Letter - I Talk With God

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I wrote this to a member and I hope she does not mind me posting it here. It is edited.

She had talked with GOD and later was challenged. I wanted to share an almost exact situation as it happened to me. PLEASE note I am spritual, but althogh I am converted Catholic from a Methodist original background, I also know the CREATOR through the GODDESS aspect, techmically what people consider Wiccan. I see no conflicts as the CREATOR has no gender, nor Does the CREATOR want anything from us other that our self warareness we are part of HIS plans. We are meant to listen, but usually we don't our very SHOUTING for the CREATOR's help sometimes drownds out the very dialoge we seek.

Listen to your heart - and listen for GOD's Will.

My letter:

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Sure, here is what I was explaining to you, those miracles:

I was very distressed - very suicidal. I had a fight- walked home - was going to get my gun - end it all - kinda dark time... so as asked a simple thing "God, talk me out of this!" A feeling - a voice - whatever - said 'Put it in my hands.' I did... I got home safe - and by then the feelings of despair had left. It was a 7 mile walk - at nighttime too - 3 hours walking including crossing the Interstate on foot.

Later in a quiet place - it sort of hit me - GOD would talk to me if I would only listen, so I tried it. When I sensed HE was there I asked why HE wasn't answering my pleas - why HE wasn't there when I needed HIM. As clear as day I heard - "I am always here - you are just not listening." That is when I knew it He that was at fault, it was me.

I asked to be better at listening. It's rather simple when you understand that is all that is required. You have to listen - you have to prepare your heart and mind. You know that already - you talk with GOD now.

Like you I wondered if it was 'myself' talking to 'me'... if I was delusional. I just knew I was not - but I had those nagging doubts. The resolution on that came a bit later.

I asked GOD why I was transsexual. A simple answer - HIS answers usually are, "I made you this way."

"WHY?" I asked.

"I have a purpose for that."

"What” I screamed in my head.

Silence.

Later - several laters, actually - I had the same interaction. Finally it dawned on me - GOD does not reveal HIS purposes. Maybe it would ruin the result - or somehow ruin the intent. So that approach was not working.

I still don't really know GOD's intent - I have some suspicions, like I have stopped many people from possibly spiraling into the dark places we transpeople go so often. I have BEEN in the dark places.

So there it is.

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My the affirming miracles?

I walked the Sacred Mother parade every year - a Catholic ritual specific to the Sicilian town my wife lived in when a child. It is a HUGE spiritual event! One year I asked GOD to help me with my transsexuality. I was forced to out to my wife the next week or so - and that was the start of my journey.

But the real miracle? I had a friend that was dying of Agent Orange poisoning - not the precious girlfriend I have here on Laura's, another person. He was a few years older than I - near the end - when he was 87 pounds and obviously getting near his death - I went to help him reconcile with GOD. Well - he was a strong spirit.

We talked - the out of nowhere he ministered to me saying "GOD says you are perfectly okay as he made you." I was floored, to say the least. I had had that talk personally with GOD a few months before. There was no reason for my friend Jim to know... only he did. I didn't out to Jim. I did call him the next day and he reiterated what he said he was told to tell me. I outed then. He didn't seem to be surprised. He told me his son was now his daughter.

Perhaps he sensed the dysphoria in me - but the circumstances seemed to say he was told to tell me I was acceptable in GODs' view. I was able to meet with Kelly, his daughter, several times. We worked together up to the time of Jim's death about three months later. We were together at Jim's funeral.

Miracle two - my wife was distraught about six months after I started my transition - and a friend suggested she contact a spiritual advisor, a nun in good standing with the Catholic Church. There was a waiting period but they worked her in, and she insisted I accompany her.

I was a skeptic and I didn't know what to expect. My wife went in and then I was asked to come in. The person seemed to look at me... then to my wife's surprise said I was really a woman. She said I was made that way by GOD, and then told me to lose 30 pounds, dye my hair, and go live full time. She said I was fine in GOD's view - almost word for word like Jim said. It was one of those things that make the hair stand up on the back of your neck

I was presenting male - she called me Elizabeth. Later my wife SWEARS she never used that name to her.

So GOD was sending me messages: don't doubt.

I stopped doubting.

I now know to listen - to prepare my heart - to believe what GOD says. I think HE really did make us what we are. You know that too. I had that belief when my sister's came calling to have me see what THEY thought GOD's Will is. They didn't have a chance against my sure knowledge I was made this way - and I have a purpose.

So we CANNOT kill ourself knowing that. Cutting is also counter to that. We suffer a bit - but so what? It's what GOD does - he puts us out in the world, and our faith gets challenged. Only in my case, in HIS grace - HE told me I had a purpose.

I hope I am following that. Maybe this letter is a part of that.

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ADVICE:

Ease your anxiousness, prepare your heart - ask what you need to ask HIM - and... listen to HIS answer. HE is always there.

I hope this helps.

Lizzy

[The CREATOR's gender is shown here as male to ease the writing)

[Guest JustShelly]

Lizzy

This was very interesting to read and made me feel good.

I have always struggled with what GODS intentions for me were. Even though I am in the belief of no free will, I am still wondering if I am doing the right thing.

I talk with God alot, some call it prayer, I talk.

He has never spoken with me nor has he made his presence to me. I don't think I'm the only one he hasn't.

I have heard of other people experiencing events such as yours and some that receive miracles. I do not expect either. I believe and have faith in GOD no matter.

It would be nice though to receive some sort of message, calling or just recognition that I'm doing right. I think I would feel better about life maybe.

The only simular experience I had was when my Dad was near death I called him in his hospital. (he lived far away) As I spoke with him about many things one of the last things he told me was. S**** your going to make a good Father some day.

This was said roughly 8-10 years before I had children. I never even intended to have children, didn't even want any. My Father knew this also, so this was very weird hearing him say this. One reason he may have said it was, He was a bad Father that never even supported any of his children and he knew that.

Thanks for sharing your letter.

Shelly