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Remus

Four Weeks On T. Libido. Um, Wow.

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Remus

Yeah. Just thought I'd share. Turn back if you don't want TMI. :blush:

I've had two injections so far, the first on the 10th of May and the second last week on the 25th, and wow. There is a reason popular culture portrays guys as having dirty minds, srsly. Just, pretty much all the time, and I was nowhere near this...um, sensitive? otherwise occupied? beforehand.

Yeah.

AND back above-board, I've also noticed my voice has already dropped. Not spectacularly, kind of just sounds like I have a bad cold, but enough for my friends and the psych to comment on it.

Anyhoo, just thought I'd share lovely, lovely T experiences thus far. :blush:

~Remus

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Guest ranse

Yeah. Just thought I'd share. Turn back if you don't want TMI. :blush:

I've had two injections so far, the first on the 10th of May and the second last week on the 25th, and wow. There is a reason popular culture portrays guys as having dirty minds, srsly. Just, pretty much all the time, and I was nowhere near this...um, sensitive? otherwise occupied? beforehand.

Yeah.

AND back above-board, I've also noticed my voice has already dropped. Not spectacularly, kind of just sounds like I have a bad cold, but enough for my friends and the psych to comment on it.

Anyhoo, just thought I'd share lovely, lovely T experiences thus far. :blush:

~Remus

Congratulations.

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JJ

Know EXACTLY what you mean! 3 months on T this week. Turns out I'm not asexual after all. Not at all. And I notice parts on girls that I never noticed before. not that way anyway.

While trying to convince a community that I am not some sort of pervert and don't have sexual reasons for this transition I am having to work really hard not to let that interest show or my eyes or face give away the sudden flash that happens.

it isn't easy having to learn to control those surges of thought that never challenged me before. To sublimate this new drive. Nobody would understand that i have the T levels and experience in controlling them of a 16 year old in the 60 year old body.

I'm actually getting a little annoyed by it. But natal guys learn to manage and I will too.

Congrats on the voice!

Johnny

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Guest SummerDay

Know EXACTLY what you mean! 3 months on T this week. Turns out I'm not asexual after all. Not at all. And I notice parts on girls that I never noticed before. not that way anyway.

While trying to convince a community that I am not some sort of pervert and don't have sexual reasons for this transition I am having to work really hard not to let that interest show or my eyes or face give away the sudden flash that happens.

it isn't easy having to learn to control those surges of thought that never challenged me before. To sublimate this new drive. Nobody would understand that i have the T levels and experience in controlling them of a 16 year old in the 60 year old body.

I'm actually getting a little annoyed by it. But natal guys learn to manage and I will too.

Congrats on the voice!

Urges are great at the time but there's another side. Urges are like comparing a cheap hot rod to a Grand Tourer.

I was lolling around in the park one day in the sun and a Hitchockian style beauty walked past. She had tied back silver ahir, immaculate poise, and her wardrobe was a class apart. I lazily admired her as she walked along and around the park, and with immaculate timing she flipped her head around to look back.

I have never felt to busted in my life. Touché.

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Guest ranse

Now y'all are scaring me. I'm sort of high-revved in the libido department and have always appreciated the beauty of a woman's curves. Going on T might unleash a monster. A deeper-voiced hairier monster.

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JJ

Not a monster. Just a more appreciative man. Much more

:D

Johnny

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Guest SummerDay

Fast forward 30 years on T.

You'll be there in your front garden pruning the roses as a young girl walks past sucking a lolly. Then she'll stop and turn around and look with big eyes at you over the fence. "Hey, watcha doin with those roses mistah?"

And you'll explain how pruning them makes them grow up fit and healthy, then show her a flower and stand back with gentle authoritative ease thinking all the things you've done in life and seeing this bundle willowly limbs and wondering how she'll turn out. Arms wrecked with needle marks and dead from a heroin overdose in a Bangkok hotel or a wife playing loving parent by the side of a lake? "Oh, cool. See ya again mistah", and off she'll skip down the road never to be seen again. Tomorrow's turn at the wheel.

