Hello! I Guess It Is Time.

[Guest Nikki A]

hi! welcome! omfgzz! your last part of ur signature puts the song afternoon delight back into my head! i just got rid of it

hugs, Nikki

[Guest HazelEyes]

SKYYYY ROCKETS IN FLIGHT, AFTERNOON DELIGHT!!!! lol I FRICKIN LOVE THAT MOVIE!!!

*hugs* thanks Nikki good to know and makes me more comfortable in my mind, that their are people here that i can relate to on other levels than the purpose of being here. and lol sorry its a catchy tune, i know cuz now i have it in my head.

OMG BAXTER!!! YOU ATE AN ENTIRE WHEEL OF CHEESE!!! That's astounding, I'm actually quite impressed. And you pooped in the refridgerator i see too.

Help me Oprah Whinfrey!! Put the invisible fire out.

*hugs* Lee and thank you. i will definitely hopefully get talk to a lot of you.

*hugs to alll the people here.

Question.. pre-cursor-- I am planning on calling my counselor tomorrow or this week, i have his personal cell #.

Ok so I have outted myself, to a friend. I have been doing my research, and reading. I have gone shopping with her. I am not yet TOTALLY comfortable going out and shopping on my natural male state for my Better half so-to-speak, or Holly.

Is this normal for i guess a first timer or beginner or is my anxiety and paranoia of everybody watching or seeing me shop in the ladies section and knowing what i am doing there and such a figment of my Over Active Imagination? Or am i half right and half wrong??

I am simply refferring to my natural state as to let you all get a more concise idea of things lol. I am planning on calling my counselor tomorrow or this week, i have his cell #.

[Guest HazelEyes]

This was supposed to be included in the post i just quoted, lol. I started watching MTV2 and a group i love came on, with a song off their newest album, which i had not heard, and i got into it, and forgot the 2nd and more pertinent Question

Question.. #2

lol o where is my brain. Yes, I am really this ditzy.

Ok, soo on the way to and during and on the way home tonight from going to WallyWorld. To pick up some things, i needed and some i just thought i needed, lol i got nuetrogena make up remover pads, a facial hair remover cream, and also waxing strips for legs, body, bikini area, that is going to be a fun first time experience. or so i have heard. A seven sided Nail buffer board thing. ANYWAYS, I was wondering, about why i don't seem to have any immediate questions, i figured i would be dying to ask other people in our unique situations we share, all kinds of things yet i find myself just kind of sitting here thinking i should have questions but i don't.... Is this also normal, will they come one by one or will they just open a flood gate, and boom i be hitting 500 posts in two days, lol.

Thank you for everyone's advice, insight, answers in advance Holly.

[Guest sarah f]

Holly when I started out, I didn't have very many questions but after a while they just seem to keep coming. Anytime you think of one just post it. That is what I did.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Gee, Holly....

You have so much going on here I hardly know where to jump in....

But, yes, I guess that it's normal to feel nervous during our first shopping experiences...I know that I was.

I'd have my wife go in with me and then I'd pick out things and say.."Get me that and that.."...lol

Now at 17 months HRT I just go and buy whatever I want and don't even look up!

You get used to it.

You seem like a lot of fun....

It's nice to have you here!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest HazelEyes]

Thanks Sarah, I was kinda guessing thats how it went. just thought i should think out loud.

also in the post above the other one you answered, were you excessively paranoid and such shopping for your true self as i described from above? or is it just my disorders acting up. Best guess of course.

I still cannnot click the link to acquire a registered user name for the CHAT area, just FYI

[Guest Donna Jean]

This one?

http://www.lauras-playground.com/chat.htm

Donna Jean

[Guest Opal]

I am not yet TOTALLY comfortable going out and shopping on my natural male state for my Better half so-to-speak, or Holly.

Is this normal for i guess a first timer or beginner or is my anxiety and paranoia of everybody watching or seeing me shop in the ladies section and knowing what i am doing there and such a figment of my Over Active Imagination? Or am i half right and half wrong??

