Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Dying To Self


Guest Ephilei

Recommended Posts

Guest Ephilei

A question for transgender Christians: Have you had an experience or process of dying to self in relation to your gender? If so, how did it come about? What was it that died and what was resurrected? If not, why not?

I did go through two distinct experiences of dying to self in relation my gender.

Once was during my questioning period when I knew I was not typically gendered but couldn't identify as trans either. I performed a significant prayer where I asked God to remove all of my gender identity entirely and fill me with whatever identity God desires. Consequently, I lost my inhibitions from leaving a cisgender identity that were gripping me unknowingly and willingness to accept myself truly as I was.

The second experience was a year later thinking, "hm, maybe possibly, I've mistaken God, I'll open myself up again just to be safe." Same results.

Link to post

When I discovered that I was transgender I prayed to God about it. He let me know that he loves as His child. I have been a born-again Chirstian for nearly 36 years. He sees our hearts and desires the best for us.

Gennee

Link to post

I....ok.....I will confess, I'm one of those people who probably is afraid to die to myself. I'm not perfect, in fact I'm a looooooong way away from perfect. The thing is, most of the things I think are probably listed as imperfections by god I kinda dig having as personality traits? And that being the case, I don't know if I can honest and say I "died" to myself knowing that. And I don't lie to God.

Back when I was working through the whole sexual attraction to women thing (as a teenager) I prayed for it to Go away. Actually I begged for it feeling like I'd be suicidal in this lifetime if I thought I had to be "that". And it didn't go away, it never went away. And I had to realize god loved me regardless of what my sexual issues were. I never did that with the transgender thing but I didn't because I was feeling like (to an extent) there was a connection between identity and orientation. That my identity encompassed so much of my sexuality that to do so would in effect "doubt" what God revealed in the first go around between me and him. I think I've been prayerful about it. And certainly I've gone through a huge period where I tried to "be something else" because I though it would be better for how I was feeling regarding God but when it was all said and done I found myself more depressed and suicidal and hating myself for the attempt. In the end I felt tlike what was revealed for me was that God would rather have me "changing" the body, than "hating" the body. To me that's where the sin is, "hating" something he created. If I say "I want to destroy it, damage it, hurt myself with intent" then I hate it and myself. If I say "I have to change something so that the spirit can live and be happy" thats alteration and no sin. The body was made for the spirit to live in not the spirit made to be twisted to fit the body.

Link to post
Guest ChrissyK
God would rather have me "changing" the body, than "hating" the body

The body was made for the spirit to live in not the spirit made to be twisted to fit the body.

These words are so true :) I went to church since I was 5 but stopped going when I was 13. It felt as though I "lost contact" with God in that 4 years but recalling back, I realised that God was always with me. I witnessed many events happen, that perhaps can be labelled as miracles. I start going to a local church again last month and that made me start on my journey of faith and self-acceptance. This was the foundation that made me accept me as who I am. For the past 4 years when I was , supposedly "lost contact" with God, I was in denial, trying to be someone I am not.

Anyway, recently, I asked a hardcore christian friend of mine about transgenders. (Not telling her that I am one, just made an excuse that I was doing an assignment on whether sex change should be legal in our country) Her answer was surprising! She said that God created you for a purpose (implying that God gave you the body, so you should stick with it) and said that being homosexual or transsexual is just a "stronghold", a belief that one holds very strongly. She further add that by accepting Christ, you will find salvation, that your "uncomfort" will just go away and you will become a straight person or cisgender. She even said that many homosexuals that accepted Christ became straight after that.

It was really surprising! It sounds totally opposite of what you said

The body was made for the spirit to live in not the spirit made to be twisted to fit the body.

I was and still am very disturbed by her views. What is more ironic is that she is a psychology student, and psychologists should have a more open mind about stuff like these?

Hopefully I am not going out of topic. It just came to my mind.

