Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Having Trouble Stepping Into The Woman's Section.


Guest Zoe_Ikeda

Recommended Posts

Guest Madison_Always

I too get irrarionally nervous sometimes when shopping. After many purchases though, I have come to the conclusion that no one really cares. My advice is just take a deep breath and go for it. Everyone else will be so wraped up in their own lives they will likely take no notice of what someoe else is doing. Good luck.

Link to comment
  • Replies 89
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Michelle 2010

    5

  • JenniferB

    2

  • Carolyn Marie

    1

  • MackenzieB

    1

Guest nurseling

I believe it all comes down to self confidence. If you walk in feeling like you belong there, no one will question. Know what you want so if a salesperson asks, you can tell them, be led to it, and not worry about wondering around looking lost. Remember, if a salesperson is not helping you, they are doing something they hate because the manager said to. That or trying to hide from said manager. The large majority of salespeople and cashiers could really care a less what you buy. The nicest and most helpful I have found, believe it or not, are in aerie (personal favorite) and victoria secrets. Smile, be yourself, and enjoy shopping. And if they have a problem, tough tampons. So go forth and fill your closet with shoes, most of the salespeople are on commission so they don't care as long as you buy.

nurseling

Link to comment
  • 4 months later...
Guest KatyDesire

Haven't yet plucked up the courage. Whenever I approach the women's section my cheeks go a bright purple and I feel mlike they are flashing like neon lights! Goos to know I'm not the only one, and that one gets over it eventually.

Link to comment
Guest Chrissy6455

I used to have the same problem, I used ot make my wife get what I wanted becasue i was too scared of being Judged, then After I came out to myself, and my first shopping trip still presenting as male went to store and bought some stuff and tried some stuff on and really I don't think anyone actually even seemed to care less what I was doing, not even the lady who was watching the changing rooms.

I think this is the same fear or at least a portion of it that makes alot of us at one point repress who we really are.

Link to comment
Guest MrMxyzptlk

I prefer using second hand stores. There is one in a nearby town that I love. They call it "The Free Store" because they don't have prices on the stuff, you just drop some cash in the jar as you leave. So I grab a bag and walk through the womens section until I find what I want. I got a skirt, shirt and two pairs of shoes today. Real cute stuff.

I hate to say "man up" when talking about shopping for bras and panties but really don't think most people give a hoot.

Oh, when I need to get something very specific sized, like lingere, I go to Walmart. They have a self checkout. I grab a pack of soda and then hit the womens section tossing in what I want. Then I hit the self checkout. no strange looks or questions you don't want to answer.

Rochelle/Scott

Link to comment

Two more ideas that might help. Consignment shops and goodwill are great to start. There is no womens undies in these places so you can be shopping for your wife a surprise for her.

The other is one I used when I was in my early teens I would ask a sales lady if she could help me. I knew my size so I wrote the things I wanted on a list. I would tell the sales lady I was uncomfortable doing this but my Mom was inlured last year and I am trying to shop for her. WOW lots of sympathy and praise for a wonderful son "your mother must be very proud of you " It is a bit Cheeky as the Brits would say, but after a few visits I felt comfortable shopping for me.

Candy Kane

Link to comment
Guest alexiaannalise

i have a problem shopping in my home town cuz my family is real well known here so if i dont have my girlfriend with me then i cant really cant do it unless its around christmas time and then i can do it as long as they think its for her but its kind of a hassle and a pain so i would much rather have her there with me

Love

Alexia Annalise

Link to comment

i didnt have troubles with the clothing so much, but similar situations, ;like restrooms. its easier to do if you had a freind or two with you who is that gender too. male restrooms? id walk in with a male freind or two, makes it safe, keeps people from wondering if im one of the boys or not. i figure it would work the same for a MTF at a clothing store. nobody really notices or anything if youre picking out clothes so much, you could be buying them for someone else after all..as for the dressing rooms, like i said, have a friend there with you, it might help,even if theyre not actually IN the space with you, but by the door.

Link to comment
Guest MrMxyzptlk

Today I stopped at a discount store and poked around for stuff, I found 25 cent a pack pantyhose so I snagged a couple. When I got to the counter the smart alek cashier girl said "do you think those are your color?" I told her "the catfish will think they are fabulous" and I explained that I will be using them as a method of baiting hooks for catfish to hold the more loose baits togather while letting the "flavor" soak out through the fabric. The look on her face was priceless.

