Jump to content


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest Lolsmiley1341

I am afraid.....very

Recommended Posts

Guest Lolsmiley1341

Hello my amazing wise Helpers,

I need some help, my school consleur will contact my parents to consult them about my transition in a week. but the problem is they are not very open with that. they are well aware I wish to transition but they think I will tear the family apart, I understand what they mean but I don't. I will ruin the family by being me but how? I just wonder if anyone has an tips for me to convince them this is not a bad choice and that this won't ruin the family thank you all your help is beyond great


Share this post

Link to post
Guest Clair Dufour

Unless you give the councilor permission to contact your parents they are not allowed to do so unless it involves suicide or plans to hurt others. I gave you a link to people who can help you and from what I can tell are associated with Denver Public Schools. If you do not want to talk to the trans group your councilor should before doing anything. No matter how well intentioned this person is, they need to leave this to councilors well trained in how to deal with this. You should be very thankful to have these people available to you. If you lived here on the western slope or in the many rural towns in Colorado you would have almost no resourses available to you!!

Share this post

Link to post

If they mean it will drag the entire family into social scorn and shunning by the community around you, the answer is most likely not, unless the neighborhood has really weird folks in it who almost share the bathroom with your family. It will not be the type of thing where "the sins of the father shall be visited unto the 7th generation". (That is in one of the Old Testament books, I just don't offhand remember which one.)

Will life be uncomfortable around some family members for a while? The answer there is most likely yes depending on how resistant to change they really are. Change of any sort puts people into a well know pattern of behavior that takes time, but eventually resolves itself, although it occasionally takes a boot in the kiester to get it there. Best way to solve that though is NOT to just show up as Abi in the most outlandish drag outfit you can find. Map out a plan of changes, and include your parents in the plans. In agreement for allowing one step for you, you agree to a limit that will last either a certain time, or until certain other conditions occur. The first step is that you can talk openly and informatively with all your family members. Somewhere in the path you will get to where you simply appear as you, without fanfare and without upsetting anyone's dinner. I have my doiubts that it will pit one family member against the other indefinitely, but there will be some effect.

If you can get the book True Selves by Mildred Brown PhD and give it to your parents to read, it might help them to understand what is going on, and to a degree, the parts you and THEY play in you GD. Your therapist is your very best ally in this, keep using them.

Share this post

Link to post


When people don't want to believe something it can be nearly impossible to convince them. Especially for a child to convince a parent.

Having an adult discuss it with them will be a plus. So talking to them with the counselor may be best rather than getting them defensive beforehand. They will have to listen in a way they may not listen to you. There is no reason for correcting a birth defect to ruin your family. If were it a more visible birth defect or one they understood was a birth defect then I am sure they would not deny you treatment.

You might ask them to read this site: http://aebrain.blogs...sexual-and.html

It is not a trans site but a news site and has links and brief recaps of the studies that have proven this is a birth problem and a physical condition that must be treated. Not doing so is much more likely to ruin your family in the long run.The AMA, the American Psychiatric Association and the National health Organization now all recognize that this is a physical condition

Perhaps you can persuade them to let you see a gender therapist-not from a start transition standpoint but from this something that needs treated no matter what and only someone trained in gender is competent to giagnose and treat this extremely complex condition.

Hope this helps some


Share this post

Link to post
Guest Gregg Jameson

Hi Abi,

I hope you are finding info helpful. Great responses here!

I haven't much to add at this time, yet wanted to write a note of support to you.

Your wanting to pursue your transition won't tear the family apart.

Some people may decide to make this a very dramatic time; yet, that is their choice, not one you have imposed upon them.

They will take it all as far as they want to; yet, again, this is not anything you have imposed upon anyone. Everyone is responsible for his/her own reactions to life events.

Move forward, but always in your own timing. Don't go at the pace set by anyone else.

This is your journey; you get to set the timing and the pace.

Please let us know how you are doing.

With Belief in You,


Share this post

Link to post
Guest Elizabeth K

Well - I want to add that 90% of what you worry about never comes true. That last 10% is never exactly like you think it will be.

This is what is going to be a head-on confrontation. Just be extremely mature and calm. DON"T LOSE CONTROL. Don't cry, don't make threats, don't run away angry. If you can pull that off you will take the high ground. You will then start the battle of convincing them you are TOTALLY needing to transition. If it hurts the family? (And I am not sure of that logic) then it just has to be that way. You have to be selfish sometimes and put yourself first, especially when it comes to your general mental health and how you will spend the rest of your life.

And what the heck is that councilor doing anyway? Is this confrontation REALLY necessary? Ask her why she thinks this is in your best interest and isn't it a breech of your trust? Or did you ASK that person to do this?


Share this post

Link to post
Guest Lolsmiley1341

Hello Everyone,

Thank you very much for your support and replies, to clarify I asked the consleur to call. It's what'd be best because then they could process things.

