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Guest Elizabeth K

S R S

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Recently there has been talk on SRS and its of course the MTF who are usually talking so I wanted to drothis topic here. Plus - usually the FTM use the words - TOP surgery, and BOTTOM surgery. BUT FTM are certainly welcome to comment.

SO that said, let me set the tone.

I personally have NEVER doubted I would transition to the SRS part. NEVER! But I am very much committed to being myself,I suppose. I am not sure if I am typical or not. This is one of the questions I have here - IS SRS a necessity for the average MTF transsexual? I am leaving out non- transsuals here, although I welcome comments, and hope to have them!

Second question: how do we explain SRS?

Personally, it is NOT what it says it is, 'sexual reassignment surgery" To me it is a correction of primary sexual characteristics so that I am complete. I was never intended to be in a male body, have taken years to understand this, have taken steps to correct my apparent gender presentastion (general life style adaptation) to drastically change secondary sexual characteristics (HRT - breasts, skin tone, fat distribution etc... plus electrolysis). And I want to finish it up.

So how do we explain this? My therapist is always saying, "here are no panty checks in transsexuality." Perhaps that is correct, but I DO tend to take a shower in the mornings. I DO notice that there is something not really in tune with my self image.

How can we explain we need to do what we need to do - be what we were meant to be - to be completed?

Lizzy

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How do we explain? To whom hon? We do not need to explain to ourselves. We simply need to be ourselves, and that may include SRS as part of everything that we have been doing, being ourselves. I too present as feminine as I can at the risk of ridicule.. why? Because, I cannot be any other way. To be anything but me is not an option. SRS is part of the same need to be hairless, to have a feminine shape, to grow breasts, to be yourself. Surgery, is of course, a major step. Deciding to have SRS or not is not the deciding factor of being complete. Satisfaction with who you are gives you completeness. I do hope that SRS gives you that satisfaction of wholeness my dear Lizzy.

Love

Brenda

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Lizzy,

Each of us walks this path only as far as we feel is neccessary

to be comfortable in our bodies/skin.To some ladies,that means she

can live with her birth genitalia as being a non issue.For others,like

myself,surgery is something we will have to have to feel and be

complete,to be totally at ease with our body,wether we are naked

or not.I have seen my girlfriend in only her panties many times since

her surgery.I KNOW this is what I want,that this is what is right for me,

that the cleft between my legs will be a giant healing,as all will be right

in my mind,body and eyes when I see myself naked in a mirror.SRS/GRS

is for ourselves no body else but ourselves and how it will make us feel afterward.

Angie

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I'm FtN, and would like getting rid of my genitals and sexual organs- but there's nothing really proper for FtNs and don't really want to get any more surgery after top. If I were MtN, I imagine lower surgery is the only one I'd be interested in getting.

But I am very much committed to being myself,I suppose.

I don't like this reasoning. There's nothing wrong with your genitals causing you dysphoria and wanting to remove them, but I don't like the suggestion that people who keep their genitals as they are aren't being themselves. A non-op can be just as committed as you are to being themself.

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I will hopefully be having SRS (if things keep going as planed) by the end of this year/beginning of next year. It's something I really feel that I need to be completely myself. I do not think any less of those who choose not to have it as everyone is different and everyone has their reasons for their feelings about it.

As far as explaining it to anyone else, I just say that I do not enjoy seeing my penis. To me, it should have never been there and it's very wrong for my body. I then ask them if they had something disfiguring about themselves, would they want to have it fixed to feel better about themselves? That often works but some (men especially) just can't fathom why a "guy" would ever want to loose his penis. Guys tend to think that the penis (or their penis I should probably say) is god like and they could not imagine life without it. However, what they fail to realize is, we have never looked at our penis's with aww and amazement as they have. We look at it as a diseased body part or a growth that is disfiguring to our natural body form.

Honestly, I don't think you could ever get someone who is not trans themselves, to ever understand why we would want SRS. Many accept that we do want it and are ok with us getting it, but they honestly don't understand why we want it. The difference is, they grew up never questioning their own gender identity or the sexual organs. They have always liked what they were given. It's sorta like explaining to the rich spoiled kid what living in poverty is like. Sure the kid hears what you are saying, but they have no clue what it's really like.

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You don't have to explain why you want SRS. A lot of natal females do not understand why a natal male would want SRS for several reasons that I can think of right off the top of my head. I actually had a somewhat-related conversation once with a group of girls about why they had the general consensus that males were better. The number one reason given was that women have to deal with the monthly pain of menstruation. Many women have irregular periods, most of time being very painful. Several of the girls in the conversation stated that they would like to have a hysterectomy someday just to be through with it.