Then you'll go back inside feeling too lazy to roll up the hosepipe, turn on the ball game, and fall asleep scratching yourself to snore in front of the TV.

"Oi, Harold. You're dinner's ready." screams from the kitchen to the sound of clattering plates.

Letting out a quiet sigh you mumble, "Yes, dear."

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Guest chngnwnd

My - all the things I don't miss about testosterone...enjoy guys - sometimes we find your lack of control amusing...

and also useful when we don't want to pay for our own drinks at the club lol.

hugs

Bobbi

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Guest JaniceW

... A deeper-voiced hairier monster.

Monsters do not lie this way, Ranse.

Men deal with it and make it a part of themselves. Just like women deal with mood swings. Just don't drool, it is not becomming. :P

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Guest John Chiv

Ranse,

Don't let this scare you. I don't share my experiences here with T for a reason. I just want you and anyone reading this to understand that yes T will cause physical changes. Take what is said to you by any FTM with a grain of salt. What changes and how fast and when all depend on the individual, your genetics, your dose.

Men tend to brag a bit. I am not saying that anyone is lying, just saying don't compare yourself to anyone else. Also, there are some good sites and information which counteract the T myth. I would suggest you look up hudsonsguide.org. It isn't the most recent but it is more accurate than a lot of mumbo-jumbo out there.

Testosterone does not change anyone's basic personality. Also sex drive can be attributed to one feeling good about themselves. There are very few scientific studies on FTM so who knows for sure.

As already pointed out,how you deal with the T depends on other factors like stress, nutrition,sleep and just general positive support in your life.

Yes, your sex drive will increase. Yes, you will look at women, maybe even men, in a different way. It is very important to have a good doctor, follow guidelines and not allow T and the changes or lack of changes to affect who you are, which is a man.

John

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Flint

Now y'all are scaring me. I'm sort of high-revved in the libido department and have always appreciated the beauty of a woman's curves. Going on T might unleash a monster. A deeper-voiced hairier monster.

Don't worry too much about it. I have the same worry. But I'm slowly becoming more relaxed by the fact people who I've spoke to who had high libido to begin with, either didn't change much if at all, or changed ever so slightly it's barley noticeable. But mainly what I've come across is them saying they find they are more relaxed than they used to be libido wise.

Also society it seems to me is being taught more and more these days that because men think about sex, often more than women (not always) it makes men monsters.

I know people say people used to be repressed in the past sexually and that, but I think we're slowly going back to that. I don't know how many times I've been taught now that men are perves just because they THINK about sex.

Thinking about sex and having a high libido does not make you a monster. It only makes someone a monster when they use their libido against people and take advantage of people.

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Guest ShortyT

I'm quite fond of my libido, if I'm bored I can always think of something to do...

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JJ

Okay I'll open up a little more here and explain the positive side of the effect T has had libido wise.

Because I have a real disconnect between my mind and body as far as sexual orientation-I am not a lesbian and I find a relationship with a woman as a woman to be impossible for me. I could never accept that for me personally. Yet I have always romantically fantasized about a relationship as a man with a woman.

I have been married and I have had relationships with men but somehow they were not right. Before I knew I was trans I began to label as asexual which is about as understandable to most people as being trans it turns out. I have been celibate a long time because it just wasn't something that worked for me. I avoided sexual situations and always had this wrong feeling about sex. T completely altered that. I don't feel wrong when I have sexual thoughts and fantasies anymore and I have been able to begin unraveling this tangeled skein of feelings about sex in my head.

I like the feelings. I am finding them distracting and unsettling at times. Been ambushed at how they pop up unbidden too. But my life has really opened up-even without becoming sexually active with a partner because that is still premature for me. But I can explore it. I can feel it and I can work it out.