Once again thank you,


Share this post

Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 7 Guests (See full list)

    • Kyle
    • MaryEllen
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Posts

    • Charlize
      Seat belts are not required but highly advised.  Actually i took me time to feel much and even then changes were slow and subtle.  Enjoy your journey!   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Timber Wolf
      Oh my gosh, I love it! Like stepping into a bygone era!   Lots of love, Timber Wolf🐾
    • Charlize
      This is my other baby.  It's a "52 chevy 1 ton flatbed that we use mostly for farm markets.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Cbxshawn
      Congratulations, get ready for the ride and hold on. I started HRT about 14 months ago at 41. I have loved every minute of my journey thus far. I won't lie, it's a roller coaster. Good luck on your journey and do keep us posted.    Hugs    Shawnna 
    • Shiratori
      My GP finally received the confirmation from Daventry GIC to prescribe hormones for me. I'll be on leuprorelin injections to stop production of T and estradiol valerate tablets. Shame I have to wait until after the weekend for the pharmacy to get them in, but I've waited this long so a few more days don't matter too much. Looks like I'll be on HRT in time for my 46th birthday on Wednesday.
    • amanda is cute MK3
      I have 2010 CRV  i did drive for years my parents 3/4 ton gm van and then their 1 ton dodge van.  i do have a thing for military trucks  i like the M809 series and some of the large german and russian trucks  
    • TessaOKC
      Here we go again Carolyn!!! You throw meaningful articles out there that usually result in really good  debates, thank you !!!   I have read two books by Jen Boylan and she is as real as they get. I also like that she's from Maine !!   The listed article really hit home while reading a quote from Kristen Beck, “What you wear, what color you are, your religion, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity has no basis on whether you are a criminal or not.”  Yes indeed. I support Eric Snowden and the courage it took for him to expose unprecedented abuses of power by the United States. His motives were clear, his intentions were more than obvious. Perhaps I still need more understanding,  but I have yet to wrap my head around the motives and intentions of the information released by Chelsea Manning...??? All I do know is that there is a sea of negativism surrounding her  and now her unqualified run for public office.   I spend hours every week at the  VA hospital attending LGBT group meetings. The horrible comments and ridicule I see on a weekly basis toward our transgender Vets walking the halls is unmatched by what I have experienced in public. A good friend straightened me out on this. He says the VA is filled with  right wingers. Yes it appears this is true. Since this whole Chelsea Manning running for Senate thing started it has gotten even worse, trust me!   I have posted on this site previously  that I merely wish Manning could be grateful for being free and go live a quiet, happy  and public free life. Jen Boylan echos this. I oh- so- admire the piss and vinegar Manning has but she is in fact a convicted felon embodied in a sea of perceived public hatred.   Like the hateful Vets at the VA, I don't think we will ever change their minds about accepting trans humans. . Not in this lifetime. Say what you will but it is my true belief that we need positive examples. Though she's not my favorite but Kristen Beck is right up there. Retired Navy Seal that served with honor and distinction. The author of this article, Professor Jennifer Boylan is another. This list goes on and on, doctors, lawyers, politicians, successful entrepreneurs . I support Chelsea manning as a trans woman and human being. I do not support her for a  Senate run, and her public exposure merely adds fuel to the fire of hatred already directed toward innocent trans people like me and you ......   In the brutal world of public opinion there is a saying; "Its not what you are but what people think you are."  I love and deeply respect our transgender community. You will never find such courageous people as represented in the transgender world. We proudly serve in  every profession, military branch, labor force and service industries. We never ask for recognition or a pat on the back, all most of us want is to be allowed to live our authentic lives free of murder, rape and ridicule.  Is Manning helping that cause?? What is your opinion??   Sincerely,   Tess
    • Gwen
      Thanks for your thoughts and especially this, Laura Beth. Many of us may have faced clues along the way and didn't understand them until much later in life. It wasn't until I came out to myself, with the help of a therapist, that the confusion I faced throughout my life finally made sense. And yes, the future is brighter.   Gwen
    • Timber Wolf
      Good morning everyone!❤   Happy Birthday rorylm!🎂 Hope you have a wonderful day!   Lots of love, Timber Wolf🐾
    • Charlize
      Ms. Boylan has such an honest rational voice.  Manning's candidacy may or not be helpful for our community.  It may go nowhere but she does have every reason to be angry. In my opinion did little more than was done by reporters in the past who were actually able to report what they saw during Viet Nam rather than only reciting what they were told by the military.   Many may not agree with me about that and that is fine but allowing us to see some of the atrocities of the war was in some ways an heroic, if illegal, act.  That being said i'm certainly not sure that makes her any more qualified for office than being a slumlord in NY does.   Hugs,   Charlize  
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Upcoming Events

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • TransPulse Partners