The close-second reason was that men "can do more things." An example was that men currently can serve in more military positions then women, though this is changing rapidly. Another example is that businesses tend to (or at least they used to) pay men higher salaries then women. Men are also hired based on merit while women have to use sex appeal and charm (but not always). I mean, it's no lie that at every seminar I've been through discussing how to win over an interview, the best advice to women was to dress as pretty as possible. The best advice to men? Just have an impressive resume. Besides work, men also dominate the world of sports. Sure, there are professional women sports, but who really pays attention to them? Look at the NFL: exclusively male. I actually knew a couple of girls in highschool who wanted to play football. One girl went so far as to try out and was rejected by the coach because she was female. Did she do anything? No. She just kept quiet and crawled back into a hole because we live in Redneckville, USA. Was she good enough for the team? The guys certainly thought so. In fact, I don't recall many people opposed to her playing.

The final reason, and definitely not as important, was the ability to do-your-business standing up as opposed to sitting down. So as you can see, in a world dominated by men, most women can't understand why anyone would want to be female.

.Anna

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I personally enjoy using my sex appeal to get what I want. Granted I don't want that to be the only thing people notice about me as I consider myself to be a rather intelligent person.

Men generally have to resort to intimidation to get anywhere in life. They basically have to prove themselves the bigger, stronger, better man in the midst of other men. Women on the other hand can get far better results with just a smile.

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Sweet Elizabeth,

Explain it to who? Uh, excuse me. Explain it to whom?

People who want plastic surgery get it all the time and I'm not sure there is much reason needed, other than they'd like it done.

If you were getting a nose job, what would be the big controversy?

You go, girl! It's just the finishing step in the most important process in your whole life. Why would you NOT get it done? I don't think the argument is so much why GET it done, as why should it not be done?

I mean, to not do it seems to lack some logic, doesn't it? ;)

My utmost support to you, sister.

Babygirl,

Yvonne

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Lizzy,

I cannot think of any way to explain the need for SRS - I can explain the procedures and watch the males cringe and 'cover up' but I can no more explain to them why that I can explain to their satisfaction what causes transsexuality and the need to change at all.

You cannot explain what drives you to do anything - no one has ever been able to explain to me why the climb mountains - I am afraid of heights and there is nothing that anyone can say to make me understand why do it, why take the risk - so explaining SRS to someone who is not driven to it is impossible.

I understand the need I have that same need but it is not going to help to explain it to someone else it is for your mental well being and if anyone doesn't care about that then you have to wonder about them as a friend.

But it is something that is just for you and some people will not be able to accept it - that is a given so you have to decide for yourself which is more important and know that you tried to explain, they just could noy or would not understand.

Love ya,

Sally

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It's a VERY personal decision which I feel needs no explanation to anyone. But, of course, people want us to explain why.

It's like asking someone .."Explain to me why you like the color blue."....

How can anyone explain what is set into your head...As we always preach...find your own "comfort level" in all of this....

People go from one end to the other in the gender spectrum

and every conceivable place in the middle....

Reasons? Well, I've talked with some elderly Transwomen and some will say "I'll not have SRS because I'll not be able to use it at my age..."

Others have it done as late as 70 or even more, not for the sexual aspect of it, but, the "completion" of their transition....

Different strokes for different folks...

Whatever makes your boat float.....

One size does NOT fit all....

For the record....I plan on the surgery, want the surgery ..................why do you like vanilla?

Donna Jean

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MORE:

When I wrote the TOPIC I was thinking this, that I have had to explain my condition to most everyone? I refuse to let it stay at "I am a transsexual." I always want to explain what it means - how it feels to be gender dysphoric my entire life - to live a lie as to who I really am. TRY to explain?

That is why I get so irritated when I get outed without my permission! I lose the chance to explain gender dysphoria, specifically, transsexualism.

BUT usually I can do 'damage control' with close friends and family by sitting down and explaining everything. They hardly ever understand but respond to my plea for support. Usually... sometimes... well, some do.

THIS TOPIC

It is different to talk about SRS. When introducing my condition to others, this will often come up. "Are you having a sex change?" Well, wow... right to the point huh???

So I explain SRS - VERY lightly. Hummmm.... SRS LITE... a new concept? I also mention that is in the future - WAY in the future (which it is - but for money reasons - not what they think!) That usually lets them get back to the real point - I am gender dysphoric and I want them to know. I don't want to have them mentally picturing me on an operating table having "you know what!" HORRORS

BUT

But

But it eventually comes back again - that SRS question - at later conversations. People think it is a choice (I suppose it can be for some) - and that it is a 'radical' procedure that I might regret someday (regret is very rare it turns out).

Well their assumptions are not true - but HOW to explain all that?

To who - or for you English majors and critical writers, to whom? To whom do I need to explain?

