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Guest Nolan

strange experience, feel ashamed because of it...

8 posts in this topic

I have been a practicing wiccan since i was 13 (now 18) and i am deeply connected to the Lord and Lady. But ive always felt closer to my masculine side, it resonates brighter and it was an indicator of me being transgender. But i feel like im almost betraying my faith and the Goddess, which i know is not true, though i still tend to worry when i talk to other wiccans or pagans about rituals or other practices. I still love and respect Her, i feel Her with me all the time, but His energy completes me and i feel more power in His presence. Has anyone else ever felt this way?

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I'm afraid I can't help you, Nolan, but I can post this reply to make sure your post sticks around long enough for some other Wiccans to see it. We do have a few, including at least one Moderator I know of.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Going to answer even though I'm not Wiccan. I am a pagan, though, and practiced Wicca during my late teens before I found my present path.

The important thing to remember is that there are many paths and many aspects to deity. It's not unusual to feel more drawn to one particular divine aspect/archetype/god/goddess than another. That doesn't mean you won't want to honor both/all in their appropriate time, or that you won't be called to change your path again later.

My point is, if you need to focus on that male energy, you're not going to offend your Lady. It's not a betrayal of poly/pantheism to be more focused on a particular aspect/deity. There's undoubtedly someone or other more exclusively focused on Goddess who balances you.

Our spirtual paths can help us foster our inner identities, whether or not we're able to express them outwardly. Dance the dance, and follow where it goes. Sooner or later, it'll come back around.

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Hi hon - I am that Wiccan moderator - grin.

Of course you identify with the God rather than the Goddess. I am MTF and am exactly the other way!

Let me help here if I can, I have been a Practitioner for 18 years (I know - about as long as you have been around - strangely enough). What you can do is think of it this way - GOD - GODDESS - SPIRIT. All three are Aspects of the CREATOR. The Creator is not human - nor does the Creator have a gender.

BUT

The Creator has given us a way to know - a way to seek the understanding of the Creator. This is by giving us - we humans - a spirituality. I mean, a way to understand the WHY of our existence. Otherwise we are like the animals of this earth - with a mind and soul but no wisdom - no sense of self.

The Christian-Judea -Islam-etc religions have captured "GOD" and has tangled Him up in dogma and superstition. God of Christianity is an especially Masculine Aspect - just as the Goddess of our belief is the Feminine Aspect. But in our Wicca we steal "God" back from the Christians and make Him accessible again, just as the Goddess is so easily accessible. (In the Catholic faith 'Mother Mary" is the Goddess)

So there is the third Aspect of the Creator - "Spirit." This is of the Earth. It is GAEA, also Mother Natures. GAEA is a living Aspect of the Creator because the earth is not infinite and will eventually cease to exist.

So we identify with the Aspect of the CREATOR we can understand. You are apparently male in your heart and soul. What you wrote on your feelings is perfectly fine and I am sure the CREATOR understands exactly - after all, the Creator is the light - and you are a child of the light. Be in harmony and go in peace.

Blessed Be!

Lizzy

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I have been practicing Wicca for the past nine years and Lizzy is right dead on! I need to say nothing more!

Blessed Be and Walk in Light always

Stephanie

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Hi Nolan,

I am also a Wiccan moderator.

What Lizzie says is good stuff.

I have been Wiccan from my college days in 1970. I have always felt more drawn to the goddess aspects which is what led me to Wicca in the first place. For many years I avoided the god aspects or just paid them lip service. This even went to the extent of avoiding participating in men's groups in the community.

I was drawn between thinking this was because of my gender issues or was it from being in a society that concentrated so much on the male aspects deity. At first it may have been some of both.

After many years I came to embrace the gods along with the goddess as equals each with wonderful and needed qualities.

I think your desire to be drawn more to the male or god aspects are very normal and in line with your gender issues.

Blessed Be

Merry Meet

Mia

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Oops - sorry Mia - I forgot you too are Wiccan!

Lizzy

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Greetings and Glad Tidings This is a Re-Post from a gathering of groups.

Hope it helps. You are not alone.

Know that although our evolutionary process is rapidly accelerating, along

with the New higher energies, we are all experiencing these changes in our

own way and in our own time, according to who we are. And generally

speaking, our ascension process relates to how we each run our own

individual energy, and what our beliefs and experiences are (in other words,

how we vibrate).These things can be changed and will also change

automatically as we clear and embody more light within ourselves. May your

evolutionary process be joyous, peaceful and filled with light and wonder!

1. Feeling as though you are in a pressure cooker or in intense energy;

feeling stress. Remember, you are adjusting to a higher vibration and you

will eventually adjust. Old patterns, behaviors and beliefs are also being

pushed to the surface. There is a lot going on inside of you!

2. A feeling of disorientation; not knowing where you are; a loss of a sense

of place. You are not in 3D anymore, as you have moved or in the process of

moving into the higher realms.

3. Unusual aches and pains throughout different parts of your body. You are

purifying and releasing blocked energy vibrating at 3D while you are

vibrating in a higher dimension.

4. Waking at night between 2 and 4 a.m. Much is going on in your dream

state. You can't be there for long lengths of time and need a break. Also,

more highly evolved individuals spend more time on the Earth plane, and you

are highly evolving.

5. Periods of deep sleeping. You are resting from all the acclimating and

are integrating, as well as building up for the next phase.