All in all that is a wonderful thing and brings me into closer alignment with the majority of the human race out there who like sex. It feels good.

Which is I suppose why I am annoyed by the amount of time sexual thoughts seem to be occupying in my mind right now. It's all so sweet and so new but I am not used to having sexual thought be a part of my life.. it will ease up-everything always comes back into balance and I'll probably be complaining I miss it :D

Johnny

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Guest Colm

Know EXACTLY what you mean! 3 months on T this week. Turns out I'm not asexual after all. Not at all. And I notice parts on girls that I never noticed before. not that way anyway.

Johnny

ha, this is absolutely true. hit me about the same time as well.

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Guest ranse

Ah, lads, I was only kidding about my fears of turning into a monster. I'm looking forward to my outsides lining up with my insides so I can go ahead and smile at women, hold open the door for them, etc., and just be considered another guy. I'm looking forward to blending in and going about my business, but being able to flirt here and there. I'm looking forward to the mundane as if it's the best birthday/Christmas/whatever present rolled into one.

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Remus
I'm looking forward to the mundane as if it's the best birthday/Christmas/whatever present rolled into one.

Whatever presents are the best! :lol: My housemate bought me a mug for no reason, and it still makes me smile. ^_^

Don't let this scare you. I don't share my experiences here with T for a reason. I just want you and anyone reading this to understand that yes T will cause physical changes. Take what is said to you by any FTM with a grain of salt. What changes and how fast and when all depend on the individual, your genetics, your dose.

Men tend to brag a bit. I am not saying that anyone is lying, just saying don't compare yourself to anyone else. Also, there are some good sites and information which counteract the T myth. I would suggest you look up hudsonsguide.org. It isn't the most recent but it is more accurate than a lot of mumbo-jumbo out there.

Testosterone does not change anyone's basic personality. Also sex drive can be attributed to one feeling good about themselves. There are very few scientific studies on FTM so who knows for sure.

As already pointed out,how you deal with the T depends on other factors like stress, nutrition,sleep and just general positive support in your life.

Yes, your sex drive will increase. Yes, you will look at women, maybe even men, in a different way. It is very important to have a good doctor, follow guidelines and not allow T and the changes or lack of changes to affect who you are, which is a man.

I only meant this as in what I've experienced thus far, not what's absolutely going to happen. Just on a personal basis, I never thought about sex that much until I started T. I did at times, certainly, but not as constantly as it seems to be now. But yes, YMwilldefinitelyV. Mum keeps asking, "So, how soon do changes happen?". Um, I don't know, it's different for everyone. "Yes, but how quickly does stuff change?!". ...It varies, there haven't been that many conclusive studies yet, so no-one really knows. "Yes, but how soon 'til changes happen?!!!". *facepalm*

Also society it seems to me is being taught more and more these days that because men think about sex, often more than women (not always) it makes men monsters.

I know people say people used to be repressed in the past sexually and that, but I think we're slowly going back to that. I don't know how many times I've been taught now that men are perves just because they THINK about sex.

Ugh, hate that! If a woman doesn't want sex, she's frigid, and if she does, oooh, she must be a dirty [the 'S' word. Autoedit says no], and men are just monsters all the time. That was another one of Mum's arguments against me transitioning - there was a TV show we were watching and these guys were talking about those inflatable sex dolls, and she said "See, that's what men are like, do you really want to be like that?". *headdesk* (I seem to lose a lot of braincells from her arguments :rolleyes:).

T completely altered that. I don't feel wrong when I have sexual thoughts and fantasies anymore and I have been able to begin unraveling this tangeled skein of feelings about sex in my head.

I like the feelings. I am finding them distracting and unsettling at times. Been ambushed at how they pop up unbidden too. But my life has really opened up-even without becoming sexually active with a partner because that is still premature for me. But I can explore it. I can feel it and I can work it out.

