the occasional neighborhood even in the safest parts. 

You showed me something on my phone Can’t even remember what it was When you leaned over And touched my hand I just lost my breath I just lost my breath   Dark and curly hair Just brushed against my face Your eyes looked right into mine I was an open book For anyone to see I fell for you I fell for you   I couldn’t think straight I couldn’t act straight I couldn’t feel straight With you so near   That I fell for you Must have been obvious To everyone in that room Your lips were close If I had turned my head We could have kissed We could have kissed   Don’t wanna think straight Don’t wanna act straight Don’t wanna feel straight When you are here

Welcome Yvonne, like you I ended up as an addict, married, purged, and had children.  I did my best to be what I was “  supposed “ to be.  Fortunately I also went to a 12 step AA program and am still active there. At 5 years of sobriety I came out to my home group.  I was 63.  I started going to women’s or LGBTQ meetings.  Now those meetings are quite accepting and we have developed Zoom meetings for the trans and gay community. Nearly 15 years later I’ve found a peace with myself and this world I never expected.     Hugs,   Charlize

I’m sure those of you living in California have some mixed feelings about you governor but that certainly a positive move for our community.   Hugs,   Charlize

Thank you for sharing that powerful poem.   Hugs,   Charlize

Find the light that guides you

In the midst of internal strife.