Bathroom confrontations?

[Guest Talon]

Hey all,

I am going on T soon and it's not that long ago that I started using the men's room permanently in public. So far I have passed and haven't had any problems except a few long curious stares from people who had noticed something about me. But no real conflicts.

T is gonna help me pass even better of course but I would like to prepare myself for possible clashes in case someone figures me out or I accidently out myself, fumble with the STP.. or whatever... It's going to be an everyday thing for me to go into the men's room and I just feel like I should prepare for any problems that might bring along.

For any verbal conflict I was thinking up a few standard answers that might shut people up. I'm usually good at getting out of those things. I was also thinking about carrying a copy of my written transgender diagnosis around to show anyone who gets pushy. I guess if it comes as far as a physical conflict you fend for yourself the best you can. But I don't expect violence to be peoples' reaction around here.

Have you experienced any bathroom questions, conflicts, harassment etc. and how did you deal with it? Did you simply tell people that you are transgender and did they accept that explanation? Have people shown any aggression, have they asked directly "Are you male/female?" etc. I'd just like to hear about your experiences with using the right washroom and how you deal with them? It's a fairly new part of my life and I'd like all the advice I can get

Thanks a lot!! Enjoy your day!

Talon.

[Paula ult]

Your therapist can write you a carry letter that states you are transitioning and as part of your RLE you need to use the proper bathroom, i carried mine but never needed to show it or had any issues with anyone, most people in a public bathroom just want to go then get on with what ever they were doing.

Paula

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

I've never had an issue or conflict arise. I do have a carry letter just to be safe but I've never needed it.

[~Nova~]

Rules to the men's room.

1) Don't make eye contact.

2) Don't talk.

3) Don't look.

4) Don't dilly dally. Do your thing and leave.

5) Always refer to rule numbers 1 and 2.

I have always hated the men's room. Urinals are disgusting, it always smells, it's always dirty. Never mind that their are MEN there. Put that thing away... It's torture.

Autumn

[~Nova~]

Oh, men don't care who's in there. Have you ever met a guy that wouldn't drop is draws in the middle of the street to pee? They just don't care. If you aren't wearing a skirt and a tight blouse, you're fine.

[Guest Talon]

Thank you for your replies Autumn, now that you mention it quite a few guys seem to do that without thinking twice

[Carolyn Marie]

Never had the slightest problem, even while standing in line for 10 minutes. I have a carry letter, and of course my ID now says I'm female, but no one has bothered me. I doubt your experience will be any different, Talon.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Risu]

I think a lot of us worry about this but, especially using the mens room, I wouldn't worry about it. Men don't look around or ask questions, and more often than not in the restroom they just don't care.

Get in, get out and be on your way. No worries.

Women would be more concerned about who is using the restroom with them than other guys. Of course not many women go into the mens room to assault the men using it, nor do many men go into ladies rooms to assault the women using it but I would be more worried as a woman about a guy using the womens room, so you're safer being in the mens room, unless something about it makes you feel unsafe. Then don't use it or go in.

Good luck and grats on starting HRT soon!

[Guest Gauvain]

I haven't really had any problems or confrontations at all the few times I was able to pull off going into the men's room. The first time, I got a weird look from one guy but it was probably because we bumped into each other at the door. Most of the time no one pays attention to me, though. There was a dad waiting for his son once, so he was just standing there, but only looked at me when I walked in like most people instinctively do when a door opens then payed no mind to me... So I guess my point is that you'll probably be fine, and no one will really care/notice anything like everyone else said.

[Guest Talon]

Thank your for your answers. It reassures me to hear that none of you have had confrontations. I heard some say that FtMs in particular should be concerned about the issue of bathroom violence... But I don't really see why anyone would beat me up, especially not in a restaurant/bar washroom where there are other people/staff nearby.

I often get very weird looks if I try to go into a female bathroom, on days when I for some reason don't feel confident enough to use the male side, or I get directed to the men's room instead so I guess that should be enough of a hint that it is safe to switch

Thanks.

Talon.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Thank your for your answers. It reassures me to hear that none of you have had confrontations. I heard some say that FtMs in particular should be concerned about the issue of bathroom violence...

Maybe in a seedy bar or a biker bar or something like that.

Heck I've used the men's room while in drab and with my nails done. Nobody's said anything. Nobody's tried to beat me up. I'm sure nobody even noticed.

Oh, yeah, make sure if you use a bathroom stall the first thing you do is check to make sure the lock on the door actually works. (that goes for men or women). Then of course check how much toilet paper there is.

[Guest Talon]

Heh, that is pretty cool So I guess one can really trust the fact that guys look at each other as little as possible in the men's room. So all the little things you think might give you away they won't even notice.

I find it funny when using a stall that I gotta remind myself to put the seat UP again before I leave

[JJ]

That bathroom thing is my biggest fail so far. I'm actually pretty brave, determined and tough until faced with a men's bathroom and then I turn into a wimp.

Happened again yesterday. We were in the city shopping and I ran back to use the bathroom in a store I knew had a unisex bathroom. Surprise-the farm store now has nice new his and hers bathrooms. I dove into the women's because they are both just single user and it was where the old unisex used to be. So today I am suffering from "bathroom regret" because I missed my opportunity to break that mental barrier and use a men's bathroom that would not have had any other occupants. Blast it. I screwed up. But next time I'll be prepared. It was however the first time I have been in a women's in months. I am taken as male more than female now and a place like Wal-Mart would be asking for trouble to go into the women's even if I wanted to do so. Which I don't.