Before I realised I was trans I had issues with this, the whole "you're a girl who likes boys" never felt quite right with me being the girl. Then I realised I was always dreaming of being with a boy as a boy myself, which was kind of odd, but didn't feel so inherently wrong. Then realising I'm trans, and now transitioning, it does make it a lot more comfortable.

Which is I suppose why I am annoyed by the amount of time sexual thoughts seem to be occupying in my mind right now. It's all so sweet and so new but I am not used to having sexual thought be a part of my life.

Yeah, being ambushed, as you put it, is thoroughly distracting. The thoughts are themselves manageable, it's the tinglies in the middle of the library or buying milk that I'm not used to so much. :blush:

But yes, totally just what I've experienced so far, not absolutely definitive or anything.

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Guest My_Genesis

Congratulations.

lol@the one-worded response.

It only makes someone a monster when they use their libido against people and take advantage of people.

I was so worried in the month or two before starting T, and maybe the first month on it, that T would do that to me, cuz I wouldn't be able to see clearly. Everything would be seen through testosterone goggles. lol...

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Guest Megan_Lynn

Ranse,

Testosterone does not change anyone's basic personality. Also sex drive can be attributed to one feeling good about themselves.

John

John,

do not mean to bust your bubble here but as far as for me in the past I need to disagree on what ya posted here. Pretty much most of my life I hated myself and was very miserable. For me personally testosterone was a living hell of darn near nonstop arousal most of my past life but did get more tolerable as I got older. Was like I was eating Viagra buy the hand fulls. Since I have been on hrt (estrogen) am 500 percent less aggressive have a feeling of calm most of the time I never had anytime before in my life. My personality has changed alot and I interact with people in a different way then before. Have many new likes and dislikes I never had before.My libido is almost non existent now ( what a relief). The difference of me subjected on testosterone and estrogen is like night and day. And I finally like myself as I am not the same aggressive pushy over libido person anymore. My better half has commented more then once on the major difference in me since I got the majority of testosterone out of my system. So yes in my opinion testosterone is a very powerful hormone that can and does effect ones libido and personality and aggressiveness. But everyones mileage may differ.

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Guest John Chiv

Megan,

We can have differing opinions. And that is okay. As a MTF, estrogen makes you feel right and better. As a FTM, testosterone did the same for me. My statement that testosterone does not change one's basic personality is something I stand by. I have not become some sex crazed maniac. My sex drive was pretty good pre T and comparable to a male. I am not more aggressive. I am just as intense and loving as I was before.

When I made that statement, I was referring to the fact that people think they will become less loving, less caring. Or blame abusive and violent behavior on starting T. I think there is a psychological effect to T and I was just offering an opinion based on seeing many FTMs,especially FTMs my age that have handled it well.

It all depends on the person. Certain behavior is who a person is, not the hormone. Yes, there is more arousal and a different kind of arousal with T for men, the same can be said of estrogen for women.

As a FTM the effect T has on me is normal for me because I am a man. And the same for you on estrogen because you are a woman. I appreciate the input but you need to remember that your experience with testosterone is based on something that didn't feel right because it isn't the gender you are. Most of us are depressed and miserable and it is when we accept who we are that we realize the cause of most of that misery and depression.

I don't like what estrogen does to me but I am not discouraging MTFs to start it or giving an opinion on it because I know the effects of that hormone are right for a woman.

And no matter how much T you are on, if you have self esteem issues or depression, the sex drive will not be more powerful to overcome that. The greatest effect of T on me is that it has calmed me down.

The only accurate information on hormones is medical. I never get into discussions about hormones. I made an exception in this case because many younger FTMs are frightened about starting T or have unrealistic ideas about the changes it brings. It is our responsibility to remember that we give subjective opinions here, we are not medical professionals.

Your opinion is just as valid as mine and you did it very respectfully. In a public forum we should be able to speak our mind; even disagree as long as we don't make it personal and we do it with respect.