Hi Holly,

Yes, Dear, it is a normal feeling for me to feel VERY anxious shopping in the ladies section of a store. I live in a rural area, so it is common to have at least one other person I know in the area also shopping in that store.

Part of getting past the nerves is to have a list. Depending on what you are buying, you can appear to be getting a few things for your 'wife'. Just act calm and collected like it is no big deal (easier said than done, I know )

Please keep in mind that your money is just as green as a natal woman's money, so chances are they (being the retailers) will be happy to let you spend it as long as they don't see you being a disruption to their other customers. I have even gone up to a sales clerk and asked for help, and she was very helpful and pleasant the whole time. It helps to catch them at a slow time.

Have you and your female friend ever shopped at Goodwill or similar? I understand there are often really nice clothes available for a fraction of the cost of new.

Shoes and other similar items I resort to online shopping. Just cannot see myself going into the area's shoe store to try on shoes at this time, as I am pretty much pre-everything. Perhaps if I told them I had 'lost a bet' and was having to do this, they might relent,but I would expect snickering and jokes the whole time. Don't know if it would be worth it.

Hope this helps you, Dear Holly, and by all means, please keep posting as you are comfortable in doing so!

Huggs,

Opal

[Guest HazelEyes]

Gee, Holly....

You have so much going on here I hardly know where to jump in.... yeah the ADHD is what causes that, LOL. I am patient lol. I know my faults, that is why i referred back to the other one as it could easily get over looked. with all the other stuff.

I also tend to type out loud, instead of thinking aloud, since thoughts can not be read over a forum post lol.

But, yes, I guess that it's normal to feel nervous during our first shopping experiences...I know that I was.

I'd have my wife go in with me and then I'd pick out things and say.."Get me that and that.."...lol that is kind of how my friend and i worked it, all though she is visibly not a size 9 or 10, and i was paying for the items lol.

Now at 17 months HRT I just go and buy whatever I want and don't even look up!

You get used to it.

Thanks for the info, i assumed i would, i just like to have external validation on most of my thoughts just to be sure its not my mind messing with me. It tends to do that, with the constant flashbacks, tracers, shadow insects, and people, lol. I am just reassuring, myself that its all normal, issues. TeeHee.

You seem like a lot of fun.... I can be, most female friends at the restaurant i worked at for 5 years, really enjoy me being there, and really miss me now that i don't work there. I was the stress reliever, comic relief, and the person, that would say the craziest Random things that would crack them up. I will go over the top and over exagerate the obvious, I take advantage of ANY double entendre possible. My favorite late night host of all time is CRAIG FERGUSON !!!! It is my Most favorite show on the planet, besides Monty Python re-runs.

It's nice to have you here! Thanks glad to be here! and its awesome to have all of you here too. It just would not be the same here with out everyone! LOL.

Huggs *HUGS*

Donna Jean

[Guest RachaelAnn]

This is a little bit off topic, but I just noticed that you're from MO. It's nice to have another Missouri girl here. Including myself, that makes 3 that I know of.

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

Welcome to Laura's

[Guest HazelEyes]

Hi Holly,

Part of getting past the nerves is to have a list. Depending on what you are buying, you can appear to be getting a few things for your 'wife'. Just act calm and collected like it is no big deal (easier said than done, I know ) The List idea is great, thanks. In and Out quick and to the point. me likey and yes it is easier said than done

I have even gone up to a sales clerk and asked for help, and she was very helpful and pleasant the whole time. It helps to catch them at a slow time.

Yeah i try to go in at different times and kinda scope out the store for down times, familiar faces employed there, or frequency of recognized familiar faces as customers, busy times, Layout of departments, how the registers are organized, etc.. I am SOO an OCD VIRGO!! TeeHee <this is one example of how i embrace and have learned to utilize the supposedly negative behaviors of OCD and the other Mental Disorders i have. I take the behavior and make it a useful tool, instead of an annoying hinderance.