6. Heightened sensitivities to your surroundings. Crowds, noise, foods, TV,

other human voices and various other stimulations are barely tolerable. You

also overwhelm very easily and become easily overstimulated. You are tuning

up!

7. You don't feel like doing anything. You are in a rest period. Your body

knows what it needs.

8. An intolerance for lower vibrational things (of the 3D) reflected in

conversations, attitudes, societal structures, healing modalities, etc. They

literally make you feel "sick" inside. You are in a higher vibration and

your energies are no longer in alignment. You are being "pushed" to move

forward.

9. A loss of desire for food. Your body is adjusting to a new, higher state

of being. Also, part of you does not want to be here anymore.

10. A sudden disappearance of friends, activities, habits, jobs and

residences. You are evolving beyond what you used to be, and these people

and surroundings no longer match your vibration. The New will soon arrive

and feel so-o-o-o much better!

11. You absolutely cannot do certain things anymore. When you try to do your

usual routine and activities, it feels downright awful. Same as above.

12. Days of extreme fatigue. Your body is losing density and going through

intense restructuring.

13. A need to eat often along with what feels like attacks of low blood

sugar. Weight gain. You are requiring an enormous amount of fuel for this

ascension process.

14. Experiencing emotional ups and downs; weeping. Our emotions are our

outlet for release, and we releasing a lot.

15. A wanting to go Home, as if everything is OVER and you don't belong here

anymore. We are returning to Source. Everything IS over. (But many of us are

staying to experience and create the New World). Also, our old contracts

have been completed.

16. Feeling you are going insane, or must be developing a mental illness of

some sort. You are rapidly experiencing several dimensions and greatly

opening. Much is available to you now. You are just not used to it. Your awa

reness has been heightened and your barriers are gone.

17. Anxiety and panic. Your ego is losing much of itself and is afraid. Your

system is also on overload. Things are happening to you that you may not

understand. You are also losing behavior patterns of a lower vibration that

you developed for survival in 3D. This may make you feel vulnerable and

powerless. These patterns and behaviors you are losing are not needed in the

higher realms.

18. Depression. The outer world may not be in alignment with the New, higher

vibrational you. It doesn't feel so good out there. You are also releasing.

19. Vivid, wild and sometimes violent dreams. You are releasing many, many

lifetimes of lower vibrational energy. Many are now reporting that they are

experiencing beautiful dreams.

20. Your plans suddenly change in mid-stream and go in a completely

different direction. Your soul is balancing out your energy. It usually

feels GREAT in this new direction, as your soul knows more than you do! It

is breaking your "rut" choices and vibration.

21. You have created a situation that seems like your worst nightmare,

with many "worst nightmare" aspects to it. Your soul is guiding you into

"stretching" into aspects of yourself where you were lacking, or into

"toning down" aspects where you had an overabundance. Your energy is just

balancing itself. Finding your way to peace through this situation is the

test you have set up for yourself. This is YOUR journey, and your soul would

not have set it up if you weren't ready. You are the one who finds your way

out and you will. Looking back, you will have gratitude for the experience

and be a different person.

Dizziness – Occurs due to being ungrounded. This can happen when you have just cleared an emotional block and the body has not yet completely embraced its new frequency. Eating grounding foods like meat and potatoes will help.

Flu-like symptoms – Fevers that are temporary often accompanied by sweating, aching bones and joints.

Red rash – Small fears that erupt and can occur on any part of the body. This happens when there is an issue up to be released and you are squelching it because you don’t want to rock the boat or make a scene. The little blisters represent your inner child’s anger and not being allowed to express.

Ringing in the ears – This can drive you to distraction, but these sounds are just you picking up frequency changes.

Heart palpitations – As you clear old issues your heart opens. This opening is experienced as a racing heart. Only lasts a few seconds. No, you are not having a heart attack. The heart must also rebalance itself after an emotional release.

Vibrating of the physical body – This is especially disconcerting. Many of you may think that you are being abducted since this usually happens at night and is a part of the process of being moved back and forth to and from the ships. In this case, it is not. It is simply the body adjusting to DNA upgrades that occur after emotional clearing.

Muscle spasms – These spasms can be intense and many are felt in the upper back. They are caused by emotional imbalances that occur when you take on the emotional burden of others in order to be accepted and loved. These will decrease as you learn new behaviors that support allowing others to feel their pain without rescuing them.

Tingling in arms, hands, and feet – More DNA changes due to energy centers clearing and realigning.

Tiredness/Needing to sleep – DNA changes. Your body needs rest to integrate the changes occurring at the cellular level. I recommend that you adjust your schedule to accommodate an afternoon nap. Make it a priority. You will find that you are more productive afterwards.

Faster hair/nail growth – Since the activation of the Compassion hormone in November 1996, more protein is being used in the body. Protein is used by the high heart in the transmutation of lower chakra emotions into compassion. Compassion is the emotion that changes your DNA. A by-product of this is that your hair and nails grow faster.

Weight gain- This occurs because many fears that have been held in check are coming up to be integrated. When this happens the inner child moves to protect itself by putting on armor. This armor will be released when the fear is integrated. As a result, many experience weight fluctuation.

Frequent memory lapses – This can be a real irritation. Understand that it is partially due to the magnetic grid wobbling and also to the shifting occurring in the brain.

”This Fifth World that we are entering means that each person must use their gifts of birth to accomplish their missions in life, and this is the contribution that each one is obliged to offer. Everyone has a place on the Great Medicine Wheel of Truth.”

- Grandmother Twylah, Seneca-Oneida

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