Link to post
Guest Ephilei
I....ok.....I will confess, I'm one of those people who probably is afraid to die to myself. I'm not perfect, in fact I'm a looooooong way away from perfect. The thing is, most of the things I think are probably listed as imperfections by god I kinda dig having as personality traits? And that being the case, I don't know if I can honest and say I "died" to myself knowing that. And I don't lie to God.

Back when I was working through the whole sexual attraction to women thing (as a teenager) I prayed for it to Go away. Actually I begged for it feeling like I'd be suicidal in this lifetime if I thought I had to be "that". And it didn't go away, it never went away. And I had to realize god loved me regardless of what my sexual issues were. I never did that with the transgender thing but I didn't because I was feeling like (to an extent) there was a connection between identity and orientation. That my identity encompassed so much of my sexuality that to do so would in effect "doubt" what God revealed in the first go around between me and him. I think I've been prayerful about it. And certainly I've gone through a huge period where I tried to "be something else" because I though it would be better for how I was feeling regarding God but when it was all said and done I found myself more depressed and suicidal and hating myself for the attempt. In the end I felt tlike what was revealed for me was that God would rather have me "changing" the body, than "hating" the body. To me that's where the sin is, "hating" something he created. If I say "I want to destroy it, damage it, hurt myself with intent" then I hate it and myself. If I say "I have to change something so that the spirit can live and be happy" thats alteration and no sin. The body was made for the spirit to live in not the spirit made to be twisted to fit the body.

That's so interesting. Given your strong connection between orientation and gender, I would say that counts. But that's between you and God.

Link to post

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   13 Members, 0 Anonymous, 61 Guests (See full list)

    • claire1000
    • QuestioningAmber
    • Jeanette West
    • Jackie C.
    • Lexa83
    • Robin.C
    • Jandi
    • RunValRun
    • Emily michelle
    • VickySGV
    • DeeDee
    • JustineM
    • Victoria_
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      72,092
    • Total Posts
      658,079
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,458
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Nora Davis
    Newest Member
    Nora Davis
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. AJ
      AJ
      (67 years old)
    2. Arya
      Arya
      (17 years old)
  • Posts

