Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Not-so-male Day


Guest raydub

Recommended Posts

Guest raydub

Yesteday I spent the day with my step-daughter. She stayed home from school cause she was feeling a little under the weather and my fiancee was worried she'd get worse, plus she had a doctor's appointment at 2p so whatever. Thing is, my step-daughter makes me uncomfortable. Fully aware of that Im going about my day not exactly realizing whats going on but feeling really horrible all day. I tried repeatedly to shake the feeling.. forcing smiles and praying intermittenly throughout the day and nothing stuck really.

At the doctor I had to update the kid's emergency information and since i wasnt on it after being asked repeatedly if i was her mother :( i registered my information as step-mother. Also, every six seconds all day long (as cute as i used to think it was) my little girl goes "mom!" or "mama!" or "mommy." The thing is I dont really think anything of it when she says it but apparently it was working me over cause by the end of the day I felt like id been beaten with a blunt object all day long.

Last night Im sitting in the kitchen with my fiancee - telling her about the day. She says she didnt think id identify myself as step-mom - but WHO the h-ll else was I gonna be?! :angry: i dont look like a guy - my name is [insert feminine birthname here] - and my ID clearly says it ALL in one cute little package albeit in my "Fall Out Boy" wallet complete with chain. :banghead: Bah! Of course I didnt say this to her.. I just dropped the subject cause i dont want to hear about how this is all part of the blah blah blah and it takes time blah blah...

So Im in bed and the tears start to fall cause i feel so bad. By this time id realized that i felt like a girl all day and it actually hurt. I was cranky and almost depressed all day long. I told the fiancee and she tried to console me but failed cause of the real issue... I ended up telling her that I cant feel like a guy around the kid - and that i felt bad for feeling that way. :blush: And now I think she's fighting with herself about whether she should be mad at me about it or not.

This is waay too long. If you read all that thanks... In short? I feel like a girl when im with my stepdaughter and i feel bad cause of it.. and i told the fiance and now i feel bad in more ways than one.

Link to comment
Guest Michelle M

I know how you feel. Family is like that. Sometimes my mom brings over my little nephew; he's learning how to talk. She's teaching him how to say my male name, and he points at me and says it. It's really frustrating but I can't do anything but brace myself and take it.

I'm sorry that being around the kid has that effect on you. If only there were some way to hold onto yourself in your mind around her. I hope you can work it out.

Link to comment
Guest Rika-chama

I'm sorry about that raydub. I know how you feel since I am always a girl in public and to those I know <_< I hope things go well for you guys :)

Link to comment
Guest Ryles_D
Also, every six seconds all day long (as cute as i used to think it was) my little girl goes "mom!" or "mama!" or "mommy."

Don't let it bug you too much, when one of my cousins was a baby- she called her dad 'mommy' and, of course, they thought it was cute and laughed. Bad answer. So then the kid kept calling the dad 'mommy' and wouldn't call her mom that. (or maybe she called mom 'daddy', either way the mom wasn't being called 'mommy') For some reason the mom decided to put money in the kid's swear jar each time she did it, as if she were doing it on purpose. o_O

It hurts us worse because we've been dealing with it for years and it feels like a dig of "you're really a girl and that's how you'll always be seen", but kids will do things like this anyways.

I know how you feel. Family is like that. Sometimes my mom brings over my little nephew; he's learning how to talk. She's teaching him how to say my male name, and he points at me and says it. It's really frustrating but I can't do anything but brace myself and take it.

Too bad it's a nephew. If you ever have to take care of the kid alone, you can teach him your girl name. Kids are actually trainable, even though that makes them sound like dogs.

Or everytime he calls you your boy name says "NO, it's (Michelle, right?)". He might get it eventually.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...
Guest Matthew-L

i'm sorry ray

that really sucks

i think you look very male...although your ID would probably give you away

i know what it's like...my sister is being trained to call me 'she' and 'maddie'

so, i feel your pain

stay strong

Matthew

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 138 Guests (See full list)