John

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Guest Elizabeth K

John,

do not mean to bust your bubble here but as far as for me in the past I need to disagree on what ya posted here. Pretty much most of my life I hated myself and was very miserable. For me personally testosterone was a living hell of darn near nonstop arousal most of my past life but did get more tolerable as I got older. Was like I was eating Viagra buy the hand fulls. Since I have been on hrt (estrogen) am 500 percent less aggressive have a feeling of calm most of the time I never had anytime before in my life. My personality has changed alot and I interact with people in a different way then before. Have many new likes and dislikes I never had before.My libido is almost non existent now ( what a relief). The difference of me subjected on testosterone and estrogen is like night and day. And I finally like myself as I am not the same aggressive pushy over libido person anymore. My better half has commented more then once on the major difference in me since I got the majority of testosterone out of my system. So yes in my opinion testosterone is a very powerful hormone that can and does effect ones libido and personality and aggressiveness. But everyones mileage may differ.

TO ALL

Hey girls - the FTM forum is for GUYS! We MTF are guests here, so DON"T BRING YOUR MTF BAGGAGE - they don't want to hear it and they have a different way of thinking and being, which is just as valid as yours.

Megan_Lynn, I know you are trying to show testosterone is not your cup of tea and how good you feel on estrogen. Your heart is in the right place, but these guys KNOW what estrogen is, and they want to forget it was ever in their lives.

There are other MTF people here in the FTM forum as well, and its good to have a constructive dialogue. We have FTM people in our MTF forum as well, and they are welcome. Yet if one was to tell me all the benefits of testosterone and how horrible estrogen is, while in the MTF forum, I would be upset.

Please be careful - all of us MTF - I am not singling out Megan_Lynn.

Lizzy

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JJ

Thank you Lizzy. We just all need to remember that we are part of a glorious diversity. As individual as two snowflakes. I think I add to the world by being me but heaven help us we'd still be living in caves I suspect-if at all-if everyone was just like me,

I want there to be people who love estrogen and have brains that revel in it. Just as I revel in the discovery of true libido and a new sense of rightness and calm within that testosterone has brought me.

I welcome people relating their individual experiences-as long as they also recognize the validity of mine. Which is the basis of respect I think. We learn and grow and support one another better when we can share our feelings and experiences within the framework of mutual respect.

Johnny

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Guest John Chiv

((((((((((((Lizzy)))))))))))))

Thank you very much for your support and post. And your words are well heeded for any of us in any forum.

Hugs,

John

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Guest Megan_Lynn

Hey girls - the FTM forum is for GUYS! We MTF are guests here, so DON"T BRING YOUR MTF BAGGAGE - they don't want to hear it and they have a different way of thinking and being, which is just as valid as yours.

Megan_Lynn, I know you are trying to show testosterone is not your cup of tea and how good you feel on estrogen. Your heart is in the right place, but these guys KNOW what estrogen is, and they want to forget it was ever in their lives.

There are other MTF people here in the FTM forum as well, and its good to have a constructive dialogue. We have FTM people in our MTF forum as well, and they are welcome. Yet if one was to tell me all the benefits of testosterone and how horrible estrogen is, while in the MTF forum, I would be upset.

Please be careful - all of us MTF - I am not singling out Megan_Lynn.