I may actualy use them for that as I think they are too sheer for my blemished and hairy legs.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Two more ideas that might help. Consignment shops and goodwill are great to start. There is no womens undies in these places so you can be shopping for your wife a surprise for her.

The other is one I used when I was in my early teens I would ask a sales lady if she could help me. I knew my size so I wrote the things I wanted on a list. I would tell the sales lady I was uncomfortable doing this but my Mom was inlured last year and I am trying to shop for her. WOW lots of sympathy and praise for a wonderful son "your mother must be very proud of you " It is a bit Cheeky as the Brits would say, but after a few visits I felt comfortable shopping for me.

Candy Kane

OK Girlfriends,

now here's another update on how to settle in to being your true feminine girly, girly, yes, go ahead and say it out loud......"girly self"..... I have posted before that "new to me " shops are great in my town. If you live in a blighted area, maybe go to the next town over where your sisters have class and money ok? You want to pick through other ladies treasures not trash right? So find a niiice "new to me" shop... Save Kohl's or Macy's for later... When you exude the lady like confidence that is waiting to blossom.

Now, having selected the store worthy of your time, you go in feeling like the lady you are, not a timid rabbit... "But Michelle...", you say, "Michelle, how do I do this if I really feel like the rabbit????"

I'm glad you asked... The secret is... (whisper),,,people leave you alone...

Even as you work your way down the row looking at all the wonderful options you get to coordinate and later accessorize as a woman, people leave you alone... If a woman is working the same aisle, be polite and smile :) Say something nice (not clever) and smile.... Never, never, never, fight a woman for a garment! It is bad form....

Oh, and don't waste time making eye contact with men in the store, they aren't worth you effort and energy. Remember, you aren't there to impress men. You are there to purchase garments that make you feel feminine and hopefully make other women jealous of how goood you look.

You may ask, "Michelle, what if the counter girl is a smart alec mall rat, waiting to pounce and smirk???" I'm glad you asked.

This just happened to me. I went into a boutique new to me store (yes ladies have money and class here) and the counter lady was not the usual... In fact, she looked suspiciously like a mall rat... I had to make an instant decision! Stake my claim as a shopper with class and dignity, or flee like the above mentioned timid rabbit. So, since I was shopping pants for the first time and was confused on sizing, I met her gaze and smiled. When she asked "May I help you?" I walked over to her and said, "Yes, I am shopping for myself for pants appropriate for church (true), and don't understand the sizing..." Now here's the really really important thing... I said, "Can you help me?" She was immediately taken out of any perceived problem and into finding a solution. I had immediately removed conjecture as to my motives by simply stating I was buying pants for me... and I needed help. Ultimately, we talked about what college she was going to go to and we were great friends by the time i left.

Lastly, (for now), you may ask, "Michelle honey, how do I acquire the confidence that you have to perform so flawlessly????" Well, the answer is..."ya just gotta get going and start doing it" :) After all, remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons.

Hugs

Michelle

Link to comment
Guest Prettypolly1389

I have had similar experiences as most of you. I almost had a panic attack the first time I shopped. I also have to see who is around me when I am browsing. If there seem to be several big men about, I chicken out. If I have chosen and picked an item, I always look for a short queue. Once at the check out, I also ask for a receipt.

But it is worth all the hassle. I then cannot wait to get home and try the time on.

Link to comment
Guest MsGsptlsnz

'Twas the day of my outing to my beloved spouse

We weren't really speaking, not even to grouse.

My clothing was hidden in boxes with care,

In hopes they'd be safe from my wife on a tear.

Our son was oblivious to wifely dread,

While visions of Pokeman danced in his head.

So with cash in my pocket and pain in my heart,

I set out for Goodwill my hurt with to part.

Away to their aisles I sprang like a flash

Holding back anger and feeling quite brash

When what to my wandering eye should appear

but a pink spanedex dress in a size I am near!

With a neckline and sleaves at the right fit

I knew in a moment I had to get it!

More shopping uncovered a new strapless bra

And stockings of white just my size, oh la la!

New shoes for this outfit elude me the did

So to the chekout I rushed like a candy store kid.

To the next little shop! To the the next little mall!

I dashed away, dashed away all!

As the next little shop of consigned goods went I

To look all around for shoes that caught eye.

So downstairs and up I wandered anew

To find the perfect high heel platform shoe.

And then with a twinkling I saw on display

For prancing and dancing the shoe of the day!

As I drew in sharp breath and Iooked all around

Size 11 they said and my frown turned upside down!

They were covered in silver form open toe to back strap

And the heel was stilletto with five inches, no cra....