Have you and your female friend ever shopped at Goodwill or similar?

OMG I LOVE Thrift Store Shopping!!! I usually go to the DAV (disabled American Veterans) store near me. They have a HUGE selection, and i am a Name Brand Shopper, that has a weakness for discounted clothing sales. I have probably saved in total about 2000 dollars or more shopping clearance and thrift, consignment stores.

I started going there, as my genetic self(male). I have found and purchased at least 20 shirts, and 5 pairs of jeans, a few coats, wind breakers, trench length pea coats, light weather Jackets. ranging in brands from Abercrombie, Nautica, Polo, Clairborne, Perry Ellis, MUSTO(genuine Competitive Yachting Jackets only sold in the UK), IZOD etc. Also Found a few Female tops from American Eagle, NewYork, Etc. A pair of cute bermuda shorts.

Also, They have NO TAXES on anything, so if the price reads $5.50 its 5.50.

That was the first place i went on a shopping experience by myself, before i found the friend i go shopping with now.

I usually say i'm shopping for my GF (a recent ex). She was similar in measurements, almost. She was a 38 chest i am a 40, i am a size medium in under garments, she was a size 8. I also did purchase some bras for her at my Favorite All time Lingerie store Victoria's Secrets. I got her 4 Super Sexy Push up bras she was a 38DD. I did find out however my lingerie size and jeans/skirt size differs, 9 or 10 in jeans n skirts. I got a skirt from JCP in an 8 and i couldnt zip it past my waist, They were/are still having a clearance sale.

Shoes and other similar items I resort to online shopping. Just cannot see myself going into the area's shoe store to try on shoes at this time, as I am pretty much pre-everything. Perhaps if I told them I had 'lost a bet' and was having to do this, they might relent,but I would expect snickering and jokes the whole time. Don't know if it would be worth it.

Yes shoes are an issue for me as i got blessed with size 11-12 in mens and relative size in women's shoes, that area i cannot use the shopping for the wife excuse unless my wife is Peggy Hill.

Hope this helps you, Dear Holly, and by all means, please keep posting as you are comfortable in doing so!

I will!! I get more comfortable with every reply, post and reading of others topics, intros etc. Thank you for the helpful advice Opal. *hugs*

Huggs,

Opal

This is a little bit off topic, but I just noticed that you're from MO. It's nice to have another Missouri girl here. Including myself, that makes 3 that I know of.

Awesome!!!! RachelAnn That is great to know, and yes it is nice have fellow Missouri girls around!!! *hugs* !!

I was in columbia back in APRIL the last week of it to be precise for an annual Car/Cruise meet n greet about 275 cars showed up. I might have divulged a bit too much of personal info there but o well. It was fun, even though it poured the entire time. Having other girls somewhat near each other, to me at least makes me feel more commfy and less alone so-to-speak. In this journey we are involved in. I think i'm using appropriate terminology.

Welcome to Laura's Thank you Alex. I look forward to many more post's and making some great new friends.

Also. On a progress note: I had a horrible sleepless tuesday night, Wednesday morning, my higher dose in Celexa has made it almost impossible for me to get a full night if any at all of sleep.

So i called the office of my shrink, and counselor. It just soo happened my counselor, had an open session that morning. So i was excessively tired, and had a headache it was about 10 am. at this point when i got in to see him.

i really would prefer a female counselor but i guess ill take what i have and be content, until a switch is needed.

I went in, we have a pretty informal feeling of interaction established. I sat down and asked if he had any previous, current or relative experience with GD,CD,TS, TG etc. To my pleasant surprise he has and is currently counseling a couple other patients, with various sexual gender issues. He also mentioned has a close friend that is a FTM TG. He said he had not heard from the person as of recently, since they moved to california to start fresh persay.

So we talked he started to ask me the standard Questions (by standard i refer as to the line of questions standard to any baseline diagnosis as to what degree of sexuality/ gender disorder that is relevant to the patient). I told him it has been a since i can remember thing, dressing when i could, being uncomfortable in my male role overall, etc.

