Unsure About My Gender

[Guest ametur_poet]

Hello, everyone. My name is ametur_poet. I'm a 17-year old male, and essentially, I came here because I'm confused. I have had a lingering sense of doubt about my gender for several years; I can think back to a few specific instances in my childhood where this stood out (One of the big ones was that I always asked why boys couldn't wear dresses, and was always somewhat jealous of that), but for the most part, until I hit my teen years, there was nothing constant that was noticeable, unless I'm overlooking some things. Then, about 4 or so years ago, I learned online about transgenderism and transsexuality, which greatly interested me. At the time, I assumed it was a just a fetish. To be honest, this was, and still is, true, but the thing that makes it stand out is that even after 4 years, it still has stuck with me. There is just something about becoming a girl that has always sounded wonderful. Lately, though, the feeling has gone beyond mere sexual gratification; I have found myself seriously considering it. The trouble is, though, that I don't have as many of the telltale signs that most transgendered people have. I do like certain masculine things, but I find that I dislike many masculine things that most people would consider the "staples" of masculinity (sports, cars, etc.), and like many feminine things. This is probably a very bad indicator, but many gender personality tests I have taken online all pretty much say that I fall somewhere In the 60-70% feminine, 30-40% masculine range. But, as I am implying, it is just an example. The main thing for me is that it feels great when I act in a feminine manner, and not just in a sexual way. It's hard to describe, but I feel a kind of... "warmth" when I do so, if that makes sense. I get the same feeling when I spend time with female friends, as opposed to male friends. I have only tried cross dressing twice, both very minor experiments with just jackets, scarves, and jewelry, but I got a similar feeling when doing this. This is one of those things that I have just noticed recently, but Zi'm not sure if these feelings are real, or just fetish fulfillment. That is my main concern in all of this; if I am really transgendered, or just a pervert if the latter is true, then all of this is just justification for said purpose, which would be awfully shameful. Or, it could be nothing at all; just standard teenage confusion and anxiety, but that wouldn't explain why I have had the thoughts for so long. 2 nights ago, I talked to my mom about this (which was terrifying to do, by the way), and we set up a session at a therapist for me. I am relieved to finally talk to something about this, but I am afraid that if I do have a problem, it will be ignored; my mom doesn't believe that transgenderism or even homosexuality exists, and that any attempt at pursuing it is a sin; a mentality which scares me a lot. We are both of the Christian faith, but this is one area where I greatly disagree with her view. Not just because I may be transgendered, but I just believe that original sin is the only sin that Humans can be born with. Anything else that people attempt to lump into this category I take with a grain of salt. Anyway, like I have been saying, I am still quite unsure as to what my gender actually is, but I hope I can eventually find out. I'm glad I came to this forum, so that I can further discuss issues that concern me.

[MaryEllen]

Hello ametur_poet,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Thank you for sharing with us.

MaryEllen

[Guest ametur_poet]

Thank you very much for welcoming me. By the way, I just noticed some typos in my previous post (it's tricky typing on a phone!), but I don't see an edit button anywhere. how do I edit the post to correct these?

[Guest ChloëC]

Hi ametur poet,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. I think you've probably come to a very good place to discuss and consider the issues you've raised and are concerned about. We don't have all the answers, but we have a lot of people here who have gone through much the same as you describe, and can relate their experiences.

It's good that you're going to see a therapist, because that's what we always recommend.

Don't worry too much about the typos. They're something that's just a part of the specialness of this place. You need to be an admin to have edit powers, mostly because we don't want people going back and changing things at some future date, although if you feel a serious problem could develop, we do hide posts for those who ask.

Those tests you mention are interesting (I've taken several), but mostly they're for fun. It should really be about you and what you feel you should be and where you want to go with your life. There are no set points or expectations that you will be X% this or Y% that. That's not how people are. We, just like the rest of the human race are all over the place.

Many here are planning on or going through transitioning to their opposite birth sex, but have a wide variety of goals and places they want to be when done. Hopefully by asking questions, and reading other posts and some of the links available, you may get a better idea of who you are, and where you're going.

We're glad you're here. And please ask any question you may have or respond to others as you desire.

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest Hayley21]

Hey Ametur poet, I think you have a came to a great place!! And I believe your taken the right step as far as going an seeing a therapist. But one thing I have learned in my short journey is to listen to the ones who's been there an lived it they can help you with any questions. Well anyways nice to meet you an if you need a friend i'd love to be your friend

Hayley

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Ametur poet,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[Guest Opal]

Hi Ametur_poet,

Welcome to Laura's! Nice to have you join in, and hope you are beginning to find some of the answers you seek.

There is a spectrum out there as far as how people feel, and a Therapist can assist you with what you feel, and how far you need to take this.

Again, just wanted to welcome you aboard!

Huggs,

Opal

[Guest April63]

Welcome. I think you'll find the answers to your questions in time. There are many helpful and insightful people here and a therapist is also a good tool. But the most important is yourself, and if you search for the answers, you will find them if you put in the time and effort.