Well I have already shared how great my morning was. I had a great conversation with a woman. Butterflies feeling happened. I want the feeling to never end but as always good things must come to an end. I don’t even know how she feels about me. We are Facebook friends and had an amazing conversation. It was just the first conversation. I wished I didn’t fall so hard so quickly. It only tends to end in ways that are opposite of what I hope. I have been optimistic believe it or not but all the crap I have faced has changed me. I would love if things would actually go my way and stay like that for a while. I hope I can become optimistic again one day. I’m already for her to say she doesn’t want me. I don’t know what is worse borderline personality disorder or gender dysphoria. I want to be with someone but I’m tired of the being ghosted, or just getting hurt in general. There have been somethings that went ok. As I knew it she doesn’t like me that way. I wasn’t even looking but those damn stupid butterflies got my hopes up. I just want my luck to actually be lucky. Love sucks so many hopes and dreams and it all gets thrown right back at you. The good thing though is she did say wanted to be friends. 

Most of the time, I use that logic.  But there is a little more to life than being 100% stoic and practical.   I tend to fantasize about this zero depth option a lot.  I've always thought it would be fun to be with someone without that thing between my legs.  Male or female.  Peeing in a different way is enticing as well.  Although either VP option is exotic, I tend to think of ZD as more exotic and I like the idea of being in that class.  Right now money is stopping me, but I'm on a list.  Also, the fear and paranoia about surgery is huge with me.  I've spent my whole life trying to be as healthy as I can be and avoid surgery at all costs, but now I'm considering doing it voluntarily?  Like many of us, these feelings go way back, but I put them in the closet because I thought it would be a bad outcome.  I suppose that the older I get the more I'm like, well, there is less to lose now.  It's likely my life is 75% completed anyway.

That sounds awesome. There are many makeup tutorial videos on youtube these days. I've watched some of makeup artists who transform themselves into different celebrities of different genders by contouring. It is amazing. This video, for example. Gives you the idea of what's possible. But I imagine there are other videos which explain how to and what products to use.  

Ashley cute  zoom tonight? what time..are there emailed links?   floral skirt n top fir meetings hugs

An older pic I used in my bio thread returned a result of "woman" with an 82.17% confidence. I tend not to like to share data with sites like that, but heck...

I was distracted when I wrote that question, "I would love to know how you have come to this conclusion."

I would love how you have come to this?   I have no idea what people think about me when I'm in public. Do they think I'm a cross dresser? Do they see me as a woman? One guy approached me pretty aggressively when I left a store and held the door open for him. He walked straight at me with unbroken eye contact until he "took the door from me". Otherwise, I just go about my business. My eldest has noted my walk is femme and "slay" in the parlance of the youth, as are my makeup and outfits according to the 16yo. Depending on whom I'm speaking with I'll tend to be more comfortably feminine, some men I've known for a while I tend to "mute" my femininisms subconsciously. Most women however, even those I've known solely from my masculine past, I am super comfortable being myself with. Of note I met my former manager, whom I last saw a year ago, for lunch yesterday and I was quite comfortable in my feminine self. I had a beard at our last lunch meeting!    

Interesting point of view. I wished I felt confident but it always goes away every time I get clocked. I try to not care about other opinions but I wished I was actually passable. 

If only I looked that much in person. I’m tired of getting clocked all the time. 

Post 15 “Being Recognized as a Woman” I’m not pretty.  I’m over six feet tall before I put on heels.  I don’t have any physical characteristics that are particularly feminine.  Put plainly, it takes a tremendous amount of effort to ensure I am recognized as a woman when I’m presenting that way.  Oh sure, I have given lots of thought about feminization surgeries or HRT to enhance my feminine looks, but as someone who embraces a part-time lifestyle, those options just aren’t right for me.   Instead, I chose a different path that included different strategies.  The first was to learn to employ the magic of makeup.  If I couldn’t physically alter my facial characteristics, I wanted to learn how to camouflage them; makeup did that for me after I learned the proper techniques.  The next strategy was to learn how wardrobe could make my shapeless male body curvier and more feminine looking.  And the final strategy was to learn how to walk, talk, and move more like a woman.    These strategies combined, yielded amazing results, and I find the proof is in my ability to walk among civilians while being recognized and treated like a woman.  I know I’m not fooling most people, but those that do recognize I wasn’t born female, still treat me as though I was.  It’s a great feeling, and to me, this is passing, plain and simple.  Acknowledging I could never be stealthy, I think this form of passing is all I could hope for.   The strategies above have significantly enhanced my feminine presentation.  I present in such a way the people I meet aren’t confused about my gender.  My makeup, hair, wardrobe, and my mannerisms all tend to exude femininity, and send an overt message that I expect to be treated as a woman.  Factoring in my high level of self-confidence, the combination tends to be overpowering.  Being a self-confident trans woman, starts with feeling beautiful on the inside, which is tied directly to my appearance and the way I walk, talk, and move.  Ultimately, being self-confident is infectious and people react positively to those who possess it.    By focusing on my feminine presentation and exuding self-confidence, I have come a long way.  There was a time when I was recognized more often than not as a crossdresser, and it was quite clear I wasn’t passing.  This is no longer the case.  Now, I am always recognized and treated as a woman, and clearly, I seem to be passing quite well.  I think it goes to show that being recognized as a woman has very little to do with outer beauty.  Instead, it’s how we feel about ourselves, and that can be heavily influenced by our feminine presentation and our self-confidence.      Hugs,   Sally

That looks lovely. 

Yes or a boyfriend. Someone to share how the day went. Cuddling up on the couch with a movie or just even listening to their heartbeat.    Yikes that’s crazy how busy they are! I’m sorry. I know how you feel about the VA moving people around. 

Could be.  You might be on to something.

That’s horrible! Mississippi is almost as bad. There’s no care for minors. Adults are probably going to be next. I went to psych ward multiple times because of multiple attempts to commit suicide. I was afraid to come out at the time and the medications that I was on wasn’t scratching the surface. Lithium put me too much like a comatose state.   

(or a boyfriend for that matter) I get this for sure.  I hate Facebook, but maybe?  IDK.   I went up to the VA today and met my new therapist.  The old one (that I loved) moved into a different job.  The new one is very nice too.  Unfortunately it will be a few months before the next session.  They're pretty busy up there.  After that they will be monthly.

Perhaps the reality is that everyone in the world is high on hormones, either natural or synthetic.

We had our 1st Pride Festival last fall on the court square of this small southern city.  It went well. We had a few of them, but they were pretty much ignored.   I wore what I do every day (a dress).  But I did add a longer wig with purple streaks.  Jewelry is good if you have some.  I'm wearing some rainbow earrings at the moment. It is a great feeling to be able to get out in public with a bunch of other folks like yourself.  I met a guy I knew from many years ago there - not trans, but queer now. We are going to do it again this year. I probably shouldn't go into that here.

Heck feel free to write more lol. I write books at times lol. I’m trying to be more active on this form like I was. Having two kids has definitely kept me busy. It’s wonderful what you texted. It’s always nice to hear from similar trans people. I look forward to reading more about you. Take care! 

Count me in too.