Never once did I bring any MTF baggage as I never once mentioned a thing about gender ever. My main point was about how randy testosterone made me most of the time and from personally knowledge most ci men I ever knew. Never once did I mention that testosterone was an evil hormone only mentioned that it can and does increase one's libido a good bit. Someone like John who already had a high libido it most likely would not affect as much. But your run of the mill ci female or FTM if introduced T to them I but bet the vast majority would end up with a surprisingly higher libido then they ever had. As for aggressiveness there is a major difference between that and violence. I was never violent with anyone unless it was to protect myself or others and only as a last resort. Maybe I should have explained what I meant by aggressiveness better. To me aggressiveness was ruff play wrestling ect,and feeling the need to do so. Nothing mean just a typical ci boy/men play. As for personality a person subjected to T or E will under most circumstances has a certain swagger about them. T seems to make the average person a tad bit more assertive/aggressive and E can and does make one more passive/emotional . Assertiveness, aggressiveness, passiveness are personality traits as well. As are many other effects of hormones. If I offended anyone I am sorry but my statements were just describing how T affected me personally on a physical level and not on a gender level.I even at the end stated ones mileage may differ.The main reason I stated about being miserable in the past and happy now is to make a point that ones endorfin levels does not necessarily dictate ones libido. Believe me I am all for any and everyone wanting to be themselves and if T or E make you whole thumbs up.

Lizzy, I do however have a big issue with you right now. While I do have the utmost of respect for you and what you have been through and truly believe your a good person. You have called me out in-front of every person who reads these forums. This would be just like me giving you a butt chewing in a public place. It's rude uncalled for and disrespectful. If you have an issue with something I post please have enough respect for me to pm me about it( we can discuss it in an adult manner) or delete or modify my post and pm me reason why. Oh and by mentioning my name not once but twice is singling me out not matter how you want to look at it. So this will be the one and only time I single you out as well unless its during a average forum discussion and only for good things..k. Again please respect me enough to keep any type of correction you deem needed private in the future.. Thank you.

John,

Again sorry if I offended you in any way. Believe me I could post about some of the side effects of E I am not happy with as well like being moody and overly emotional. Guess ya trade one problem for anoughter..lol.

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Guest Colm

As for aggressiveness there is a major difference between that and violence. I was never violent with anyone unless it was to protect myself or others and only as a last resort. Maybe I should have explained what I meant by aggressiveness better. To me aggressiveness was ruff play wrestling ect,and feeling the need to do so. Nothing mean just a typical ci boy/men play. As for personality a person subjected to T or E will under most circumstances has a certain swagger about them. T seems to make the average person a tad bit more assertive/aggressive and E can and does make one more passive/emotional . Assertiveness, aggressiveness, passiveness are personality traits as well.

Just for the FTMs out there who may be pre-hormones in their transition - I think I'm actually less aggressive than I was pre-T because I'm much for secure in who I am, and I don't feel like I have to prove myself as much. I think when I (and the other FTMs who have taken T, though I don't want to speak for anyone) describe that feeling of calmness, it has a lot to do with this aspect. Because the T helps people gender you correctly, you don't feel like you need to be asserting your male-ness to be taken as male, so the whole dynamic of interacting with other people is a lot less stressful.

I also think I'm more in touch with my emotions now than I was pre-T, but I think that's more of a secondary psychological effect of taking T than the T itself. If anything, it's the effect of having been able to engage in a therapeutic process with a therapist because taking T helped me feel more comfortable with myself and more in control of my life. Before I transitioned (I went full-time for more than two years before starting T) I felt completely numb inside. Like Megan_Lynn said, YMMV, and both T and E can have very different effects on different people. It seems to me that the typical MTF experience (especially the emotional experience) with T is practically diametrically opposed to the typical FTM experience with T, and vice versa for E.

As for the libido issues, I think it's a matter of your body getting used to a different hormone balance. I'm slightly over 20 months in now, and I can already tell there's a difference from when that phase first hit. It's definitely there, but (slightly) less intense. Just like in natal males, puberty doesn't last forever.

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Remus
Just for the FTMs out there who may be pre-hormones in their transition - I think I'm actually less aggressive than I was pre-T because I'm much for secure in who I am, and I don't feel like I have to prove myself as much. I think when I (and the other FTMs who have taken T, though I don't want to speak for anyone) describe that feeling of calmness, it has a lot to do with this aspect. Because the T helps people gender you correctly, you don't feel like you need to be asserting your male-ness to be taken as male, so the whole dynamic of interacting with other people is a lot less stressful.