My list?

WIFE

SON

TWO DAUGHTERS

And then

My sons-in-law

my daughter-in-law (to be)

ex-wife?

And family:

Two sisters - their husbands, their children

[Everyone else is deceased, but most of us add - Mother, Father, and even Grandparents. Then the Aunts and Uncles and the whole tribe you might have - although it's probably out of your control this far down the line.]

Other's on my list?

My best friends - ones I was male bonded to and abandoned when they got too close

My wife's best friends (who will take her side on how bad this is for her!)

My wife's sister - her husband - her daughter and her daughter's husband

And

Personal physician

Endocrinologist

Pharmacist

Electrologist

Hair stylist

Dentist?

(of course -my therapist was the first to know)

And

WOW - eventually everyone I know?

Remember the TOPIC is SRS, not outing yourself.

Close family and friends say they love me whatever gender I am.

Many women wonder why I want to give up being a male (some actually don't and are pleased to have me with them on the gentle side of life)

Most men cross their legs and squirm - why do I want to lose your manhood? (Never had a manhood - just some primary sexual organs that identified me as a male)

Most clergy and some so-called 'Christians" - they say I am an abomination.

HURTFUL! sometimes... ummm...

So it DOES cause a bit of thinking on my part how to say:

(1) I am born this way

(2) My decision (after much careful consideration and therapy)

(3) NOT a life-style choice - rather something that is necessary for my mental well-being

(4) You cannot understand SRS unless you listen carefully - and it is NOT suggested for anyone except we who are gender dysphoric

(5) NOT a sex change!!!

(6) Don't judge me as 'an abomination!" I have made my peace with GOD on this.

I end with, "Please support me even if you cannot understand. That is all I ask."

Oh my - I think I answered my own TOPIC!

Lizzy

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Lizzy,

It isn't only the men that cringe when we talk about having corrective surgery.

The ladies do also, as has been told to me repeatedly by gg's.My family say's

they are just worried something bad will happen to me when I do have mine.

A lesbian asked me once why I would want to lose the male equipment when

men have it so easy when they go to the potty,they can pee anywhere, while

women have to sit.I just told her I am a woman and sit to pee even without surgery.

Surgery will be a healing and make me the whole woman I long to be.She hasn't

brought it up since.

Angie

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It is odd and all too true that this is one subject which I feel should be more of a private issue rather than one for open discussion so I have decided that when outing myself to any of my male friends when they ask if I am planning on the "sex change" - another horribly inaccurate label - That after I say , "Yes but it is a gender affirmation not any kind of actual change, all of that has been done by hormones - and yes they are delicious."

When asked why would you give up your manhood I just ask them why they want to keep theirs - and the answer is the dame reason - it is right for them and wrong for me.

Pretty simple.

And I do not believe that God wants us to be miserable and kill ourselves because he is trying to cover up a bunch of horrible errors.

God does not make mistakes we do not understand very much of anything but that much I know and he loves all of us we are his Children and just like the Deaf or blind we are not "Children Of A Lesser God" we are just his children, like everyone else.

No need to be ashamed of who you really are, there is no sin attached to being Transgendered and only bigots and zealots will tell you otherwise.

Live your life your way and be the best human being that you can be and God will be pleased - that is all that is aske of us.

Love you all, unconditionally,

Sally

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I plan on having SRS if the doctors say i am healthy enough, if not i can live with that.

I have had more than one person a few months ago after i told them i was transitioning ask me to not rush into having surgeries, to which is said that i did not plan on any for a year or two, it is more ignorance to the steps we have to follow than anything else, and they are ok after i explain things.

If people ask me about SRS, depending on who it is, a good friend i will discuss in length if they are interested, others i will say it is a private matter and i do not wish to discuss it. The only people that will know if i have had SRS is myself, a SO and my doctor unless i want to reveal that fact.

Paula

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Hi Lizzy,

Eh, answered your own stuff???? , only down to dotting the i"s and

crossing the t"s . Gee all that"s left for me to reply to is your first post on

the theme. I want the man with the scalpel to do his stuff , wont be happy

till I look as much female "there"" as possible. I need to be able to shop

for my clothes with peace of mind ,as in looking no different in my panties

then any other woman . Cant wait to walk a beach in my swimsuit. viv :)

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What I learned from all these wonderful replies?

Maybe I don't need to explain SRS with anyone except a chosen few. It seems best just to kinda give a non-commital reply to those 'nosey' in their asking.

That's so much more private and much less work! Most people will never understand anyway!

Viv - oh yes! I forgot! A WOMAN'S SWIMMING SUIT! OH MY!

