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Be Careful In How Others Perceive You When Transitioning


JenniferB

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Being the analytical creature I am, when something out of the ordinary happens I want to understand why and will focus much of my thoughts for awhile to find an answer. Of course most of the time it is futile.

What happened is I changed my appearance and it caused a response from a fellow employee. When I created my avatar tonight a light bulb went off in my head and I understood. I didn't have problems with anybody at work with my transition. A couple males didn't like it but they would keep it to themselves and not talk with me and leave me alone.

I go to the beauty school to have all the female essentials done: hair color, styling, brows, manicure, etc. You get the idea. I found a relatively new student and really liked her work from previous visits. She colored my hair the same as last time, but styled it differently like you see in my avatar. I go to work the next day and all of a sudden one of the male employees was very uncomfortable. He'd keep staring at me every time he saw me. I knew something was wrong when he changed his routine. He is very habitual and would always follow the same process everyday. You could set your watch to him. One of his routines is going for a walk at the beginning of lunch. He would pass right by me when he left through the break room door. Only this day he decided to take another route and leave through the front door. For that night and most of the next day (today), I was wondering why he would change that much so suddenly. Then after my personal photo session tonight it dawned on me.

I'm saying this because it may explain many of the stares we receive. After the photo shoot I realized I was starting to become attractive, and he was upset because he was a little attracted to me. That bothered him immensely. So he was avoiding me at every opportunity, especially since he is married. Of course the first thing that ran through my mind was I thought he was repulsed of me because of my transitioning.

I want to state I am not vain. I just take my feminine nature as far as I can. I can't help it. It's hard to be patient. Plus it has a soothing effect that makes me stand straighter and feel happier. Just know there are parts of me that are flawed. For example I could lose some weight (that eats on my mind).

What I wanted to convey is that when someone stares at you, it may not only be about you are different. The person may not be able to control his/her own desires and that makes the person fearful, filled with disgust in themselves more than in you. But be careful, this person may make it personal and take it out on you.

I'm keeping an eye on him.

Jenny

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Guest Krisina

Yes the ways others react are funny and sometimes not so funny. If you are looking more attractive and all.

I have lost a a friend i had known for years who had said I looked scary. That was about the first time I dressed up in front of him years and years ago at Halloween. He said this to me last year. He said I looked scary because I looked like his ex girlfriend, who was good-looking too btw. He said I was scary because I looked better than her. I subsequently talked all about my transgender stuff about going to see a GT gender therapist going to do this and that. Showed off some outfits. Needless to say I don't know if he wanted to hit me or jump on top of me. He is a straight guy and I messed him up mentally in regards to his own thinking of his sexuality. He doesn't see me as a woman with wrong plumbing but as a guy looking like a woman. I think that is what he thinks. I was attractive to him and that confused him.

He is no longer a friend and doesn't call anymore or return calls. Confused guy.

Krisina

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Yes the ways others react are funny and sometimes not so funny. If you are looking more attractive and all.

I have lost a a friend i had known for years who had said I looked scary. That was about the first time I dressed up in front of him years and years ago at Halloween. He said this to me last year. He said I looked scary because I looked like his ex girlfriend, who was good-looking too btw. He said I was scary because I looked better than her. I subsequently talked all about my transgender stuff about going to see a GT gender therapist going to do this and that. Showed off some outfits. Needless to say I don't know if he wanted to hit me or jump on top of me. He is a straight guy and I messed him up mentally in regards to his own thinking of his sexuality. He doesn't see me as a woman with wrong plumbing but as a guy looking like a woman. I think that is what he thinks. I was attractive to him and that confused him.

He is no longer a friend and doesn't call anymore or return calls. Confused guy.

Krisina

I wasn't even trying to be attractive. I was focused on presenting female so I could start going full time away from work. I had no make-up on and wasn't flirting at all. I would never date this guy, let alone date anyone from work. I don't care personally for this guy, nor do I find him attractive in the least. Actually I find him cold. Still I'm concerned he may cause trouble. He won't feel comfortable until I am gone. Maybe if I tone it down it won't bother him so much. I can't escape him, only minimize the contact. Thank goodness he never needs my services and I've never seen him in my area since he started working (about 5 years).

That's not to say I'm not attracted to men. I have found one I am attracted to. Ironically he is gay.

The biggest problem is soon I will become Jennifer legally and will be as feminine as I can possibly be. I won't hold back. I may not lose my job, but there is a possibility when the contract expires, it won't be renewed because of me, even though it was renewed the last time because the staff liked my work. Therefore I'm working on my skills so I can move to another account where co-workers don't know me and they will read me as female. I am willing to move anywhere in the country, especially the cities where trans people are more accepted (like Portland). I have close to 2 years to make myself more marketable and hope to complete SRS before the risk increases that I will be laid off and out of a job.

Jenny

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Guest Julie T
... I will become Jennifer legally and will be as feminine as I can possibly be...

Of course you have to be that way, it is what you are. I would not worry about that man, let him just react however he wants to act. You are probably correct in he suddenly realized you are really female. It will probably take him a bit of time to work through it?

Bad girl (me laughing)

Julie

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Guest Julie T

Jen

I forgot to say, you look great in that new avatar. It was fun reading how you achieved it? You are really past getting there.

Julie

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Guest Lacey Lynne

I am willing to move anywhere in the country, especially the cities where trans people are more accepted (like Portland).

I have close to 2 years to make myself more marketableand hope to complete SRS before the risk increases that I will be laid off and out of a job.

Jenny

Jenny:

Two things, Jenny. As you know, I'm certainly in the front row of your cheering section. Sounds like a solid plan you have here. Kudos. Okay, here goes:

Thing One:

The People's Republic of Portland would be glad to have you. Of course, it's VERY different here climate-wise and terrain-wise than where you are now. It'd take some getting used to. I'm here 1 year and 3 months now and am STILL trying to adjust. However, everything you've heard about this place being transfriendly is certainly true. Kathleen Rose (our moderator) adamantly encouraged me to get out of my self-imposed reclusive isolation and to get out there and get involved. So, I submitted my volunteer application. To my surprise, they called, will interview me this Monday and say they actually want me involved in some strategic issues. Really? Anyway, by volutneer at The Q Center, I've GOT to get out there and get involved so as to keep my word to them.

http://www.pdxqcenter.org/

Thing Two:

Over the years, I've noticed that the people who REALLY seem to make it career-wise do two things. They make a career plan. They market themselves well. You can surely do these things too. I'd emphasize getting good at marketing yourself. Practice makes perfect. Learn the principles and practice them. You'll get really good at marketing yourself too.

Peace Out & Good Luck :friends: Lacey

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