I also think I'm more in touch with my emotions now than I was pre-T, but I think that's more of a secondary psychological effect of taking T than the T itself. If anything, it's the effect of having been able to engage in a therapeutic process with a therapist because taking T helped me feel more comfortable with myself and more in control of my life.

I'm not an aggressive person really at all, and people often lecture me on not being assertive enough. And thus far, with the grand exception of actually going against society and transitioning at all, that hasn't really changed. :blush: However, there is definitely that feeling of calmness, and of not needing to try and (over)compensate anymore, which is really rather wonderful (I was kind of over excessively-baggy camo pants). ^_^ And yes, far less hopeless when talking with people. I'm still read as a girl of course, no way do I pass yet, but I feel more relaxed about interacting with people. There's no longer a need to mentally prepare myself for social interaction before it happens, it just kind of...oh, wait...I just talked with some random person and was cool about it... *wheeee!* :rolleyes:

Before I transitioned (I went full-time for more than two years before starting T) I felt completely numb inside.

Wow. And yeah, scary and surreal to be doing it at last, but there is no going back to that numbness.

As for the libido issues, I think it's a matter of your body getting used to a different hormone balance. I'm slightly over 20 months in now, and I can already tell there's a difference from when that phase first hit. It's definitely there, but (slightly) less intense. Just like in natal males, puberty doesn't last forever.

Hope so! My third shot's tomorrow, just when things've started to calm down a bit again. Emphasis on "a bit". :rolleyes:

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      Like DeeDee I blog about mine. It's not necessarily a journal but it's an outlet to express my journey in words.   https://medium.com/@qtcbelle   Belle ❤
    • Carolyn Marie
      "Meanwhile, my regular male life carried on.  I eventually met and married my wife.  Of course, the women's clothes had to go.  I was "fixed", and whatever was "wrong" with me was gone.  (or so I thought, hopefully.)  However, the urge to dress remained very strong, and gradually got stronger."   Yes, this sounds a lot like me; always hoping something would "cure" me.  If it wasn't falling in love and getting married, it was growing a mustache and doing something macho and dangerous.  But it never worked, and didn't for you, either.  We have all come to realize that being trans can't be cured, but there is a sure fire way of beating the dysphoria, and its name was transition!   Thanks for taking the time to tell us about yourself, KathyLauren.  I know that it can be a difficult thing to do.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      As someone who took insulin shots for 20 years, I have some familiarity with the problem.  The "good spot-bad spot" theory is pretty "spot" on 😜.  There are thousands of nerve endings in all your extremities, and hitting one by accident is fairly easy to do.  On top of that, hitting a capillary or blood vessel can also be painful.  I'm not entirely sure how to guarantee it won't happen (if that's even possible), but your best best is to talk with a nurse about it.  He or she should be able to give you some tips.  I would also suggest marking (with a marker pen or piece of tape) the spots that gave you pain so you can try and avoid them the next time.   Carolyn Marie
    • MetaLicious
      That's where my fantasy takes me.  I'd love to keep "my" body, but just with XX chromosomes, and an appropriate puberty.   When I find my jealous of some ot the women in media, I have to remind myself that 99% of ciswomen are jealous of those women for the same reason!
    • Tristantulaine
      I have recently begun the process of speaking out what I have been struggling with for a good many years internally without knowing how to put it into words.  In part this is due to transgender friends telling me their stories and hearing bits of myself in them. Last night I had a good cry with my wonderful spouse who told me that he doesnt see me any differently.   So now I feel my experiences can be discussed so much more openly.  First some background.   There is a joke in our family that the force is strong with my dads genetics and on my is it ever.  All three of my dads biological children look like him, and I have a different mom then the other two.  My birth grandfather and dad look alike and his half brother is the same.   In essence I look...like...my dad.  I was born female but have always had this face that could pass for male.  Once as a teen in the hospital I was told by staff that I looked like a cute boy with my hair slicked back.  Now...that is unsettling for a whole host of reasons that I really dont want to get into here but suffice it to say I thought for the first time, what if i was a boy?  Am i cute as a boy?    I didnt experience dysphoria as a child, I just ran around and played in the mud with boys and girls and made up elaborate stories where I fought dragons in skirts and everyone cheered for me, the victorious  knight. Then they showed up.  And they just kept growing and growing till they are large enough that my doctor has spoken to me about top surgery without gender entering the question.  I hate them. Literally I have so much anger towards them I sometimes want to lock myself up in my room and cry.  I look at my androgynous face that looks like my dads and think of the times people have seen just a head shot and thought I could be male or female,  a boy in skirts or a girl in armor or something in between.  Then I look at this silhouette that no amount of binding can reduce.     I am happy with the in betweeness of my face and I am not particularly distressed with any other part of my anatomy, but the thought of caring the things around on my chest for the rest of my life and always looking like I am smuggling watermelons out of a grocery store makes me sick.     So this is where I am now.  I suppose it is as good a place as any to be in as far as my identity is concerned.  I think I am somewhere in between and I want to make my body look the way I feel. And I am in this moment now with acceptance and love for that.
    • Tristantulaine
      I think since it seems there is an interest there that it would be a really great idea!  My adult friends and I took my adult friend to one for her birthday once because she had never gone before and it was absolutely the most fun we have ever had.  I think you see things from a different perspective as you get older and aquariums are a great place to recapture some of the fun and innocence of childhood. Also someone who has always been supportive and willing to listen is probably the kind of person who would enjoy doing something more unique. And you can always get a plushy from the gift shop to snuggle.    I hope all works out for you! 
    • A. Dillon
      Yes, I actually do! I don't write in it daily, but whenever something important happens, I always add to my voice diary of my laptop. That way, I will also be able to hear the progression of my voice over time. For now, I can gladly say that months of training my voice has definitely lowered it quite a bit, and while it might not be exactly what I want, you can't knock progress! It is also more helpful than writing because you just set a time limit and say whatever comes to mind. Hearing your own voice really gives you a better feeling of exactly what you were going through in that moment, and a clearer picture in the whole. I have started crying before, and that raw emotion while you are talking with just yourself and the microphone is something that you can really look back on. It can be a tad more stressful, sure, but I find that there is much less pressure as you are just doing and saying whatever you want.
    • ToniTone
      I'm sorry she compelled you to do that. It's not fair... 
    • ToniTone
      I'm not really good about maintaining a journal. But I consider my thread here, Toni's Tale, for that purpose.    ~Toni
    • Jani
      Thank you all for your kind comments.  I did lay low for the better part of the day and evening.  I just got up to get a bite to eat.  When I'm not well I do tend to "forget".  Not good.      Again, thank you.  I'm feeling better already!  Jani
    • secondlook
      I have started a journal within the past week, it's helping me sort through a lot of complex emotions and thoughts. Sometimes I get overly fixated on a single thought and writing it down seems to help. 
    • TammyAnne
      Aiden, that sounds like a good outing. Zoos are good to. Be aware that the penguins smell awful, and it's a smell that you continue to smell the whole time (unlike many things that stink but olfactory fatigue sets in so it doesn't smell so bad). I think most aquariums with dolphins or killer whales do a lot of splashing the audience, so I don't how you feel about that. Could be fun.
    • Susan R
      Sounds like a great first date.  Dining on the first date is nice as you have each other to focus on but if you don’t  know the person then it can feel sort of like an interview getting to know the other person.  Having something else as the focus is great to alleviate any awkward silences during your time together.  The worst first date IMHO is going to a movie where you’re both passive observers with little or no communication until after it’s over.   I think the aquarium idea is good.  If the date is into it, why not? Good Luck, Susan R🌷  
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