A side note, I am not a Physically violent person i cannot fathom inflicting damage to another or myself.

THat being stated leads me to this question.

He asked me the Question about me physically harming my genitals. I said NO. But, if a person like myself who cannot on any level imagine or even stomach the act of or for that matter the sight of physical violence either to ones self, or another. Does that question retain or reflect the same value as to an assessment of the patients degree, level, seriousness of their Inner/Outer Sexual Identity???

Overall the counselor was pleased with the session, he stated he was glad about it, because this was the very first session since our start over a year or more ago, that i had not BS'd him.

I also took an On-Line (as far as i know) Official COGATI (sp) test. My score was 350.

Any one else out there have similar experience, knowledge, insight to the above stated question???

[Guest HazelEyes]

This one?

http://www.lauras-pl...nd.com/chat.htm

Donna Jean

Yess That one. I open the page. FYI i just seconds ago tried again. The last time (seconds ago) the Filed where it allows you to either enter UserName/Password. Or provides the link to click on to Register a UserName/Password did not even appear, it was a black white box.

The previous attempts, i would open the page, the field would appear and it would allow me to click on the Register New User Account, then the page would Freeze up and i would then not be allowed to click on anything etc. I have the latest edition of FlashPlayer, My Browser is SAFARI 5.0 for Apple or iMacs I have the ability to choose another browser, opera, firefox, etc. I just do not know how to switch them. If that is even a possible solution to this problem.

Any insight????

[Guest Opal]

A side note, I am not a Physically violent person i cannot fathom inflicting damage to another or myself. THat being stated leads me to this question. He asked me the Question about me physically harming my genitals. I said NO. But, if a person like myself who cannot on any level imagine or even stomach the act of or for that matter the sight of physical violence either to ones self, or another. Does that question retain or reflect the same value as to an assessment of the patients degree, level, seriousness of their Inner/Outer Sexual Identity???

I believe that this is what is more commonly referred to as "Cutting". Others would be better qualified to answer your question here.

I also took an On-Line (as far as i know) Official COGATI (sp) test. My score was 350. Any one else out there have similar experience, knowledge, insight to the above stated question???

It is a dated, and subjective test that most everyone on here would tell you not to take too much stock into. It tends to give a "Warm, Fuzzy" feeling whenever its results are what the test taker is hoping for.

Yess That one. I open the page. FYI i just seconds ago tried again. The last time (seconds ago) the Filed where it allows you to either enter UserName/Password. Or provides the link to click on to Register a UserName/Password did not even appear, it was a black white box. The previous attempts, i would open the page, the field would appear and it would allow me to click on the Register New User Account, then the page would Freeze up and i would then not be allowed to click on anything etc. I have the latest edition of FlashPlayer, My Browser is SAFARI 5.0 for Apple or iMacs I have the ability to choose another browser, opera, firefox, etc. I just do not know how to switch them. If that is even a possible solution to this problem. Any insight????

If I read correctly, you are having problems accessing the 'CHAT' portion of Laura's. If so, I had to install a current version of Java for my Google Chrome browser to get things to work. I am on a Windows machine, so perhaps someone with a MAC would have a better solution.

Hi Holly!

Sorry I am so slow in replying. My, you do have shopping down Pat! Would love to Goodwill shop. And Victory Secrets! That must be the ultimate store shopping experience!

Well, please keep us posted about your GT sessions, plus anything else you might want to post about.

Huggs!

Opal

[Guest HazelEyes]

Hi Holly!

Sorry I am so slow in replying. My, you do have shopping down Pat! Would love to Goodwill shop. And Victory Secrets! That must be the ultimate store shopping experience!

Well, please keep us posted about your GT sessions, plus anything else you might want to post about.

Huggs!

Opal

I believe that this is what is more commonly referred to as "Cutting". Others would be better qualified to answer your question here. << Gotcha. Ill find the appropriate Thread.