The color, the style, they all were my fave

They looked like what angels would wear to a rave.

With a glimer in eye and twist of my head

I grabed up those pumps and I'll buy these I said.

The clerk and I spoke a few words without jest

Then I spoted some earings that I loved best.

So laying my finges on a few of my bills

I paid for the lot and headed for the hills.

The dress it fit and in I I did revel,

Showing off curves of foam and gel

The shoes I did walk in and they felt so right

So Happy Shopping to all and to all a good night!

Link to comment

WOW ditto to everything above! Ooh I want to tell my tales. I found a pair of shoes I dearly loved, slipped them on, they felt like a dream. Quickly back in the box. A week later my ex-wife stayed with me. In an intimate moment I excused my self went to the walk-in closet and slipped on my favorite dress. I peeked out the door and said there is someone i want you to meet. Wow what a wonderful romantic night. The next day we went to the shoe store, her as my decoy and she bought me the shoes! I still wear them out regularly as raggedy as they are getting. I want to have them bronzed. Giggle. We then went to the Goodwill. At first I was worried about the looks. I did a "Helen Keller" and shopped with my mate as girl friends. The stares turned to smiles as they watched us shop. I didn't make any bones that they were for me. Isle by isle the clothes piled up. The highlight was my ex would put each up to me and say "what do you think about these?" Some I liked, others I said " I don't like the color, I don't like the cut, I don't like the style. That's just not me." and picked up the ones I wanted. She whispered in my ear, "You know your a picky (B-word)!" I died laughing because it.s true! Alas, our romance ended for the finale time soon after, though we always share girl stuff together.

A few months later I was in Wal-Mart. I asked the young girl in the woman's department for help. With a funny look she politely tried to direct me to man's. I said "Oh no honey, I seldom wear man's clothes they are too baggy and have all the style of a tea bag! Men fashions are simply horrible. Yuck!" She showed me around and we laughed and gabbed together for quite a while.

Fast forward to today; I shop and know most every one that works in the Goodwill stores on my end of the city and many other shops, Every time I shop it's "Jody's back... where have you been?" I feel loved and spend money, what more could a girl want? Mostly female strangers clue in quickly I'm female brained and are comfortable shopping with me like any other female, no matter what gender I'm dressed as. The exception is when her hubby is around then she has to play the indignant wife role for him. I just smile knowingly and shop on.

It's all a learned behavior so don't let the fears slow you down on your education, The rewards are awesome! Jody

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Aw this thread brings back so many memories! My first shopping experience was something I'd wanted to do for months but I kept bottling it. Then one day during midweek I ventured into one of the department stores for the third time that day and I saw a pay point with just the female cashier there. She was young as I recall but I judged that she looked friendly. Suddenly found myself grabbing a skirt and a blouse that I wanted. I wasn't entirely sure of the sizes but I steeled myself to go for the the till, went over there quickly before I could bottle it, and paid for it. I think I just said something like it was a present for my mother or something. But once I'd done it once it got easier and easier. As it turned out the skirt was the right size and the blouse was a size larger than I really needed but hey, I'd done it :o)

After a year or so it got to the point where I just didn't worry and brazenly went up and paid for clothes without a care in the world. I'm sure that some of the shop assistants in town had clocked me but I didn't care by then and they were always great. They probably see many guys buying female clothes and are possibly even trained to deal with it. Funny thing is though, I always avoided being served by the male cashiers and always made sure a woman served me.

Buying make-up is hard in guy mode and I never did get over that one though :o(

Link to comment
Guest MsGsptlsnz
Buying make-up is hard in guy mode and I never did get over that one though

That one is still hard for me. I don't know why. I will walk up to the counter with an armload of heels, skirts, tops and stockings and not blink an eye. But into the cosmetics section and I am sure my mommy is going to come around the corner and paddle my little behind...

