Relationship Changes

[Guest Evan_J]

Ok, so when I was a kid I had this one cousin who -of the ones I "hated" or thought were "problematic" toward me- this one was BAR NONE the worse; he great joy in life was to find rocks (not pebbles) to throw at me.....in LOOOOOONG sequence. Not just a natal guy but 5 years older than me....not really an option to kick his "ahem" at 7.

So anyway, throughout life, no "healthy" connection or commoradorie or anything.

NOW however, since the whole family's aware of the trans thing, this is happening:

My mom, for the last ...month? has hired (in their spare time from their regular jobs) two of my cousins -brothers- to redo her house. Both are licensed in that kind of thing so they've been doing plumbing and electrical work and dropping ceilings, and changing gutters -you name it. This cousin is one of the brothers. On the occasions where I showed up there "happenstance", of all the people there he is the ONLY one who CONSISTENTLY (no matter how casual the context) gets the pronoun right and basically acts like I'm a natal guy. Flipped me out the first time he did it -I took the experience home and flipped it 99 ways and still "couldn't get it".

Since then? SUDDENLY I also am kidded with, included in jokes....stuff that NEVER happened in my entire life with this person.

I dunno what to think . I don't even know if its sincere.

Today, his brother apparently felt "enough was enough" ( ) and went out last night and had a helluva drunk and was not "available " to work today. That made this cousin have be a solo worker.

It also happened to be the day Evan decided to showup looking for laundry ( yeah, I'm that son)

I ended being "the other worker" and going to get the carpet which we then installed together.

Got along. Knew one anothers directions 90% without talking about it. Jokes.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

Somebody, can you explain this for me? Has anybody else had this occur

[Sally]

Sorry Evan,

I have not had anything even close to that - my sister started out accepting and let my mother talk her into denying that I was trans at all.

She had been my friend and ally from my earliest memories - so basically what you have had happen but in reverse.

I hope that he doesn't throw rocks at you anymore!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Tess]

Well, you're a really nice guy and he sounds like he's grown up a bit and, apparantly, that's how guys get along. Sounds like you had a good day.

[Guest JustShelly]

You sound like me, I question everything even good things.

But seriously, Ya, that is weird but COOL!

I hope it made you feel as good as it made me reading it.

Maybe deep down he really liked you, I mean LIKED. LOL Thats why he always threw rocks at you!

Shelly

[Guest JohnV]

Sometimes we can't describe the little oddities in life.

But at least you have someone that supports you. A new ally from an unsuspecting source.

Quirky but a good thing :]

Rock on! ^(^o^)^

[Guest Evan_J]

Maybe deep down he really liked you, I mean LIKED. LOL Thats why he always threw rocks at you!

Erm... "No."

If you knew the "totality" of my childhood you'd know of the "scorn" I encountered from a good many of my cousins; I was the "too proper" , "oreo" <slur one black person makes against another black person; means "not really black" -like the cookie, just black on the outsides

And yeah John, he just ....."disturbs me in a lot of ways lol. I guess cuz of stuff I know about him (totally unrelated to trans) I'm like "would I even want someone like you to be an ally?

[Guest lvmyftm]

That is a tough one. Either he is just being an arse and being nice to you only to turn on you later or he has finally grown up and seen the error of his ways. Or something has happened in his life or to someone close to him that has made him rethink whatever he may have thought about you. Or he may of always know you were a guy and was trying to toughen you up as a kid??? Maybe

[Guest Evan_J]

That is a tough one. Either he is just being an arse and being nice to you only to turn on you later or he has finally grown up and seen the error of his ways. Or something has happened in his life or to someone close to him that has made him rethink whatever he may have thought about you. Or he may of always know you were a guy and was trying to toughen you up as a kid??? Maybe

You think like me. I came up with those.

Can't guess.

[Guest JohnV]

Erm... "No."

If you knew the "totality" of my childhood you'd know of the "scorn" I encountered from a good many of my cousins; I was the "too proper" , "oreo" <slur one black person makes against another black person; means "not really black" -like the cookie, just black on the outsides

And yeah John, he just ....."disturbs me in a lot of ways lol. I guess cuz of stuff I know about him (totally unrelated to trans) I'm like "would I even want someone like you to be an ally?

lololol Well i can tell just by how you sound that it disturbs you xD It is rather random but

When life gives you lemons,

Make a turkey sandwhich :]

[Guest Jean Davis]

Erm... "No."

If you knew the "totality" of my childhood you'd know of the "scorn" I encountered from a good many of my cousins; I was the "too proper" , "oreo" <slur one black person makes against another black person; means "not really black" -like the cookie, just black on the outsides

And yeah John, he just ....."disturbs me in a lot of ways lol. I guess cuz of stuff I know about him (totally unrelated to trans) I'm like "would I even want someone like you to be an ally?

This is a question that you will have to figure out on your own, personally I would not rule him out completely. People can change a lot through the years, perhaps it just took a little longer for him to grow up or maybe he figured out that you can't treat people the way he did if you want to be sucessful in life. There are a million possible reasons for the change in his behavior, unfortunately the only way you'll know for sure what the reason is and whether he is sincere is to ask him. But even then I would be on my gaurd for a good long time.

Change for a person is always possible but for many very difficult.

LUV

Jean

[Guest Evan_J]

......even then I would be on my gaurd.....

....cuz you too are like me My favorite "lifelong" quote (read it when I was 14) is "we never change, we people. We only become more of what we are"

And I can't/wouldn't ask him for some of the same reasons, don't really like him/ don't think he's the kind of person to "like" and wouldn't trust whatever I was told anyhow.