I also took an On-Line (as far as i know) Official COGATI (sp) test. My score was 350. Any one else out there have similar experience, knowledge, insight to the above stated question???

It is a dated, and subjective test that most everyone on here would tell you not to take too much stock into. It tends to give a "Warm, Fuzzy" feeling whenever its results are what the test taker is hoping for.<<<< I kinda Guessed this as to the nature of the questions. Mostly and seemingly some what archaic, as to Society deemed Female, Male traits etc.

I did On another note get my chat name and password all registered. Thanks for the link.

My friend and I are trying to plan a day of primping and such.

I know it has been a minute since i was here last not much different in my world,

Just really excessively humid, which i much dislike we have had heat index's as high as 110 here, and being that i have suffered from heat exhaustion, Dehydration sickness, and i have suffered from a slight mild or small stroke. Working in a cement building with a Tin roof is not fun.

We discussed how i viewed my self, and parts of my body etc. Also, wether it is a thing that if i view my self as female, then its ok to like guys. etc. Which is not the case. Why i shave my body hair, how long i have been shaving, what i shave, etc.

I'm assuming this is all standard protocol line of questions, to me it sounds logical. If it is not please correct me.

[Guest Cowboy]

Hey Holly.

Welcome to Laura's.

Looks like u have met quite a few of our awesome ppl here already.

so i guess that makes me fashionably late (i seem to always be late to these types of things)

Glad u stopped lurking, and decided to join in.

Its awesome here, kick off your shoes and make yourself comfortable.

Kinda ironic but...

The end result: Hyper-cycling passive aggressive Bi-polar, with General Anxiety, General paranoia, and Passive ADHD.

i am diagnosed with the same thing, Unfortunately, my disorders are currently going untreated, and wow is it ruthless.

I got bi-polar disorder thanks to my genetics as well. Mental health problems run in the family.

I ended up literally walking away from it all, with no relapse, no 12 step program, no support group, no family etc. I have been clean and sober now for coming up on 6 years in august.

I also just wanna say i think thats incredibly awesome. Most of my family has/had problems with drugs and drug abuse.

Ive got to see all the negative effects from it 1st hand, and i think its an awesome thing for someone to have the power to just walk away.

Welcome Again

Cowboy

[Guest HazelEyes]

Hey Holly.

Welcome to Laura's.

Looks like u have met quite a few of our awesome ppl here already. <<<< YES I HAVE YOU INCLUDED. =)

so i guess that makes me fashionably late (i seem to always be late to these types of things) << Being late is one of my familys genetic traits. So no worries =)

Glad u stopped lurking, and decided to join in.

Its awesome here, kick off your shoes and make yourself comfortable.

Kinda ironic but...

i am diagnosed with the same thing, Unfortunately, my disorders are currently going untreated, and wow is it ruthless. I can say that i am currently taking 3 medications: Depakote ER 1000mg, Celexa 40mg, And Adderal 40mg. I also take ambien every once in awhile.

If you can. I started out at the free or income based county mental health office (not a ward!) it is a county funded mental health office, we have here. Upon geting the job i have now with excellent benefits, i found the mental health office i visit now. The free mental health was a great way for me to start with the treatment of the above stated disorders, for the medication i at time qualified for free meds, they had free sample packets available that they gave out in quantities of full scripts etc. Its a start. Anyways, thats my $0.02

I got bi-polar disorder thanks to my genetics as well. Mental health problems run in the family. <<< got to love family for inherited mental issues.

Mine was combination of both family and scenarios i put my self in.

I also just wanna say i think thats incredibly awesome. Most of my family has/had problems with drugs and drug abuse. <<<< thank you. it was mostly the fact of my self awareness and consciousness realizing that it was my time to quit and get sober. It was a bit depressing at first but the longer i was sober the easier it was.

Ive got to see all the negative effects from it 1st hand, and i think its an awesome thing for someone to have the power to just walk away.

Welcome Again

Cowboy