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Gender Dysphoria Getting Worse?


Flint

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I don't personally like calling it Gender dysphoira or GID because i feel they make it sound like a mental illness. However i'll use the words gender dysphoria to explain what i'm going to ask....

Does anyone else find they get worse with it as time goes by?

When i was little from what i remember, i had it very bad. When i got into my teens i seemed to stray away from the ideas a bit more and came out as a lesbian instead. Then finally everything made so much more sense once i knew what the word transsexual meant. It seemed i wasn't so bad i just knew i was male and that was that, however i didn't feel a huge, huge need to pack or even have shorter hair (I passed with of my hair anyway) but it just seems to escalate. I always knew i hated anything that highlighted what i shouldn't have on my chest, so i always avoided tops that were tight. Before i even knew what transsexual meant, while i was trying to pass as a lesbian! but i didn't have a hateful relationship with them...Well i did kind of when i saw them i'd feel a bit sad but now when i see them......i just feel absaloutley awful. I start to feel angry, frustrated, depressed, hopeless. Before i seemed almost numb to the fact they were there. Also now i feel a need to pack i don't feel right unless i'm packing. But the worse things that is happening is things to do with THAT time of month! I've ALWAYS hated them with a passion and always generally got depressed when they've arrived...However recently it's got worse. I didn't even think that it could get any worse! But it has! Beofre it was just the day before it usually happened that i'd get down possibly due to the hormone changes going inside me which make me moody PMT or as i call it MMT(man month tension) but now i find myself waiting for it the week before it's actually due. I find myself sitting there with this nagging thought in the back of my head, a complete feeling of overwhelming dread! It's just getting worse each month i'm sure. I become so excited when it's finally over that when i know it's only a week or so away it's like the worse thing ever. I know people are gonna say "Try not to think about it till it actually happens" i realise thats the best thing to do, and believe me i have tried! I used to be able to manage to do that. But now it just pops in my head automatically! It's really getting me down right now. I just went them to stop so, so badly. And now that the docs are messing me about meaning it's gonna take me even longer to get anywhere i'm feeling so argh! I just want all this to stop! It just seems the world doesn't want this to happen for me. Only i do. :-S Today also the hair appt was canceled cause the person who was gonna cut it had something happen. She said she'd re-arrange an apt...But still just feels like something else thats now been put on pause. I was so nervous, now i'm gonna have to go through all those nerves again another day.

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Guest Donna Jean

Matt, Honey....

Let a girl jump in here if you will....OK?

Gender Dysphoris is the name that is given to what we all have. Most of us have lived with it our whole lives...

When we make our decision to move forward and do something about it, that's when that Dysphoria starts to ease a bit..

Now, with your "monthlys" and the slow speed of getting started and the haircut cancellation, you're experiencing it pretty bad right now. I do understand, Hon....

But, as soon as things start moving ahead for you...that's gonna ease up...

When you feel yourself making some progress, it'll be better....

OK?...

I'm sorry that everything sux right now...it's gonna be better!

LOVE

Donna Jean

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Guest sarah f

I am sorry Matt that it is getting worse for you each month. Hopefully the docs won't keep messing with you and get you started on T soon. In the mean time just hang in there and try to bear it the best you can.

Love,

Sarah F

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Guest Elizabeth K

YES

You finally figure out what you are, and you accept yourself, and you finally have a plan of action and you are ready to move on...

Dang gatekeepers give you a hundred more hoops to jump through!

It isn't the 'gender dysphoria' its the lack of progress toward finally being the person you are extenally matching the person you are internally!

Meanwhile, all the little issues you have just... stay there... or.... get worse!

What choice do you have? JUST MUDDLE THROUGH some more - it's coming! You will be who you are before the entire world!

Lizzy

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Guest My_Genesis

I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm struggling with something similar myself. My lower body dysphoria seems to keep getting worse, or at least it's not improving. Knowing the technological limitations of the surgeries just gets me down and depressed, and I get really impatient, like, "I need a bio-guy penis NOW!" lol.

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I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm struggling with something similar myself. My lower body dysphoria seems to keep getting worse, or at least it's not improving. Knowing the technological limitations of the surgeries just gets me down and depressed, and I get really impatient, like, "I need a bio-guy penis NOW!" lol.

I'm getting like that :lol: I just want the right parts and now. It's funny really cause not that long ago i had a huge problem with the paticular part we're talking about due to something from my past. Now i've started to battle the issue and can actually distinguish the difference between myself as a man and the man that made me the was i was i'm now having issues where i despertley want the right parts! lol if it's not one problem it's another! lol!

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Guest ~Brenda~

Matt :)

There are many times that our biological reality slaps us in the face and makes us feel desparate sometimes. Please do not despair. You know who you are and your true gender. I can see that you have reflected deeply within yourself and now understand that you are transgendered. That truth and understanding can never be shaken once you see your true self. Regardless of what your body throws at you, or your life throws at you, you know who you are, and we know who you are.

Now that you understand yourself, you are now able to start making progress to realizing who you are. As I have said many times here, transitioning takes a lot of work and patience. I can see that you have the determination and the patience to realize yourself.

You are going to be just fine. Your mind is already there, now let's just let your body catch up.

HUGS

Brenda

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Today has been REALLY, REALLY bad. I looked the in the mirror this morning and urgh..when i saw myself today for some reason i'm sure my face looks more femanine than usual. Maybe it's just me. I don't know. It's one of those punch the mirror days where i just feel no matter what i look too femanine! Argh i hate it. I'm just so unsatisfied with everything. I feel like i'm failing i really do. I've been trying things to help me and they have but i dunno....They're not good enough. :( I know i should make do with what i have. But it seems i'm a perfectionist. And i keep trying to change that but argh! I just feel like i'm gonna be dissatisfied for life. I'm not sure wether to curl up in a ball and cry like a baby or carry on today. *sighs*

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Guest Elizabeth K

Oh yess- I understand!

There was that posting of the photo gallery of transgendered. Everyone looked so GOOOOOD. I wondered if I could EVER get to that point. I wanted to cry!

But I guess we are our worst enemies when it comes to self judgement!

Lizzy

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Guest My_Genesis
I know i should make do with what i have. But it seems i'm a perfectionist. And i keep trying to change that but argh! I just feel like i'm gonna be dissatisfied for life.

For sure, same goes here. I want it to be perfect so badly that I'm willing to devote my career in college and thereafter to making the surgeries "perfect" so we have everything a bio-guy has. If no one else is as "desperate" as I am, then I guess I have to do things myself. It's overwhelming to think about and sometimes I feel like I'm all alone in this or that I have everything working against me. I would even be happy if I found out I was intersexed instead of just trans, because then maybe I can go to the people who are growing penises and ask them to use my cells to grow me the whole man package LOL.

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Guest hayden_jude

Matt,

I think we all feel like this. It's part of our lives, part of the immense set of weights and burdens we have to deal with. You are not alone. As Brenda said, you know who you are. Things move so slowly sometimes and it seems like all our lives are just a bunch of waiting around, and then of course some days are worse than others - I for one have my apathetic days and my "punch-the-mirror" days. It's odd - I've been noticing it getting worse lately too. Maybe there are just certain times of the year when we notice it more than others.

The need for perfection and immediate results can be overwhelming. But we just have to keep going. We have to embrace the pain, to really feel it, and then put it away and move on.

I hope that your doctors let up soon and that helps alleviate some of your stress.

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