    • Abigail Genevieve
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.5k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,029
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Selkimur
    Newest Member
    Selkimur
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. BraxtonLee
      BraxtonLee
      (26 years old)
    2. Bryanna
      Bryanna
      (45 years old)
    3. Jayde1
      Jayde1
    4. Mireya
      Mireya
      (66 years old)
    5. Shellianne_Kay83
      Shellianne_Kay83
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • Mirrabooka
      Voting is compulsory here, for better or worse. Would doing the same in the US snap people out of their apathy?
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I am noting you use CRT terminology.  The comment is not out of the blue.  Some of your remarks on religion suggest atheism.  So it is believable that you are a Marxist, knowingly or not.  Are you?
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Congrats to your family on the new addition!
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Funny you think that I would be able to get through more than two sentences with how bad my stutter gets (joking, of course)   My topic would probably be mythology, random Japan factoids in my mind, or a favorite story   (Best option would be a fave story of mine including a lot of factoids on Japanese myths-)
    • Willow
      Congratulations @ivy. Nothing beats a family growing two feet at a time!
    • April Marie
      I read each of your entries and learn so much. Thank you, especially, for the TransCentralPA info. I have been looking fora group and activities where I could express myself safely and with support. I missed this year's conference but next year might be possible and I am going to look at their other events, too.
    • April Marie
      Leadership and Management, the differences and similarities between the two as well as the applications of military leadership principles across the spectrum of professions.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I have read numerous accounts of trans folk no longer being welcome among evangelicals.   I am here for help and fellowship not to rebuke anyone.  I can take a pretty high degree of insult, etc., and you haven't insulted me, to my recollection anyway :) and I usually let it go.  But I thought I would let it all out there.   I am sure I disagree with you on numerous issues.  I appreciate other people's viewpoints, including those who radically disagree with me.  Intellectual challenge is good. One thing I appreciate about @MaeBe.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Congrats!
    • Sally Stone
      Post 8 “The Ohio Years” We moved to Pittsburgh because of the job with US Airways.  The job involved classroom instruction and simulator training, but no actual flying, so I kept looking for an actual pilot position.  A year after signing on with US Airways I got hired to fly business jets.  The company was located in Cleveland, Ohio, but I was flown commercially from my home in Pittsburgh to where my aircraft was located, making it unnecessary to live near company headquarters.    My flight scheduled consisted of eight days on duty with seven days off.  Having seven days off in a row was great but being gone from home eight days in a row was difficult.  For the first few years the flying was fun, but after a while the eight flying days in a row, were taking their toll on me.  Those days were brutal, consisting of very long hours and a lot of flying time.  Usually, I came home exhausted and need three days just to recover from the work week.  Flying for a living is glamorous until you actually do it.  Quickly, it became just a job.    After five years as a line captain, I became a flight department manager, which required we live near company headquarters.  That meant a move to Cleveland.  Working in the office meant I was home every night but as a manager, the schedule was still challenging.  I would work in the office all week and then be expected to go out and fly the line on weekends.  I referred to it as my “5 on 2 on” schedule, because it felt as though I had no time off at all.   About the same time, we moved to Cleveland, my wife and I became “empty nesters,” with one son in the military and the other away at college.  Sadly, my work schedule didn’t leave much time for Sally.  Add to the fact that while Cleveland is an awesome city, I just never felt comfortable expressing my feminine side.  Most of my outings, and believe me there weren’t enough, occurred while I was on vacation and away from home.   One of the most memorable outings occurred over a long weekend.  I had stumbled across an online notice for a spring formal being held in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, hosted by a local trans group there.  I reached out to Willa to see if she was up for an excellent adventure.  She was, so I picked her up and we drove to Harrisburg together.    The formal was held on Saturday evening and we had the absolute best time.  It turned out that organizers were a group named TransCentralPA.  Everyone was wonderful and I made a lot of new friends that evening.  We learned the spring formal was one of the group’s annual events but for the following year, instead of a spring formal, the group wanted to do a local transgender conference.  That local conference would become the Keystone Conference, and I would attend every year for the next 12.  My move to the west coast was the only reason I stopped attending annually.  I went to the first annual Keystone Conference as an attendee, but in subsequent years I served as a volunteer and as a workshop presenter; more about those in the next installment.   For my Cleveland years, the Keystone Conference would be my major outlet for feminine self-expression.  Yes, I did get out on other occasions, but they were too infrequent.  The managerial job just didn’t allow me the freedom I needed to adequately live my feminine life, and my frustration level was slowly, but steadily on the rise.  It amazed me how adversely not being able to express the feminine half of my personality was affecting my happiness.   However, a major life change was upcoming, and while it would prove to be a significant challenge in many ways, the events would ultimately benefit my female persona.  First, my mom and dad got sick.  They were in and out of the hospital and required personal care.  My wife and I did our best but living in Cleveland, we were too far from them to give them the support they both needed.  Second, I was experiencing serious job burn out.  I decided I need to find another job and I needed to be closer to my parents.    Things changed for the better when I got hired by an aviation training company as a flight simulator instructor.  I would be training business jet pilots.  The training facility was located in New Jersey, which put us much closer to my parents, and the work schedule was much better for quality of life.  Most importantly, this life change would help Sally re-emerge and once again flower.    Hugs,   Sally       
    • Mmindy
      I made a living talking about bulk liquids in cargo tanks transportation as a driver and mechanic. Safe loading/unloading, cleaning and inspecting, as well as emergency response scenarios.   Hazmat and fire behavior in the fire service as well as emergency vehicle operations and safe driving. "It was on fire when they called you. It will be on fire when you get there." Arrive ready to work. I could also talk about firefighter behavioral  heath and the grieving process.   The real fun thing is I can do this for people who are not Truck Drivers or Fire Fighters. Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, Citizen Tax payers about Public Safety Education.   I love public speaking,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Congratulations to the mom and family @Ivy on the addition of another child.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      Congrats to you and yours!
    • Ashley0616
      YAY! Congratulations on a granddaughter!
    • Ashley0616
      I recommend CarComplaints.com | Car Problems, Car Complaints, & Repair/Recall Information. A lot of good information
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...