    • Jackie C.
      That is awesome!   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      Aww! I have no words, that's just so wholesome!   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      It's shifted a little on HRT. I'm not sure if it's because of the HRT or because as a woman, it's more socially acceptable to like men. I can admit that there are some men that I would consider as a romantic partner. They have to be pretty special though, I'm still pretty gay. My wife and I talked about it. I have no plans to act on any of these feelings, I love my wife and that's the end of it. However, it's not a bad thing that I can admit that I'm a little bi. I guess it means that I'm choosing her over an even larger pool of people.   Good on you for being into beards though. I personally find them repulsive. I like smooth, muscular (and apparently black) men. I have no idea why.   Hugs!
    • JustineM
      Top o’ the morning everyone! Got to sleep in today and now enjoying a nice cup of the good stuff. Got an appointment with a personal trainer this afternoon and thinking of getting my ears pierced today. Hope everyone has a great day. 
    • QuestioningAmber
      Good morning everyone. I am feeling tired his morning and it is another slow day at work, so that isn't helping. I am looking forward to having tomorrow off and the wife and I are going to go for a drive in the country which will be nice. I am going to be seeing my mom for the first time since coming out on Saturday, so that will be interesting. I am wondering what she is expecting, which I probably shouldn't be worrying about, but yet here I am. I am not sure what I am expecting myself to be honest.
    •  Kylie
      Good Morning!   Elizabeth that is wonderful news! I remember that moment I received my new work badge, was like a young child getting the toy they wanted so badly for Christmas!    Waking up this morning to my regular and tiresome routine. Hate to say this, but I’m ready to go back to work in about 4 weeks. While dilating and such keeps me busy, I’m getting more and more stir crazy in the house. As flu season approaches, I know my ICU I work in will be hit hard with the combination of the sick CoVID patients. I’m ready to return to being a Nurse!    So, about to shower and get myself together for another Doctors appointment and to get my nails done.    Hope everyone has a fantastic day!
    • Bri2020
      Good Morning Ladies! I'm sensing lots of good vibes here this morning. I'm loving all the positive changes I'm seeing in everyone's lives. Keep it up girls. Emily, good luck with the consult. I'm probably going that route in a year once eligible from a time of hormones perspective.  I would love to just do SRS instead but that's going to be a much longer wait time and I would rather get off the spiro faster and reduce the E needed since I'm older.   Today's adventure: Consult for laser tattoo removal.  I've got a big celtic knotwork tat on each deltoid area that looks terribly male and I don't do sleeveless because of it.  The big back piece I might live with for a while since I don't see it and most clothes cover it anyways.     I feel like I need more coffee . I rushed my two cups this morning since I over slept and didn't get to enjoy them. I don't need the added caffeine though.  Tomorrow I'm gonna set an alarm.  
    • Willow
      Great morning everyone    the birds are singing their happy songs, the sky is a beautiful blue and the sun is smiling down at us!  What a great day.   And what a good news day for Emily and Liz and several of my local friends too.  Even for me, my wife and I are starting  to recover.  I guess having our kids (who are middle age which in it self is hard to imagine) sit down with us and force some difficult answers has pushed us along.  I think we were stuck on a plateau falling back but never moving forward. now we are climbing up again. It’s great for me and brings tears to my eyes.   Charlize, I haven’t seen you on here in a while.  I trust all is ok?     well, time to enjoy this great day.   hugs   Willow
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone, the temp outside is 44° and 64° inside. Welcome to Fall, the coffee is still hot, black, and strong. #GoPink #OctoberCacerAwarnessMonth #BreastCancerAwarnessMonth #SusanGKomen #SafeTheTaTas   Hugs for all,   Mindy🐛🌈🦋
    • Shay
      I am happy this topic seems to be resonating.  @Berni I will see if I can find a more extensions feelings list but be assured any feeling you or others wish to express is completely welcome.   I am ecstatic that we can and all of you so far have been so open and honest. It helps me me and I hope it helps you.   Heather Shay
    • Heathick
      Yup, fifty-something! The nightie i mentioned is..I think a 4XL..? Maybe 5? The male puberty fairy hit me pretty hard! (Didn't bother me at the time, I saw it as "rite of passage" and much-desired "growing up", but now I envy the transwomen who started early and avoided it.)   I think that size will go down a little bit when I lose the weight I need to, but even before I ever started considering transitioning, I'd already been thinking "Yea, I really should get a good sewing machine and learn how to make alterations and make my own clothes." At least I'm not totally a novice at it, I have sewn before, just not often enough to remember how to do it...and I never could keep a straight line!   I heard about a documentary series called "My Giant Life" about a few very large-frame women, probably even bigger than me from the sound of it. I should watch it, hopefully they'll talk about how they deal with clothing.
    • Timber Wolf
      Good morning everyone,🐀   Happy birthday Arya!🎂 Happy birthday AJ!🎂 Hope you have a wonderful day!   And happy birthday to my sweet little Gizmo!🎂   Lots of love, Timber Wolf 🐾🛷  
    • Victoria_
      The Italian Medicine Agency (AIFA), today, established that HRT will be free for people with a diagnosis of gender dysphoria. Until yesterday only in Tuscany the drugs were provided by the National healt service.  From now on trans people can buy all the medicine they need in hospital pharmacies for free.  I’m very happy, such great news! 😊     Link (Italian https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.ilpost.it/2020/10/01/terapia-ormonale-transgender-gratuiti/amp/)
    • Reverie_Star
      Thank you @Jacqui and @Jackie C.. Ive been kind low this last 2 weeks as I just came out to my wife, and she spends lots of time crying. I have to give her credit she is trying, but im just besting myself up a lot for it. Luckily I see my therapist today. I really hope some day I can finally like myself because a lifetime of not has been tough as I am sure you are familiar. But just encouragement and solidarity from wonderful women and guys in places like this help. So thank you.
    • Charlize
      Why do confusers always demand change when you are happy and have finally gotten things to work?  Perverse!  
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...