Very weird.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 178 Guests (See full list)

    • Ashley0616
    • MaeBe
    • MaryEllen
    • Carolyn Marie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,029
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Selkimur
    Newest Member
    Selkimur
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Anyatimenow
      Anyatimenow
      (23 years old)
    2. Aria00
      Aria00
    3. Ava B.
      Ava B.
      (24 years old)
    4. Claire Heshi
      Claire Heshi
    5. CrystalMatthews0426
      CrystalMatthews0426
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      Like @MaeBe pointed out, Trump won't do these things personally.  I doubt that he actually gives a rat's a$$ himself.  But he is the foot in the door for the others.   I don't really see this.  Personally, I am all in favor of "traditional" families.  I raised my own kids this way and it can work fine.  But I think we need to allow for other variations as well.   One thing working against this now is how hard it is for a single breadwinner to support a family.  Many people (I know some) would prefer "traditional" if they could actually afford it.  Like I mentioned, we raised our family with this model, but we were always right at the poverty level.   I was a "conservative evangelical" for most of my life, actually.  So I do understand this.  Admittedly, I no longer consider myself one. I have family members still in this camp.  Some tolerate me, one actually rejects me.  I assure you the rejection is on her side, not mine.  But, I understand she believes what she is doing is right - 'sa pity though. I mean no insult toward anyone on this forum.  You're free to disagree with me.  Many people do.   This is a pretty complex one.  Socialism takes many forms, many of which we accept without even realizing it.  "Classism" does exist, for what it's worth.  Always has, probably always will.  But I don't feel like that is a subject for this forum.   As for the election, it's shaping up to be another one of those "hold your nose" deals.
    • Ivy
      Just some exerts regarding subjects of interest to me.
    • Ivy
      Yeah.  In my early teens I trained myself out of a few things that I now wish I hadn't.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I was thinking in particular of BLM, who years ago had a 'What We Believe' section that sounded like they were at war with the nuclear family.   I tried to find it. Nope.  Of interest https://www.politifact.com/article/2020/aug/28/ask-politifact-does-black-lives-matter-aim-destroy/   My time is limited and I will try to answer as I can.
    • Ivy
      Well, I suppose it is possible that they don't actually plan on doing what they say.  I'm not too sure I want to take that chance.  But I kinda expect to find out.  Yet, perhaps you're right and it's all just talk.  And anyway, my state GOP is giving me enough to worry about anyway. I remember a time when being "woke" just meant you were paying attention.  Now it means you are the antichrist. I just don't want the government "protecting" me from my personal "delusions."
    • MaeBe
      1.  I think there are some legitimate concern.   2. Thoroughly discussing this will consume many threads.   3. I disagree partially with @MaeBe but there is partial agreement.   4. The context includes what is happening in society that the authors are observing.  It is not an isolated document.   The observation is through a certain lens, because people do things differently doesn't mean they're doing it wrong. Honestly, a lot of the conservative rhetoric is morphing desires of people to be treated with respect and social equity to be tantamount to the absolution of the family, heterosexuality, etc. Also, being quiet and trying to blend in doesn't change anything. Show me a social change that benefits a minority or marginalized group that didn't need to be loud.   5. Trump, if elected, is as likely to spend his energies going after political opponents as he is to implementing something like this.   Trump will appoint people to do this, like Roger Severino (who was appointed before, who has a record of anti-LGBTQ+ actions), he need not do anything beyond this. His people are ready to push this agenda forward. While the conservative right rails about bureaucracy, they intend to weaponize it. There is no question. They don't want to simplify government, they simply want to fire everyone and bring in conservative "warriors" (their rhetoric). Does America survive 4 year cycles of purge/cronyism?   6. I reject critical theory, which is based on Marxism.  Marxism has never worked and never will.  Critical theory has problems which would need time to go into, which I do not have.   OK, but this seems like every other time CRT comes up with conservatives...completely out of the blue. I think it's reference is mostly just to spark outrage from the base. Definitely food thought for a different thread, though.   7. There are groups who have declared war on the nuclear family as problematically patriarchal, and a lot of other terms. They are easy to find on the internet.  This document is reacting to that (see #4 above).   What is the war on the nuclear family? I searched online and couldn't find much other than reasons why people aren't getting married as much or having kids (that wasn't a propaganda from Heritage or opinions pieces from the right that paint with really broad strokes). Easy things to see: the upward mobility and agency of women, the massive cost of rearing children, general negative attitudes about the future, male insecurity, etc. None of this equates to a war on the nuclear family, but I guess if you look at it as "men should be breadwinners and women must get married for financial support and extend the male family line (and to promote "National Greatness") I could see the decline of marriage as a sign of the collapse of a titled system and, if I was a beneficiary of that system or believe that to NOT be tilted, be aggrieved.   8.  Much of this would have to be legislated, and this is a policy documented.  Implementation would  be most likely different, but that does not mean criticism is unwarranted.   "It might be different if you just give it a chance", unlike all the other legislation that's out there targeting LGBTQ+ from the right, these are going to be different? First it will be trans rights, then it will be gay marriage, and then what? Women's suffrage?   I get it, we may have different compasses, but it's not hard to see that there's no place for queer people in the conservative worldview. There seems to be a consistent insistence that "America was and is no longer Great", as if the 1950s were the pinnacle of society, completely ignoring how great America still is and can continue to be--without having to regress society to the low standards of its patriarchal yesteryears.    
