Presenting As Male Before Hrt

[Guest Nick A]

Hey guys. I was talking with my GT last night, and she wants me to present as male before I start HRT (which could be as early as late July). She said that because T is so quick and powerful (I'm paraphrasing here), she doesn't want it to do the work for me. Now, I realize since high school, I've spent my years presenting as a woman. I did throw out all of my dresses (only had a handful anyway) years ago...along with those wretched heels (I just finally had enough of the "play-acting."). So, all of my current clothes are female but gender neutral, or male.

I did get a binder, so I have that already. I did get my hair cut, though it's just above my shoulders -- again one of those "unisex" looks. I know my GT would want me to get a severe haircut, and maybe I will want that someday -- even a fade. But, for now, I like my longish hair. The most I'd want to do is get it cut possibly in a more masculine style, but not so much the length. That's just me. I used to feel as if I had to do X number of things to succeed at being this image of some woman, now it almost seems as if I'm going to have to do X number of things to succeed at being a man -- but maybe somebody else's idea of a man and not my own (short hair vs. longer hair aka 70s).

I guess my big question to all of you is how do I go out there and present as male when everybody is still going to see a female in my skin texture, my lack of facial hair (for the most part ), etc.? I really had hoped that I could wait until T would kick in, so it would help me to pass. Any thoughts? I do scour the boards for any advice, it's just that I'm hoping a few of you guys can suggest something specific to what I revealed here.

Thanks,

Nick

[Guest AlexForever]

That seems like a weird request...I don't think she can do this according to the SOC; especially if she wants you to look like a specific kind of male even if it's not what you have in mind; this kind of rings an alarm bell IMHO.

Anyways, if you want to go through with it, some general advice:

-Find an haircut that makes you look masculine; do not have pointy or long sideburns, shave them or keep them "square"; also avoid bangs, they are feminizing.

-Practice with binding, and be sure that it doesn't feel too uncomfortable; if you have other ways to hide your chest (like layering of clothes) that work, do that more often, it's better not to bind too often; also don't "overbind", be sure to be able to breathe and I've read the advice to cough a little before and after wearing it but can't remember the reason.

-Find flattering clothes that make you look but mostly feel masculine.

-Shave peach fuzz (do NOT shave starting down and coming up, it will make you get ingrown hairs and they are annoying).

-Try to lower your voice; don't strain your vocal chords, though!

-Avoid earrings and necklaces

[Guest Nick A]

Alex, thanks for your reply. I will discuss this with her next appointment. I think my GT wants me to clearly present as male -- so I think she used the hair as merely an example. I know that a part of me wants the T to do all the work. What good is it to do the binding and hair cut if people will just see a butch woman? But, I think her take on it is that if I do that now, it shows that I'm ready for the changes that T will make. We were at the end of our appointment -- even about 10 minutes over -- so I didn't ask her to clarify what she meant. My GT has fully transitioned herself and is also a member of WPATH, among other things. I think I may have done her a disservice by venting my own frustration and fears. She herself had told me that within the SOC, each person's path is unique to them in the sense of when and how to do things. Anyway, I'll update this thread with the result of my next GT session regarding the above (as it may help someone else sometime).

Good suggestions too. My brother said as far as clothes go, I'm already there (my styles have always been well, male lol). Shaving...yea, Italian, so I've been shaving since 7th grade! Hair cut, probably could get it more masculine and less unisex (though I did cut my long "sideburns" and squared them off last week -- that alone felt so good!). Earrings and necklaces...what are those? heh It's a been a long while -- though I do like an earring and even a basic chain, but won't bother with them until T is done it's job, if at all. Binding, what a pain. That I definitely have to practice with...I'll go back and re-read the binding thread. Voice, been more aware of my voice this past week and how I could possibly change it...that's an interesting one...my mom says I have such a nice voice (I've always hated it) and then another friend told me that my voice wasn't very feminine anyway. lol Guess it's all perspective!

Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment!

[Guest Doodlen]

Most of passing is attitude. It sounds like you already have most of the physical stuff covered. It's just little things like the way you hold yourself when you walk, the way you sit, etc. Confidence, really.

As for voice, one trick I find is to speak with less inflections. Almost more monotone, if that makes sense. I can't really describe it, but I'm sure there are tutorials on youtube or something. Girls tend to enphasize words more and have more inflections, guys usually just have the same the whole way through.

Good luck on everything

[Flint]

Most of passing is attitude. It sounds like you already have most of the physical stuff covered. It's just little things like the way you hold yourself when you walk, the way you sit, etc. Confidence, really.

As for voice, one trick I find is to speak with less inflections. Almost more monotone, if that makes sense. I can't really describe it, but I'm sure there are tutorials on youtube or something. Girls tend to enphasize words more and have more inflections, guys usually just have the same the whole way through.

Good luck on everything

This. On the voice thing.

Or you could walk around with a balloon full of helium and every time you need to speak inhale it and speak. It'll become a quirky trait about you that everyone gets to know. No one will know your true voice but boy they'll remember you and reminisce with friends about the time a bloke came on the bus and talked in his helium voice for a laugh.....Might be too much hassle though. I dunno. Not mention that much helium might become damaging to your insides....and you might start sounding like a chipmunk forever. But...it's fun....I should know... I always sound like this now.... *sings 'my way' Frank Sinatra in helium voice*

[Guest ranse]

This. On the voice thing.