[Guest Zolrek]

There always could be other motives but I'd just sit back, relax and just wait to see if anything comes. Even if hes a jerk all in all...at lest he's not busy harassing you anymore.

[Guest lvmyftm]

....cuz you too are like me My favorite "lifelong" quote (read it when I was 14) is "we never change, we people. We only become more of what we are"

And I can't/wouldn't ask him for some of the same reasons, don't really like him/ don't think he's the kind of person to "like" and wouldn't trust whatever I was told anyhow.

Agreed...proceed with caution

[Guest BeckyTG]

Maybe he just liked being a bully to girls. Maybe he picked on you, as a girl, because he perceived you to be weak (like what else would a girl be?).

He may now see, recognize and accept you as a guy. He no longer thinks of you as weak, so he can accept you.

I had to grow up as a guy. The playground bully will pick on those weaker than him until they punch him in the nose. Then, he's the biggest crybaby of the group. After that, he actually becomes your friend. It's very strange, but that's how it can work.

Too many men believe that others "must earn their place" through proving their manhood. I've not seen you, but after a year of T, maybe you've got enough muscles to prove your manhood to him.

That's my guess. Time will tell if I win.....

Becky

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Aliens replaced him with an exact duplicate....

Donna Jean

[Guest sarah f]

I would have to say he just grew up alot. I know a few people that were mean as kids and now you would never have guessed that of them because of how nice they act towards everyone. What you do as a kid doesn't always correlate to what you do as an adult. You start to realize what you did was wrong. Maybe he realized what he did was wrong and now he is trying to make things good between you.

[Guest kelise]

Maybe I don't have all the information, but it sounds prettty simple to me. Boys are typically tought not to be rough with or throw things at girls, so the fact that he did tells me he could have just seen your true self inside and treated you accordingly (boys are rough and throw things at each other). Now that your outside reflects your inside, it just feels like normal to him.

Maybe Im wrong, but that's just the first impression I got reading your post.

[JJ]

My take on it is that life is quirky and you can never figure it out That's what makes it beautiful. About the time you figure out life gave you lemons, substituted the sugar for salt and your pitcher's got a hole in it someone pulls up and gives ya what ya need.

No rhyme or reason sometimes but people are so complex we can't really ever figure them out. Just sort of think we know the story from the book cover.

So take what good you can from it and keep on makin' lemonade.

[Guest Evan_J]

Maybe he just liked being a bully to girls. Maybe he picked on you, as a girl, because he perceived you to be weak (like what else would a girl be?).

He may now see, recognize and accept you as a guy. He no longer thinks of you as weak, so he can accept you.

I had to grow up as a guy. The playground bully will pick on those weaker than him until they punch him in the nose. Then, he's the biggest crybaby of the group. After that, he actually becomes your friend. It's very strange, but that's how it can work.

Too many men believe that others "must earn their place" through proving their manhood. I've not seen you, but after a year of T, maybe you've got enough muscles to prove your manhood to him.

That's my guess. Time will tell if I win.....

Becky

So you're sayin the day I stockpiled the pieces of brick and let em rip is just playin out? (Yes, I was that kid lol you screw with me you reap the frikking whirlwind) <<said I wasn't liked, didn't say I cried wishing they were my friends.

.

Aliens replaced him with an exact duplicate....

Donna Jean

I like this answer best

Maybe I don't have all the information, but it sounds prettty simple to me. Boys are typically tought not to be rough with or throw things at girls, so the fact that he did tells me he could have just seen your true self inside and treated you accordingly (boys are rough and throw things at each other). Now that your outside reflects your inside, it just feels like normal to him.

Maybe Im wrong, but that's just the first impression I got reading your post.

Hmmm Interesting.

I keep that in my mental archive.

I'm gonna do what lvmyftm said lol but I'll keep the mental explanation recorded

[JJ]

Keep throwin' those brickbats where they're needed Evan! Just don't drop 'em in your lemonade.

Me-I always had a gift for knowing what to say that would hurt the worst-hit those secrets everyone always thought they had hidden deep inside. Not as good as bricks in the long run. They'll forgive you for bricks but never forgive or forget the truth. I've had people quote things I said back to me 20 and more years later. Verbatim.

I'm more careful now. Unless you hurt someone I love or the helpless.

[Guest My_Genesis]

That is a tough one. Either he is just being an arse and being nice to you only to turn on you later or he has finally grown up and seen the error of his ways. Or something has happened in his life or to someone close to him that has made him rethink whatever he may have thought about you. Or he may of always know you were a guy and was trying to toughen you up as a kid??? Maybe

I hope it is the latter.

And I agree with this post. Though I know what you mean, I would totally be skeptical too lol. Like, "why is something good happening to me" lol... cuz I am like that about things that are going on in my life right now so I totally get you there. haha.

[Guest Sotha]

Maybe I don't have all the information, but it sounds prettty simple to me. Boys are typically tought not to be rough with or throw things at girls, so the fact that he did tells me he could have just seen your true self inside and treated you accordingly (boys are rough and throw things at each other). Now that your outside reflects your inside, it just feels like normal to him.

Maybe Im wrong, but that's just the first impression I got reading your post.

Actually, what I was thinking was similar to this.

Perhaps, as a child, he was able to feel that you were a boy on some level, which didn't correspond with the female he saw, and he couldn't understand that. And you know how people are with things they don't understand (fear and hate, etc). So he acted out against you back then, but now that he knows you as the man he felt you were back then, he's fine with you because everything makes sense.

That could also explain how he is able to get pronouns and the like perfect every time, because he has always subconsciously seen you that way.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Two Guys!

What's not to understand?

He didn't like you as a girl.

Likes you as a guy!

End of story - go with it!

Lizzy the pragmatic..