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Cadillac parts are pretty expensive, so repairing them costs more.  But they don't seem to break down more than other makes.  Lots of Lincoln models use Ford cars as a base, so you can get parts that aren't much more expensive.    My family has had good luck with "Panther platform" cars.  Ford Crown Victoria, Mercury Marquis, Lincoln Towncar or Continental.  4.6 V8 and 5.0 V8.  Reasonable fuel economy, and fairly durable.  Our county sheriff's office was running Chargers and SUV's for a while, but has gone back to older Crown Victorias for ease of maintenance.  GF rebuilds them here.  But they are getting more scarce, since the newest ones were made in 2011.    1992-1997 years were different than the later years.  1998-2001 they did some changes, and apparently the best years are 2003 to 2011.  Check Craigslist, and also government auctions.  GF has gotten a lot of them at auction, and they can be had in rough-but-running shape for around $1,000.  Ones in great shape can be found in the $5,000+ range.  Good for 200,000 miles without significant rebuilding.  Go through engine and transmission and electrical systems, and they go half a million.    Some Chrysler models are OK.  The 300 mostly has the same engines as the Charger and Challenger, so parts availability is pretty good.  But they tend to get timing issues.  The older Chrysler Sebring convertibles were pretty reliable, sometimes going 200,000 miles without tons of problems, although after that they were pretty much worn out. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think I have read everything the Southern Baptists have to say on transgender, and it helped convince me they are dead wrong on these issues.  They can be nice people.  I would never join an SBC church.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You come across as a thoughtful, sweet, interesting and pleasant person.    There are parts of this country, and more so the world, where evangelicals experience a great deal of finger wagging.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It has been an interesting experience being in a marriage in a Christian faith community, yet being intersex/trans.  I stay pretty quiet, and most have kind of accepted that I'm just the strange, harmless exception.  "Oh, that's just Jen.  Jen is...different."  I define success as being a person most folks just overlook. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, I live in an area with a lot of Southern Baptists, Evangelicals, etc...  We've experienced our share of finger-wagging, as the "standard interpretation" of Scripture in the USA is that the Bible only approves of "one man, one woman" marriage.  My faith community is mostly accepted here, but that has taken time and effort.  It can be tough at times to continue to engage with culture and the broader population, and avoid the temptation to huddle up behind walls like a cult.    Tolerance only goes so far.  At one point, my husband was asked to run for sheriff.  He declined, partly because an elected official with four wives would have a REALLY tough time.  (Of course, making way less than his current salary wasn't an option either). 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      My bone structure is far more female than male.  I can't throw like a guy, which has been observed by guys numerous times, and moving like a woman is more natural.  It just is.  I'm not going out of my way to act in a fem. way, as you say, but I am letting go of some of the 'I am not going to move like that because I am a guy' stuff I have defensively developed.  The other breaks through anyway - there were numerous looks from people at work when I would use gestures that are forbidden to men, or say something spontaneously no guy would ever say.   At one point, maybe a year or more ago, I said it was unfair for people to think they were dealing with a man when they were actually dealing with a woman.    Girl here.  'What is a woman' is a topic for another day.
    • Willow
      Mom, I’m home!  What’s for lunch?   Leftover pizza .   ok.    Not exactly our conversation but there is truth in the answer.     @KymmieLsorry you are sick. Feel better soon.   Girl mode, boy mode no mode, not us. Nothing functional for either of us.   anyone here have or had a 10 year old (plus or minus) Caddy, Lincoln or Chrysler?  How was it?  Lots of repairs?  Comfortable seats? Anything positive or negative about it?  I need to replace my 2004 Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer, it’s eating $100 dollar bills and needs a couple of thousand dollars worth of work and that doesn’t even fix the check engine code.  Obviously, it isn’t worth putting that kind of money into a 20 year old car with a 174 thousand miles.   Willow
    • Ashley0616
      Oversized pink shirt, pink and black sports bra
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think you mean the worst possible interpretation of 2025 situation.  Keep in mind that there are those who will distort and downright lie about anything coming from conservatives - I have seen it time and time again.  It's one of the reasons I want to read the thing slowly and carefully.  They want you to be very, very afraid. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...