Or you could walk around with a balloon full of helium and every time you need to speak inhale it and speak. It'll become a quirky trait about you that everyone gets to know. No one will know your true voice but boy they'll remember you and reminisce with friends about the time a bloke came on the bus and talked in his helium voice for a laugh.....Might be too much hassle though. I dunno. Not mention that much helium might become damaging to your insides....and you might start sounding like a chipmunk forever. But...it's fun....I should know... I always sound like this now.... *sings 'my way' Frank Sinatra in helium voice*

This is my plan. I will also dress in a velvet suit and carry a ukelele. I'll call myself, Tim. Tiny Tim. Maybe I will find a woman named Miss Vickie to marry me on TV.

[Guest ranse]

Nick, everyone keeps reminding me to relax and not think so much about passing. When I am able to do that, I do wind up passing. It's strange how much our own tension shows up physically. If I never had to talk, I'm sure I'd be seen as male most of the time, so I get nervous before I speak and my voice goes up even higher than normal.

Clarify with your therapist exactly what is expected of you, but you still have to live in your own skin and on your own terms.

Good luck.

[Guest Darrin]

I don't mean to hijack a thread, but is shaving peach fuzz important?

[Guest Jay09]

Your main thing is you have to be confident within yourself. If you think you don't look like a guy, or that people see through it, etc you will begin to doubt yourself which makes it harder. As many people have said your clothing choice shows a lot, if you wear looser fitting clothing it will have a better effect because people will not see you as a female. Also, dont become one of those guys who gets extremely cocky. Confidence is great but when you let it become the best of you to the point your showing off and etc, no one is going to want to be near you because your going to come a jerk, as most guys usually do.

Other mannerisms that you could focus on is keeping your head up when walking, women usually move off the sidewalk when walking past a male because, well i cant really answer that but its something i have noticed. The head nod is of utmost importance, you have to have it down. That is how every guy says hi to anyone, rarely ever with a world stated, but the head nod says it all. Something that i have also done, is get your manners down pat. Hold the door open for women(i hold the door open for my girlfriend even getting in and out of the car), let them get out of an elevator or anything 1st, give up a seat for an elderly person that needs one, all things that gentlemen would do(and dont we all know there arent many of those out there, that were born that way, so its left to us guys!)

above all, dont let it change you. i am sure you have your values and morals, and those stay the same even during your transition. I know this is alot of random information but some that i have really found that helped me pass.

[Guest Colm]

I don't mean to hijack a thread, but is shaving peach fuzz important?

Not really. Mostly a psychological effect on you, I think. I liked doing it, but to each his own.

[Guest Nick A]

Great replies guys. Thanks. And the helium balloon thing was funny (written in monotone...).

[Guest Colm]

One thing you can do for mannerisms is take notes of general trends while watching films or television. You may notice that you actually do many of these things naturally, or you may find ways to tweak what you already do. I'd avoid trying mimic anyone in particular though.

[Guest AlexForever]

Not really. Mostly a psychological effect on you, I think. I liked doing it, but to each his own.

Yeah, mostly this; it is true that boys don't have peach fuzz unless they are kids, but most people don't notice that, so Idk how it actually makes a difference.

@Nick: so it seems like you're already doing a good job! Then you only need to practice mannerism (if you feel like it) and build confidence. If you're constantly thinking "Oh God what if they find out, what if they find out? Will they find out? Do I pass? Is my chest still noticeable? Gosh darned I should have gotten that other binder...I'm sure they are noticing" and getting paranoid you pass less

One thing you can do for mannerisms is take notes of general trends while watching films or television. You may notice that you actually do many of these things naturally, or you may find ways to tweak what you already do. I'd avoid trying mimic anyone in particular though.

This. Only "borrow" the stuff that feels natural for you or that you feel confident doing.

[Guest Nick A]

Alex, thanks for your reply.

I do have many mannerisms that used to get me in "trouble" because people would always comment ("you did that just like a guy" - for example). I think since I've lived playing the part of a woman, I'm feeling that dual-conflict of still feeling like I have to hide who I really am.

In fact, because of all of your replies/advice/input, I think that's really the bottom line for me. Still suppressing "me" because that's all I've done since high school (though, it is getting harder and harder to do...).

Guess I should just let that dam break.

[Guest Twist]

Personally, I think that your therapist has a really good idea. I presented male full time for a year before starting T (and only passed 100% the last four months) and I think that it made me such a stronger person in regard to my transition. It sounds like you've gotten all the important advice for appearance, but I would like to stress that the correct haircut can do wonders for passing (because it can have a striking effect on the feminine/masculine aspects of your face/head). Which isn't to say that your current haircut isn't the right one, but I wouldn't be afraid to experiment if you find you're not passing.

Also, about feeling that you have to do X number of things to succeed. The way I see it, the changes we make to pass are temporary, until T kicks in and takes away the cues that keep us from passing. It's not about changing yourself to succeed so much as deciding whether those things you would need to change are more important than passing. And I should add, while I like the idea of requiring you to present as male, passing shouldn't be a requirement.

Anyway, just be confident, and be prepared to stick up for yourself (optional, but if you're going to see people multiple times it's good to have them using the right pronouns), from what I read I'm sure you'll be fine.

[Guest Nick A]

Twist, thanks for your input. That's what I've been thinking too in regards to my what my GT desires. Maybe I've been stressing too much on the passing part instead of the presentation. Bottom line, my GT just wants me to be me, which is all I want too. I can start that now, rather than wait for T to "do the work" for me!

Not much more to do now except finally get that watch I've been wanting and more clothes (never thought I'd want to go clothes shopping ).