Lizzy

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Hi Lizzy,

I just finished reading "Gender Outlaw" By Kate Bornstein. She askes allot of good questions in this book and she talks about why she had SRS. The one thing that she sugguests in the book is when someone asks you that kind of question turn it back on them and ask them what it is like to wake up and feel that you are a woman/man(which ever applies). What is it like to wake up and not question what gender you are? What is it like to know that you are the gender you feel you should be?

Lizzy,

She also asks what am I? I am not a man but, I am not a woman either. I am some where in between. So what does that make me? What is gender? can you be both male and female? If you are a man who feels like a woman and is atracted to women then what are you? Are you straight or are you a lesbian? If you are a man who feels like a woman and you are atracted to men are you gay or are you straight? Is a Transwoman who loves men gay up until she has SRS, and then like majic she is now straight?

We may never be understood by folks that have never had to question their gender. So I agree why should you try to explain!

I went to a gay bar this past weekend in a very mixed up way. I had on mens jeans, womans shoes, womans shirt and jacket and small amount of make-up. I thought I might have a better chance of finding a guy to talk to this way rather then in full Drag. Well I did talk to some guys and they seemed more welcoming to me then at other times. I had one guy that seemed to take an interest in me that was up until I told him that I was a trans-woman and that I was planning on having surgery. This made him very uncomfortable and after some uncomfortable silence he just walked away from me. He had stressed that it would be very painful and I agreed with him that it would be. He just did not seem to be able to deal with the idea at all. I think I will keep this to myself next time.

I think to keep people guessing is a good thing. Being mysterious is a good thing isn't it?

SRS is the end of the journey and the beginning of a new life. What more can be said.

My inside out vi gin a needs to be made right some day.

Peace & Love Amanda

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Hi Lizzy

Well here's my opinion.

First of all I only see 2 people that need to know, that's yourself and your S/O. For the rest of the people, it's none of their business, they'll never have to deal with what is or is not between your legs. Now for your S/O, you're going to have to think long and hard about your answer and be honest, you owe that to your partner. Personally I would have to say so I would feel complete, it's something that I felt never belonged. As for yourself, if you need to explain it to yourself perhaps you need more time. ;)

As for everyone else when they ask why, I would just say that I see no reason not to. If they're really there for you they will accept that answer. They'll never have to deal with your choise anyway.

LUV

Jean

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Like every step on this long long journey of mine I have successfully

made,my family will shun me for months afterward,up to a year.

That is their loss.My ladies know,and have told me,that they can see

this has been the right choice for me by seeing how happy I am being

a woman.The final step in my journey will bring me so much peace of

mind,that I could care less what others may think or express opposite

of my personal desires.I will undertake the last leg for myself and only

myself,for the healing it will bring me.

I learned when talking about our surgery to keep it simple.Don't kill

them with information overload.To go into too much detail losses them.

I just suffice it to say this is right for me and what I need to be complete.

Angelique

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More good advice! What started this topic was a discussion I was having with my S.O. - so it rings true. I may never really need to tell anyone else.

Lizzy

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How do we explain it to our Cisgendered partners and others who may have a need and right to know?

With out getting hyper technical I see the main reasons, for me, are

  • the need to finally complete my journey
  • the need to be what I was supposed to be when I was born
  • the need to have what is outside match what is inside

As I said in another post, for me GRS is the end of this phase of my journey and the beginning of the rest of my life. It is a hard concept for a Cis person to grasp but if we can get it across that it is the final stage in curing a birth defect then we might make some headway. I have been asked by my partner why I want the surgery, I simply said that since we are moving to a place where the Gov't will pay for it I don't see why I shouldn't complete my journey and become what I really should have been when I was born. This was enough for her but I was ready for more questions and had as many of the answers ready that I could come up with.

My partner seems to keep coming back to the question, but I think its more to see if my attitude has changed. She is finding that the more time that goes by the more firm my commitment to completion is. The problem we have in the Cis world is the lack of undertsanding of our condition coupled with a rather unfortunate name for that condition. Until we can get them to realize that what we do is out of medical necessity and not for a lark, or just for sex we will always have this issue.

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I'm FtN, and would like getting rid of my genitals and sexual organs- but there's nothing really proper for FtNs and don't really want to get any more surgery after top. If I were MtN, I imagine lower surgery is the only one I'd be interested in getting.

I don't like this reasoning. There's nothing wrong with your genitals causing you dysphoria and wanting to remove them, but I don't like the suggestion that people who keep their genitals as they are aren't being themselves. A non-op can be just as committed as you are to being themself.

Ryles, nobody is saying that Non-ops are not trans. Infact many have said, both here and in other threads that each person walks this path for as far as it takes them to be comfortable with themselves. Most of the women here,myself included, are planning on surgery and thats why the answers are skewed in that direction. If you can be comfortable being a non-op then thats great.

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