And thanks for the seat up tip. I would have forgotten that altogether I'm sure because I'm gonna be frazzled when I do finally venture into the mens.

Johnny

[Guest Ney'ite]

Uggh - one of my worst fears as well. I have only used the bathroom, well, once that I actually count because another woman came in. It was a small bathroom at a local restaurant, I was washing my hands (this sink is RIGHT next to the door and if you stood on the side of the sink the door would bump you) and this woman walks in as I am now drying my hands.

I am like O.O just waiting for WHO knows what, but all she said was "Oops, sorry." and in past me she walked to the stall. That was it? So my first bathroom encounter experience was . . . most uneventful.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

I find it funny when using a stall that I gotta remind myself to put the seat UP again before I leave

No, no you don't. Men's public bathrooms usually have 1-2 urinals and 1-2 toilets. If you step into the toilet stall it's pretty much assumed you're going #2 so there's no need to put the seat back up. Also most men only concern themselves with what they're doing so even if the seat was left up, they'll put it down and once they're done they'll leave it down.

So yeah, don't stress about the men's room. Leave the toilet seat down. Noone's going to think anything unusual about it.

[Guest Wendae]

Autum l has the right of it. We just don't really care and a don't pay much attention to others except to be aware of others around us as a safety concern. The toilet seat ain't no big thing. Many men sit to pee or use a stall as we don't like others near us when we are trying to go. I'm still working up my courage to use the ladies room when traveling. Suggestions have been use those in fast food places during slack hours.

[Guest Shari]

Do me a favor and put the seat down please. LOL.

Shari

[Carolyn Marie]

While we're on the subject: what's up with those automatic flush toilets that suck your seat cover in every time you lay one on the seat? I've actually been in a stall and lost 4 seat covers in a row before I could put my buns down.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Talon]

Ha ha Carolyn Marie, I never tried that but that is kind of a funny visual

Yeah I guess it won't make a difference if you leave the seat up or down. They're either gonna think I did #2 or wanted to pee alone in the stall. It's funny how hung up you get on details when you try to pass and think they're definitely gonna out you when it's stuff that others don't even think twice about

[KieranD]

I was kicked out of a gay club for using the men's room. I was read as female and the security person said "boys only" while I was washing my hands. He got annoyed with me taking too long I guess and repeated that I was in the wrong bathroom. I grabbed a paper towel to dry my hands and he said I had to leave then escorted me to the door.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

We stress over little details because we're afraid that is what will give us away when in fact, in this case, it doesn't even matter. Feel free to let one rip in there, too. Blame the smell on the person before you. Check out the dispensers where you can buy things like..."adult treasure chest"*, condoms, more condoms and breath mints, unlike the women's bathrooms that have pads, tampons and aspirin.

*"adult treasure chest" is a variety of marital aids that you have a chance of getting 1 out of 4 possible items. I only know because I was curious and it was only $0.50.

[Michelle 2010]

I just stumbled across this thread, some pretty funny stuff here. Y'all guys that grew up girls are waaaay over thinking this stuff. Autumn and Lizzy are spot on... It may be a homophobia or a territoriality thing or what ever, but guys don't interact in the restroom...probably too many childhood stories of molesters told by their moms when she finally trusted them to go by themselves, LOL!

A couple things not mentioned... If there is a row of urinals, and there is only one being used, NEVER go up and use the one right beside the guy already there...3-4 down is good. If there are three, leave the empty between you and the other guy. And regarding up or down on the seat: men are pigs... many don't even lift the seat, they pee over it. That leads to the last survival thing... in addition to being sure there is paper if needed, I ALWAYS look at the seat closely to see if a piggly guy peed on it. Sorry but I really don't want to sit on that. Paper towel and water to the rescue...

Finally, even if you were clocked in a Walmart or restaurant, I really don't think most guys would say a word. they are on a mission to get in and out and confronting you would interfere with that. The exception, and an important one, is where alcohol is involved. Large sporting events with 20 drunks in a bathroom would not be a good thing...The same with bars...Just don't do it...

Michelle

[Guest Talon]

Thank you Michelle

Well, it seems there's not as much to worry about as I feared. Thank you for the advice about urinal privacy and drunk crowds! I appreciate you posting

Talon.

[Guest Lady_Robin]

Hehe, Talon you'll be just fine. Confidence is key for guys just as it is for everyone.

Sometimes you can find that there will be short conversations in men's restrooms though, typically between friends or co-workers that are comfortable with each other. In these situations just remember to avoid eye contact and wandering gaze and you'll be fine. It might be something as simple as a "Hey, what's up?", "Catch the game?" sort of thing at the sink. In a strange place though, yeah, it's almost always in and out as fast as possible.

[Guest Robin Winter]

Hehe, Talon you'll be just fine. Confidence is key for guys just as it is for everyone.

Sometimes you can find that there will be short conversations in men's restrooms though, typically between friends or co-workers that are comfortable with each other. In these situations just remember to avoid eye contact and wandering gaze and you'll be fine. It might be something as simple as a "Hey, what's up?", "Catch the game?" sort of thing at the sink. In a strange place though, yeah, it's almost always in and out as fast as possible.

I just witnessed this at the hotel where we had our staff holiday party...One guy at the urinal, the other standing not 3 feet behind him, staring at him, and they were chatting back and forth like it was nothing. GROSS!!!! I walked quickly by and beelined for a stall, while trying my best to pretend they didn't exist.

I just don't get why anyone would want to socialize in a bathroom when there's so much perfectly good space outside the bathroom in which to do it. Yuck...